As you can tell from my last few posts, I haven't had a clue where all the garbage in my head and heart have been coming from.
I think about it, I analyze it...Nothing makes any sense and I find myself overly frustrated.
Today before work I was laying in the tub and started crying. It makes me sad that I have reached a total point of not caring about anything. I don't want to be to that point where I literally don't care.
I have been trying like hell to figure out what's wrong with me.
I am in a spiritual dry period. I pray every night, but haven't been spending much time with God. I go to read my bible and think to myself "I just don't want to" I'm unhappy at church and haven't been feeling very "Godly" towards it on any level.
I asked God to show me what was wrong, please and He led me to :
You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
This morning I got up and didn't go weigh in, I just laid in bed for a bit and thought about how to do this. Did lots of thinking about how much I loathe who I have become lately.
I talked to God for awhile and hoppped in my car to go to spin class and put my Joyce Meyer CD in about negative attitude.
Funnily enough I had no idea what was on the CD, I just grabbed it and left. God finally led me to what was wrong in my heart. I spend more time complaining lately than I do being thankful for everything that I have.
I complain about my eyes, but I wasn't thankful that I can see. I complain that my ears are messed up and I'm dizzy, but I'm not thankful that I can hear. I complain that my teeth hurt, but I'm not thankful I have a mouth to praise God with and talk.
The list goes on and on of stuff I have been complaining about and I have been at peace ever since I confessed my un-thankful heart and have been taking more time to stop, pause and think before I start to complain.
Hopefully I'll get my heart back to the right place. A good sign is that I think about what's wrong with me and it shows me that I do care. I'm not there caring about everything, but I most importantly care about right standing with God.
Made possible by Jesus of course =)
I love Him =)
Thinking about trying a new church more with-in my age range. A lot of people from my work go there and tell me it's wonderful. I have some more thinking to do and we shall see!
Have a great weekend! See you next Saturday!