Cryin Cryin Cryin

my lil puppy dog is back at the vet, i noticed his nail was split and they wanted to see him. I couldn't take him cause i am too nervous so kyle had to take him. We had a dog for awhile Gracie, my mom got her when my son was almost 1. So my son and her kinda grew up together. I loved Gracie. Well, she got older and started going into heat all the time. My mom went out of town and boarded Grace and scheduled her to be spayed. I called the morning after she had been spayed. They were supposed to of done it, that morning so they could keep an eye on her. They didn't. They did it before they went home, then left Gracie. Back to calling. I called and they left me on hold for what seemed to be forever. They come back and I said "look is my dog alive" I wasn't prepared for that answer. She said "well for right now she is" who says that????????? I went and sat on the porch after calling my mom. I felt a breath of air blow across my face and felt something in my heart. The phone rang and I didn't even want to talk. I knew the answer. Gracie had died. She bled to death all night long. By herself. I lived a couple blocks away, if they wouldve told me when she was first dying i couldve gone up there to be with her. Letting her know we didn't send her off to be killed :( Come to find out, Gracie wasn't the first dog that vet had killed. She had made mistakes in others spays and the dogs had died. She was fired a couple of weeks after Gracies death. A couple of weeks too late. I am so scared right now i feel like i can't breathe. They have to sedate opie if his toenail is bad. I know it seems harmless enough but as always with our luck, nothing goes easy and usually nothing goes right. Kyle and I often talk about how easy others have it and how things just go so hard for us. Maybe its to make us appreciate things more. I dunno, but all i know is i feel sick and I can't even imagine my life without my opie. Hes my best friend in the whole world. Anytime i fully love something, fully depend on the person in some way emotionally, they leave. My Grandmas both died. My dog poopie disappeared, My dog Ollie died, Gracie died, brett died everyone just dies. I envy the people who haven't known anyone who has died. Its not fun. So with my bad luck, i worry, over a toe nail. Stuff sucks. I just want things easy. I don't think that will ever happen. Easy. I think I am afraid Kyle will die too, thats why i don't emotionally get attached to him. It would hurt too bad when he left. I am tired of hurt and am afraid of becoming hard. Either way I will sit here and cry and pray for the next few hours til my baby is home looking out the window barking. So please pray for him :(