Sunday, June 08, 2008

A second blog entry for today

I learned today that there are quite a few people who don't understand me and are quite quick to pass judgement on me.
First of all let me say, because someone has an illness you can't see, doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
I have severe depression. Absolutley, totally severe depression.
I recognize this, I accept it.
Some days I feel like I can't move, I'm tired. Not a day passes that I don't cry. I feel hopeless on the inside and some days I would like to do nothing more than to die. Am I suicidal, not by any means. But I have depression severe enough that sometimes exactly how i feel. My life hasn't been easy.
Open up a box of depression sometime, try it on. Try and see what it feels like, guarantee you will give it back in a second. It isn't fun.
But it's real and it's hard.
I may not be the best mom on this earth, but I love my kids and we have special things that we do. I may not be able to go to all their functions that I want. Depends on the day. It doesn't mean I'm doing anything wrong. I physically can't do it somedays. But it doesn't make me any less of a person or mother because I can't. I'm so tired of people passing judgement on what they think they know about me. When they know nothing. They only go by what they see. Not by how I feel inside.
Again let me say. Depression is real and it's not fun. You know those commercials you see about it on TV, that is a cake walk compared to how I feel somedays.
Only one person can judge me and that's God.
I know what type of person I have been and know who I am.
I also understand that I have an illness, several as a matter of fact and I can't be like everyone else.
Nor do I want to be.


Carie said...

anyone who knows you, knows you are a great mom...never feel like you have to defend that position...some people just suck...

I have battled depression for years, its a hard battle, there are days when I don't wanna get up, but I do, so I know how you feel...I am here for you if you need me, always remember that those of us whoc are would never judge you, besides you are an amazing woman with a huge heart...take care of yourself...

for_the_lonely said...

It seems like you took the words right out of my mouth. I often feel like this, too...

Hang in there, and know that there are many who love and care about you!

Love ya,

Mary said...

Oh wow, my words exactly. I suffer from severe depression, and it is so hard because people don't understand. Unless they can see the illness, they have no clue how you are feeling on the inside, and my inside is not doing well either...take care..Mary