Howdy!

Not too much goin on. =) house is clean, laundry is done. I'm tired. Savannah kicks me all night long. So, last night wasn't very easy on sleepin. Life right now is pretty boring and I am soaking up every single inch of it. Went to moms on the 4th for a cookout. Was nice and relaxing. Watched movies. Just plain nice. Took some pics but don't feel like editing them just yet. So I'll share later.
Happy Sunday!
Love,
Di

Happy Fourth!

=) Happy Fourth!! We are heading over to my moms for a cookout and maybe to my aunts and maybe a couple other places. Not sure where we will end up. I'm kinda tired. Got up and cleaned imagine that. If I dont maintain even one day it will get out of hand, so that means every day spend 2 hrs maintaining. I made a bunch of cookies last night and got everything for today done last night. That's really about it. Nothing much happening and I like it =)
Enjoy your holiday and be safe
Love,
Dianna

Happy 3rd!

Just sat down. Beat, beat, beat!! I got up maintained what I had been cleaning all week. Went to Walmart got some stuff for tomorrow. Came home cleaned. Sat down played computer for a wee bit then got back up making dinner and just finished mopping floors. My eyes are so heavy from exhaustion. Owooooooo! i got some new swiffer Lavendar and they kinda made my allergies act up. I really don't like the smell either. Not as pleasant as the box says. Creepy smellin. Got a busy day tomorrow. Im glad. Laundry is all done. =) covers and sheets are all done. Gonna make some gluten free cookies in a few to take tomorrow. That's about it. Nice and dull just like I like it :) Happy Thursday.
Love,
Di

July!

I didn't even realize that it was July! Happy July! Didn't sleep very well last night at all. Had alot of anxiety off and on. Went to bed a lil after 10 didn't fall asleep til after 1 am. I really worked my butt off yesterday. I am really working my butt off today. Boxes have got to be carried upstairs and onto the patio, furniture has to be carried out of the basement. They are going to remodel the bathroom and that means drywall dust and muck all over, then comes the carpet people and we can't have anything downstairs. Sooooooo alot of work. I am trying to get it done one step at a time, but I'm petering out. Everytime I ask the boys for help I get a TON of lip and frankly I am pissed off about that. They should help. I need to take a shower, but used all the hot water washing sheets and blankets. So waiting on that. Haven't been on computer very much at all. Just to check mail. I don't miss it.
I do however miss my TV Land. Leave it to beaver, the beverly hillbillies. 5 tvs in the house and I want to watch a program I get nothing but whining and complaining. Savannah won't leave my side. I'm just ready for school to start and some peace and quiet. I need some.
Okay Have a happy July.
Love,
Di
PS added some new old photos to my photo blog. If you haven't seen them they are new to you :P ha ha!

Evening

I'm stressed. Just seems like no peace. My chest always hurts, my hearts always fluttering. Stress. Bird boy moved out, they were living with the grandma. I was so excited. No more psycho bird boy. Okay, the daughter moves back in with the grandma, has a lil girl named Katy....Okay seems nice enough.......... UGH, I am sitting out back tonight, the dogs want out, I let them out..... What do they have??? Pit bulls. My jaw is still on floor, i can't deal with anymore shit. They all start fighting that dog looked like it was going to come over the fence. I mean he was going at opie..... So now, Savannah still can not go outside, now nor can my dogs. I just don't know what kind of life joke is being played on me. I really do not. I don't find it funny. I am going to have a heart attack for sure. No let up ever.

Howdy

Been awhile since I last updated. Not much has changed. Had some sort of weird virus all last week, fever, achey etc. Mom had it too, not sure what it was, but it's letting up thank God. Just came upstairs from cleaning the basement and my eyes are watery and I'm coughing. I really don't need to be in all that muck, but there really isn't anything I can do. Gotta get it cleaned up before they tear it apart, then I will have to redo it from dry wall dust.
I scrubbed mine/Savannahs room last night really good and sat down for a second about 8 oclock and fell plum asleep. Tried doing landscaping yesterday. Some people have their calling, landscaping is not mine. I don't enjoy it and I'm not any good at it.
That's about it on updates, Kids are running me to death crazy, but school starts soon =) I am so glad, I miss my peace and quiet in the days.
Okay Happy Tuesday!
Love
Di

if anyone is interested

I updated my photoblog Di's photo blog

My baby girl

Lost in a sea of stuff

Trying to organzie stuff. UGH, I want to have a yardsale but UGH I don't. Too much trouble, too much hassle. Fixing to list a ton of stuff on Freecycle again today. It's such a good program. I go downstairs and look and just don't know where to start. Twin sheets, full sheets, games, old clothes.... I just don't know where to start. I really, really don't. Started on the sunporch yesterday. Half finished it. So many 3 and 4 T clothes. I wish lil Evangeline was old enough to wear them. There's easily 1500 dollars worth of nice clothes just sitting. I need to just start but when everything is disorganized, I don't know what to do. We need a dumpster. Badly. Just wanna pitch so much stuff in the dump and get it out of my bair. Get rid of things that I do not use, nor will I use. We have no storage for anything and we just need stuff gone, gone, gone Whoa whoa whoa.
Any ideas on organizing?

Owoooooo

tis the time for getting rid of stuff. I rejoined freecycle and getting rid of stuff out of the basement one by one. We have to have the whole basement recarpeted, tiled, what have you. Got burnt pretty badly yesterday, spilled boiling water down my chest. Hurts pretty bad, blistered, etc. Went to ICC yesterday and they put silvadene on it, which is a big No no since I am allergic to sulfa drugs. It itched got a rash, yadda, yadda, yadda. I cried sooooooooo much. It hurt. Today I am achey as hell, not sure if it's from holding my body funny when i was burned or just cause I suck. Either or........ I don't feel well. My head hurts so bad it feels like at any second, I will have a seizure or my brain will explode. I haven't had a headache this bad in quite sometime.
Is getting older jsut always aches and pains? If so sign me up for something else.
Picture will be up Saturday in NYC YAY!!! That's about it. I have been working on the sun porch and in the basement, pushing through this headache. I just wanna sleep it off but it hurts so bad I'm not sure if I can even do that.

Til we meet again
Me

Very Very big news for me!!!

Kodak contacted me and Savannah's pic I took of her won a contest so on Saturday June 21st the first day of summer this pic will be displayed ALL DAY long every few minutes on the big screen in New York Cities Times Square!!!! I needed this, you have no clue, I needed this!!

A second blog entry for today

I learned today that there are quite a few people who don't understand me and are quite quick to pass judgement on me.
First of all let me say, because someone has an illness you can't see, doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
I have severe depression. Absolutley, totally severe depression.
I recognize this, I accept it.
Some days I feel like I can't move, I'm tired. Not a day passes that I don't cry. I feel hopeless on the inside and some days I would like to do nothing more than to die. Am I suicidal, not by any means. But I have depression severe enough that sometimes exactly how i feel. My life hasn't been easy.
Open up a box of depression sometime, try it on. Try and see what it feels like, guarantee you will give it back in a second. It isn't fun.
But it's real and it's hard.
I may not be the best mom on this earth, but I love my kids and we have special things that we do. I may not be able to go to all their functions that I want. Depends on the day. It doesn't mean I'm doing anything wrong. I physically can't do it somedays. But it doesn't make me any less of a person or mother because I can't. I'm so tired of people passing judgement on what they think they know about me. When they know nothing. They only go by what they see. Not by how I feel inside.
Again let me say. Depression is real and it's not fun. You know those commercials you see about it on TV, that is a cake walk compared to how I feel somedays.
Only one person can judge me and that's God.
I know what type of person I have been and know who I am.
I also understand that I have an illness, several as a matter of fact and I can't be like everyone else.
Nor do I want to be.

Stress

I'm so stressed. I can't begin to reiterate here, how stressed I am. I almost am emotionally numb. We just got home today, was at moms for almost a week. Air broke again. Long story short, pipe had a hole in it behind the wall, blah blah blah... I have no bathroom walls. Lots and lots of mold, which is probably why I have been so sick. Everyone gets out of the house but me. Im the one who's here. My computer is going out, Have only had it 16 mos. Gateway only honored the warranty for a year. It is the only life line I have to anyone. So if it goes, just throw me in the garbage. It was nice actually being around people at my moms. But I came home to a huge mess. I don't even know where to start.
Juan has been having huge problems. The other day I guess Tuesday he didn't want to go to my moms. So what does he do??????? Goes takes off says he's going to run away. I have 2 kids in car, 2 dogs, its hot......So I am chasing him down road in car with him screaming to all neighbors "I don't trust you" blah blah blah... So he stops at Patricks house, made a huge scene. Police had to be called. All because he wanted to stay with his buddies.
His dad wants him to go to Texas to live for the school year. I want that, I think we both need it. I can't take the stress of a marriage that fell apart, the bills, the stuff breaking, Anthonys issues, and then Juan. I can't do it all. I'm slowly dying inside. We just got home today and Anthony went out mowed the front yard, Juan supposed to do the back. Gets mad, throwing a fit... Had to fix savannah some juice and got even more pissed and shoved the cup so hard in her face and pushed her lips into her teeth leaving her crying and her lip bleeding.
I hate his friends....... He has changed since he has started hanging with them.
So air hasn't been fixed, it all the sudden now works. I'm positive it will break again. I can't go downstairs, not only are there no walls, there's bleach all over. We were honest and told the ins. company that it happened a couple of weeks ago, they are saying it has to reported same day. I'm going to have Johnny call the, how the fuck am I supposed to know there's a leak behind the wall? Fuckers. It doesn't pay to be honest. I should lie, steal and cheat. Those people get everything they want and more. I see why they do it. They always come out on top. Leaving honest shit asses like myself in the current situation I am in.
I am starting to lose faith in God also which is something I never thought would happen. How much can one person take? I am finding out. I am steps away from checking myself into a hospital because I can no longer cope with everything that goes on. I can't. I need a break and I don't get one.
Have to go to a graduation party, come back to the sweltering house and start somewhere trying to clean it up....... you have no clue ....... to find the leak all had to be taken out, dishes all over.. I just don't know where to start when all I want to do is bury my head in the sand and give up.
Prayers in abundance, maybe God will hear you all, because he certainly doesn't hear a word I say.

Happy Sunday.

I'd rather be fishin

Got a huge spurt of energy today, I have scrubbed my whole house. Top floor to almost bottom. The basement is kyles domain so I don't touch it, however have been down there getting laundry done and put away. I pulled out the fridge, got on top of it, washed walls, fans. Scrubbed the floors. It looks great in here. I'm about out of things to do, but as soon as the kids start running around, I'm sure they will make a mess of it. I'm so tired now! but enjoying the clean clean house!! Sad American Idol won't be on tonight. Going to miss it!
Happy Tuesday
Love,
Di

Hi!

Been a very long time. Nothing going on. Still dizzy in spurts. Overall, I just am not feeling well. I have been feeling awful since about a month after we moved in this house. No energy, headaches, dizziness, asthma. We are going to have the house tested for black mold.
My health is seriously putting a huge crimp on my life. The dizziness is nothing like it was that one day, but I just don't feel right in that department. My eyes move when i don't move them. If my legs move and my body doesn't my body jerks as if it's trying to catch it. I hate it. Hate it.
Semi getting anxiety about going anywhere cause I'm afraid it will happen out in public. What a way to live.
So please send me prayers, lots and lots and lots.
Lots.
Kids are out of school now.
Hope this summer holds alot of fun and not alot of misery.
Happy Sunday
Much love to everyone
Di

Been awhile

Nothing to report really. Alls the same. Savannah graduated. 4 more days of school left. That's about it. Hope everyone is well.
Love,
Di

Tuesday

Just finished cleaning up the whole entired middle floor. Washed windows, walls did it all. Feeling a lil better. I love my mornings when they are quiet, I can clean and just get things organized and it's quiet. Savannahs graduating from Kindergarten Tuesday if anyone wants to come you are welcome. It's sad. She's growing up. So big, so sweet and so grown. Her belated bday party is going to be not this weekend but next I think. Things keep coming up and we can't ever find a good time.
Happy Tuesday!
Love,
Di

Happy Mothers Day

Happy Mothers Day.
Not much going on.
Down today.
Disappointed in people.
Always makes me the saddest when people
I look up to, people I respect...Disappoint me.
I know people are people, but sometimes the disappointment
reaches limits that I wash my hands of them. Those who
know me, know it takes alot for that to happen, but when
it does....I don't go back.
Pivotal moments...
So I'm down because I know my feelings have changed.
Take what I can from the good moments of the friendship.
Then learn from the bad... the disappointment will fade over time.
But won't ever be forgotten.

Such is life...

Other than that, nothing going on. I have my moments on dizziness. Taking
all of my meds as the Dr. directed. Nothing like it was the other day. My breathing
is really getting alot better. Baby steps.

Hope all you moms out there have a wonderful day.

:)

I tried to add some more new songs, but it kept giving me errors and I can't change them neither.. Heifers...I'll try again later. Mom asked me to add one and I forgot the name, so I'll get on that!!

LMAO

didu notice below i wrote wednesday and its freaking Thursday... good grief

Wednesday

Feelin a lil bit better... Trying to update my blog and get some new music on... Been singing this song to everyone for a month and no one knew the name, found it by accident!! But I LOVE It!! :D
Happy Wednesday!
Antihistamines rock!!!
Love,
Di

Home

Ugh keep trying to type out but keeps giving me errors. I am way to weak and worn down for long typing but will update... Severe allergies/allergy attack... Given lots of drugs.. Can breathe again.. Am to stay in bed and rest and recover from what happened.

Take drugs and rest... which is what I'm doing.
Prayers, say lots
I really am not sure that I have ever been that scared in my life.
Love,
Di

Waiting to go to hospital

Gotta get savannah to school. Woke up this morning, room was spinning around and around. I didn't feel right, arms are weak. Almost fainted a few times.... I am very sick and feel extremely bad. I don't feel right. I didn't feel right yesterday. Carbon monoxide detector was going off and a gas leak.....dad shut the gas off, so surely that's not it, but I feel awful.. I have never been room spinning dizzy before like this. I screamed for Kyle because I was so scared and couldn't move, my eyes were all twitching in the back of my head... Then 5 min later again and again. I'm scared to death.
Update later when I get home.. Say prayers. Lots..
Love
di

Happy Derby Day!!

YAY!! It has stormed.....you know what that means?? MUD and in the infield gonna make for good TV! YAY!! Up early, someones coming to fix the air. Going to a party in a bit. Wish I drank so I could get sloshed. Feeling better than I did the other day. I just really need a run of good luck. Any takers for my black cloud? Come on you know you want it. I have a ton of emails I haven't responded to. I have missed a ton of phone calls....If you need me call my cell. I have 2 teenage boys who not only live on the phone, they keep it in their rooms, lock the door or lose it and I don't even see the house phone. Dad and mom have both learned that I am only reachable on my cell. Okies, off to do some cleaning and some grocery stuffs before party!! WOOT!
Happy Derby Day!!
YAY!!!
Love
Di

I can't take anymoreeeeeeee

I live with a migraine from stress..... Let's see, basement ruined from water leaks... from the air , from the sink... Last summer air broke.... went the cheap route to fix it and hope and pray it works. Worked. Water leaks again.........shorted out the air.....gotta get it fixed. Went downstairs this morning.......Water leak again, water heater??????? pipes???????who knows.....all the carpet in the whole basement has to be pulled up......Mold is starting to grow on the walls...... I am at my breaking point. Seriously...At my breaking point. How can we sell this house with all the stuff that keeps going wrong???? I don't know what to do...... I'm drowning, not slowly but quickly...
Help.
Haven't written... what's to write?
It's all bad.......Always bad.
Love,
Di

Been awhile

Been a long, long while. I would make a post and it would disappear... hopefullly they got that straight. Long boring weekend. Did get my hair done tho... Owooooooo!! umm not much else... it's derby week :)
Hope everyone is well!!
Love
Di

OMG I'm straight up TRIPPING!!

I have this letter on my desk from this guy named Bruce and I'm thinking okay Junk mail............... OWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Holy crap...........it's a love letter from a guy back in 1995 but it wasnt' for me. He tracked down Dianna F.... (took out my last name cause that's googleable) through the sheriff and a lawyer.........In it he says that he was in the shower with a guy named Tommy and he got out and showed me his sausage and "Dianna" showed him her breast and backside and he wish he could've got it on with me back then. Owoooooooooo and owooooooooooo and Owoooooooooooooooo I was trying to think where i was back then but i was def not in Marshfield TX......shoo you better make sure you have the right Dianna before you start sending stuffs about your sausage!! OWOOOOOOO!!!!

Owooooooooo

We had an earthquake this morning.......I thought the washer was on extreme spin cycle....... YIKES!!! Woke me up out of dead sleep. Ours was lil I can't imagine how CA people do it, scared me!
OOF!!

Everythings going okay. I went to bed extremely early. Worn out.

Happy Friday.
Love,
Di

wednesday

today hasn't been the best of days. not even sure if i really care.
it's just long......time has been going by slowly.
people make mistakes. that's what makes us human.
forgiveness that comes easy for me, isn't always easy for others.
i tend to screw up more than an average person.
i have a friend who was talking to me last night. trying to pick me up.
he said some words i wish i could drill into my head.
my value isn't based on what other people think of me. my value
comes from God and i should start there.
i never looked at it like that before, because i base
my value on what others think of me.
another big mistake.
happy wednesday
at least for some
love
di

Evening Post

Old Mamaw passed away a few minutes ago. Had a stroke. Most of the family knows who old Mamaw is, for those who read who do not, it's Anthony's great grandma. The boys are very upset. They always loved staying all night up there. Hunting frogs and swimming. Anthony ran off to his room. Very sad.
Night all, say prayers lots of them.
Love,
Di

Monday Morn

Or afternoon I guess. Just got home from dentist. Teeth are nice and shiny. Bad news of course, got to have the rest of my wisdom teeth pulled. Gave me my xrays to take to oral surgeon. Want me knocked out cause they have to be cut out. I'm not really happy about it and thinking about it. Juan went had broken another tooth. They started fixing that. One of his baby teeth is broken, but he doesn't have a permanent tooth under that so there's a bunch of options none of which are cheap. So I dunno.
Other than that everything is going as good as it can be. I'm not depressed really anymore. Not severely anyways like I was in March. That was probably some of the roughest times I have had ever in my life. All the top stressors I have and being sick on top of it PHEW just glad it's passed. I'm still struggling but not to that magnitude by any means.
Kids all went back to school today..........Ahhh I just dropped off Juan, gonna get a shower and I guess either watch a movie or find something to do.
House is clean, laundry is done.
Computer is okay...........lately it just causes me stress and well who needs anymore stress than they have already? Not to mention I just have no desire to TT it's not the same and no desire for anything... I dunno what to do.
Okay Hope everyone has a wonderful Monday :)
Love ya lots!!!
Di

Sunday :)

Mornin everybody!! Slept very well. Guess I'm going to moms this morning. Then coming home and Hmm I dunno!!

My evening last night was soooooo peaceful. You guys have no clue how peaceful it was. I was in heaven I think. Just quiet and being able to clean and keep it clean was such an awesome feeling. The dogs were so quiet. Ahhhhh!

They go back to school tomorrow, Juan and I have a dental appt in the morning. No bad stuff, just cleaning. LOL YAY!! easy appt!!

Other than that life is looking up. Like I said yesterday a sprig of hope, I do think I'm gonna be okay :)

Happy Sunday!
Enjoy your day.
Rain, rain stay away!!
Love
Di
PS Someone emailed me and asked me to post a bigger pic of myself than on my profile. oof I have one that was taken a month or so ago but this is all I have..... Sorry Owoooooo I don't like pics.
PSS the lie is number 2, me dress like a clown when I fear them LMAO Noooooooooooo and Nooooooooo and NOOOOOOOOOOOO :)

Howdy, Howdy on a Saturday

Whole house has been empty all day :) Got the living room spic and span, got my plants moved out on the sun porch. Did a TON of laundry AND got it put away ummm........Just did so much :) stayed off the puter most of the day. Dogs have been so quiet all day!! Psycho bird boy is on spring break already a dead bird in my yard GRRRRRRRR I really don't like that boy.

Thunder over Louisville was tonight and that means Derby time!!! I can't wait to photograph the balloon race :) I enjoyed the F 16s from my own home this year. Thanks but NO THANKS!!! oof!

My stomach is 100% better. Fever is all gone. Kids have not gotten it. All the bleach I used I don't see how anything could be alive in that bathroom.

Not much else to report. Everyones allergies have gone bukoo bonkers. I'm extremely scared about Dizziness coming back. I think I will always have that fear. Funny how a 5 minute dizzy spell can be so severe that you throw 7 mos away worrying about it happening again. ::Shrugs:: I think most of my family is affected by dizziness somehow. Ahh genes!! Why can't we just pass on the good ones!!

Happy Saturday. For once I can say...... I think I'll be okay... Had some hope today I haven't had in a long time.

:)
Love to everyone
Di

4 truths 1 lie

Melzie Welzie had this over at her bloggety blog
Which are the truth, which is the lie Har har har!!

1. When I was 17 I had a nice mohawk, nose pierced, totally punk rocked out and rode a skateboard.

2. To pay my way through hair school, I would dress up like a clown and perform at children's birthday parties and school functions.

3. When I was a little girl, I dropped my glasses in the Gulf of Mexico they were whisked away by waves.....A bit later my dad happened to step on them and find them.

4. I have a crazy uncle who wears towels on his head and has dinner with monkeys.

5. I eat coffee creamer the powdered kind off of a spoon.

Friday

Thank God. Still not feeling like myself. Ran a fever all night. Was very achey. Dizzy some. I know I'm dehydrated my contacts are sticking to my eyes. Crawled through Walmart this morning to get some light stuff to eat. Haven't eaten anything of substance since Wednesday. All liquids. Just tried a couple bites of chicken broth, we shall see. Kids are all good. So much bleach stuff in bathroom, they shouldn't get sick. Spring break has done me in. I truly have gotten spoiled to quiet mornings and ugh without them, I don't function well.
Need a summer plan.
Going to crawl back in bed.
Happy Friday
Enjoy Thunder Over Louisville if you go
Love,
Di

sick

have a bad, bad stomach flu. Been in bed almost all day. Really only been up for an hour. High fever. Sick,sick, sick.
Going to crawl back in bed and pray this goes away soon.
Almost at the 12 hr mark hoping it's better
love
di

There's a new 6 year old in town!!

Happy Sunday!

Been at moms most of the mid afternoon, just got home. Anthony has a date tonight. The sun is FINALLY Shining!! YAY!! Spring break starts this week. Dogs are geeks!!
Kyle and I are arguing... Things are normal.
Sassy Savannah is very scared about her tooth. She goes back and forth from being excited to "will it bleed?" it's cute. Her birfday as she says it is Tuesday. Probably cake and ice cream and party later on this month. Derby time around here is nuts.
Okay have a happy Sunday I guess I'm gonna find a place to hide that's quiet...
Love,
Di

Morning!!

Happy Saturday!
Not much at all going on.... Haven't been blogging much.
Have I mentioned how sick of rain I am? If not let me mention it........... I'm sick of rain! Savannahs birthday is coming up. She has her first loose tooth.
It's sweet but sad.
Oh well....... Getting ready to clean my house then do nothing!! YAY!!!
I can barely contain the excitement!
Happy Saturday!
love,
Di

My visit with Dorothy Ann

Last night I was sound asleep and had a dream...Dorothy Ann my aunt came to visit me. At first I was scared because she was moving chairs but there was no person. The phone started ringing and her body appeared and she answered the phone. After she hung up she came over to Savannah and said "Well, it's about time you came to visit me" Her hair was up in rollers and she had on this pink like houserobe I guess and she sat in this wooden rocking chair. We started talking about everything and she said she wanted to give me a hug so she comes over and I'm in that state where I'm dreaming and half awake and I feel super cold and heavy and I am trying to wake up. I wake up and fall directly back to sleep and pick up at the same part of the dream. She said "Dianna do me a favor you call the family over while I go and get Polly from down the road" I asked why I needed to call them and she smiled and said "I call them all the time, that's what the dead silence is. They can hear you better than they can me." So I call everyone and here comes Dorothy Ann up the road with Polly and polly looked exactly the same. Was weird. The family gets there and she said I don't want to alarm them so tell them that I am here... So I take everyone into a room and tell them. They all don't believe and then Dorothy comes (you can see her but she is see through) and they all start hugging and laughing. Everyone is catching up on old times and she said she needed to make sure everyone was okay and needed to answer a question of Michaels. So she walks over and starts talking to Michael and they both are crying and crying and everyone in the room starts crying..... She visited a bit more and looked at Jeanette and said "When the chair moves it's me" she told Polly they had a sunrise to catch and we all watched from a porch as they walked down the road..............Was totally weird but in a way very comforting. Every member of our living family was there and her voice was teh same, her looks were the same. Was so comforting and almost like we had a real family visit. So to my family did any of you have the same dream? Did we visit?? Was very cool!!!

Happy Tuesday!!

Hi hi!! Hope everyone is well. I still have a bit of a cold. Yesterday had a very long dentist appt. Was very sore afterwards to the point where I was in tears much of the evening. I wasn't scared at all there. Did well, despite the torture.
Savannah is back to being well. She has been April fooling all day long.
Not much else going on.
Happy Tuesday Soon to be Wednesday!!

Sunday Night!!

ZZZZZZZZ Been staying up late playin TT. Nice to be back with all my old friends. I have a cold GRRRRR imagine that!! Got a dentist appt in the morning. Don't wanna go. I'm skeeeeeeeeeered. It's a long one. I Just wanna be done with dentists. Savannah's still got the same cold, it's easing up a tad. Boys have been a lil better. Dogs are dogging...That's about it!! :) Hope everyone is well!!
Miss and love everyones!!
Di

Hi hi

Happy Friday!
Everythings okay for now.
Happy Friday!!
I'll update more this weekend
Love
Dianna

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

OMG NEVER EVER A DULL MOMENT.........
Somehow some weasley person or internet company......God only knows who or what, so far I have gotten 2 on my bank statements have gotten my credit card numbers. I even did a credit report on myself evidentally @@ Account overdrawn, first time I'm thinking okay accident. Okay overdrawn again, Im thinking WTF I don't go anywhere????????????? So I put more money in and OMG Overdraft again. We aren't talking 15, 20 bucks we are talking 100(bank fees for each one) or so an overdraft. So this morning (hungry lets go to store big fat NO) I call OVERDRAFT again??????????????? So I call the bank and OMG So many businesses online that I have no clue what they are are billing 19.95, 39.95...a pop over and over to my card. Some of them I was able to get a hold of and cancel. Some aren't a reputable working number OMGGGGGGGGGG so I have to go into the bank in a few minutes to file an affidavit on these charges, they closed my account and OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG some of this money I won't get back. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR I try to keep this blog PG but FUCK FUCK FUCK
**** Back from bank. I filed affidavit, they are sending it all to their fraud department to track what happened and get "Some" of my money back. Juan has been suspended from school............. and people wonder why I'm depressed. Any questions now as to why?

My Melzie

I think I have blogged about my friend Melzie before....Her monologue is to the right......I have to just blog on her again.... I met her when I was pregnant with Savannah on an AOL message board. She was pregnant with John. We slowly started a friendship that has been strong for over 6 years now. She has come to my house a couple times and we have met....
Today when I am full of tears and crying and just feel like if I left this earth who would notice and who would care... She knows exactly what to say to me, she is my one bright light in so much dark. God sends us what we need at the right times and I'm for certain I'm not sure what I have done to deserve her. Her cards, her funny emails. She is just this gift that I get every single day of my life and frankly I don't know what I would do without her. She prays for me all the time, and to me that is the best gift you can give to someone. I call her my God connection. She is having such a hard time in her life and she has so much faith. I can see it in her sometimes that she wonders why this is happening or why that is happening but she keeps that faith. I can not tell you guys how much I truly, truly love her. She is my best friend on this earth. I wish she lived closer. In almost 7 years I don't even think we have even ever argued. So while things are so bad today and I was crying out of sadness, I get emails from her and my sadness goes straight to love for one of the very best women on this earth.
She like myself doesn't have much to give material wise, but she gives the most of herself. Something I'd rather have. Those who have the least give the most.
I love you my Melzie Welzie.
My BFF
:)

Hmm can things be worse?? You bet!!

Lets see Savannah still sick YES
Juan refusing to go to school, having to be drug in, lots of ruckus, have no clue if he's in school or left like he said he was going to.
Can't go get him cause I have no gas in my car and my brakes are gone.
I don't understand why things aren't easy.
It's not like I expect this life where picket fences are all around and hubby pulls up in a station wagon and all the kids run behind the car chasing it down, dogs barking etc.
My life is dark, a marriage in the toilet, arguing at every turn with everyone, dogs running all over the house, kids running every which way, talking back, hitting, depression. Severe deep depression from almost all of us. Sickness, sick, sick. No one knows what to do to get out of any of this. How do you clean up a complete disaster area? Things are absolutely horrible in our house. Drop by for a visit sometime, you can feel it. I can guarantee you will want to leave soon after. Don't worry, none of us much like it here either. But we are stuck.

Happy Easter

Happy Easter.........Wouldn't you know it, Savannah just finished her antibiotics and is sick again. No I am not joking. Real runny nose, stomach ache............ I can't take anymore. Just can't. It's never ending. Never, ever, ever ending. Going to memaws at 11 then coming home and trying to get her well. She can't miss anymore school. Boys are still in Alabama. I'm exhausted. Not much else to report other than UGH I can't believe she is sick again. When she woke up in the middle of the night whining and crying I thought for sure I was dreaming. GRRRRRRRRR.
Happy Easter
Love,
Di

Saturday

Homeeeeee! HOME!! Been staying at moms, just got home today. Missed my puppies something fierce. Cleaned up my house. Savannah had to go to a birthday party, was a nice gig at strike and spare. Thinking about having her party there. Was very nice. Kids had fun. Um I came home and cleaned more. Gonna dye eggs in a bit and then go to bed.
Happy Saturday
Love,
Di
I'm Back at my Puter!!!!!!! YAY!!

TGIF!!

Owoooo Happy Friday!!!! Got up way too early this morning and sat on the couch this afternoon, poof I was gone. Naps are the best thing on this earth.
Haven't heard anything on Sue at all. No one answers anywhere. So if I find out anything I will pass it on.

Not much else really to report, all is good I guess.

Happy Friday
Love,
Di

WOO HOO Peep Show on Di's blog!!!

Thursday

This blog entry is for the fam...Aunt Sue has had a heart attack, I just found out myself. She's okay, having tests today. She's in Jewish, which one I don't know. Keep her in your prayers.
Love,
Di

What day is it? Wednesday?

I'm still half asleep. Kyle was not in a good mood this morning and all that yelling and arguing at 7 am when I am still asleep. Not good. Sets the whole tone for the day. Juan didn't get out of bed, I hear banging so loud on his door, I bet the neighbors heard it. I was like WTF. Then ugh everyone in the house complaining, fighting and I just sit in a chair thinking ????????? By the end of the day we will have had 6 inches of rain. Everythings flooded. I am so sick of rain. I need sunshine. Boys leave tomorrow. Um not much else to say. Nothing at all going on.
It's trash day.
Happy Wednesday.
Be happy, anger is overrated.
Love,
Di

Yo, it's Tuesday!!

Owooooooo!! It's raining ........... story of my life lately. I'm so sick of rain and mud and muck. I want sunshine. Big, big sunshine and warm weather. I'm tired of mopping my floors everytime dogs go in and out.
Savannah comes home yesterday in absolute hysterics. Sobbing and sobbing.... I get her calm and ask her what's wrong and she starts saying "Alissa is leaving, shes moving" So cry, cry, cry over this girl moving. I felt so bad for her. We get to the bus stop there and Alissa is there and Savannah said "I thought you were moving" and gave her a huge hug. Come to find out they are going out of town for the Easter weekend. LOL
Fast fwd.... Juan was outside yesterday. Wouldn't go and get some boys shirt for him so the kid threatens to kick his, Chris and Patrick's butts. Fast fwd the kid comes after them with a baseball bat and a knife. Why can't it be like Leave it to Beaver days where they duke it out with fists? Why the bat and the knives? Never a dull moment. We think it's worked out. But still going to drop him off and pick him up. Boys are going to Alabama this weekend.
Um, that's about it really.
Rain, rain go away!!!!!!!
Happy Tuesday
Love,
Di

Sunday

Not much going on. Party thing earlier. Came home..........stuff stressful stuff........ fast fwd to me..... drained. Fed up with people. Fed up with moody people. Fed up with everything. Just about ready to walk away.....I try to figure out why people act the way they do. I can't. Today drained me... You non anxious people have no clue how draining anxiety is. Consider yourself lucky. You know one thing I can't figure out about people? Why is it that people can really say nasty hateful things behind someones back, but yet act all sweet and nice to them. If you are going to say something behind someones back at least have the audacity to say it to their face. I never say anything about anyone that I can't say directly to them.
Oh a funny in all my blah, I forgot to tell you guys about my dentist appt thing. They are so funny. They wanted me to go with silver cause it was stronger and what nots but for cosmetic reasons I insisted that they go with the porcelain. They strongly advised against it but ....listened to my requests. When they finished they were making the sign of the cross over and over and he was fixing to bless me with the dental squirter. I about peed my pants from laughing so hard. Had he actually done it, I would have rolled. Funny stuff!! They are fantastic people.
Okay, I'm going to go to bed..........I would say going to try to figure out people but I think that's a moot point.
Sunday.
Love,
Di

Happy Saturday :)

I tried to update earlier, but it wouldnt let me. Brat!!
Happy Saturday!!!
Love
Di

Home

From dentist. Didn't take but 30 min. if even that. Worried all week and it was over in a blink of an eye. Wasted worry. My forte'. They had to go way above the gumline and did a number on my gums and after the Cabocaine wears off, I am going to feel it. He told me I would. I can take nothing for the pain either. Can't wait for that. Okay...That's about it.
Happy Friday
Love,
Di

Thursday

Not much going on. Been busy. Living room, spotless, kitchen spotless. Worked on laundry. Went outside and picked up some sticks and straightened up out there. Tomorrow is my dentist appt. I prided myself on doing so good on the other ones and I should know I'm scared about tomorrows. I have to go. I just ugh. I'll live I'm sure. Just nerves. Savannah's back to school today. I miss her. I enjoyed having her home. She truly melts my heart. She has read me a plethera of books this week. I love it. Going to go to bed early tonight. Bask in my clean house. Working on Savannah's/my room LOL right now. Fun fun. Sheets changed and bed made. Doing the floor in a few. Just needed a break. Oh!!!!! I got my blood work back my iron is..............11.9!!!!!!! Perfectly normal!! My iron stores are still low, but they are higher than last time and are building. So :) YAY!
That made my day. See mom I HAVE Been taking my iron!!
Happy Thursday
LOve
Di

Wednesday

Happy Wednesday. Feeling somewhat better about things today. Dizzy today which scares me to death about going to dentist on Friday. Life would be so much easier with no dizzy. :( Savannah's home from school today. Feeling somewhat better, but her ear is still hurting her. Juan went to school, but missed his bus. This is exactly what happened at the beginning of the year, I can't handle another bout of that. I can't do it. That's about it.
It's Wednesday.
Trash day.
LOve,
Di

Savannah Sleeps

She has been sick for over a week now and just falls asleep anywhere! Her Dr appt went good, she has an ear infection of course and sinus infection. More antibiotics. Here are some ways she has slept this week LOL

Good morning? NO

Savannah up all night screaming with ear pain- Of course
Juan calling from school, throat hurt and stomach hurt- Of course
Trying to keep my eyes open with tooth picks to figure out how to get him and take her to Dr at same time......
Her appt at 11:20 she has screamed and screamed and screamed.
I have a cold on top of it. We all just got over flu.
I can't even be depressed cause it's just unreal.
Happy tuesday.

An update to my BLAH post

Well, I went to dentist and since I got there early it's 100% patchable. No root canals, none of that stuffs. That made me happy. I'm still down. Sorry for my depressiveness. Just everything coming at me at once and I can't deal well. I will get over it soon enough. Just need some time and a break from bad things. The dentist was a start. Very nice. Had me a pillow ready when I got back there because of my dizziness :) Very compassionate for a sad girl LOL.

Didn't think

that I could make a blog post worse than yesterdays, but oh boy here it comes. If you don't like depressing just turn back now. I have been crying about 3 hrs now and I'm soooooooooooo down it's unreal. Well, lets start by I have a dentist appt at noon. I was eating a f$%#ing porkchop last night and there I guess was a small bone slither in there and guess what??????? Another tooth broke. Unreal. I just sit here and cry. I honestly can't afford another 2000 dollar dentist visit. I'm still paying on the loan from last years, cash paid last months and now ugh!! I'm sooooooooo mad it's unreal. I hate myself so bad it is really unreal. I can't even look in the mirror cause all I want to do is scratch my own eyes out. When I was told over and over again that I am a worthless piece of shit, I really am.......I am good for absolutely nothing. You know I don't lie, and I'm nice and I go above and beyond to help people over and over and I can't understand why I just can't have some good luck too. It's like being nice and being honest gets you absolutely nothing in life. Nothing. Is my whole entire life just going to continue to be hardship after hardship? Let's see, Mental abuse- Check, Physcial -abuse Check, Cancer and someone dying -Check, Raising kids on my own.......I can go on and on and on but I am so exhausted. Yesterday I think I took 4 naps, I would get up, have nothing to do. So I just would go back to bed. What's the point of even getting up? I might eat a snickers suck a peanut down my throat break all 26 teeth suck them into my lungs, choke get pnemonia........Story Of my life. No matter if I pray, no matter if I'm good, No matter what my life sucks so bad. I hate myself. All I can say today is that I have such a self hatred that I just wish I could run from myself but I'm stuck here. In a life I for the most part hate, In a body that I Hate, In a house that I hate. So today I will go alone to the dentist. I'm terrified, I'm stressed, my stomach hurts soooooooo bad..... UGH
The only thing that keeps me hanging on is hope and even that is fading at a drastic rate. Not much left to hold on to.
My song for today

Please come now
I think I'm falling
Holding on to all I think is safe
It seems I've found the road to nowhere
And I'm trying to escape
I yelled back when i heard thunder
But I'm down to one last breath
And with it let me say
Let me say...

CHORUS
Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge
And I'm thinking
Maybe six feet ain't so far down

I'm looking down
Now that it's over
Reflecting on all of my mistakes
I thought I found the road to somewhere
Somewhere in His grace
I cried out
Heaven save me
But I'm down to one last breath
And with it let me say
Let me say...

Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge
And I'm thinkin
Maybe six feet ain't so far down

(repeat chorus)

I'm so far down

Sad eyes follow me
But I still belive there's something left for me
So please come stay with me
Cause I still believe there's something left for you and me
For you and me
For you and me

Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge
And I'm thinking

Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge
And I'm thinking
Maybe six feet ain't so far down....

(repeat chorus)

Please come now
I think I'm falling
Holding on to all I think is safe...

It's Sunday

Having one of those pity party days today.. I'm tired, stayed up til after 2 am. Everyone in the house is gone but me and Savannah. Pretty much the story of my life. Me. Alone. Most days I do okay with it. Some days I miss touch. I get hugs from Savannah and kisses from Savannah, but it's not the same. Been over a year abouts, maybe even longer... I can't remember. Just know it's been a long, long time. I guess in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter much. Not much does. Things are what they are. Things are the way they are.
Me. Lost.
Somedays I see light at the end of the tunnel and I run and run and run, trying to get to it. But seems like someone always throws water on it, or stands in front of it. I never actually get to the light. The only thing that really keeps me holding on is hope. Hope that things won't always be this way or this bad. But in the back of my mind, I think things have gone wrong basically my whole life.
Gonna go reread Lindsays letter til I have it imprinted on my brain for life.
Happy Sundays are our there somewheres.
Til then, I'm looking.
Love,
Di

Saturday EVENING lol post

OMG this made me laugh so hard I had to post it........... I am still laughing!!
Snow pics are below it, but OMG LMAO!!

Snow!!!!!!!

YAY!! Snow!! I'm loving it!! We got about 12 inches. Thats like a 13 year snow for us. Last time we got this much snow I got pregnant with Juan, so that tells you how long ago it has been since we have had this much snow!! Sooooooo bear with the pics. Just look at it this way, you only have to endure them every 12 years or so HA HA!! They are mostly of the puppies. Savannah is sick and didn't stay out long, Juan in encouraging his friends to go make some cash and shovel out the "Old people" as he calls it and Anthonys playin WoW... The snow was over Claires chest. They had a complete ball out there and Opie was eating so much snow! We came in and Claire had these like big snow clumps falling off of her and opie was walking behind her eating them. :) Love love love the snow. PS photobucket changed things and resizing it is confusing the tar out of me so ignore if some are bigger. Gotta play with it later to figure it out.

Friday

Up getting ready for my Dr. Appt. Don't want to go. It's snowing. I'm tired. Not sure if I am in a good mood, in a bad mood or just not in any mood. I guess it really doesn't matter....... Kinda sad today.
Oh well.
Que Sera Sera
Love,
Di

** home from Dr. went pretty good all in all. He did a bunch of neurological stuffs. Got dizzy while he was doing it and he watched my eye balls. I reacted normally though, which is the GOOD News :) My eye balls are back to normal, no more one side pupil bigger than the other. Which was a main concern of his. Not sure if pupil right word, but the black spot. I explained all this to my family at Christmas but didn't blog about it cause I feel like it's whining. LOL my aunts were looking at my eyes OH YEAH!! LOL Thank God it's gone, felt like a freak!! After the dizzy virus one of black parts of my eye was staying dilated and the other one was normal. If it wasn't any better I was going to have to be tested for MS and ugh has been weighing on my mind like a brick. BUT!!!!!!! Since it's all back to normal I can blog and not whine cause it's GOOD!! Um I got a little bad news, nothing major. My dizziness.....UGH he said that sometimes when people get that virus, the labryinthitis that I had back in September...The infection sometimes permanently damages the nerves in the ears. The tests he did shows the damage is probably on my right side. It may get better, it may be there to some degree forever. The dentist probably triggered the attack. He said he will label it as BPV. Benign Postural Vertigo. He gave me a list of exercises to do to make myself dizzy. I have to go back in a month and he wants to start me on physical therapy for it. Since it may be permanent he said we can't train my brain to just deal with it. The rash on my arm is Vascular Mottle. Said that arm isn't getting enough circulation. Could be I sleep on it, could be cold or heat. Going to re evaluate that in a month. Blood pressure excellent. Go figure, I can't eat anything to damage my heart. Ha ha. Haven't had doves in 24 hrs and no headache. Iron blood work will be back in a few days. So all in all :) and alot of weights lifted so I can blog about it all and be happy :)

Thursday

Hi!! Just woke up..... zzzzzzzzz LOL took an afternoon nap. Felt nice! Hope everyone is well... Got my drs appt in the morning. 8:45.. don't want to go. But I think my mother would come beat my rear end. I was supposed to go back in December but didn't want to. The dizziness is 10 fold better today. Enoughs about that stuff.
Um......Living room I worked on all morning, then actually sat down and played some Worlds of Warcraft.
Ghost hunters was on last night, was soooooooo good!! Spooktastic I should say!!
LOST on tonight :) Music to my ears.....
Hmm we are maybe gonna get a foot of snow tonight. That will be fun!!
Okay, enough boring.
Ya'll be good!!
Love,
Di

Wednesday EVENING Post

Ha ha!! Snuck one in on yous guys. Evening is going okay..... I'll spare you the details, but you guys remember my check list from a few weeks ago. Check checks on the SSDDs. OYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Johnny, I keep forgetting to call you, I need to finish talking to you about what we talked about Sunday at moms. Soooooo call me when you have a good 20 minutes to discuss that stuffs. Speed is of the essence LOL!!
Okay a bonus post tonight, you lucky heifers. Some pics for your viewing pleasure. And Curl, On the days you don't have the baby I'm gonna come pick you up and take you cave hillin, if I get dizzy just keep the geese off me! HA HA!!


Happy Wednesday Evening......Trash is GONE GONE GONE
Whoa whoa whoa......
LOve,
Your faithful blogger
Nanz

Owoooooooo it's Wednesday

Hump day FINALLY!! Dizziness came and went yesterday off and on. I ended up getting a migraine so not sure if it was an aura for that or what. Seems to be better this morning, but that goes hour by hour. Got up way early this morning since I went to bed way early. Got my shower all done. Savannah's all up and ready. I had to write a bunch of checks this morning, field trips, lunch. Schools expensive!!
Guess I'll come home and take a nap...Not much else to do. I am very sleepy still though. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZ!
P.S. I have been keeping a log of the migraines and such and it is looking more and more like my Dove Darks are the triggers :( The one thing I can eat that I enjoy....Food sucks. I guess I'll keep eliminating things one by one til I am on a water only diet. Hate it.
It's Wednesday. Trash day.
Love,
Di

Having one of those days

Been dizzy all morning long. I am soooooo freaking mad that it's back again. It's only been gone 2 full months. Even then it's back on and off. It's days like today that make me so discouraged and so worn down. Dizziness is slowly wrecking my life. I have yet another Dr. Appt Friday. I'm sure he will send me for a ton of tests. I hate dizziness. Absolutely hate it.
I dunno what to do about it............
UGH
Happy Tuesday.

A trip to Cavehill

Haven't been to Cave Hill Cemetery for about a year. Well, driving around I spotted 2 new graves. I was mesmerized at how beautiful they are, but also had to walk away after taking a couple of pictures because they are so sad. The love those families felt and having children myself........ God. The first picture is of a girl named Samantha. Right in front of her monument they have a bench that is eye level with the girl on the swing. Her scarf draped around her neck. God love her heart is all I can say. Beautiful, beautiful momument, put together with such love.....


Her tiny precious feet.


The next monument was of a girl named Brittany. She was 17. She was killed in a car accident and was a missionary. Devoted to helping children. A picture of her was on her grave and you look up and to your right, a life sized replica of her. Absolutely beautiful and taking care of children. Totally heartbreaking.



To collect myself, I walked over to a bench. It overlooked a grave....Sitting right next to the bench was the guys puppy dog. His ball in tow.........The dog would always watch over him. :(

A new found appreciation today for life......Totally overwhelmed by love....A good lesson learned today. Such beauty built on such pain..
Happy Sunday
Love,
Di

Happy Sunday!!

Going out today :) YAY! and YAY! and YAY!!!!! :)
Didn't sleep really well last night. But it's okay, been oversleeping. My camera is in tow for todays adventures. It was SUPPOSED to be sunny mind you, but of course it rained. I'm going downtown for a mini tour LOL and then maybe to cave hill for some pics. I dunno where I will end up. But glad to be going out!
Anywhoooo I am off, if i take any good pics or anything interesting happens I'll post.
love,
Di

Howdy!!

You guys have got to check out my photo blog. 2 of the cutest dogs ever on there :) love love love them!! My photo blog I don't think I could ever live without a dog. So sweet. Been a long day. Cooked out at moms, visited with Johnny and angie some. Took guitar hero over there and lol everyone was playing. The boys are staying all night over there. Juans hollering at me to send him the skateboarding pics i took of him, for his Myspace of course.

Happy Saturday Ya'll!!
Love,
Di

Dentist again

I should change my middle name to dentist. Had to go again this morning to have more work done on my tooth. Could not have gone any better at all. Went to the same dentist as I took Juan too. Extremely nice. Dog lovers LOL which is important ya know. It's all one family. I was not scared in the least. Nothing at all went wrong. I'm very sore in my jaws though. Having TMJ and arthritis on the right side and having to hold my jaws open for so long, really caused me some pain. I came home and laid in bed and slept. Not nearly as bad upon waking. So I'm glad.
American Idol is okay.......Love the cute lil 16 year old. Love love love him. The boy. Can't rem. his name but he's cute as a button.
Um.....LOST on tonight. 300 days or abouts til Christmas. For a Klondike bar......I would um....I dunno since I can't have them anyways!
Have a happy Thursday.
It's not trash day.
Love,
Di

Ugh what day is it?

Wednesday maybe? Juan had a dentist appt today to finish fixing his tooth. Was long, his toofs LOL was complicated, fragile, ugh just a mess. They almost had to send him to a specialist but got it worked out. They were finally able to get this metal reenforcement thing around it, so they could drill and such and fill it and it wouldn't fall apart. The metal thing really,really hurt him quite a bit. He had 100 Bluuued LOL When Anthony was little he told my mom once, something was bleeding or I can't remember exactly, she could probably tell you better than I, but he said he had 100 blood but said it bluuuuued LOL. I tried to take a nap, but can't. Stomach is killing me from the meds. I need to pick up some more acidophilus. It helps. Um...... lets see...Nothing else I suppose.
My toofs still has that medicine taste and it's starting to make me sick. takes like minty yuck. Have it finished on St. Patty's day!! YAY!!
Happy Wednesday.
It's trash day
Love,
Di

Hi hi!

Hi. What's been goin on? Hmm well my tooth is 100% better. I have come a LONG, LONG way in taking medicine. I am taking them and not fretting over it. Those who know me......know my big fear of medicine. So YAY!! Um... Savannah still is having stomach troubles. Not sure if it's nerves or what. Saturday night she threw up again, Sunday night, threw up..... Dunno what's going on.
Juan goes to the dentist in the morning to finish off his tooth. Then I gotta go. Gonna let mine rest a couple weeks before I go back.
Not really sure what else to say LOL. When my life isn't crazy, it's boring!! I settle for boring. LOVE boring :) bring it on!!
Happy whatever day it is, Tuesday.
Love,
Di

Bad night, bad morning

Last night I was at the bowling alley and was eating something and I bit into something extremely hard. Can't remember if it was the I was eating or what cause I was busy talking. All I remember next is a shooting pain go up the side of my head and I was like What the hell was that?
So, we bowl, have some fun, time goes on, my tooth is throbbing....but I'm distracted. Go to my cousins house and it really starts nagging more.
I get home last night and have some stress come up and I get pretty mad and clench my jaw very hard and at that point I felt a crack and was like OMG.
I start crying. Try to go to sleep. The pain wakes me up every hour on the hour. I cried probably most of the night. Wake up this morning, tried to look up dentists on the internet and could not even think I was in so much pain.
I call my mom crying and crying and God bless her heart, she went through the yellow pages and found me the most angelic dentist ever. I don't even remember how I got dressed or much about this morning.
The dentist because of my stupid disease and weak ass teeth has to do something to the effect of a root canal. Same thing Juan has to have done on his cause of the dreaded disease. I'm soooooooooooooooooo irritated with Celiacs. He told me that on all my back teeth that i use for chewing I should have them all reenforced with crowns. He's not sure if increasing my calcium will repair the weakness already done to my teeth. 1700 a tooth I vote NO, not right now. My front teeth are in excellent health and do not take the brunt force of the chewing so they are fine. Just the back ones. Wisdom teeth I'm just going to have pulled.
I am on very strong antibiotics because of my nerve exposure and food etc etc. Infection stuffs. I hate pills and medicines.
I'm extremely tired. My eyes hurt from the amount of crying I have done in the past 12 hrs. My tooth still has a dull ache in it. But the good news is, it didn't split all the way up. I was actually begging him to pull it, it hurt so bad. He said if we pull it you lose the 1800 bucks you just spent behind it. I was like Scratch that. After he numbed me I sung a different tune.
Relief.
Okay, keep me in your prayers. Mom and dad have been updated by phone, so I'm heading to bed and will say special prayers for a very patient and kind dentist. Also thank God for sending him my way.
Love,
Di

hi hi

been trying several times to make an update... not working. Geek blogger!

I updated my photo blogger with ice storm pics.

Not much else going on.

Happy Day!
Love,
di

Holy Crap

Holy Crap, There is supposedly a student with a gun or a man dressed like a student with a gun inside Anthonys school. They are on lockdown, I can not get him. Savannahs school sits right behind Anthonys, she is on a bus stuck in a Kroger parking lot they won't let me have her. The news says all is safe for now, but yet they just called in reenforcement........ I am shaking and shaking. I'm sure both kids are scared to death. They aren't letting parents up there because of the way the roads are and it's not safe. I hear helicopters buzzing and buzzing over my roof, you can hear sirens and UGH I just want my kids.
You guys have no clue how bad I'm shaking. All these crazy psycho shootings.

I'll update. The news is updating quite a bit too. www.wave3.com
Also on CNN national news

Keep them in your prayers and UGH I should've gotten Anthony minutes for his phone. At least I could text him or something. UGH

***********So the news comes on and says not to alarm anyone but a group of 7-10 police officers ran into the school with the weapons drawn. WTF Not to alarm anyone with a child in the freaking school?????????? It's an ex student they said. UGH the kids are in the classrooms, lights off, on the floor huddled together. Savannah has been shipped downtown to a school til this is over then they will bring her in town for pick up. UGH UGH UGH

**********Another semi update to the one above, A text from a kid coming out of the school said that police have caught 2 with guns.....something maybe was going to go down???????? I don't know how true that is, you know how a group of kids get together and rumors fly, but supposedly kid reliable. UGH News update on now brb

Okay this from the news, they had a press conference at the church for the parents. There was an ex student who was now going to a behavioral school.........He was in the school, he did have a gun, but they can not find him. They do not think he's in the school now, but can't find him. UGH But he was there with the intentions to settle a beef he had with someone. UGH Kudos to the girl who told.

The 2 who were caught evidentally were the 2 he was talking to in the cafeteria. Here's a link to the story confirming the brat was in the school with a gun. My head hurts and thanks to everyone who has kept me sane and calm this morning. Very hard to do. I just want my kids HOME
Police confirm Gun

If anyone is interested

I updated my photo blog, i still have a ton more stuff to add but could only finish 18 today. There are a ton more coming!!! But here are a few that I added on there

Di's photo

Tuesday

It's Tuesday, what can I say? I'm in a very foul mood. I'm tired and have been doing nothing but sleeping. Seems the more I sleep the more tired I become. Depression, flu????? Who knows. Savannah and Juan are both home sick still. I'm figuring about 5 more days til Savannahs ears get infected from this cold. Juan is running a fever and achey and stomach problems.
My favorite guy, Joel Olsteen is coming to Louisville. I am sooooooooooo excited about this. He is a TV preacher I had never in my life heard of. Well, one night in the middle of the night, I woke up out of a deep sleep. I heard him and usually when I hear TV preachers I get up and turn them over. Everything out of his mouth was like he was speaking directly to me. It happened again and again, always in the middle of the night, I would always wake up and he was like my own delivery system of hearing anything to give me hope that things will get better. I am going to GO!! I love him!!! He is so different from regular preachers and gives such hope and his smile is enough to brighten anyones day.
:) That is my happiness for today. Gonna have to be enough to sustain cause I'm just not happy today LOL.
Watched Christmas movies yesterday in bed.
I looked into taking an oil painting class.
Called a woman about teaching me some photography tips.
Now just gonna sit here and probably go lay back in bed and stare at the ceiling.

Happy Tuesday to all!
Love,
Di

Monday Monday!!!

It's 10 am Monday morning and I JUST got out of bed. Savannah is still asleep. Juan had a fever last night and felt awful. I started singing Another one bites the dust.
Yesterday I was in bed almost whole day. Nothing to do. I'm so bored my eyes are crossed. Anthony has gotten VERY into Worlds of Warcraft and made some friends on there and is playing that pretty much non stop. For now it's okay. Juan sits on his bar stool playing Guitar hero. Yesterday they played mud football all day.
My cousin Lindsay took alot of time to write me the sweetest most love filled email yesterday. :o) I have read it twice now and really taking everything you said into consideration and it meant more than you could ever know that you love me that much, you put all that time into that email. Was extremely special and it helped more than you could ever know. I'm gonna get back to you on some of that. You are truly a gem :)
My house is pretty much clean, so I guess I am going to either spend the day in bed again or find something else to clean.
Have a happy Monday everyone!!
Love,
Di

Sunday

Happy Sunday!!! Been in bed hmmmm most of the day. Not sick or anything. Just nothing else to do. I have nothing really to blog about. Savannah is still sick. Now Juan is getting it.
I have a bunch of photos to finish editing but with my eyes hurting so bad sitting staring closely at pics isn't easy on the eyes. So, I think tomorrow I will finish them all up.
It warmed up alot today, probably have tornados again. That's the way it's been going.
Not much else to report.

Have a happy Sunday.
Love,
Di

I should have known

Sitting here in my house.......In my chair at the computer. I'm video gamed out, I'm tired. I sit and I do alot of soul searching. Wonder why it is, how I am the way I am. I suffer from depression, post traumatic stress disorder, piggy backed with anxiety. That is my official "diagnosis" If you will.
But I search deep within and realize it's so much more. I'm plagued with guilt. Guilt from so much..........But mostly I think from Brett dying. After he died, I changed. Changed drastically. Who wouldn't? But after that my life just seemed to go wrong. Everything wrong. But, what you don't know is I constantly tell myself that I deserve this. I deserve this bad stuff.
When Brett got sick.....there was a good couple months or so where his leg hurt. We laughed at him, teased him.........When he got to where he was taking more than 5 aspirin at a time and the pain wasn't going away.....I suddenly knew something wasn't right. I waited til Thursday to pick up my check and took him to the Dr.
Fast forward til now......I'm scrubbing my hands every hour, disinfecting stuff. Afraid of getting sick.

The realization hits me........I blame myself for him dying, because I should have known. I SHOULD Have known!!!!!!!!!!!! I have a wealth of knowledge now on diseases, cancer, what have you. Because I won't make the same mistake again.
But, deep inside I believe I deserve every bad thing coming my way because I could've taken him to the Dr. earlier. Instead we teased him. Real life kicks in and says Di you were only a kid.........but then my brain says, I should've known.

On the day Brett died, I didn't want to go in the room to see him. My mom kept saying "you need to go, you need to go, you will regret it for the rest of your life if you don't"

I regret going in most of all. Being left alone with his body. When I close my eyes I see his face, how the life was sucked out of him and you could tell that his spirit wasn't there anymore. Just a shell and his soul had moved on. I wish I would have never of gone.

Secretly deep inside, I wish that I would have never met him. Never. Sometimes I hate him. All the chemo, all the protocals, the surgery, the dying. All changed my life and changed me into someone I hate. Someone I can't run from. Stuck with myself and I can't hide. I fear medicine because I saw what medicine did to him. That whole situation screwed me up so badly.

I want to like myself. I want to forgive myself, but I don't know how. I want to believe that I am worthy of good things, worthy of a good life. Instead all I can do is see how much time I have truly wasted and how much of a failure I am.

Reality...........It sucks....

Sick of Sick

UGH Savannah progressively got worse over night. Fever went higher she feels awful. She told me this morning she feels dizzy and OMG I freaked. It took me 4 mos to get over that last dizzy virus. UGH. Since she started school it's non stop sickness. Over and over sickness. I'm worn out and just angry. I'm feeling better some. Savannah told me her arms aren't working and she can't move. Flu, I was pretty sure when I had it cause I felt so achey.
UGH someone else please take our sick cloud, I don't want it anymore.

I just want school out so I can at least have a 2 week period where we aren't sick

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Happy day

Love,
di

Woo Hoo, it's Friday

Really it's not a Woo Hoo, cause I don't really care ha ha!! Got to bed really, really late. Savannah is sick. She is home today. Has the flu. I guess she has what I had. She said her arms hurt really bad and her head is hurting way bad, her exact words. Here is she watching Sponge Bob with an ice pack on her head.

Hmm, LOST was okay last night, I am just so confused as to what is going on. With the long breaks and what nots, I just can't figure out exactly what is happening. It's a terrific show. If you like being confused or LOST no pun intended LOL i highly recommend it. Scrubbed Juans room today, top to bottom. OMG it was a disaster area and took forever.
My puppy dog is asleep with the cutest look ever on his face. I snapped a pic of course.

I love, LOVE, LOVE my dogs. Opie is my baby.
Okay, I'm off to do some more laundry and what ever it is I do around here.
Hope everyone has a terrific weekend.
Love,
Di

Howdy!

Well, I officially have had the flu the past few days. Achey, tired, fever. Achey, tired, fever. Rinse, repeat. We got lots of snow and ice. Umm....... Nothing else really going on. Tried to take Savannah some flowers and a balloon to school they said no way. For her birthday we can't even take treats. Hmph. Grinches. I just woke up from a long nap.
It's Valentines Day. Hmph.
Boys are doing good. Anthony's on the mend from Alex. Juan is just Juan.
I'm doing okay other than being sick. I literally took the bathroom apart and cleaned it today. Took the shower curtain down, washed it. It's spotless.
Deleted most of my toons from Toon town. Cept for my favorite ones and my big ones.
I just don't know what I want to do. I have so many emotions in my head and they are all over the place. It's like I need to sort them all and have no place to put them. I'm not even sure if I know where they go.
Just reached my fill on alot of things and I give up. I give up.
Not sad. Just tired.
Tomorrow I will try to be more clever in my blogging. My creativity is in the sink where i cleaned. I'll fish it out later.
Owooooooo!
Happy Day
Love,
Di

Morning routine

is going to kill me. I'm convinced. Savannah does NOT like to get out of bed. It is such a struggle to get her out of bed and race to the bus stop every single morning. I am soooooooooo worn out of this. Worn out in general. Last night, I went to bed to watch American Idol. Slept through some of it. Came downstairs to send out a couple things. Went back up and out. Slept til 7:30 this morning. I was beat. Owoooooooo! Not too much else going on really. Anthony is finally realizing that Alex has another boyfriend. Juan has been behaving for the most part. Savannahs doing well other than she won't get out of bed. Just mopped the living room floor and decided to blog while I'm waiting on it to dry.
Dell man will be here in a bit to fix other puter. Since we have gotten it, it's been giving error after error. Real pain in the butt. Okay........ I'm off. Gonna go find something to do. Have given up video games for awhile and I work on my stuff then I find myself with nothing to do. Hmmm gotta work on that.

Happy Thursday LOST night :)

Welcome to the Heartbreak Hotel

Oh Wow on everything. You all who read my blog regularly and my family who knows me in real life knows that NOTHING ever goes right for me. I don't care what it is. If I had to walk to the mailbox to get something, I would probably trip over a 100 year old totem pole and wind up with 20 million stitches. My whole life is like that.

Today I am TIRED. LG and E came out for the gas leak, there were quite a few, they stuck red stuff all around saying DO NOT USE DANGER etc. After the nice carbon monoxide run in, the gas was an added bonus. Either way it's all fixed. I no longer smell it. The guy came in yesterday and he could tell I was drained, I had a headache and I said "Sir, do you know what it's like to tell people for days you smell gas and no one believe you or think you are just paranoid" he said "Maam if a woman calls, we usually hurry out cause they are rarely ever wrong" Funny thing the last guy who came (different guy) said the same thing. His buzz detector was going way off. He took me down and showed me a bunch of stuff. I told him this is greek to me. He told me if I needed help anymore explaining to call him. Either way I guess he explained good enough, it was fixed and smell is gone YAY!!!!! The lins on the gas thing were old and hadn't been upgraded so Kyles cousin fixed it and upgraded them.

Heartbreak UGH Alex and Anthony broke up. He is sooooooo sad and she is treating him so badly. Playing headgames with him, telling him he's a jerk and that he really didnt love her. All that is just an excuse for her having another boyfriend. She needs to quit telling him that stuff because if anyone was wrong it was her. If she liked someone else, she should just tell him and cut if off. Not tell him he was a jerk and a bad boyfriend when all he did was kiss her ass. Too bad for her she doesnt realize what goes around comes around. She will learn soon enough but if she doesn't quit telling him he's a jerk, I'm going to get involved. Anthony thinks I am so mean cause i made him quit talking to her. He was groveling and I'm sorry I personally would never lower myself to grovel and beg anyone to love me. It's her loss, she will see that.

Savannahs been sick.........I'm not sleeping tonight. Got a few other things going on today. Tonight I just went and sat in a dark room with my Ipod and bawled my eyes out. Phew. I think I needed it.

Things could turn around and go smooth at any moment and I would love it.

My Song lyric of choice for today...................

Without love I wouldn't believe
In anything that lives and breathes
Without love I'd have no anger
I wouldn't believe in the right to stand here
Without love I wouldn't believe
I couldn't believe in you
And I wouldn't believe in me
Without love

I believe in love
I believe in love
I believe in love

Happy Sleepy Monday

Had a very busy weekend. Heat is fixed, but it's leaking gas. No one will listen to me, so if house blows up, blame everyone who didn't listen. Just finished dusting and mopping living room, laudry is going, kitchen is fairly straight. I'm thinking of climbing back in bed and snoozing.
Was gone pretty much all day yesterday. Up late.

That's about it. Savannahs getting better.

Life is good
(for the most part ha ha)

Happy Monday

2 posts in one day...... Owooooo!!

As if things aren't bad enough...........Kyle and I argued all afternoon, then Anthony and I argued all afternoon.......Savannah comes downstairs screaming. I say what's wrong, she says I'm cold, I recognize the scream of course, it happens again and again. UGH Her ear is infected. So in the morning, I will haul my cold ass out of bed and take her to the dr in the freezing rain and sleet. I am so stressed and can't understand why I can not just a get a break. Constant, constant stress. I have a headache said the girl.

Grumpy Thursday

I'm soooooooooooooo mad. I'm tired of being cold. My house is freezing. I swear there's ice in the toilet downstairs. I can't move I'm so cold. I have sat here and cried all morning because I'm tired of cold. My lungs hurt, my body actually aches from the freezing.
Heater man NOT coming tomorrow. I can't even get into the details of it because I'm PISSED off beyond belief. You actually have to make a phone call to the guy to get him to come out. Who knew????????? Guess the heat getting fixed will be in line with the phone getting fixed. Phones been broke for a month now. Imagine that.
We have a winter storm warning for tonight, guess I'll sit here watch my breath and freeze. UGH UGH UGH

Being cold is the absolute pits. Everyone gets out of the house all day but me. I may go to the mall or something today.

:( Frozen di

Owoooooooo!

Oh My Gosh is all I can say to how cold I am. I couldn't get out of bed this morning to take Savannah to school cause we are so cold. Thermostat says 50, my body says 20. So I am taking her in late. She was shivering she was so cold. I need a shower cause my hair is BLUCH cause Kyle decided it would be funny to dump lotiony stuff in it. I'm way pissed cause it looks like I ate chicken and used my hair as a napkin. I could surely be a T bird in Grease. So until the thermostat reaches 60 I will not shower. Owooooooo, I have the blinds open persuading the sunshine to come in.
The tornado, bad storm stuff last night, what the hell is with that in January?
Things that make you go hmmmmmmmmm
I never watch TV so didn't even pay attn to what was coming. Turn on American Idol to tornado warnings. Crazy stuff.
Okay, gonna pluck the layers of blankets off Savannah one by one and get her dressed and off to school. Pray for warm weather. Heater guy should be coming soon. Going to have a whole new one put in. How long that takes is beyond me.
Happy Wednesday. PS Savannah keeps singing Hang a horseshoe over the door. I have one over my front door. Thinking only thing it has brought me is bad luck. Maybe I'll get a toilet seat to hang over the door. Maybe better luck!

Happy Monday

Getting a good start on Monday. Putting laundry away. Heater man is here. Grrrrrrrr heater man just left. The gas valve shorted out and melted basically. Usually when that happens, the control panel shorts out also. He said it looks okay for now, but can not check it til he takes the valve off. Okay so what's the problem. The valve is 400 bucks.........if he takes it off and the control panel which may be bad needs to be replaced, an additional 400 dollars. A whole new furnace can be installed for 1200 dollars. I'm not a gambling girl. I don't know what to do. Dadddyyyyyyyyyyy, HELP!! LOL I'll be calling you to ask your opinion. Sheesh. So no heat still til Friday at the earliest.
What seemed like a good start is only getting worse.
Owoooooooooo!!
Happy Monday!

My Saturday Post LOL not evening!

Happy Saturday!! Not here of course!! Last night was on the puter, felt wheezy from my cold and started smelling something strange. I was like.......what's that smell? Well, I feel cold, cold air......brrrrrr. The vents I walk over and cold air. Of course the heat is broken! Noooooooooooooooooooo! Ugh, how in the hell can we get our ducks in a row if everything keeps breaking and what nots. GRRRRR
So then I'm cooking and Kyle tries to start our nice weekend argument and I start getting pissed off. I hate weekends. HATE HATE HATE weekends. Anthony and Kyle are fighting. I just want to sit with my bag of Dove chocolates and shovel them in. But, my stomach hurts so that's a no deal.
Monday, Monday hurry up. I'm cold, sick and stressed. Karen we probably won't be getting together this weekend. I have a bad, bad chest cold and coughing and coughing and had a fever last night. Don't want to share any of my germs.

Happy Wednesday!!

I'm sooo tired today Owooo!! Yesterday I spent the whole entire day in Toon Town. My kitty cat Miss Sally is maxing law. I have made a bunch of good friends over in Toon town and me and Melissa got our 14,400 Jury notices. What does that mean? Means you spend the whole day in the DA office getting them LOL.......So Me, Mel, Melissa and Susan literally spent about 7 hours of the day on the phone or Skype as we call it, while we ran them. We laughed so much. I had to leave to get Savannah so when I got back they said they would do my last DA office with me. Oh boy, they griefed me to death. We were all laughing so hard. I should've been done after 1 with an invasion, but they made me miss it on purpose so we had to do another one. I think we were all laughing so hard we were crying. Took us 2 hrs for 400 measley Jury Notices. I think that is one of the best days I have had in so long with all the laughing. Truly a wonderful day :o) Here are some pics. My laugh meter is supposed to be full and I almost went sad LMBO :) a total blast with wonderful, wonderful friends.

Saturday

Been a week almost since I have updated. Sorry about that. Haven't been busy much,just drained and so far behind on everything. Today I pretty much slept til 1 oclock. I needed it too. Last week got together with Karen, Tommy, Sue and all that gang, had dinner and played games and talked. We laughed alot. Was alot of fun. Supposed to do it again this week. So Karen if you are trying to call, the phone is yet broken again. Call my cell if you wanna get a hold of me.
I guess I will call to have them come fix it, but I am not a phone person. Hate talking on it. Can talk on the headset on puter alot, but can't stand the phone.
It's way too cold to walk outside. Been scrubbing the living room, organizing it.
Kyle's in the basement and doesn't really come up. Anthonys hooked on WoW and been playing that all day on the computer papaw got them for Christmas.
Savannahs running between me and Kyle upstairs, downstairs.
I'm lonely and tired and pretty depressed.
That's about it for Saturday.
Hope everyone has a good one and to the family members who are in the weight thing, I need your weights, they were due in last week, so I can figure them for yas!!

Checking in

I'm beat today. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. As most of you know who read my blog or I should say who have read my blog for the 2 years I have been posting, I suffer from SAD. Seasonal Affective Disorder. This month is the worst for me. I have hit my lowest low of depression and starting February it starts decreasing as the days get longer. Alot of people in my anxiety group suffer from it. Depression isn't any fun. Not by any means.
So I have been stressed. Kyle things aren't going really well at all. We aren't fighting per se', just basically ignoring each other. Which is probably for the best given the current situation. Kyle and Anthony aren't getting along. Juan has good days and bad days. Last night I was all nestled in my bed. It was close to 2 am I know. He was sleeping over at his friends. Phone rings I'm thinking okay, he probably had anxiety attack and wants to come home. WRONG...........They have a dog and it freaking attacked him of all places on his face. He has this gaping hole on the inside of his mouth, it went all the way through to the other side. Bruised and swollen all over the side of his face. Teeth marks and bite marks by his eye and nose. The mother who dropped him off didn't even come in the house or anything. So we gotta go find out if the dog had shots and what have you. He's in alot of pain and looks awful but is okay. Freaking stupid dog. At 2am when you get that call and you are waiting for them to be driven home seems like it took hours. He was pretty shaken up, said the dog wouldnt let go of his lip and was pulling and you can see the perfect tear down the inside of his mouth where he had it and was pulling. So bruised and swollen, was bleeding alot. Keep him in your thoughts and prayers.
Gonna try to keep busy today. Keep my mind as clear as it can be.
Happy Sunday.

First day back to school!!!

We all had a stomach virus. Savannah had hers Saturday night late, sunday and then yesterday was really tired and cranky. Today back to school and remember my clean counters? She went out to fix her a snack and usually hops on the counter to get her a plate or a bowl and turn a movie on. LMBO she didn't make it far at all. Zonked straight out. That sums up the first day back to school!!

Weirdness

I'm weird about certain things. In the kitchen, I hate to even walk in there if its' a mess. I think it's part of my ADHD with stuff being out of place. I think everything has a home and if it's not there....I flip out. Those of you who do fly lady know about hot spots. I have several. Hot spots are the same spots in your home wehre you deposit your junk. Mail, keys, phones. By my back door is one.... I can't stand it. The fridge is one, on top. I can't take it. I hate stuff on top of the fridge. Here are some pics of my kitchen weirdness. Things put in their home and nice and tidy. Clear counters. :) It clears my mind and I sleep better knowing everything is clear. I'm weird. Very, very weird.


Below, I always like labels facing to where you can see them.


Nice and clear........Ahhhhhhhhhh!! :) Looking at the kool aid there drives me a little crazy. Both because I hate koolaid and it's just sitting there out of place in the old kitchen. Kitchen is still outdated quite a bit.