Saturday Where to start?

This is going to be long. This is going to be a long vent. If you are offended by any of it, I suggest you turn back and stop reading here.
Today was my free day. I looked forward to it all week. Kyle was taking the kids and going to spend the day down in Bowling Green. I am way behind on my job and I was going to use today to catch up and finish.
Fridays, I have severe anxiety. I cannot help that I do. Every Friday for 3 weeks I have severe dizziness and shakiness and I have panic attacks. The sad part is, is because everyone is going to be home. Saturdays, Kyle and I fight, Kyle and Anthony argue and Savannah cries. This morning, I got to sleep in some. Kyle got up went to store and got home, I was at the table doing my work and almost as if it dropped out of the sky.........Arguing. I do NOT want to argue. So Savannah starts getting in the middle of us arguing. Hearing all these things that we are saying to each other which are not nice. She hears us talking about which one of us moves out, which one of this does this or that. This cannot be healthy for anyone. I tell Kyle this needs to stop NOW, and of course I go on to say......Dollars to doughnuts Juan is upstairs hearing all of this, his anxiety is going to flair and he will not go on this trip. Kyle goes to get him up...........He is curled up under a blanket and will not get up to go on trip.
Kyle and Anthony start arguing........Savannah is whining. I am at my wits end. Completely and totally at my wits end. I won't go into detail at the extent of Kyles and my problems on my blog. It's not fair to those who do not know the whole situation. Those who need to know what's going on. Know.
I tried to explain to Kyle this morning that all of this is not fair. NONE OF IT is fair. This is hurting the kids. Savannah will NOT leave us alone for 2 seconds and I honestly feel it's because everytime she walks away, Kyle and I try to discuss what's going on and it starts arguing. That is too much for a 5 year old girl to take on her shoulders. She should be enjoying her life, not playing peacemaker for her mom and dad. Juan is severely anxious and insecure.....I am angry. I am so angry sometimes that I feel like taking a sledge hammer and just busting something up. I am extremely pissed at Brett for dying and leaving me to raise a child alone. I'm extremely pissed at Bretts family for NEVER EVER offering to help me out. They ALL just dropped off the face of the earth and ditched him. How hard is it to call somebody? How hard is it to pick up a F*cking phone and say at least how are you? Put your own selfish needs aside and think of him. Since Brett never worked Anthony didn't get a dime of social security. I have struggled since I was 18 years old to raise him with the only help coming from my mother, my father, Juan and Kyle. It wasn't even Juans and Kyles responsibility to help with him. You all should've at least offered to help some way. But no. I hope you are happy with those decisions. Then we move on to Juan.........Oh Geez he has been the hardest of all my kids to raise. I am worn out and can not even delve into how tired I am of this situation. I am angry at him for not going......I am angry that every day it's a struggle with im. I am tired and I need a break.
Savannah does not leave my side. She will not play in her room....she will not play outside........she has to sit constantly in between me and Kyle. That is so sad it's unreal. Kyle and I do not sleep together. We do not eat together. We do not speak unless it's to argue and in which case the kids are right there.
I am the only person in this house with a level head who is realistic about this whole situation and how bad it is here. I think that drastic changes need to be made, no matter who feels what. I think our own personal feelings to be set aside and think about the kids.
I myself need a break. I need to be removed from all of this and I need help. I don't know what to do, I don't know how to fix any of this and most importantly I don't know how to repair the damage that it is doing to the kids. So I am asking for help. I am admitting to the fullest extent that I need advice. I need help. I will add do not say in your advice that Kyle and I need to quit arguing, because I totally know this already and we have tried and it's impossible. So outside of that lay it on me what anyone has to offer. I am all ears. If you don't want to comment here, email me. Call me. Take me away.........

Happy Saturday.