For a few days now and I just didn't feel like writing. God is changing me slowly. I look back at who I was last year and who I am this year. That girl doesn't exist much anymore.
I find myself in the throes of frustration lately. Today I think it came to a head....I cursed, got upset and really lost it for a few minutes.
I felt a bit of the past coming back when I was like that, but I don't listen to God and of course I back slide right into messes I want no part of.
He changed my heart again and ugh....Stuff I thought would never happen, feelings I thought I would never lose, gone. The more time that passes, the more the feelings fade.
Do I want the feelings out of habit or because they were real? I'm thinking out of habit.
I just don't know what God is doing in any area of my life and I'm so very frustrated. Everything is changing and I don't even really make time for Him anymore.
Parts of me think He's trying to show me where I didn't listen, the wisdom as to why. Except this time with each inch of wisdom goes a ton of feelings.
Gone...Poof...Gone.
There's nothing I can do. I know the feelings leaving are for the best and as days pass I get the wisdom I so badly prayed for.
Sometimes it's very sad.
I find myself not wanting to believe things about people...Thinking, oh that's not the case.
Time later finding out, it is the case.
One thing I am excited about is what God has for my future. He's doing things His way, the right way.
Going to try to sleep. Got a lot of praying to do to clean up the mess I made today...Guess I didn't listen in church that Jesus already cleaned up my messes. Because of Him, I am forgiven.
Jesus sure does rock =)
Pray for me.
Love,
Dianna
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