Sunday, June 08, 2008


I'm so stressed. I can't begin to reiterate here, how stressed I am. I almost am emotionally numb. We just got home today, was at moms for almost a week. Air broke again. Long story short, pipe had a hole in it behind the wall, blah blah blah... I have no bathroom walls. Lots and lots of mold, which is probably why I have been so sick. Everyone gets out of the house but me. Im the one who's here. My computer is going out, Have only had it 16 mos. Gateway only honored the warranty for a year. It is the only life line I have to anyone. So if it goes, just throw me in the garbage. It was nice actually being around people at my moms. But I came home to a huge mess. I don't even know where to start.
Juan has been having huge problems. The other day I guess Tuesday he didn't want to go to my moms. So what does he do??????? Goes takes off says he's going to run away. I have 2 kids in car, 2 dogs, its hot......So I am chasing him down road in car with him screaming to all neighbors "I don't trust you" blah blah blah... So he stops at Patricks house, made a huge scene. Police had to be called. All because he wanted to stay with his buddies.
His dad wants him to go to Texas to live for the school year. I want that, I think we both need it. I can't take the stress of a marriage that fell apart, the bills, the stuff breaking, Anthonys issues, and then Juan. I can't do it all. I'm slowly dying inside. We just got home today and Anthony went out mowed the front yard, Juan supposed to do the back. Gets mad, throwing a fit... Had to fix savannah some juice and got even more pissed and shoved the cup so hard in her face and pushed her lips into her teeth leaving her crying and her lip bleeding.
I hate his friends....... He has changed since he has started hanging with them.
So air hasn't been fixed, it all the sudden now works. I'm positive it will break again. I can't go downstairs, not only are there no walls, there's bleach all over. We were honest and told the ins. company that it happened a couple of weeks ago, they are saying it has to reported same day. I'm going to have Johnny call the, how the fuck am I supposed to know there's a leak behind the wall? Fuckers. It doesn't pay to be honest. I should lie, steal and cheat. Those people get everything they want and more. I see why they do it. They always come out on top. Leaving honest shit asses like myself in the current situation I am in.
I am starting to lose faith in God also which is something I never thought would happen. How much can one person take? I am finding out. I am steps away from checking myself into a hospital because I can no longer cope with everything that goes on. I can't. I need a break and I don't get one.
Have to go to a graduation party, come back to the sweltering house and start somewhere trying to clean it up....... you have no clue ....... to find the leak all had to be taken out, dishes all over.. I just don't know where to start when all I want to do is bury my head in the sand and give up.
Prayers in abundance, maybe God will hear you all, because he certainly doesn't hear a word I say.

Happy Sunday.

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