Thursday, June 09, 2005
I am a gluten Woops Glutten
for punishment. i dont even know how to spell glutten but oh well. today has been pretty much bad. BADDDDDDDDDDDDDDd :( I didn't like it. No one can find the rewind button girl so cradle your head in your hands and breatheeeeeeeee just breatheeeee. Thoughts disrupted my whole day. I went to the dr. My side didn't hurt, he moved my leg a few ways it hurt then, he said it was a muscle. He didn't recheck my iron or my celiacs cause i haven't been taken my iron 2 times a day so i go back in 4 mos and have all my tests run then. I have been anxious all afternoon. Why i am actually embarrassed to write it. But might as well. I can't write all of it cause then someone will know that something is comin in the mail to them LOL but....... i was playin scrabble with Melzie and a thought popped into my head like a thought, nothing more, nothing less, just a thought. Well it was that i was going to die. So I have cried and cried and cried, thinking that i am going to die. Why in the living hell do I do this. I have a million random passing thoughts a day, one comes saying i am going to die. UGH well it actually was that my friend got her gift and i was dead already. UGH what the hell is that, why does it happen and why in the hell can't i live a life without anxiety. UGH I hate it. Went to chiro their air was broke. I was waiting for my heat stroke. Then i got depressed and ate MILK Okay I can not tolerate milk in any way shape or form and Why in the hell did i eat pudding FULL PUDDING FULL MILK why in the hell did i do this? My stomach is killing me and right now i dont really give a flyin shit, i just want some peace from my stupid brain. So til my friend gets her gift i will be panicking like a freaking idiot. Thoughts for something that no one can see or hear, they sure are powerful. So i offcially hate myself. Melzie thanks for scrabblin with me all day to get my brain straight. Love you girl, wike a sisser poo of course.