Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Off today YAY!!

Enjoying the heck out of my off day =)

Reading back over some of my old posts and again a stopping point to see how much I have grown. Thank God!! =) Little changes over time.

I'm at such a point in my life right now where I'm happy to not hate myself so much.

I deserve good things. I deserve the best that life has to offer and I'm not stopping to settle for crap anymore =)

My confidence is rising at a slow rate and I'm seeing truly what I deserve.

I deserve so much better than I get
I believe it =D

What the heck took so long?

It's awful being at the bottom of a pit believing that it is what I deserve.

I know good things are coming my way =)
I know good things are coming my way =)
I know good things are coming my way =)

I can't tell you how happy I feel, just to know that.

A guy stopped by my desk yesterday. Such a wonderful, wonderful fella. We talk all the time and about everything and as he was walking out the door yesterday he hollered back in "Don't you dare settle for less than you deserve and if you wanna know what it is that you deserve, I'll show you!"

I'm a cute girl. I have a big heart and a great personality and as he told me "Whoever lands me will be the luckiest man alive."


He will be =)

Okay I'm taking my happy self out to enjoy my off day =)



Saturday, June 18, 2011

Getting to the root of the problem

As you can tell from my last few posts, I haven't had a clue where all the garbage in my head and heart have been coming from.

I think about it, I analyze it...Nothing makes any sense and I find myself overly frustrated.

Today before work I was laying in the tub and started crying. It makes me sad that I have reached a total point of not caring about anything. I don't want to be to that point where I literally don't care.

I have been trying like hell to figure out what's wrong with me.

I am in a spiritual dry period. I pray every night, but haven't been spending much time with God. I go to read my bible and think to myself "I just don't want to" I'm unhappy at church and haven't been feeling very "Godly" towards it on any level.

I asked God to show me what was wrong, please and He led me to :

Jeremiah 29:13
You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

This morning I got up and didn't go weigh in, I just laid in bed for a bit and thought about how to do this. Did lots of thinking about how much I loathe who I have become lately.

I talked to God for awhile and hoppped in my car to go to spin class and put my Joyce Meyer CD in about negative attitude.

Funnily enough I had no idea what was on the CD, I just grabbed it and left. God finally led me to what was wrong in my heart. I spend more time complaining lately than I do being thankful for everything that I have.

I complain about my eyes, but I wasn't thankful that I can see. I complain that my ears are messed up and I'm dizzy, but I'm not thankful that I can hear. I complain that my teeth hurt, but I'm not thankful I have a mouth to praise God with and talk.

The list goes on and on of stuff I have been complaining about and I have been at peace ever since I confessed my un-thankful heart and have been taking more time to stop, pause and think before I start to complain.

Hopefully I'll get my heart back to the right place. A good sign is that I think about what's wrong with me and it shows me that I do care. I'm not there caring about everything, but I most importantly care about right standing with God.

Made possible by Jesus of course =)

I love Him =)

Thinking about trying a new church more with-in my age range. A lot of people from my work go there and tell me it's wonderful. I have some more thinking to do and we shall see!

Have a great weekend! See you next Saturday!



Saturday, June 11, 2011

It's Saturday =)

Waiting for floors to dry and thought I'd bop in to blog.

Feeling much of the same way I did Monday. Had a bit of a breather today and really had time to think about things I want.

Had time to think about things that are best for me.

I've set some goals today and thought about things that are bad for me and things that take a lot of energy out of me.

They need to go. How or what that looks like... I don't know, but I know enough to know I don't want it anymore.

Some good notes =D

On a wonderful note I lost 3 lbs this week =) Switched it up from my usual 2.2 =)

I can't wait for tomorrow =D I'm really, really excited.

I'm happy my heart doesn't hurt anymore and that those feelings are over. =D

I have had a really, really good day today =)

Off to enjoy the rest of it. Waiting on a phone call and may be going on a date =)

Pressing on, pressing forward

and leaving the past where it needs to be.

Behind me =)



Monday, June 06, 2011

Went to bloggety blog

For a few days now and I just didn't feel like writing. God is changing me slowly. I look back at who I was last year and who I am this year. That girl doesn't exist much anymore.

I find myself in the throes of frustration lately. Today I think it came to a head....I cursed, got upset and really lost it for a few minutes.

I felt a bit of the past coming back when I was like that, but I don't listen to God and of course I back slide right into messes I want no part of.

He changed my heart again and ugh....Stuff I thought would never happen, feelings I thought I would never lose, gone. The more time that passes, the more the feelings fade.

Do I want the feelings out of habit or because they were real? I'm thinking out of habit.

I just don't know what God is doing in any area of my life and I'm so very frustrated. Everything is changing and I don't even really make time for Him anymore.

Parts of me think He's trying to show me where I didn't listen, the wisdom as to why. Except this time with each inch of wisdom goes a ton of feelings.


There's nothing I can do. I know the feelings leaving are for the best and as days pass I get the wisdom I so badly prayed for.

Sometimes it's very sad.

I find myself not wanting to believe things about people...Thinking, oh that's not the case.

Time later finding out, it is the case.

One thing I am excited about is what God has for my future. He's doing things His way, the right way.

Going to try to sleep. Got a lot of praying to do to clean up the mess I made today...Guess I didn't listen in church that Jesus already cleaned up my messes. Because of Him, I am forgiven.

Jesus sure does rock =)

Pray for me.



Thursday, June 02, 2011

Busy Days

Life/Work have been non-stop busy. Passing 30 minutes idly by...Waiting for spin class to start.

Things have been wonderful, but some changes have rolled around I'm still unsure how to handle.

I guess I don't really need to know how to handle them. I think God is taking me where He wants me to go, not where I wanted to stay.

In all honesty, I'm ready for the new. 100% ready =)

I wish I had some energy for class. I sit here after an 8 hour non-stop day...I can't remember which way is up. I didn't sleep well...Did I mention work was busy? Hope it's not indicative of the summer approaching.

Anyways Life is wonderful right now.

Missing blogging, but keep emailing me.