Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Happy New Years

2013 has less than 6 hours left and I have really been contemplating this past year. I will say it was a huge year of personal growth for me, especially with my meds. God delivered me from so much emotional turmoil I was experiencing and now I feel as if I am who I really am.

Depression robbed so much of my life and I had no idea how severe it was, until now, when I'm out of it. Well, I'm not even sure if I'm out of it, but coming out of it. I like different things, I am discovering who I am. I am developing my strengths and letting go and accepting my weaknesses. Most importantly I am letting go of what's behind me and just going to enjoy what's ahead.

It's amazing to me the changes that have come my way.

I had a wonderful Christmas. Elmer made sure I had stuff to open under the tree and for once I had NO idea what any of it was. It was nice to feel like a child opening surprises. He truly spoiled me with gifts and it really did make my Christmas wonderful.

Troy enjoyed his second Christmas, Savannah and the boys enjoyed theirs.

My one word for this past year is growth and I hope that 2014 brings even more growth so I can develop into the woman God wants me to be.]

Have a wonderful New Year.

Much Love,

Me <3

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Packing up and moving on

I started taking Zoloft back in August and I have had dream after dream about packing up all my stuff in my old houses and moving out. Sometimes it's the same house, sometimes it's a different house where I have lived. I see all my old stuff, I'm always in a hurry to pack it up because for whatever reason I have to quickly get out.

Last night again I have dreamed about my house on S. 6th street. I dream about there more than any other place. I loved that townhouse, I'm not sure why I revisit it so much. Last night I was going back because I left so much stuff there and I had one day to grab what I could. It's funny before Brett died he gave me this heart necklace the Christmas before he died. I for the life of me couldn't remember what it looked like. My first ex husband went into my room at my moms when I was at cosmetology school and stole my jewelry box. It had my necklace from Brett, our wedding rings we were to use when we got married. Had special jewelry in it....Well, he stole it and pawned every single bit of it and told me that I didn't need any of that garbage anymore.

Well last night when I was grabbing what I could, I saw the necklace, it was the exact necklace. I was so happy because I had forgotten what it looked like and it was so precious to see it. I also saw my grandmas old armoire that I had and blankets. I was grabbing the boys old toys for troy. It's funny because the toys I had seen in my dream were the toys I had to leave behind in Virginia the VERY last time my husband had hit me. I had to go and left so much behind. I saw the rocking horse and blankets I had left behind. I was grabbing anything I could to take for Troy. I saw my old blankets, socks, my old shoes.

They are the most bizarre dreams and I have them all the time. I wake up remembering every detail. Sometimes I move out of Tallow Lane, sometimes Washington street...most of the time it's 6th street.

I have no idea what it means. I have looked it up online and it says I'm packing up emotional baggage and healing. Maybe that is true. I like going back though and looking at my stuff. I loathe the rush to grab and get out and have to go so much in a hurry.

Even though the dreams aren't real, I find it amazing that somewhere hidden deep in my brain, it remembered every detail of that necklace. Every single detail.

I'm in awe over it and very grateful for the opportunity to see and hold it again. I can't understand how one part of me can forget and yet another part of me can remember so vividly.

Anyway, I love the dreams I have on my meds.

Merry Christmas.