Didn't think

that I could make a blog post worse than yesterdays, but oh boy here it comes. If you don't like depressing just turn back now. I have been crying about 3 hrs now and I'm soooooooooooo down it's unreal. Well, lets start by I have a dentist appt at noon. I was eating a f$%#ing porkchop last night and there I guess was a small bone slither in there and guess what??????? Another tooth broke. Unreal. I just sit here and cry. I honestly can't afford another 2000 dollar dentist visit. I'm still paying on the loan from last years, cash paid last months and now ugh!! I'm sooooooooo mad it's unreal. I hate myself so bad it is really unreal. I can't even look in the mirror cause all I want to do is scratch my own eyes out. When I was told over and over again that I am a worthless piece of shit, I really am.......I am good for absolutely nothing. You know I don't lie, and I'm nice and I go above and beyond to help people over and over and I can't understand why I just can't have some good luck too. It's like being nice and being honest gets you absolutely nothing in life. Nothing. Is my whole entire life just going to continue to be hardship after hardship? Let's see, Mental abuse- Check, Physcial -abuse Check, Cancer and someone dying -Check, Raising kids on my own.......I can go on and on and on but I am so exhausted. Yesterday I think I took 4 naps, I would get up, have nothing to do. So I just would go back to bed. What's the point of even getting up? I might eat a snickers suck a peanut down my throat break all 26 teeth suck them into my lungs, choke get pnemonia........Story Of my life. No matter if I pray, no matter if I'm good, No matter what my life sucks so bad. I hate myself. All I can say today is that I have such a self hatred that I just wish I could run from myself but I'm stuck here. In a life I for the most part hate, In a body that I Hate, In a house that I hate. So today I will go alone to the dentist. I'm terrified, I'm stressed, my stomach hurts soooooooo bad..... UGH
The only thing that keeps me hanging on is hope and even that is fading at a drastic rate. Not much left to hold on to.
My song for today

Please come now
I think I'm falling
Holding on to all I think is safe
It seems I've found the road to nowhere
And I'm trying to escape
I yelled back when i heard thunder
But I'm down to one last breath
And with it let me say
Let me say...

CHORUS
Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge
And I'm thinking
Maybe six feet ain't so far down

I'm looking down
Now that it's over
Reflecting on all of my mistakes
I thought I found the road to somewhere
Somewhere in His grace
I cried out
Heaven save me
But I'm down to one last breath
And with it let me say
Let me say...

Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge
And I'm thinkin
Maybe six feet ain't so far down

(repeat chorus)

I'm so far down

Sad eyes follow me
But I still belive there's something left for me
So please come stay with me
Cause I still believe there's something left for you and me
For you and me
For you and me

Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge
And I'm thinking

Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge
And I'm thinking
Maybe six feet ain't so far down....

(repeat chorus)

Please come now
I think I'm falling
Holding on to all I think is safe...