Thursday, June 09, 2005

I am a gluten Woops Glutten

for punishment. i dont even know how to spell glutten but oh well. today has been pretty much bad. BADDDDDDDDDDDDDDd :( I didn't like it. No one can find the rewind button girl so cradle your head in your hands and breatheeeeeeeee just breatheeeee. Thoughts disrupted my whole day. I went to the dr. My side didn't hurt, he moved my leg a few ways it hurt then, he said it was a muscle. He didn't recheck my iron or my celiacs cause i haven't been taken my iron 2 times a day so i go back in 4 mos and have all my tests run then. I have been anxious all afternoon. Why i am actually embarrassed to write it. But might as well. I can't write all of it cause then someone will know that something is comin in the mail to them LOL but....... i was playin scrabble with Melzie and a thought popped into my head like a thought, nothing more, nothing less, just a thought. Well it was that i was going to die. So I have cried and cried and cried, thinking that i am going to die. Why in the living hell do I do this. I have a million random passing thoughts a day, one comes saying i am going to die. UGH well it actually was that my friend got her gift and i was dead already. UGH what the hell is that, why does it happen and why in the hell can't i live a life without anxiety. UGH I hate it. Went to chiro their air was broke. I was waiting for my heat stroke. Then i got depressed and ate MILK Okay I can not tolerate milk in any way shape or form and Why in the hell did i eat pudding FULL PUDDING FULL MILK why in the hell did i do this? My stomach is killing me and right now i dont really give a flyin shit, i just want some peace from my stupid brain. So til my friend gets her gift i will be panicking like a freaking idiot. Thoughts for something that no one can see or hear, they sure are powerful. So i offcially hate myself. Melzie thanks for scrabblin with me all day to get my brain straight. Love you girl, wike a sisser poo of course.


Cindy said...

Here is some information to move your brain to learning instead of dwelling. Sometimes crap just pops into my head and I can't shake it.

Definitions of glutton on the Web:

a person who is devoted to eating and drinking to excess
wolverine of northern Eurasia

The Wolverine (Gulo gulo) is the largest species of the Mustelidae or weasel family, and is also called the Glutton or Carcajou. It is the only species currently classified in the genus Gulo. Two subspecies are recognised, the Old World form Gulo gulo gulo and the New World form G. g. luscus.

Jackie said...

I guess better for the air to be broke than to break air there!!!!!

I understand the anxiety's not fun.....but everything will be FINE!!!!!

Love and Hugs,

Still with hairy legs ;)

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