Monday

I have the Monday Blues......I couldn't sleep last night at all. I tossed and turned all night long. I'm extremely stressed.
Before I had mentioned , I used to play Toon Town as a relief, to get away from real life. Anymore that's become a dog and pony show for drama and I can't even go there. I have been trying to cut way back and have done really, really well.... But, I have nothing to do. Nothing. I'm bored.
Savannah woke up screaming this morning, all morning. Had a fever. Took her back to the Dr...Her eardrum, still hasn't healed from rupturing and it has a lot of fluid on it. He gave her some pain medication and said that he wants to watch it.
Sigh.
I am so stressed out from all directions, I'm just sad. I feel lost. Absolutely and totally lost. It's like I want to go home, but I don't know where that is. All through my life I have felt lost. Like spots are empty and nothing fills them ever.
Oh well, Gonna go lay with Savannah and take a nap.
Happy Monday.
D

Sunday

Happy Sunday. Busy here. Our whole entire living room and kitchen are taken apart. Kids are gone, I'm throwing stuff away left and right. I hate clutter, I hate dust. My house is never really dirty, but just needs to be picked up, most of it clutter. So away in the trash it goes!

My asthma is acting up very badly because I am stirring up all sorts of stuff. Im glad to be getting it done though.

Here are some pics of what I did :) I put couch out on the sun porch. No one ever sits there, we are all never together in the same room. I'm really, really trying to downsize all my stuff. Got stuff packed up in boxes and tubs!! :) YAY! I had to bring my plants in from the sun porch also because the first frost came last night.







Happy Sunday

D

Happy Saturday

I intended on sleeping in early, but some strange dreams woke me up. Anyone ever feel like something sitting on them and you can't get up? Like half awake and half asleep and you are trying to get up. I don't like it.

Spent the whole day at zoo yesterday. Got some really good pics, if you wanna looky loo here's a link Zoo Pics

Nothing much going on really, same ole, same ole.

Hope all you guys have a terrific weekend!!

Be safe

D

My Hoopty's Rollin!!

When I was 16 or so, my dad got me a really nice Escort. I used to love driving that car, the interior still smelled new, it had a cassette player, all the bells and whistles for a car of that time period. I don't know what happened or how things transpired and at this point in my life they really do not matter, but the car was taken away from me. I probably wasn't paying the insurance on it or something. Who knows...........My dad gave me another car. Bessie. Bessie was the ugliest, grungiest, most horrible car I had ever owned in my whole entire life. The pic above does not do Bessie justice. Being sad and embarassed with Bessie at the time, I never truly noticed how much happiness and joy she brought me. Bessie was a very old, root beer/ diarrhea colored Chevette. GASP!!! That's almost worse than a Pinto.

Okay harmless enough, I was 18, had a baby, was in Cosmetology school. Who needed a nice car? Right?

At first the car ran, it only played static on the radio and it wouldn't turn off. You had to listen to static.........No antenna.......I was embarrassed driving it at that point. Owoooooo! Something happened, not sure exactly what but the windshield wipers turned on and ran continuously. back forth back forth. Raining or not, back forth, back forth. Okay, so still a little embarrassed, driving ugly car, static playing, windshield wipers going back forth, back forth. No problem right?

Brett was still alive at this point and where he had to have his thigh bone removed because of the cancer (had bone replacement), he could not bend his leg. This means that in order to get into the car he had to lift himself up on the door and kind of hop in. All the wear and tear on the door was too much for old Bessie and then the door wouldn't latch properly. What's this?? What does that mean? If I turned too far to the right, the door would fly open. Owoooo!! Okay, that's funny. Still embarrassed. You think it's bad so far, just wait.........One day I was driving along, I needed some gas. Oh what's this, gas station on the left. I turn and what's this??? The horn started malfunctioning. How you ask? Well lets just say, when I turned too far to the left, the horn would turn on and not turn off til the car was turned off.....So here I was driving down the road, windshield wipers on, static on, ugly car and horn blasting. My mom would always say she knew when I was coming cause she could hear the horn. I had to make a left hand turn to get on our street. Kentucky people at their finest!!

At Cosmetology school, the girls there totally rocked and always teased me about hearing me coming and my windshield wipers. It didn't bother me when they teased me at all because, its pretty funny. One day, I'm turning left on a sunny day, windshield wipers on, horn going and they are lined up out front of the school waiting for me. I'm thinking Oh God! What are they going to do? They run over to my car as I'm pulling in, like a pit crew, towels in hand like they are wiping it off, Susan had the door opening and closing it til it latched. I was laughing so hard, I was almost crying. Diana had a radio and brought it out. They were not making fun of me at all..........Brett was probably 2 or 3 days away from dying, I wasn't going to come in and they called me constantly telling me to come in. 50 girls cared that much about me, to bring me in, in my Hoopty. After I stopped laughing, I got out and each one of them came over one by one and hugged me. We all went from laughing to crying. But for those 20 minutes, I wasn't picturing my boyfriend laying in bed dying. This car I hated so much, served its purpose. It brought me laughter and smiles and showed me I was cared about.


Time rolls on...


Brett had passed away.........some 5 mos later, I still had my hoopty. Horn still on, static still playing, windshield wipers blew a fuse and were no longer on. One day it started raining and I couldn't see. So what did I have to do????????? I had to roll down my window and manually move them back and forth so I could get the rest of the way home. In a Chevette, that can be done. So fuse replaced, blah, blah, blah..........wipers back on (better to have them, than not) New problem arises in the Chevette, the carburetor malfunctions............So how is this fixed????? My dad showed me a neat trick to opening the hood, unscrewing the lid off and putting a pencil jammed in there to hold it open while you go and start it!! YAY!!! Okay, so I get asked on a date by a guy in Ft. Knox. He has no car, OF COURSE HE HAS NO CAR!!!!!!!!!!! So I have to drive this thing down there to Ft. Knox, hot soldier guys all over. Oh geez. I pull up at the barracks, Rich knew the problem already and was waiting outside with all his buddies. My face was beet red. Yikes!

I pull up laughing, I mean really what else can you do but laugh at that point? His buddies come over, tell me to get out of the car. Rich and his buddies are all tank mechanics. Instead of going on a date, he told me he was going to see if he could get my car somewhat fixed. Was a very sweet gesture. So 6 army guys are out there taking my car apart and trying to fix it. They ask me to get in it........ So I do.... what do they do???? They pick up the car with me in it and start walking to the dumpster with it. A guy named Tom came over to the window with some slip of paper and said "Ma'am I hate to tell you this but your car is royally F**&^*^" I just sat there rolling. He said he had never seen anything like it. So they gave me an official army pencil, put it in my sun visor.........We opened the hood, penciled the carburetor, got in, made the horn go on purpose, windshield wipers on, Rich hanging onto the door and went and rode up and down Dixie Hwy hooping it up!! I had 2 guys in the hatchback with it open! We went and got some beer.....went back to their barracks and laughed about my car til wee hours in the night.

The day the hoopty died..........Not sure what happened, but the hoopty finally died. Mom and I lived in the house on Mckinley with the big hill driveway............It was parked at an angle when it died, momma wanted it pushed up to the top of the hill. How do we do this???? We push it!! Anthony was only 1 and in the house. She gets the bright idea that he can not be left alone in the house. He would be safer in the car. Good call MOM!!!! So wee little Anthony in the car, 2 weak women trying to push this car up the hill..........what happens????? The car goes rolling down the hill, Anthony inside. My mother freezes in fear and I take off running down the hill and catch the car and save the day! She froze in panic, I reacted. LOL, she freaked out!!!!

The car died and I moved on to a Bitchin Camaro.................But today I'm thankful for the hoopty. It truly was a good time in my life. I missed her after she died.

RIP Bessie.............

Music

Music, some people either get it or they don't. I know for the past 2 years of me blogging, you have heard me talk about music over and over. Anyone who knows me well, knows my love for music. I do not watch TV. Since the tornados last week, I have not even turned it on once. It does nothing for me.
I have music playing all day. The whole day. Is it the words, instruments? I'm not sure, but I can sit and listen to piano,guitar, violin and hear someones happiness, pain, love. Whatever instrument.

Gonna give you a little piece of Dianna here......One song that can make me cry almost every time I hear it is Tchaikovsky None but the lonely heart. When I wake up in the middle of the nights with my crying, that song is exactly how I feel. To be able to convey such feelings through music, much the same way an artist conveys through painting....it amazes me.

I know people have their own creative outlets of expression. Mine used to be through drawing and painting, but for some different reasons that isn't my outlet anymore. Now it's through pictures. I wish I had the ability to play music to convey my feelings that way. But for now, I just enjoy the God given talent of others.

Okay girlies...........Dizies Tag for the day

What's your top 5 favorite songs?

Did you ever make a mix tape for your guys or gals?

What is your creative outlet?
I know my melzies already but the others don't :)

What is one thing in your life that moves you?

I just answered most of mine but my top 5 favorite songs are (these are the top 5s of all time, my song favs change alot, but these are ones that speak to me and always in my playlist).......

A Perfect Circle - Three Libras
Tchaikovsky- None but the lonely heart
Beethoven- Moonlight Sonata
Bryan Adams - When you Love Someone
Elton John- I believe in Love

Did I make mix tapes OMG you bet I did!!!! Except mine were old skate punk LOL Owoooooooo!! I'm sure I had some REO Speedwagon in there somewhere.
I remember when I was a young girl LOL not that I'm old by any means, but me and my cousin Lisa would dance and sing and she would always play Hall and Oats LOL she had big posters of them up LOL. Then my old neighbors used to play the Police for us and we had tennis racket guitars. Don't stand so, don't stand so, don't stand so close to me!!

Here is totally hot guy on violin. It's hard to cry when such a beautiful man is on violin. Good Grief makes me sweat a little! The words that you can't read says "I'm going to Diannas house for a visit" Shoooo, I'd faint!


Happy Thursday! no trash day!
D

It's Wednesday, Trash day.

That's about as exciting as it is here today. It has rained for days now. There's no sunshine at all. My pond is almost so full that my fish may be swimming on my porch soon. Owoooooooo! I dunno when it is supposed to stop. I am totally exhausted.
What do your eyes say about you? Do any of you look into peoples eyes? Kyle used to tell me that when I am happy, my eyes light up and shine so bright. Yesterday, I was sitting at the table and I looked up and he said, "Your eyes say you have been up to something and that you are happy" I had probably cried for 7 hrs straight yesterday. So maybe they were just shiny from crying. Or maybe my eyes lie. I was anything but happy. I dunno. I got to thinking about eyes and how really its the first thing I notice on someone. People have kind eyes, people have evil eyes. I do believe they are like looking into someones soul. The dream I had about the ghost the one time. His eyes were bluer and clearer than any color that you could see on earth.
What do eyes say to you?
Annissa I know you are deep into stuff like that. like I am, do you look at eyes? Mel, Mandy?? Eyes or teeth? LOL :P
Happy Wednesday, Happy trash day for me.
Beep, Beep, Beep... I hear them out front now.

Owoooooooooo What did I do this Sunday???

OOf!! I went to bed really early and got up early :) been cleaning and Savannah has asked me over and over again to cut her hair. It is our biggest morning battle, the ends are dead, tangles galore. I discussed it with Kyle, he totally didn't want it cut, but she did. I told him while it looks cute long, it's dead hair and it really should be cut. It will grow. Soooooooooooooo........he agreed, and this morning everyone in the house cept Juan got haircuts!! Juan has been eating gluten and has a serious attitude problem, which I do not care to discuss right now. Anywhooooo Here's Savannah with a mouth full of Cocoa Pebbles and her new hair :) It looks so adorable and we can brush it with no hassle or crying.

Saturday

Not much happening today. Haven't felt well all day. Headache and dizzys are worse today. Took a few naps and a few baths. Juans got bad attitude today, bad. I think he's been sneaking gluten. Makes a big difference. Nothing else going on. I'm going to bed in a few. Been one of those days where I can make no one happy, so I'm just gonna sleep.

Happy Sturday.

Thursday

This week has flown by........Owoooooo!
Went to the Dr. yesterday, he said I have a virus that has been spreading around called Labrynthitis........It's a virus that attacks the inner ear causing severe vertigo. Okay, sounds innocent enough, explains alot. Well, the bad news is, is that it takes 8 or more weeks to have the dizziness subside. He also told me that it could permanently damage the inner ear and you may always have trouble with vertigo. Not something I wanted to hear, but it is getting better. Nothing was as bad as that first attack and like with anything else, I have easy times and hard times with it.
Slept up in Savannahs room last night. Allergies were almost 10 fold improvement, so I think that is my new bedroom. Hard sleeping in a twin bed wtih 2 dogs. They love me though :)
It's almost Halloween :) It's raining.......First frost time almost here. Have a photoshoot coming up. Pray the dizzys are gone enough for me to go through with it.
That's really about it :)
It's morning time and it's my morning morning drill, trying to get Savannah ready for school. I thought this morning would be easy because it was field trip day. I was wrong. Took me 20 min to get her hair braided and has taken me 40 to get her dressed. Now it's the shoe battle. I can't explain to her enough that it's raining, rain and dirt =mud which will ruin good shoes.

Have a Happy Non-Spinning Thursday

Oh what a night......

Not late December back in 63........Savannah is sick yet again. Cold, runny eyes.........Still on antibiotics which is good. I'm extremely irritated she is sick again. I got a bad headache the other day, my dizzys came back........ I feel like I'm in a weird bubble and very dizzy. So last night I was so scared from being so dizzy, Kyle was up with a severe migraine..........It was crazy last night. I don't think either of us slept much at all. I feel like I am getting a cold as well. Nose is stopped up and my eyes feel heavy. If I had the patience to homeschool, I think I would.
Just an update. Nothing has changed. I go to Dr. Tomorrow then the vertigo Dr on the 29th. It seems like it's going by so slow. I want this GONE!
Happy Tuesday

Tagged by Melzie

I was tagged by Melzie and this is a hard one....... Owooooo!

The rules of this are:

1. Link the person who has tagged you.
2. Tell seven true things about yourself.
3. Tag seven new people.
4. Leave a message with the person you have tagged so they know about it. I am supposed to name seven truths about myself............. and tag seven new people.


* I am very insecure in all areas in my life.

* I love new boxes of Kleenexs and Decorated paper towels

* Music is the heart of who I am. I have a song for everything, a song for everyone and it is something that I relate to and can express through music, what I can't express through words.

* I want to learn to play the piano

* I rarely let anyone totally in......Always keep them at a distance. Kyle knows this one quite well. Protection mechanism I guess.

* I am excellent at keeping secrets. I have some I have never ever told anyone for 15 years or more :)

* I am one of the best friends anyone could have. I wish I had myself as a neighbor LOL :P I am fun, I have a good time. I am loyal. I give good advice most of the time. I totally admit when I am wrong and I love my friends deeply. Would do anything I Could for them and they all know that.

Tagging 7 people Sheesh mel you hogged anyone who would do it LOL!!

My 7 people are any 7 who stop by here and want to do this. If you do be sure to leave me a comment so I can come read what you wrote! :) Gonna add Melzies other tag to the bottom of this one. I have been a bit lame on doing them. So here's number 2

THE POWER OF 2
Melzie tagged me for this one...

Two Names You Go By:
1. Dianna
2. Dizie Wizie - Thanks to my Melzie Welzie

Two Things you are wearing right now:
1. Tshirt
2. Underwear

Two Things you would want (or have) in a relationship:
1. Love
2. Laughter

Two Things you like to do:
1. Write
2. Photography

Two Things you want very badly at this moment:
1. Ice
2. about 1000 bucks just to blow on clothes and shoes

Two Things you did last night:
1. Played Toontown
2. Cried alot

Two Things you ate today:
1. Haven't eaten yet
2. water

Two People you spoke last to:
1. Mare
2. Gay

Two Things you're doing tomorrow:
1. Working for a couple of hours
2. Probably cleaning at some point

Two Longest car rides:
1. From KY to San Antonio
2. From KY to NYC


Two Favorite holidays:
1. Halloween
2. Christmas

Two Favorite beverages:
1. Water
2. Occasionally sprite or 7 up

Two Jobs I have had in my life:
1. Hairdresser
2. Photographer

Two Movies I would watch over and over:
1. Bridges of Madison County
2. Blades of Glory

Two Places I have lived:
1. San Antonio TX
2. Alexandria VA


Two of My Favorite foods:
1. Broccoli
2. Cabbage

Two Places I'd rather be right now:
1. Ocean, don't care where, just at an ocean
2. Back in bed sleeping

Two People I think will do this meme:
1. Mel
2. Mandy

Happy Sunday!

Saturday Where to start?

This is going to be long. This is going to be a long vent. If you are offended by any of it, I suggest you turn back and stop reading here.
Today was my free day. I looked forward to it all week. Kyle was taking the kids and going to spend the day down in Bowling Green. I am way behind on my job and I was going to use today to catch up and finish.
Fridays, I have severe anxiety. I cannot help that I do. Every Friday for 3 weeks I have severe dizziness and shakiness and I have panic attacks. The sad part is, is because everyone is going to be home. Saturdays, Kyle and I fight, Kyle and Anthony argue and Savannah cries. This morning, I got to sleep in some. Kyle got up went to store and got home, I was at the table doing my work and almost as if it dropped out of the sky.........Arguing. I do NOT want to argue. So Savannah starts getting in the middle of us arguing. Hearing all these things that we are saying to each other which are not nice. She hears us talking about which one of us moves out, which one of this does this or that. This cannot be healthy for anyone. I tell Kyle this needs to stop NOW, and of course I go on to say......Dollars to doughnuts Juan is upstairs hearing all of this, his anxiety is going to flair and he will not go on this trip. Kyle goes to get him up...........He is curled up under a blanket and will not get up to go on trip.
Kyle and Anthony start arguing........Savannah is whining. I am at my wits end. Completely and totally at my wits end. I won't go into detail at the extent of Kyles and my problems on my blog. It's not fair to those who do not know the whole situation. Those who need to know what's going on. Know.
I tried to explain to Kyle this morning that all of this is not fair. NONE OF IT is fair. This is hurting the kids. Savannah will NOT leave us alone for 2 seconds and I honestly feel it's because everytime she walks away, Kyle and I try to discuss what's going on and it starts arguing. That is too much for a 5 year old girl to take on her shoulders. She should be enjoying her life, not playing peacemaker for her mom and dad. Juan is severely anxious and insecure.....I am angry. I am so angry sometimes that I feel like taking a sledge hammer and just busting something up. I am extremely pissed at Brett for dying and leaving me to raise a child alone. I'm extremely pissed at Bretts family for NEVER EVER offering to help me out. They ALL just dropped off the face of the earth and ditched him. How hard is it to call somebody? How hard is it to pick up a F*cking phone and say at least how are you? Put your own selfish needs aside and think of him. Since Brett never worked Anthony didn't get a dime of social security. I have struggled since I was 18 years old to raise him with the only help coming from my mother, my father, Juan and Kyle. It wasn't even Juans and Kyles responsibility to help with him. You all should've at least offered to help some way. But no. I hope you are happy with those decisions. Then we move on to Juan.........Oh Geez he has been the hardest of all my kids to raise. I am worn out and can not even delve into how tired I am of this situation. I am angry at him for not going......I am angry that every day it's a struggle with im. I am tired and I need a break.
Savannah does not leave my side. She will not play in her room....she will not play outside........she has to sit constantly in between me and Kyle. That is so sad it's unreal. Kyle and I do not sleep together. We do not eat together. We do not speak unless it's to argue and in which case the kids are right there.
I am the only person in this house with a level head who is realistic about this whole situation and how bad it is here. I think that drastic changes need to be made, no matter who feels what. I think our own personal feelings to be set aside and think about the kids.
I myself need a break. I need to be removed from all of this and I need help. I don't know what to do, I don't know how to fix any of this and most importantly I don't know how to repair the damage that it is doing to the kids. So I am asking for help. I am admitting to the fullest extent that I need advice. I need help. I will add do not say in your advice that Kyle and I need to quit arguing, because I totally know this already and we have tried and it's impossible. So outside of that lay it on me what anyone has to offer. I am all ears. If you don't want to comment here, email me. Call me. Take me away.........

Happy Saturday.

What the Sam hills going on here?

Okay........ Tuesday I had to work all day, come home do my letter writing thing. I figured I earned some internet time. I get on computer for just a few minutes. Maybe 30 or so and the whole thing crashes. So for 2 days I basically have no computer. I clean the house, work some. I start enjoying the no stress from not having the internet. No drama. Last night I really start missing it. Got really frustrated etc. So, I wake up this morning Kyle tells me computer is fixed. I get Savannah ready for school and sit down to check my email.....Got a couple of messages sent out, the flickr, flickr.........A car hit a Telephone pole and our electricity went out block wide. I was like okay.......today is going to be bad like yesterday. With no electricity, there is nothing to do. I couldn't do my work because I can't see to get the right papers. I can't clean cause it's not really dirty. I mulled over taking a nice long bath. There's no windows in there so I go and grab me some candles. I get settled in the tub, lay back and close my eyes. At this point, I feel every inch of tension drain right away. I'm laying there to the point of where you are almost asleep but not quite.....Ahhhhhhhh.......Don't you freaking know the power came back on, Loud fans, bright lights and about scared the living daylights out of me. Scared me to death. So I get mad and just get out of the tub. Decide to go cook. I get my cabbage all cut up. Cabbage is my favorite and I have been wanting some forever. So....... it's cooking smelling great. I get out the sausage, cut it up and add it.....It was expired! We just got it, it was expired from July. I was so mad, that is ruined, lunch gone. I sign on to the computer and get Message after message of drama that happened while I was away and people couldn't wait to tell me! Sad thing is some of it hurts my feelings. Me n the dogs walked a mile. My day has gone bad. I should stay in the house today. Wizard of Oz line sums it all up "I'd turn back if I were you"
Happy Thursday, glad to be back online I think.

What the ?????????

So it's about 5 am....... I am blissfully sleeping my wee little heart out. Me and Savannah were in basement. Kyle was upstairs......Get the vision? Okay, So I feel someone start pressing on my chest almost like they are trying to bounce me on the bed. I get my wits about me think, am I dying, someone doing CPR On me??? I open my eyes and there stands Kyle in my face and let me quote this exactly "Dianna, don't get up, Someones on the back porch, I think they are taking things"
Okay, it's always good to wake up a panic attacker like that! So, I say "What" he said he had called the cops, he could hear someone on the back porch and sounds like they were into stuff. For those of you who don't know, we have that big Florida room thats also a dining room, sun porch type deal.
I had let the dogs out late and the acorns pounding on the roof scared me and I ran in and forgot to lock the door. Owooooo. So I am laying there and Kyle goes to sit down and I said ummmmmmmmmmmm Boys are 2 floors up and I know I'm not going up there. So he creeps 1 by 1 up the steps.
Don't you know it took the cops over 10 minutes to get here. That is part of the house, I mean, it wouldn't take much to get into our main house.
So, the cops looked around for awhile and Kyle said it didn't look like anything was missing. But the thought of someone being in my house, I feel kinda violated.
I'm skeered to go out there.
Geez, I can laugh it off a bit now at the thinking someone was doing CPR on me and the way I was woken up.
Then I got on Kyle, I wasn't planning on waking up and going upstairs, why'd you wake me up. He was like, well would you of rather of me not told you? That's a hard question for sure. Need to make a mental note to deeply think that if next time a burglar is in my home, do I want to be woken up? What about you guys, what would you do? You know, if my life was drama free, I don't know what I would do. Sure wish it would come on!
Savannahs feeling much, much better. She said she can't hear out of that ear. That has me concerned but from what I understand when your drum ruptures you do lose hearing for awhile. :( It's bugging her, she has asked me several times If I could turn her ear back on. Okay..... That's my drama at 6:30, I wanna go back, back, back to bed again. Whoaaa, whoaaaaaa I gotta gooooooo back to bed!!!! Again!
I'll take a rain check on the CPR and burglars!

Happy Tuesday

Sunday

Happy Sunday Morning. Savannah is doing some better I guess. She didn't scream alot like she did Friday night. She only woke up screaming a couple times. She is still running a fever. She is also still asleep.
Not much else to write about.
We haven't been able to go out of the house on a weekend since school started. I'm hoping that I can take her to the zoo next weekend. Keeping my fingers crossed.

Good freaking Grief

Every Saturday since August Savannah has been sick. Don't you know that at 1:30 am last night she woke up with a blood curdling scream and I instantly recognized it....... Ear pain. Gave her some motrin, she screamed and screamed til she fell asleep. Again at 3 am blood curdling scream. Gave her some tylenol and she cried back to sleep. Then she woke up again an hour ago screaming. She has a Dr appt at 10:10. As a parent there is nothing more frustrating than having your child scream in pain and there is absolutely nothing you can do to help it. I have held her basically all night. Rocked her, put a warm towel on my chest and have her lay on it. Nothing eases ear pain. I'm about in tears because I know it hurts her so bad and I can't help her. She just lays there and whimpers. I'm sad. The wait til the Dr appt is going to be long. :( Motrin and Tylenol aren't helping. I don't know what to do. Kyle and I already crossed nice paths already this morning. I can't deal with arguing today on top of the other stufff.
You know I pray alot for answers and I pray alot for help and nothing gets better, things just only get worse. How do you get answers out of things getting worse? Mel you are my spiritual guru........How do you get your answers on what to do?
I don't need to turn over a new leaf, I need to turn over a whole tree. Quickly.
I will update you guys on my baby girl, but I know it is an ear infection. She had so many as a baby, thats a scream one doesn't forget.
So Linney and Jay make a mental note that if baby Evangeline screams and you can't console her, it's probably her ears. I hope she never ever gets to the ear infection point. It's a long road.

Happy Saturday. Pray for my sweet lil angel.

** a lil update....... well we took her to the Dr and he looked in her ear and her right ear drum was very infected and bulging. I asked him for the pain drops and he said that the drops would cause it to rupture because it was so badly infected. So she screams most of the way home. Kyle and I are into a heated discussion that didn't lead anywhere nicely.........More screaming, more crying. We get home and she is literally screaming and kicking begging for us to make it stop. I was beyond frustrated. I had to get out of the house, took a nice long walk. Came home and she started really screaming again, worse. Then she said her ear felt wet and I am thinking her ear drum busted. That really is the worst pain I have ever seen her in. Never have I seen her be uncomfortable to that extent. Heartwrenching. I am so exhausted that I could just go to sleep here at the computer. I'm hoping that she is able to sleep. Being up all night is not an easy task.
Thanks for your prayers and for asking how she is.
Love
Dianna

Friends

I have a friend we will call her Melzie :) She has a monologue. I don't know exactly what I did in this life to deserve her, but I am sure glad that I have her.
She knows that I am having major troubles in my life. She always offers a smile for me, an ear for me a whoagrl for me.
She is always sending me cards in the mail, always so sweet and just to let me know she is thinking of me and cares about me.
Today I was having a rough day, weekends are very tough for me. I go to my mailbox and of course there's yet another card from her.
I got all misty eyed and I truly again ask what did I ever do in life to deserve her?
She treats me with kindness, compassion and respect and I have no doubts at all in my head that she loves me.
I don't find that very often. I just can't understand why God takes all these people I Love and places them so far away.
I Hope to see you again soon Melody. You are truly my best friend and I have nothing but total love for you.
I love you very much!

Happy Ummmmmmm Thursday!

I can't believe it's Thursday already! Juan has went to school all this week :) Things are back to normal. I know they can easily change, so I'll take it one day at a time, but YAY!
Opie is very ill. He's at the vets this morning. :( He wouldn't get up off the couch and those of you who come to my house, know that he is extremely wild!
:( so that stinks. Worried about him. Claire seems to be healed up.
Ummmmmmm Savannah is not sick this week. I'm not sick this week. Wait! Let me go outside to make sure sky is not falling down LOL
Watched Ghost Hunters last night and OMG those EVPs were amazing!!!!! They actually made my hair stand on end! I loveeeee that show! I get a tiny bit freaked watching it at night, but scares like that are sometimes good. I am still thinking Owooooo over those EVPs! Steve looked hot as always. ::Swoon:: He will always be my top celebrity crush. Sorry Sawyer. Sawyer, who's that? LOST hasn't been on in so long I forgot what he looked like. It's sad that in the time that show took hiatus I could've had a full term pregnancy. That's nuts!
Hmmm what else........Nothing I suppose. Going to my moms this morning, pay hommage to the pool that is all closed up. Such a sad sight from her back window.
I vote next year the whole family gets into bikinis and we really have a pool party. I would of course be taking all the pics :P We can do this!!! LOL
I can see all my aunts cringing right now!!
So, I'm off, I'll update you on the little furry love of my life when he gets home. He's dehydrated :(
Have a Happy Thursday, be safe, wear seatbelts and remember that only YOU can prevent forest fires.
XO XO to all.

GRRRRRR to Frito Lay

I hate this Celiacs thing. For 2 weeks now, I have been feeling sick to my stomach and my face has a rash on one side. Usually that's a sign of Gluten, but I haven't been eating anything different. Same stuff I have been eating for years.
I have been feeling weak and achey like I did when I first got this disease.
Sooooooooo I decided to recomb over my diet.
I have been eating Barbeque Chips for 3 years. Same chips and I knew they were gluten free.
Well..................3 mos ago they changed the recipe and now add Barley flour. That explains a WHOLE, WHOLE Lot. The funny thing is they don't list gluten on their package and by law now they have too. Barley contains gluten and they should be placing that on their packaging. So now it will take 6 mos for my stomach to heal, my rash on my face to go away and to get straightened out.
You know, you can't trust anything anymore. Nothing at all. Good Grief

Oh boy, it's Monday alright

Was so hectic here this morning. Claire is still sick, Opie is now sick. So for those of you who do not have dogs, what that entails is every single hour forcing yourself to get up, every hour and let the dogs out. Take them a good 20 minutes out there. Then let them back in. Hour later again.
Savannah woke up achey this morning coughing and hacking. I woke up this morning coughing very badly. Something popped into my head that maybe we have mold from where the air conditioner leaked in the basement. Maybe that could be the problem. I'm moving up to Savannahs room. Going to get me a better mattress for her bed and just sleep in there. Take her with me!
Juan missed the bus this morning, but we got him to school. Savannah almost missed the bus, but I hurried as fast as I could!
I scrubbed the living room this morning. It's so nice looking! I used vinegar on the living room and it looks so nice! Kitchen is almost clean. Then I'm not going to clean anymore today. I'll clean again tomorrow.
I feel like we got jipped on weather. I keep waiting for those cold spells. Patiently waiting. Saturday it's supposed to be 90. So what that means here in the Ohio valley is that come October it will just get cold. No nice weather to enjoy. I want some 70s some window open days.
Been doing alot of soul searching lately on what I want. I come up empty alot. I think to myself can we really have this much stress. Yes. Just too much.
Sad to say I was relieved when everyone walked out the door this morning. I cleaned in quiet. I need more quiet!
I wasted my 20s. They were totally ruined for me. My first 5 of 30 were pretty ruined. I want to set some goals about not wasting anymore time. That's hard to do when you are stuck. I feel like I'm neck deep in quicksand. Sometimes I get close to going under, sometimes I can get out to my waist. Then I sink, come up again. Over and over same process. I want my life out of the quicksand. I want peace, quiet and happiness. Do you think joining a monastery would be too extreme? They don't talk right? They sing, hum and pray. I think they make chocolate and cheese. I could do all those things. Any close by? Anyone know?
Oh well, I'll google the monk thing :P
Happy Monday.

It's Sunday

So was Savannah sick this weekend????? YES! She threw up last night and was very sick to her stomach :(
I am not liking the school thing. Hopefully with the 4 day weekend soon, she has time to completely get well!
We are trying to coax Anthony to get a job. He said he doesn't want to spend his free time working. Had a 30 minute argument about how he has to go to school and that is job enough and it will waste his childhood getting a job.
I told him that if he wants to have his girlfriend a nice Christmas present, he really better start thinking seriously about a job. I tried to get him to apply for the zoos Halloween Party, tried for a snack bar attendant at the pool. Fun jobs. He wants no part of it. Dunno what other option to explore there. I think a job will really help him. Juan will have no problem getting a job, he's out mowing yards and all sorts of stuff for money.
Who knows! Boys.
Claire has been very sick all weekend.
Friday I was sitting on the couch, got up and got the worst dizzy spell I have ever in my life had. I was so ill, my arms hurt, my legs were weak. I laid in the basement and cried because I was so scared. Kyle got Savannah off the bus and took her to dance class. Yesterday as the 24 hr mark hit, it magically disappeared. Prayers lots of prayers and I think it was the virus Savannah had last week when she said she felt wiggly.
What do kindergarteners do in their class to get all these germs. Do they chew on crayons? Do they put their hands in their mouths? I knew she would be sick, I counted on it. But good grief. I didn't know every single week she would be bringing home everything.
Kinda scary.
Today I am cleaning and thats about it.

Happy Sunday

2 Full days

Juan has gotten up and ridden the bus to school and spent FULL DAYS! :)
I don't want to jinx myself, but YAY!!! :)
His dad has been sending him messages every morning to motivate him and it really is helping him.
Sooooooooo One day at a time :)
2 full days!! I think I'm going to take him out this weekend to the zoo or something. That really is an accomplishment :)

Everything else is okay, but might I say again 2 FULL DAYS :)

and in case you didn't grab that from the title

2 full days :)

Huge, huge steps. I'm extremely proud!

Wednesday

Just an update to say we are all still alive.
I'm still coughing. Had about 20 panic attacks yesterday.
Had a rough evening.
Nothing good at all to report really. Just rewind, replay of life.
So you don't have to look back in archives, I'll make a check list for you.....

Are we sick---- Check
House always a mess----Check
Always cleaning----Check
Kyle and I arguing----Check
Stll bored and lonely-----Check
Dogs still a geek----Check
Iron low----Check
Someone always mad at me for things I say---Check Check
Truth hurts-----Check


That's about it, I think. I can't think of anymore right now. My mind is clouded from all the crying I have done in the past 24 hrs.

Kinda get scared to write anything anymore. I piss people off alot by the things I write. But, the funny thing is, I only skirt around what's really going on. It goes alot deeper than what I write. This is my blog and my place to vent. You have a choice, to read or not to read. If what I write bothers you.........Then choose not to read. Getting mad at me, solves nothing when you only know the half of what is really going on. So be mad all you want.....You only know what you are told. There are 2 sides to every story. One is not sugar coated.

Have a happy Wednesday. I am going to go take a shower and go back to bed. At least in my dreams life is good :)

Still coughing and it's saturday again.

I thought for sure a couple days ago my cough was gone, but nope. It's one of those if it starts, it turns into like this spasm thing and it's hard to stop. Savannah was really sick last week. She had to get antibiotic. Then she started throwing up. Now all day she has been crying the whole entire day saying she feels dizzy and wiggly. I seriously can not take another illness. I hope this is just something in passing and not a virus. Juans doing better at school. Up to a full 6 hrs out of 7.
Anthony is doing alright. Not really much to report other than we all hate sickness.
Savannah has never been around kids ever in large groups. So I knew she would get sick. I didnt' realize how much though.
Have a happy weekend.

Sick n Grumpy

The whole house except Anthony is sick and grumpy. Savannah woke up this morning and didn't look right. I took her temp 102.3. Called the Dr. She is now on antibiotics. Kyle is sick. Coughing, clammy, stuffed up nose. I am still coughing bad. Juan is coughing very bad. We are all miserable and all grumpy. Sleepy too. It's been a bad couple weeks. Coughing is the absolute worst. I hope Savannahs fever goes away soon. She has laid around all day and it's just not the same. We all kinda rotate from tub to lay down or what have you.
Nothing else much going on. Stay away if I were you.
Happy Saturday

Cough, Cough, Cough, Cry, about the way my Friday has gone

Juan and I were up talking last night about school. I told him I wanted him to try to go in early and stay as long as he could. He told me he wanted to try and stay the whole day and he would call me.
So we get up. I say "How are you doing?" Etc and he still wants to stay a full day etc.
UGHHHHHHHHHH This is where it gets bad. I ask Kyle if he will take him to school for me. UGH, he starts stressing. We are out of breakfast, he has to go to store. Is mad over that and complain, complain. I told him just to forget going, no big deal etc. It's too early at this point and I am too tired for any bitching or complaining.
So he leaves and goes to Kroger. Juan is dressed and ready, but has not eaten. So Kyle gets back and has a hissy fit cause Juan wants to eat breakfast. HELLO??????????? You knew he didn't have any breakfast. So he buys Savannah something to take for lunch, but didn't buy anything for Juan, so now we have another issue. I go downstairs and I hear Kyle make the comment to Juan that he needs to hurry and eat his cereal. So then I get involved about rushing him and blah blah blah and we escalate to arguing. Imagine that. So Juan just lays his bowl of cereal uneaten on the counter so Kyle could just get to work.
Savannah at this point is screaming and crying. Good God am I going to have to go through the rest of my life with no help. I take and pick Juan up every day. I just wanted a break this morning. I'm coughing so bad I hurt. I cough non stop. In hind sight, I should not have asked Kyle. I should've just done it myself. I could see the taxed look on Juans face when he came back in the door for something.
Kyle called me and UGH I told him, they told us at the hospital, YOU WERE THERE......to make his mornings as easy as possible. Why do you have to freaking yell and complain at him??????? I don't understand. This week has been hard already and he was ready to stay a full day.
To save an argument I told Juan I would pick him up at lunch to make sure he had something to eat and we will work more next week on getting him to stay full days.
So then Kyle and I argue some more on phone over how he can't miss any work and that he got in trouble for taking a few hours off when Juan was in hospital. OH BOO FREAKING HOO. It's not like we were out running around town.
I am officially done with asking anyone for help of any type. My kids, My issues.
I just sat in the driveway and cried for about 20 minutes. At least that curtailed the coughing for a bit. My chest hurts, my arms hurt, my jaws feel like they are locked up. I am so sore and so tired. Guess I'll go take a bath and clean then go pick up Juan.
Hope everyone else has a Happy Friday.
Good grief.

Happy Tuesday..... I think LOL

OMG My rear end hurts soooooo bad, well towards my hip that part. I was scrubbing the kitchen floor on my hands and my knees and I was going really fast and backed right into the corner of the wall. Owooooooooooo, it bruised instantly. Good grief!!
Um..... School update for Juan. Yesterday was a VERY rough day. He just would not go in school, said he felt very funny etc. We get home, he has a fever and a cold. Stopped up nose, coughing and said he's very dizzy. So was it the cold? Was it the anxiety? Today, he is still very sick. Keeps laying in the tub. Normally, had he gone to school, I would have no question about letting him stay home. But, UGH HE needs to go to school. I am beside myself.
If I end up in jail from truancy, please bring me gluten free bread and water. His school is of no help. They are supposed to have a counselor to come in and work with him weekly, they do not. It's like parents are automatically supposed to know the steps to take for these things.
Savannah is home today sick. She has a very bad cough, fever, runny nose.
If you wanna get sick, come lick our doorknobs!! :P
Okay, so Juans dog is on my LAST Freaking nerve. I won't even call her by her name because I am so mad at her.
We have vertical blinds hanging in the living room and she has chewed them over and over. We keep buying the replacement blinds and fix them no problem. So yesterday I am leaving, open the blinds all the way so she can't get to them. I get home and OMG she ripped them ALL completely off the wall. The brackets and everything. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. Kyle got them hung back up, but OMG what's with the blind eating?
That's about all going on here. If I hear you knocking at the door, I'll assume you want germs.
I Predict Lindsays baby is coming tomorrow, so I gotta stay far away from her with my germs.
Happy Tuesday.
Be well.

Quick, what day is it? Um Thursday?

Good grief, how pathetic is it that I can't remember what day it is. They say that's a sign of fun. Who's they anyway? I think they lie!!
Hmmmm lets see. Good things, Juan almost spent the whole day at school today and rode the bus home. Says his chest doesn't hurt anymore. No more shaking and dizziness. So that is awesome!!
He got a package from his dad today and was happy as a lark. His dad sent him and Anthony some Tshirts and hats and stuff. He immediatley ran upstairs put everything on and had to find some stuff to put in his wallet. It's almost his birthday, he can soon fill it up with some dough!
Savannahs doing really well in school. Anthonys doing really well in school. He has a girlfriend and I have to keep a complete and total short leash on him. Hard to do.
I'm doing okay, still very lonely and stressed, but at least things are looking up.
I just wish I could get out of this funk I am in, but it's hard to do.
Usually people associate me with talking all the time, but anymore I barely say anything. I just become more closed off. That's not really a good thing. Not sure how to deal with that.
Lately I wake up in the middle of the night crying and crying from the lonelies. I will have to check back in my blog and see the last time it happened. Maybe it's a pattern. It doesn't happen all the time, but happens on occassion. I can't explain it, I wake up out of a dead sleep and feel this lonliness and ache I can't describe and I just cry. Times like that one needs a huge hug. Frustrating.
Um........ what else is happening. My dogs are stupid. Juans stupid dog recently ate the front blinds. She couldn't see out of them so she chewed her a hole. Ate 6 of them. GRRRRRRRRR Kyle went and bought a package of replacement ones and fixed it. Of course Juan laughed his butt off. Stupid dog.
2 boy stories and a Savannah story then I'm outta here............
First Anthony...... I told alot of you this who came to hospital. But when we were leaving, we had to be let down the stairs by an escort. So we were walking and Anthony says "Oh cool they have a small movie theater here" I'm thinking,,,,,Huh? So then I ask him why he says that and he points to a sign below that says "Admissions only" I was trying so hard not to laugh. We got to the bottom of the stairs and the escort is trying not to laugh and he opened up the door and held it for us and says "Enjoy the show" was a classic!
Juan, Juan
So I'm driving him to school yesterday......We see a very small toyota with 2 HUGE HUGE Men in it. Juan looks over and says "Dude, did you see that" I was like Juan, you know better than to make fun of people. He says "No mom, you have to check them out. If I get like that shoot me" So I glance over. The men are every bit of 400 or more pounds and at least 6 foot tall. Imagine them in a very, very small toyota. I kept my laughter in cause it was kinda funny, but wanted to set a good example. The car is going at a snail pace and I go around them and Juan then is looking in his mirror, laughing hysterically "Mom really you gotta freaking check that out" So I fix my mirror to where I can see and the wheels on the car are not only wobbling the rim is almost touching the ground. At that point, I lost it and laughed and feel horribly ashamed. Going to say the rosary cause I feel awful for laughing, but it was so funny. Funnier than the window unit air conditioner hanging out of a window of a car we saw.
Savannah Banana
Juans dog likes to um...... How do you say this nicely. Hump for lack of a better word. She is a female and since we had her fixed, she always is um..... humping.
Well........She took Anthonys turkey sandwich and then started humping him. So Kyle and Juan start saying "thank you for the turkey, thank you for the turkey" and I am laughing hysterically at this point. So now everytime she does it, we always say "thank you for the turkey, thank you for the turkey" But Alas it's a better name than mentioned above. So we crawl in bed, Savannah is totally exhausted. Anthony opens the door and Claire runs down and hops in bed and starts licking Savannah, she looks up sleepily and says "Claire, please don't thank me for anything tonight" Total classic line!! My kids are funny.
I am blessed.
Sorry I'm not updating every day. Been busy.
I made up for it today.
Happy Um Thursday is it?
Send rain and cool weather. It's hot!

Hi everyone!!

Haven't updated in a few days. Not much really to report. Just trying half days with Juan at school. It's really frustrating for me because his school isn' that close and by the time I get home, I have to turn around and go get him. I was really looking forward to going back to work, but now that's on hold AGAIN.
I go through bouts of anger, sadness or whatever. I got some of Juans cardiology reports back and they said with the Tachardia (spelling is awful) he may have Mitral Valve Prolapse, which causes his heart to feel funny, triggering the anxiety attacks. They are supposed to call me back. I'm exhausted. We all had some virus, each had it a day apart from each other, cept Kyle and Anthony because they are rarely in contact with the rest of us.
Kyle took them down to the river with his family on Saturday. I was thinking YAY I get to spend the day alone, but felt sick and weak the whole day. Carol I think mom mentioned you had the same thing. :( We must've all passed it at the hospital.
Sunday we went swimming at moms and had a cookout. I was still worn out.
Yesterday I did nothing the whole day. Just sat. Bored and tired.
Today, just got Savannah ready for school, then got to drive Juan to school. Come home with time to mop a floor, turn around and go pick him up then the rest get home. So as far as enjoying Savannah being in school, I don't see it happening anytime soon. That sounds so selfish when you read it, but I have dealt with this school issue for years and years and I'm tired.
I talked to Juans dad, he talked to his dad also.
He told Juan he would email him and call him. Juan emailed him Friday night and has checked his box over and over looking for a reply. I told him that the military was off til today. So I hope and I pray that he writes him back. His face lit up like I haven't seen in years. To see him that happy was awesome.
Other than that nothing going on.................
Happy Whatever day it is. Tuesday???

No school again** We have a good update

Well..........I knew it would happen. I had about 20 panic attacks yesterday because I knew already what today held. Juan came home yesterday. They wanted to keep him til Thursday, but he insisted he was ready for school etc. etc. This morning, he won't even try. We pleaded with him even for an hour. Nope. Will not go. I tried calling the counselor there, she was "too busy to talk to me right now" I tried calling the hospital. Nothing. Is there not any help available out there? His school is like the scum hole of the center of Louisville. No one is willing to help me. I can't get any help any where. I haven't a clue what to do. Juan told me this morning that the hospital was "Fun" and that he has "no fun" at his school. I am absolutely floored at those statements. Floored. So after the people call me back and if he has to go back to hospital, I am going to ask everyone that they please respect my wishes to only visit him once or twice a week. I think this is turning into a big game with him and I am fully prepared to play. I can't keep doing this. I have so many issues that I need to deal with. Some of them major and I can't because everything is focused on Juan. UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH Said with the biggest amount of frustration one could udder.
Hope everyone else on this earth has a Happy Wednesday because OF COURSE I won't be.
******* We have a good update!! okay, so all the drama this morning. I knew this would happen. I was up late last night. I have a good friend who suggested doing half days. I haven't a clue why I did not think of that, but I was like "That's a good idea." Fast forward til about 1 am. Juan is still upset, very nervous. I suggest this to him, he says it was a great idea and we both go to bed. This morning he didn't want any part of it. It was crazy here this morning. Throw Kyle and Savannah into this mix of craziness and it was hectic. Kyle gets alot more frustrated than I do with Juan. Albeit Thursday I had my frustration melt down. I know what he is going through first hand, so I can help more. Where as Kyle tries but does it not as nice as I do. Anxiety requires patience. So I step out back to make some phone calls and let myself cool off so I do not say things that I don't mean. Come back in. Kyle takes Savannah to the bus stop, I step inside make some progress with Juan. Kyle comes back home, I'm about at meltdown mode again. I tell Kyle just to go to work. I don't want to start arguing with him and get more frustarted. So Kyle is gone. I come in, get Juan to eat. Talk to him in a patient way. He says "I'm ready to go to school" Thud was me hitting floor. I said "huh" He said I'm ready to go for my half day. I asked him why the change. He said when Kyle and I get to arguing and Savannah gets to whining he can't think. When it's quiet he can think. So I get him in the car. He is very nervous at this point, I am just thrilled that HE IS IN FACT TRYING! We take it very slow, parking lot, then the front door. Low and behold we get called into Mrs Adams office. It just so happens that this Angel from heaven is a recovering agoraphobic. She had Juans EXACT problem. I swear she was an angel. I firmly believe that in life everything happens for a reason and today she was my reason. She sat him down, explained exactly how he was feeling. She asked him some concerns about him being there. He said he didn't have a locker, an agenda and a schedule. She turned around and in 4 minutes tops, she had his agenda, locker, schedule and science notebook. She took him on baby steps, told him even if he didn't stay his half day, walking in those doors was a huge first step. That is the first time in all of this that I have actually felt someone was helping. I just started crying because she clicked right with him. I started towards the door, they were locked arm and arm and she was leading him to class. HE'S THERE!!!!!!!!!!!! Mind you I have to go back and get him in a little bit. But it is a HUGE first step in many to come. So thank God for Mrs. Adams a true God send this morning. I woke up thinking there was no hope and didn't understand any of this. Johnny my brother (he's a lawyer for those of you who don't know) found a helpful lady with the military. They are going to locate his dad so we can get a medical stuff with the ins. taken care of. So 2 birds one stone today and I know all the prayers we have for us are moving mountains. So keep praying for us. They are much appreciated!!
And any more advice my friends have, the half days or what have you, please suggest. If i say something and you have an idea, please tell me. I didn't even think if that. My brain is running on empty from all the stress. It's more appreciated than you know!!
Maybe a twinge of a Happy Wednesday for me!!

The cleanin of the cave

The basement is a cave. The laundry room I loathe, but it's all done. My room is spotless, my bathroom in the cave is spotless and the laundry room which I hate is spotless. Have to put pics for my mom cause she will never believe it. I HATE THAT ROOM!! If I could stay out of it forever I would. So here is my cave laundry room CLEAN!!


When I am nervous or mad, I clean and there is nothing left in my house to clean. I guess I'll find something else to do to occupy my time LOL
Happy Monday
Juan will be home at noon tomorrow

Sunday Cleaning too

Barf. First things first, Juan is doing very well. Went up there last night and he has made a wonderful friend named Jerry. Juan's extremely worried about Jerry. Jerry's dad is in jail, his mom doesn't want him, so he's dropped off there because he is angry. :( Who wouldn't be angry. They have no place for him. Juan and Jerry were the only ones who were allowed up stay up late last night. All the other kids had their mattresses pulled to the hallway and had to sleep under watch. You know for just anxiety, my son doesn't belong there. But stupid insurance won't cover anything different, so what do you do. No one ever visits the other kids. No one. It's extremely sad.

I woke up this morning more CLEANING. UGH, this time I stripped the laundry room apart, cleaned out and organized the wardrobe in there. Not finished with that yet, it was a chore, so when I finish I'll share the pics in there. That was a HUGE job. I'm moving at a snails pace now. BUT I washed all the walls in the living room, stripped the wood floors, got under all the furniture. Cleaned behind and under everything in the room. Did my curio cabinet. Even cleaned the ceiling and all those beams. UGH. It's about time to start getting ready for the hospital. BUT...... Tomorrow I should be able to finish the rest. I even maintained the upstairs. Funny thing is, I do this once a week for the most part. Not under everything like I did today, but I can't understand how it's still dirty. Me and the mommy loop girls, literally ALL do this once a week. Before and after cleaning races and you know what. Racing really does motivate you to get it done. Today, I am racing with Annissa. We update through emails our progress. She is keeping me going, I am keeping her going. Whatever works and friends are the best in the world. Here's my living room all done!! I used some new stuff on the floors, made them shine, but they are slicker than snot! Oh and I have to keep pillows on the couch now, in the last pic it's dark but you will see Claire barking at the Little old man, She stands all day on the back of the couch barking and she's flattening my pillows ARGH!



LOL Opies wakin up stretching, gearing to growl at Little old man walkin dog

Above is Claire stretched out on the back of the couch growling at the man LOL she does what we call poodie Whistlling a mixture of barking and growling and yodling!
Happy Sunday

Saturday Morning Project

I got bitten by the cleaning bug. Me and the mommy loop girls do cleaning races LOL today I think I beat them ALL!!!!! I did the whole upstairs!! I did fans, washed walls, stripped the wood floors then waxed them. Washed all sheets and blankets. Smells like an ocean breeze up there. I missed having Juan complain about the vinegar though. I thought I'd share pics of my accomplishment for today!! :) I did the bathroom too and scrubbed the fridge. Took every shelf out and scrubbed! Tomorrow is the middle floor, then the cave basement! I hope I hold up that long. As you can see from the pics, Anthony is fully using Juans room while he is away!
Melzie, post some pics of your progress, I know you are in on the cleaning today too!! I think Annissas gonna leave us high and dry! I have to quit and get ready to go to hospital today..........but here's my pics proving I raced today!! :P I've been slacking on the racing lately, sorry gals!




Above are Juans room and Anthony using his video games!



These are Anthonys room which always look the same because he keeps his room spotless!!



Above Vannahs room!!
I wish we could hurry and finish this house :( It's so old and takes so much time and energy to fix. I want it done so we can move on!! Just the bathroom and the part of the basement to go! Shouldn't take too much stuff.
Happy Saturday, be clean!

Hi everyone!!

Hope everyone is well.
Things have been very tough here lately.
I'm so exhausted it is unreal.
Juan is in the hospital right now. That's all I really want to say about that at this point. I miss him horribly and cry ALOT. When I go to see him and leave as a mother, it tears me up inside. I want to grab him and take him with me. But know right now that is not possible.
After visiting with him this morning I left got to moms and did something I never have in my life. I sat on her couch and within 3 minutes completley and totally fell asleep. I am emotionally drained.
I smiled for the first time in 3 days last night. It felt very, very good. I am rarely ever not smiling.
Today I have a huge migraine. My head hurts so bad. I have to go back to the hospital in a few minutes. I am dreading being out in this heat. It can go away at any time and would not hurt my feelings. We are on alot of days over 100 degrees.
My friend Melzie just had me LOLing so hard it's unreal. I feel guilt that I am laughing when my son is in hospital. But I appreciate the laughter. Such a wonderful woman. For my baby boy a song a hear and think of him. All we do need is a lil patience.


Patience

Shed a tear 'cause I'm missing you
I'm still alright to smile
Girl, I think about you every day now
Was a time when I wasn't sure
But you set my mind at ease
There is no doubt you're in my heart now
Said woman take it slow
It'll work itself out fine
All we need is just a little patience
Said sugar make it slow
And we'll come together fine
All we need is just a little patience
(inhale) Patience...
Ooh, oh, yeah

Sit here on the stairs
'Cause I'd rather be alone
If I can't have you right now, I'll wait dear
Sometimes, I get so tense
But I can't speed up the time
But you know, love, there's one more thing to consider
Said woman take it slow
Things will be just fine
You and I'll just use a little patience
Said sugar take the time
'Cause the lights are shining bright
You and I've got what it takes to make it
We won't fake it, Oh never break it
'Cause I can't take it

...little patience, mm yeah, ooh yeah,
Need a little patience, yeah
Just a little patience, yeah
Some more pati... (ence, yeah)
I've been walking these streets at night
Just trying to get it right (Need some patience, yeah)
It's hard to see with so many around
You know I don't like being stuck in a crowd (Could use some patience, yeah)
And the streets don't change but maybe the name
I ain't got time for the game
'Cause I need you (Patience, yeah)
Yeah, yeah well I need you
Oh, I need you (Take some patience)
Whoa, I need you (Just a little patience is all we need)
Ooh, this ti- me....

Round 2

So Juan gets up, gets ready. Starts giving Kyle trouble about going to school. Kyle tries to drive him down to bus stop, he won't go. Bus comes, he stands in middle of street. Will not get on, will not go. So I call the school and ask if someone can be patient with him etc. etc. She starts defending her counselors etc. etc. I say "All I AM ASKING OF YOU IS THAT YOU BE NICE TO HIM RIGHT NOW" She was like well he has to keep his shirt tucked in those are the rules. Screw the freaking shirt at this point, I'm trying to get him in the damn front door.
So Kyle is taking him there now. I haven't a clue what will happen. I got very mad and hollered at him because he kept throwing his backpack out of the car. I am frustrated beyond belief. Kyle could lose is job and is losing pay everytime he takes off work for this. He's getting mad at me, but either or, someone has to get Savannah off to school and get her ready. Someone has to be at both places.
I am so stressed it's unreal. All these problems and one more with Juan thrown right back on top. I'm beyond angry. I have spent 11 years dealing with Juan and his problems. I am tired of them. I don't really feel sorry for him anymore. That may make me sound like a horrible, horrible person. No one knows what it's like to every day walk on eggshells so you don't start a fit. Deal with phone call after phone call from school. Sure he has very good days, but there are so many bad too. I can't get myself together, I can't take care of my problems because I am so wrapped up in Juans stuff, Kyle and my troubles, insurance woes, trying to hide Savannah from Juan so she doesn't pick up on his fear and then we have 2. Anthony gets neglected because there just isn't any time left after messing with Juan. I'm tired. I am officially down, I don't even have enough strength to wave a white flag.
I play Toon Town every day and no one really understands why, imagine for just a little while going to a different world where there isn't any of this crap. It takes me away for just a little while. I need a break. A big serious break and I will never get one. The punches fly at me from every direction. This will happen again tomorrow and then again Friday. Saturday there will be some reprieve then Sunday fits will start and then Monday this whole shebang will happen again. I Have done this many, many years. I haven't the strength to do it again.

God sends you what you need at the right time.

Funny how things work out in life. Why things happen, when they happen. Jay, Lindsays husband came over tonight to talk to Juan and take him out to dinner to find out what's going on with him. We were sitting on the couch talking and I started telling him about how in Virginia I worked at this Karate studio for Mr. Nichols. How I loved it, seeing the kids learn discipline etc. I truly LOVED that job and so respected Mr. Nichols. He was so talented, worked at the Pentagon, had a successful business. Was such a cool, cool man!
Well no sooner than I got finished telling Jay, I sign on and 7 or 8 years later I hear "You've got mail" It was from Master Nichols!!!!
I could almost cry to know that 7 or 8 years later, I made such an impression on him as a worker that he took time to look me up and email me.
That is the most special I have felt in so long and I am sitting here trying not to cry.
Funny, I would never ever of thought I would've crossed his mind. :) Maybe I'm not as bad as what I think I am
Here is his website and where I used to work! He moved to the front of the building but same location!! I miss living there sometimes
Master Nichols
Thank God for that. Just when I couldn't feel any worse about myself in life that gives me a glimmer of hope.
:)
Thanks for all the cards. Lois sent me a boquet of flowers yesterday and today a big boquet of daisies. They are my favorite. They always look as if they are smiling. Daisys are Ladies :) Lois is my TT buddy , my friend. Thanks Lo Lo!!

:(

I am so suffocated and stressed.
Today is my birthday and it has gone horribly right off the start. I'd expect no less because every year it is completely freaking awful.
Juan WILL not go to school. NOT, refuses. So now it's a trip to Kosairs for me where I will spend my whole day in the ER..........So Happy Birthday to me!!!

Everyones in this house is always made special, Everyones and every year, same song and dance for me. More stress, more headache. I should've expected no less.

Saturday, Saturday!

Ok no one knew where the sonnet was from............... Sense and Sensibility!! Come on peoples!!! LOL Doesn't everyone know that stuff?
Had a really bad afternoon yesterday. Woke up this A.M. feeling alot better and more clearheaded. Thank God for that.
Getting ready for Anthonys party. It's supposed to be hot! Owooooooooo
Nothing much else going on. Have a Happy Saturday!

Ever read Shakespeare?

I love this sonnet! Tis my favorite!! Most of you know why or will know why LOL

SONNET 116
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

Found the book downstairs when I was digging out school supplies and that was highlighted :) I can pretty much recite it verbatim!! The middle I have a lil trouble with.
It's Friday. I'm bored. Anthonys party is tomorrow.

No one knows what it's like
To feel these feelings that I do
And I blame you!

Happy Friday! Hope to see alot of you at Anthonys birthday tomorrow!!
Then Sunday its Karen and Tommys photo shoot WOO HOO :) Look purty for me.

Boys deemed blog worthy

Okay, so my oldest comes home from school and now has an "Official" Girlfriend. We sit out in the kitchen eating pepperonis and talkin about her etc. She wants him to go on a date tonight to her church. Okay...........all fine and good.
Fast forward my middle son comes in and after we talk about his day at school, Anthony tells him about his new girlfriend and stuff. Anthony leaves to come check his email in the living room, so Juan and I start talking about girls. He said he has no ladies yet and that usually it takes about 3 weeks. I kept telling him maybe they are intimidated or something. Then he says it will just take awhile and proceeds to drink his milk........... From the other room we hear "It won't take awhile if you are hot and sexy like me" That milk shot out of Juans mouth across the whole kitchen and we both were laughing soooo hard. Not that my son isn't cute, because they are both adorable, but that comment was friggin hilarious. I look at the milk on the floor and Juan says "I'll get to that once the sickness passes"
Literally made me LOL
Oh geez!!
Reminds me of that song by Right Said Fred
I'm to sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts!!
Happy Sexy Wednesday!

My baby is 16 today!!

I tried to make him a video BUT.............Scanner is broken :( But, he is getting big. I can't believe he is old enough to drive and get a job. It's so depressing!! Maybe not for him. He came home from school with girlie phone numbers. Sigh! Happy Birthday Anthony!! Big party Saturday WOO HOO!!!

Someone sent me this and I LOLed it is soooooooooo true!!


You know you're from Louisville when........


Your "International" airport has only one passenger flight that actually leaves the 48 contiguous U.S. states and is also the size of a average mall

The in-state sports rivalry is paid more attention to than the national championship.

You live in an area that occasionally gets considerable snowfalls, floods, and tornadoes... but has no capacity to deal with any of the above.

You pronounce the name of your city different than anyone else you've heard.

You think the rest of the people in Kentucky sound like hicks.

When you think "Kentucky" you don't automatically think horse racing or fried chicken.

You ask your doctor for an allergy cure and he tells you to "move"

You've shovelled 10+ inches of snow and worn shorts in the same week.

When people ask what school you went to, they don't mean Vanderbilt, Yale, or Harvard; they mean Ballard, Male, Manual, Trinity or St. X.

You know what the Bambi Walk is.

Your last ten vacations were in Panama City or Destin.

You make an emergency run to Kroger for bread and milk at the first sighting of a snowflake.

You've lived here for years, yet somehow you get hopelessly lost each time you attempt a shortcut through Cherokee Park.

You're convinced turn signals are useless options on a vehicle.

You hold up traffic to let a motorist you don't know into your lane.

You give directions based on landmarks that no longer exist or street names that have changed, but your directions never confuse any of the other Louisvillians

You have never been to the Derby, but wouldn't miss the Oaks.

You call in sick to attend the Oaks and spot your boss - who also called in sick - at the next betting window.

You think all the REAL hicks live in New Albany IN.

You think the only thing Southern Indiana is good for is buying pumpkins.

When introduced to another life-long Louisvillian, you spend the first part of the conversation finding out how you are connected. It's never as many as six degrees of separation - usually three will do it.

You think a pervert is someone who would rather have sex than watch basketball.

You've built a shrine to Rick Pitino in your basement.

You can read about Rick Pitino in at least three different sections of your newspaper.

You think the rest of the world knows what Benedictine spread is.

You think the rest of the world knows what a Hot Brown is.

You have never eaten fish that wasn't fried.

You think the whole world puts spaghetti in chili.

You want another bridge built over the Ohio River, just so long as it doesn't cut through YOUR neighborhood.

You've experienced a "salt storm" after a two-inch snowfall.

You're still complaining that Dillards took over Bacon's

You're still calling Bashford Manor Mall a Mall and it has been gone for 7 Years.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Louisville.

First day of school

First day of school went off without a hitch. Boys got out on time, Savannah got out on time. Went and saw Dave and got a huge adjustment. You guys have no clue how the tension just drains away from your body when you get one. I had therapy on my back and Ahhhhhhhhhhh!! Oh what a relief!! Here are some pics of Savannah. She was in her carseat and very nervous. The bus came, we got out of the van and she took off running to the bus. Around the block we ran into her bus and she saw us and she waved wildly from the bus!! She's not home yet, but I bet she comes home exhausted!!! I can't wait to hear how her day went!

So flipping sad

My last baby starts school tomorrow. I made this video,cried all through it, cry when I watch it. I enjoyed my days at home with her for 5 years and now someone else gets to spend their days with my baby. I'm so sad I cannot even express it. Our daily zoo trips or shopping trips. :o( Someone gets my days with my baby girl. Here's my video of her first 5 years. The first pic is right when we came home from hospital with her :)
Have gotten a couple questions about video. The girl with the boy and Savannah
is my friend Melody whom I met offline and she ended up becoming my best friend in this world. That is her son John. We were pregnant at same time and had babies at same time. Was wonderful. The other question is, is that really me holding Savannah LOL Yes it's me! My hair was brown from not being able to color it during pregnancy!! My face was so swollen YIKES!! Pregnancy does that to you!! Hey at least I had earrings in!

Peace and Flutterbys!

Happy Friday!

It's hot! HOT. Last night we had Savannahs orientation, it was so hot I could've sworn my Crocs were melting to the pavement. I had an asthma attack from the ozone. Haven't had one of those in FOREVER and EVER.
Savannahs gotten so big. Got all of her supplies together and she is all ready for Kindergarten. Be prepared to be overwhelmed with pics and tears on Monday. It's so bittersweet.
I also have made the decision to go back to a shop. I truly, truly liked it. Just work in the day while kids are at school. Then be home when they get home.
Not much else happening. Did I mention the heat? Good grief.
I think my fish are frying out in the pond. That water in there is HOT! poor fishy fishys. Raccoon boys tail has grown all back in. He finally can swim upright! YAY!
My dogs are good. Geeks, but good. Opie is a HUGE dog as you guys know and he is trying to lay on my lap as I type. I have to keep reminding him that he is not a lap dog.
I put some squirty cheese in Claires Kong toy and it has kept her so busy. She is tossing that thing all over trying to get it out. She is soooooo stinking sweet. I cannot thank Deborah enough for choosing us to take her. She has been an absolute joy in all of our lives!
I laid in bed yesterday and watched Ever After. I Love Drew Barrymore and I Love that movie. Claire bear and opie both snuggled up in bed with me. Savannah watched it with me but got upset when I cried!! I'm such a SAPPPPP it's unreal! I guess I will never let her watch Titanic with me. Holy crud that's a real tear fest there!
I like movies though that stir up some kind of emotion. Whether it's laughter or tears. Either of them! I enjoy. I have a stack of unwatched movies on my desk. Guess I'll do that this weekend!!
Okay, my kids are hungry, I'm guessing I should feed them or something LOL
Have a happy Friday.
Be blessed

Tuesday!

Okay, girls I'll call the shots today and ask the question!! I always leave it up to you guys. So here's a project. What's dinnertime like at your house? Here is dinnertime at Dianna's LOL. My dinner consisted of some fries and icewater. Are you jealous? Anywhoo, this is what I have to endure when I sit down to eat and what I look at while I eat. Can you say Drool?????? :) I don't think I have seen a hotter man in all of my life.
The first couple are of my babies. They follow me everywhere!!! So when I eat, they beg and beg and these are a couple pics of them, doing what they do best!
Ya like my Andy Warhol, pop art lookin table cloth :P I love it!

Here's Claire trying to sneak on the table. God love her heart!

The next one is of my view when I eat. Doesn't look like much a door. Oh wait, below is the close up. Swoooooooon :) hot hot man!

Thank you aunt Sandy for that calendar! I have waited all year for August. Not cause of my birthday or anything, but because of my calendar pic!!

Below I wasn't giving my lil puppy any food, so she decided to jump on the bench with me!!


Isn't she sweet?? My dogs are so special to me. They melt my heart!! And are so kissable!! :)

Happy Sunday!

It's only about 2 oclock and I am already worn down. I got up about 10 and super scrubbed the kitchen. Did the walls, under the fridge and stove etc. I usually get those once a month so it wasn't so bad. I flipped my calendar to hotty sawyer. Swoooooon :) got the floors all scrubbed. I have some haircuts coming over. I'm beat.
I have to get up early. Savannah has a gastro appt at 10:30 am. Then there's lots of school stuff and birthday stuff I have to get together. Anthony will be 16 this year. Owoooooo! So much to do and it's so hot outside it's unreal.
Weekend was kind of dull. Went to moms for a bit yesterday. She kept the boys. Um other than that, I pretty much cleaned or played on computer. I'll be glad when the heat breaks.
Anyone been up to anything good? Annissa I know just started another Loopy Loop!
My poor Melody is having such a hard time. :( I think me and Mel should meet half way between where we each live and move into together! Come on Melzie!! You've stayed at my house a few times, we are highly compatable. Could Scrabble all day and all night and yak! :) All kidding aside, I hope you cheer up soon. I don't like hearing all the bad that happens to you. You are way too good. I'm gonna check in on you in a bit and hopefully you are smiling!! Love you very much!!
Jenzie has fallen off the face of the earth. She met a man from Austrailia and he came here and they are madly in love and she has dropped off the cyber face of the earth.
Mandy and Jayme are on vacation I think. I really need to read my emails I have um 941 that I have not touched. So maybe tis I who dropped off the cyber earth too LOL
Okay gals, updates. Let me know what your up too. Send me some pics!
Annissa I'm reading the email on your new loop, I have to clean out my mailbox and join and I'll promise to play along!
Happy Sunday guys
Love you lots

Happy Saturday

It's early. Savannah got up early so that means mom has to get up early.
OOF, I so did NOT want to get up.
The week this week drug on very slowly. Next week will go by quickly because I have a million and one things to do.
My boys are a mess, an absolute mess. Both of my boys are cute and are at the age where girls are coming into the picture.
For my youngest son, I had no clue at the rate they would be coming into the picture. I am betting when school starts it is going to be that much worse. Phone rings constantly, emails constantly. Oye. I have a long road.
He asked me to take some pics for his myspace page. Keep in mind he's 12 soon to be 13. I tell him to go get on some nice clothes for his pictures. He comes out with no shirt on and rhinestone hearts on his um nipples, for lack of a better word. I look at him and say "What on earth are you doing" He said "Obviously starting a fad" then out the door walks Savannah in the same attire. I tell him to go inside get a shirt on and come on. He then said "Aw, I have to remove my pasties?" How does a 12 year old know about pasties? He would never of heard it at home. Never, ever, ever. So what I wanna know is how he knows what they are? Anyways, that threw me for a big loop and I should've gotten a pic of that to use later in life.
I took a few pics of him for his page and took some of Anthony, but Anthony didn't like his. They are both so different it's unreal. Gonna post some pics of them.
Here is Anthony with some basketball players! Makes him look short but he's tall LOL

Here's the one Juan wants for his Myspace. Lets just give an eyeroll, but he said the ladies will like that one???????? The ladies, will like that one?????Ladies???? So, all of my family that has myspace, add Juan to your list!! Keep a close eye on that one!

6 short years ago, they were this. From these sweet boys to pasties. Sigh

Happy Saturday!

Sad today

I am having a hard day today. Mostly just sad. I can't figure people out. I can't figure out, how they work. Why they do the things they do. I am close to no one. Absolutely no one. I never could figure out, why I don't let people in. More and more me not letting them in, does me more good than bad.
When I had Savannah, I was going to stay at home with her, til she went to school. So I took in a couple kids to watch and did odd jobs, hair, etc on the side.
All of my family knows Maddie May. I have had her since she was a baby. We kept her every single weekend. She would stay over night. She stayed weeks at our house. Almost every holiday. Every Halloween. I loved her.
Well, as you guys know, her mom hasn't treated me the best. Especially for all the things that we have done for her. Taken her on our trips, spent our holidays with her. All of it. :(
Well, over a week ago, her mom told me Maddie would be here Wednesday, Saturday and Sunday. She didn't show up Wednesday. No big deal, with them that happens alot. I never say anything, because Savannah loves Maddie so much. I didn't want to strain my and Karens relationship so that Savannah and Maddie can always be friends. I knew that when they both started school that Maddie would quit coming. I just figured even though it was never talked about.
Well, I called to find out where Maddie was and when she was coming back and her mom just up and hung up on me. No hi, bye, kiss my ass. Nothing.
Be an adult, tell me she won't be coming back. Now, that she hung up on me, I'm extremely torked off. I did nothing. Never have been rude despite all the rude things she has done. So now Savannah has lost her best friend. Almost 6 years of them being inseparable. I am used once again in my life and tossed aside like garbage. Why do people take everything they can from me and just leave me? It's hard not to be sad. I had a part in raising her. I loved her.
I cannot for the life of me figure out why people use me so much. Maybe I am an easy target? Maybe people see doormat written on my head. None the less, that is exactly why I tell no one anything. Why I share nothing. It's easier in the long run. If you tell stuff, people generally use it to come back at you later. Gotten a good dose of that with several people. I've gotten too many doses of alot and can't figure out why. What you see with me, is what you get.
In ending that, I don't know what to do as far as trying to figure people out.
Absolutely do not understand meaness, hatred, using.
Things on my I do not understand in life list.
Happy Wednesday.

Kerplunk is the sound of me hitting the floor

The sun set and I just finished the back room. The heavy china cabinet I pulled out and decobwebbed behind it and mopped, dusted and conditioned all the wood on the table and chairs. Conditioned the china cabinet too. Moved all the furniture, mopped underneath everything. Cleaned every single window. Owoooooooooo I'm exhausted! Here's a pic of how shiny it is and Claire bear fixing to mess it all up again! She's actually watching Vannah play in the sandbox, but LOL she'll mess it up!

On one of the hottest days

of the year, why do I take on the Florida room??? Just call me stupid. I had to take a break, it's sweltering out there. I am giving it an overhaul, but I may have to wait to finish til the sun starts setting. IT'S HOT out there. Phew Owoooo. I think it wore me out! I had the boys pull out furniture out there so we could get any spideys! Good thing we did cause there were some spideys. Gag. Boys were petrified and so was I, but it was so hot, I grabbed a shoe and squished them up good!
Happy Monday!

PS

I updated my photo blogger to the right. I am going to add on when I can contact them (Flickr) to get my passwords. I totally stink at that!
Hope you enjoy!

Some beauty!

I took these pics in a church today :) Here are a few of my favorite pics!