Saturday, March 26, 2011

Moving On....

Well, giving it a try at least.

This dating thing has really been pressing on me lately hard. It's like I want a relationship so bad at points and then I turn and run like a scared dog from it.

I have been on dates and talk to people....But one guy kinda gave me the run down of how I am running away from him and anyone else.

I was aggravated at first because I didn't want to believe I did that. I always said "I'm entirely too busy." I even try to drill that into my own head that I am too busy for a relationship.

So while we were talking I realized, maybe I wasn't trying to convince him. Maybe I was trying to convince myself. He's such a nice guy and in the back of my head I think "What am I doing?" I have even used "God hasn't put him on my heart." All to keep people at a safe distance to keep from being hurt.

I'm putting my hope in people and not Christ. ugh.

This has been bugging me for awhile now and ever since him and I had the conversation I have leaned towards how right he is and how wrong I am.

I felt bad because he said "I'm not going to sit around and wait forever for you Dianna."

What if my complacency leads to me living my life alone?

I was so stressed out last night over all this. My therapist thinks I'm making excuses too.

He's just such a nice, nice guy. UGH.

Does this all boil down to my fear of viewing myself as un-loveable?

Lord God, help me not only to fully accept how much you love me, but help me to abide in Your love! (John 15:9)

If I truly believed how much God loved me, I would be confident in other relationships.

I've never wanted money, never wanted material things. All I have ever wanted in all my years of life was too be loved and yet I can't accept it from anyone.

Help my unbelief oh Lord.

Pray for me that I quit being so complacent and take that step.



Sunday, March 20, 2011

Spring Has Sprung =)

I checked my clematis tonight after seeing my brothers growing back and mine are growing back too!! I had more than my brother!! I took a pic, but the printer won't let me view the card reader. Grumble. It's a beautiful sight!

Things have been going well here. I had a stomach something for a few days and I feel a lot better.

Today was the close of Redemption Group and so much stuff flooded my mind. God has brought me so far and I open doors He closed for me. I'm now plagued with regret opening them.

I honestly don't know what to do. I am the queen of getting myself into huge messes. Why can't people just behave and grow up? That's one question I ask God over and over....Why can't people just act the way they are supposed to.

I forget we live in a fallen world. Like that would be so easy to forget. 2 minutes of any news cast will remind one of that.

You know one thing Redemption Group taught me is that people really do change. I changed. But the thing is....God has to change them and they have to invite God in their life to do so.

On our last RG we talked about fruits of the spirit, that's how you can tell if someone has changed. What fruit do they bear?

I just wish I had a magic wand to wave and fix everything. Undo what I did. I didn't miss the frustration at all......I just have to pray to God to change my heart. Put at least like where there is dis-like.

I dunno...........Enough about that whole mess, my flowers are growing back!!


Seeing all the work today done in my Godly families life was overwhelming. God truly is amazing.

He sure did help me out last night when I kept having nightmares. Prince of Peace indeed =).

Enough rambling for now, Happy Spring =)

A guy at work said he would fix my old puter....I think I'm gonna take him up on that. I can't stand not using my camera!

Happy Sunday



Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Howdy =)


Just stopping by to check in!! I am so loving my job =D

I absolutely love it!!

All the people are wonderful and I laugh almost all day. Sometimes I leave and my face hurts from laughing and smiling so much.

Everyone keeps waiting for me to despies it.....But like with anything in life, it's what you make it.

Where I came from, what God brought me too.... I am just happy to be working.

So much joy lately =D


Tomorrow it's supposed to be 70 YAY!! =D

Have a fantastic week =D



Saturday, March 12, 2011

Happy Saturday!

I have 3 days off in a row...not sure what to do with myself =)

I have a bit of a head cold or allergies. But....things are going really well!

I love my job VERY much =)

Spring is almost here, this weekend we spring forward =)

That means I can get out in my yard again. I have to figure out a way to get my computer fixed, so I can use my camera. I am totally missing taking pics.

Going to the movies today YAY!! I haven't been out in a long time, so I am going to enjoy it.

I'll give a better update later. Gotta get ready for today =)

Hope everyone is well.