Thursday, August 08, 2013


Well, I have suffered from anxiety, depression and panic attacks for about 20 years. I have been terrified of taking meds for that 20 years. I reached probably my lowest low I have had in a long while. I couldn't take anymore stress, depression.....rejection. I was unable to cope. By the grace of God, He gave me the strength I needed to start taking the pills to get better.

I was terrified of side effects, but most of the side effects were the same of what I was already having from so much stress and anxiety. I decided I wanted a life for myself. I want to get out and do things and I want to go places and be someone.

I can't do it by myself. I needed help. The first few days I noticed a quiet come over my brain. No racing thoughts, no cloudy thinking. My thinking was very clear. It was enough of a push to get me through. I had some dry mouth and drowsiness, but kept pushing on.

I'm almost 2 weeks into it and I can't tell too much of a difference on some things, but in other areas I can. For starters I can't cry...For me this is a good thing. I feel numb and that's how I want to feel....or not feel.

I don't want to feel that pain that's constantly there. I'm hoping more than anything as I continue taking the meds that, that happens.

As I said above, my thinking is clearer which is really nice. It's like my brain is on vacation.

I also have an OCD thing with time.......I have to know how long something takes...What time it is.......What time it's over.

That is slacking off some. I'm not checking the time a lot. I did ask my hairdresser today how long my appointment would take LOL, I already know how long it takes, but I had to ask anyways. Time.......

So as a whole, so far so good.

I just really hope for no more pain inside. I have felt so much.

One thing that I have to share is that like with the diet, I know that is God because I can't diet without His help...The pills......That's God. I never in a million years would have taken those pills. NEVER. I never dreamed of a day that would come where I would have the courage to take them. It's Him. He's putting me on my path to take me where I'm supposed to be.

I was thrilled to know that He is working in my life.

I really hope and pray that I get who I am back quickly.

I am a lot happier and smile and laugh a lot now.

I'm ready.

Have a great week.