Thursday, November 29, 2007

Thursday Mornin'

It's Thursday, in between bouts of feeling bad, I worked my rear off yesterday. I have no laundry today, it is all done and put away, so I have been doing bed clothes this morning. Living room is spotless, dusted and mopped. It is very, very clean. I detailed it more today. Did rugs and such. Had to take a break. I'm still weak and my stomach still doesn't feel right.
Last night Savannah and I matched socks for about an hour, for some reason it was kinda fun. She was extremely silly last night.
Nothing else really going on. Gonna wait for my next burst of energy to find another project.
When you go from being severely anemic, to having some iron, OMG I can't explain to you the difference it makes. I actually want to get up and move!!
Happy Thursday
What will today bring you?
Hopefully no black clouds for me.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Happy Wednesday

I'm bored. I have dinner in the crock pot, have done 5 loads of laundry and put away probably 9 loads of laundry. Swept and mopped living room, prewashed dishes for the dishwasher, fed and watered dogs. There is nothing else to do. I don't feel like Toontowning or pirates.
I do not watch T.V.
I honestly don't know what to do.
Kids are at school.
Hmmmmmm, Maybe I should go mess up the kitchen and then reclean it. There's an idea. NOT! I guess I will take a nap.
Happy wednesday.
It's trash day.

***Ugh I wrote that this morning and Owoooooo, I got glutened :( I started feeling it around 12 and thought maybe it was my imagination. Then the rash came and ugh the stomach pain. :( It hurts so bad, you wouldn't believe it. Feels like someone dropped a heavy brick in my stomach. I hate it :( I laid down and cried for awhile it hurt so bad. Stupid gluten :( Nothing at all to take for it either. Just have to wait it out. Opie was outside and hurt his front paw :(
Someone please take my cloud. Please.
I gotta lay down, I don't feel well. :(

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Does it get any cuter than this?

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She is such a sweet, sweet puppy dog. She's snoozing away and I snapped her pic cause she is so adorable!
Not really much to share today. All is okay I suppose.
Happy Tuesday

Monday, November 26, 2007

Any takers for my black cloud???

I'll even deliver it to you. Roof has a leak and it has poured down rain. There is no hole, so who knows what is going on. Maybe gutters backed up? Who knows but a break would be nice.
Nothing really happening today. Just tired. Very tired.
Happy Monday

Sunday, November 25, 2007

2 posts in one day, stop the presses!!

My baby boy is 13 :) He couldn't have the fancy decorated cake LOL cause of gluten, so he had to have an ugly gluten free cake. It didn't taste bad though!
Thanks to the whole family for coming over, Linney it was great to see and hold your beautiful baby :), She's beautiful! Thanks to everyone, I had a wonderful time. Here are some pics of my shy baby boy! Happy 13th :) 2 teenage boys Owooo!!
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Was at moms on Thanksgiving

And was browsing through her old pics and stole some off her puter :P Thought I would share. Brought back memories! They are all scanned and have marks on them, but u get the gist.
Here's one of all of us and thats little Matthew LOL Owooooooo they grew up quick
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Here is Anthony and his dad shortly before he died
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This is Brett and Dougie, exactly 3 weeks before he died. Amazing how quickly he went downhill :(
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A way big blast from the past, Me on Grandma Spies porch :)
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This is me in the back of my Aunt Sues car in Panama City! Me n Steph were up to no good as usual and I still make that face when I am up to no good >:)What's with the bandana in the hair???? Good Grief!!
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Hope you enjoyed, I enjoyed seeing them!!! :)

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Woo hoo!! Christmas has come!

I was so excited to get all my decorations out today :) Gonna share what my living room looks like and show you my few favorite decorations. I love all my ornaments, me and the mommys always exchange ornaments every year and I always love the ones they give me of course :)
This broken nutcracker/soldier boy........he has a story. About 7 years ago, I was walking out to the trash after Christmas and I saw him outside of the dumpster laying on the ground. Someone had stepped on him. I was going to walk away, but couldn't leave him there. Sicko I am I know! But I wanted him to be special. So every year since then, I put him on the top of my tree. Broken indeed, but he is my favorite ornament of all. I will always keep and cherish him. I am a geek, I know this already :P
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There isn't many on that side Oof!!
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My Christmas doggie, in the collar he hates LOL and the kids being bums
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Snoopy and his Christmas tree
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What would Christmas be withouth Rudolph!
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No Air Banding!!

Scrubs has to be the best under rated show in TV, it is sooooo good!! Here is a clip from my favorite episode. LOL They post No air banding signs all over the hospital. Its classic and holy Cow Terks body is Hot! I never noticed it really til I watched that clip up close.
I'm trying to cheer myself up, what a better way than You tube :)

Friday, November 23, 2007

Do the math, do the homework man!!

You ever wonder why Kentucky has the reputation it does? This made me LOL so hard, it really happened.
Was at moms yesterday for Thanksgiving, having a bad day and just was in a funk. Johnny told me to come downstairs that I had to see that. OMG That cheered me straight up, it was hilarious. OOF what an idiot!! Do the math, do the homework!!

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Happy turkey Eve

Todays been going okay. I didn't feel good all morning, went and got adjusted, he twisted my head funny to pop my neck and I got dizzy again. Been in bed all day. Was nice.
Tonight, I'm just sad.
Hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving tomorrow.

Monday, November 19, 2007

So ya had a bad day, ya had a bad day.

Holy sh*t today was bad. I'm going to bed in exhaustion.
First of all my childhood friend Terri, I just got off the phone with her a bit ago. Momma Pearl passed away. I'm soooo sad over this :( , I stayed all night with her so much and she always was worried about me. Always taking care of me. Making sure I had something to eat. Just genuine good woman. I knew she had been sick, but didn't know she was that sick. Terri was so upset and I just couldn't imagine. Here she tells me in a barely audible voice to "be good to your mother", this coming off the heels of having a big argument with my mom this morning. She said she feels lost and such. Keep their family in your prayers. Momma Pearl was like the rock of that family. :( I'm so sad. Terri said they are making arrangements tomorrow, so Wednesday I am going to go to the visitation. Johnny, mom and dad, those of you who knew her, it will be at Owens on Dixie Hwy.

So me n mom argue this morning, setting the tone for my awful day. Cable guy shows up when I'm in the tub, so I have to run like a bat out of hell to get to the door, slip on the wet floor, totally twist the hell out of my ankle, the same one I hurt the other night going out to eat. So he says it should only take so long. Took a mere 5 or more hours.

So I am coming home from moms, on the highway, start hearing something like a motorcycle behind me going brrrrrrrrrrr and I was like what is that noise. GRRRRRR my tire is freaking flat. So I call Kyle see if he can come get me. He says " I can't leave the cable guy here" Okay, what the hell I am supposed to do, stay on the side of the highway til the freaking cable guy leaves. I tell him "what you want me to walk home?" WTF?? Finally he calls me back says he will come pick me up. My tire is completely blown in 6 different spots. I haven't a clue what I did.

I have a bad cold. I just got over being sick, I keep sneezing, coughing, my throat hurts. My ulcer is acting up from stress. I'm emotionally drained.

I have had such a bad day. Almost start to finish bad. It ends sad. I have just been crying and crying :( Life is sooooooooo stinking short. Momma Pearl died from Emphysema. :(

I can't even weed through all this to try to find some positives out of it. I'm too tired. So I am ending this day early, going to cry myself to sleep and try to make sense of it all tomorrow.

I cannot quit crying and to mom I am sorry about our argument today. I am stressed out in every direction as you know. :( Stress sucks.

Happy Monday :(
Terri and family I am so sorry, more than you know.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

It's Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!

I just got done having a tear moment :( Juan was sitting next to me, had his hat on his dad gave him, his hoodie, his shoes.......holding his skateboard, rolling the wheels around. I said "You taking the skateboard to grandmas?" he said "No, just miss my dad" :( Broke my heart.
Sigh :(
I'm glad they had a good time, but I knew when he left it would be hard.
Hopefully they can get together again soon. I think they really, really had a good time.
My whole entire family has a cold, even my mother. Achooooooooo! tis the season!!
Happy Sunday

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Happy Saturday :P

Happy Saturday :) Nothing going on here, just trying to wake up. Maddie May O is here to spend the day with Savannah. I was trying to clean some, but I'm too tired. Good grief, late nights stink. No matter what though, I'm tired. My iron is still way low, but........ I have been taking it :)
My house really isn't dirty since the boys have been gone. Just needs to be swept, dusted and mopped. I'll do a little at a time I suppose.

Claire bear ugh!!!!! I was laying in the tub relaxing and I hear her going crazy down stairs. Sounded like a hanger, so I'm like okay, she can eat the hanger. I get out of the tub come down stairs, she is laying upside down, feet in the air doing her pooty whistle growl at me. I look at her immediatley and say "What did you do?" She rolls back over and under her back was a whole entire bag of cocoa flavored hershey kisses. Owooooo! We call the vets, they say to give her peroxide and let her run around the yard and vomit. Oh geez. She lived, but OMG my dogs are so insane.
Claire has grown used to us and she's so protective of me as is Opie. Kyle gets very torked cause if he tries to sit near me or even try to touch me, Claire bites him and lays on top of me :P I think it's hilarious. A couple weeks ago she bit him pretty good. Opie doesn't bite, he growls and does it big time if Anthony comes near me. My doggies love their momma :P I'm the bone getter LOL.

Okay guys and gals Have a wonderful Saturday :) Early bedtime tonight YEE HAW!!

Friday, November 16, 2007

Happy Friday

Been a busy, busy week. I'm tired. I officially have a head cold and sneezing and coughing. I'm also tired. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Boys are having a blast!
They will be home tomorrow, I'm sure they will be sad.
Okay, not much more to update.
Have a wonderful weekend.
Happy Friday

Wednesday, November 14, 2007


Somehow all my pics mysteriously disappeared, when I did recovery, I found a bunch of old pics. This one below is me in the 80s OOf! It has water damage from when the house burned down, but Owooooooo!!! What is with that freaking hair? You ever wonder what you were thinking?
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Not much going on, was a busy day today. I'm soooooo sleepy. Had a dizzy spell tonight. They are getting alot better, but I realized tonight that 1 stinking virus has taken 1/4 of my year. Bastard. I'm to the frustration point with it. Not dizzy every day, but it comes every 3 days or so, not all day but enough to tork me off.
Boys are doing excellent and having a wonderful time. Their Uncle comes in tomorrow and I am sure they will have a blast. He's a pretty funny guy. Little Juan isn't even homesick which suprises me.


Mom went to the Extreme Home Makeover by herself and got to take "Move that bus"
LOL she said she was with old ladies, made me LOL

Happy Wednesday, it's trash day!

D~Argh........Ahoy matey!

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

It's Tuesday, I have a massive headache.

I'm stressed. Plain and simple I'm stressed. I'm shaking stressed. Let's move on.........

Last night Juan got to meet his dad. We went and met up at Steak N Shake. I think we laughed the whole entire time. Was alot of fun. Little Juan was nervous, but I think he really, really liked his dad. We caught up on old times and filled in some stuff on the years. Had fun. I think he may think we are all nuts now LOL, we were pretty silly. They are meeting up with him today and spending the rest of the week with him. Thursday at some point I want to try to see him being his birthday and all. Also will share some pics later.

Speaking of pics, we have moved the couch out of the living room to make way for Christmas stuff. Well, Opie and Claire have fought over the love seat over and over. They growl and bite, everything over this stupid love seat. Yesterday they found a comfortable medium LOL pic below.....Also a couple of pics I found, Savannah took. :) You can't see her very well cause she is leaning to click the camera and then one of me she took. Maybe she will follow in my footsteps :)
Here's my puppies learning to share
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Here's me n Vannah and just me Vannah snapping
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Happy Tuesday, I'm going to go be stressed.
Have a nice day

Monday, November 12, 2007


What does this Monday bring? Lots of things. Today or Tomorrow, my son is basically meeting his father for the first time ever. We left right when Juan was 2 and he will be 13 on Thursday. So in reality, they are meeting for the first time. He is nervous and scared, as is big Juan I am sure. I'm a little nervous, not as bad as I thought I would be. I'm more nervous for my son, with his anxiety attacks and such, I know being away from home for that long is going to be hard on him, but he needs this. I am going to take some pics of them and I will be sure to post and will keep you all updated as things unfold. It's very exciting in some ways. I hope it will be a special time for the both of them and I'm very happy.
Big Juan has been in Iraq for awhile and I'm sure that puts a new perspective on how things really are and what's important. So I hope they have fun.

The Kyle and I argument died way down. We both have been walking on eggshells to avoid any kind of repeat of Friday. He apologized profusely and I accepted the apology , but I am still extremely angry and hurt at the things that were said. When my brain is quiet, face it which isn't often, they ring in my head like a tape recorder going over and over. I want it to stop because I don't want to ever believe those things about myself. All weekend I was emotionally drained. I was tired, went to bed early, slept late. I got my house all cleaned up, took every bit of energy I had.

I got all my test results back, no heavy metals............Cept Bon Jovi!! HE lives on inside everyone!! :P My B12 and Folic acid were perfect butttttt my iron stores were very, very depleted. So he increased my iron yet again. Owoooooooo STOP THAT!!
Friday I mopped the floor and seriously felt like I was going to pass out, today I was able to get up, clean mop 4 rooms with no dizziness. I am still drained though, both emotionally and physically. I have no strength left mentally and I'm not sure I have ever in my life felt that way. I don't know what to do, what to say, what to feel. I really don't know anything right now. Just that I'm tired.

Happy Monday, I will keep all updated

Friday, November 09, 2007

I dunno what to say

I have had one of the worst mornings, I have had in along time. I thought yesterday was bad and waved my flag, little did I know things could get alot worse. They did. This mornings argument takes the cake in most we have had. I can't even go into details of what we were arguing over, but Savannah was right in the middle and was so upset, she could not go to school.
Any self confidence I had, is gone. I know for a fact now, that I can't feel much worse emotionally so that itself gives me some hope.
When you are married, or close with tell them things. They are supposed to know all your deep dark secrets and your deepest fears. I guess what I didn't realize in sharing those is that when things come to an end, they take all that and use it against you and throw it in your face.
This mornings argument took the things I hate most about myself and were used against me in one of the most horrible ways imaginable. I am so hurt that I am speechless.
My family knows I have post traumatic stress disorder, this morning I had a very, very, very vivid flashback, I had never had one before........It left me feeling like I was watching the situation and it wasn't me in it, like it was on TV and the other situation I was in before came back and it was a very weird experience and so real. I can't describe what it was like. Just never have done that before.
No I wasn't hit or anything for you worriers.
I honestly do not know what to say. Kyle isn't the only bad guy in this, I argued right back with him this morning. Same with the night before and then at lunch. I do open my mouth and say things also. So don't think the blame is all on Kyle on this one, I know it's me too. Takes 2 to argue.
I can't post any details about anything at this time, I just need to vent. I'm crushed. My spirit gone. I guess this way where self confidence and stuff is gone, I can only go up from here. I could not go any lower. So that is how I'm looking at it. I can only go up.
Say prayers for me, I need them in complete and total abundance. For the next 3 or 4 days I will have panic and anxiety attacks from the fight. So I will probably be out of commission. Most of all I'm just sad someone thinks such evil things of me :( Very, Very, Very sad.

Thursday, November 08, 2007


Kyle and I had been doing better about arguing in front of the kids. I stress HAD. Yesterday he came home and lunch and the sh*t hit the fan. Arguing, arguing, baddddddd arguing. Over stuff that doesn't even make any sense. Then last night about 11:30 BAM HUGEEEEEEEEEEEE, HUGEEEEEEEEEEEE argument. OMG we were so loud that I actually lost my voice. I'm sure the kids know all my dirty laundry now as do they Kyles. It was almost 1 and I had to beg him to stop and give me 20 minutes just so I could cry and get my bearings about me. Then it went on and I just kept saying STOP........I just want it to stop. STOP, STOP, STOP! So finally I guess he sensed I wasn't joking when I said stop and went to bed.
It was horrible, it was ugly and this morning I am soooooooooo pissed off that when I think about it, I get dizzy and feel sick.
I have no privacy. Anywhere. For someone to go and invade my privacy, crosses the line. I am not sure that I can get over this round of being angry. I am that mad. I am already anxious when Kyle is around for the simple reason that we argue and it makes me have panic attacks. I have no where to go in this house. I quit keeping a journal because people would read it. Even my prayer journal has been snooped in. What do you do, when someone takes away any bit of privacy you had?
2 weeks ago we had a huge, huge argument over my past...........why does this matter?
The arguing is getting to be petty and I just can't take any more of it. Last night was so bad. Yesterday was so bad. I laid in bed til 3 am just thinking and thinking. Things are so wrong.
When I go back to the Dr. I am going to have to ask for antidepressants or anti anxiety, because I can't do it on my own anymore.
I'm sad, I'm lonely and I'm tired.
I thought a month ago, I had given up, but didn't think things could sink any lower.
Well, my white flag goes a little higher, I give up.
My life is not my own.........It's everyone elses. Everyone has a say so in what I do wrong, or what I don't do.....the kids are acting horribly lately and will not do anything that I ask. They bad mouth me constantly. Tell me my anemia shouldn't make me tired and that I'm "Faking" it. I wish to God a few people could feel what it's like to have a low red blood cell count. I tried to mop yesterday and got so dizzy and winded that I almost passed out. I can't catch my breath, I am tired, I'm dizzy and no one understands. I seriously feel close to a nervous break down and now I can't write my feelings out anywhere or say them anywhere because I have no privacy. I just want something of my own.
Happy Thursday
I'll be crying much of the day.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

I have watched this over n over for comic relief

This happened live at Waverly Hills Hospital LMBO

Thursday, November 01, 2007

About how our Halloween went

Savannah was still sick and this is her "Mom my stomach hurts really bad. I think I have to throw up".......PS she was Jasmine from Aladdin
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Savannah please smile for mommy
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Give me a big smile!!
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Mom I really don't feel very good
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Goin to the neighbors
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Kyle has that labrynthitis that I had and is sick. So she went down the street and he took her to go to his moms for dinner and almost passed out from being so dizzy. So he came home with her, went to bed.
I stayed up and watch Live Ghost Hunters. Oh geez, thinking that sexy Steve was in this same state, not far from my house. Holy Toledo. It went on til 3am and I didn't finish watching it, so I TiVoed it.
Did work at moms this morning. Still feeling very weak. Going to go take a nap.
Happy Day Late Halloween