I Went to Heaven this Morning

Trying to fully wake up. My face is still wet from tears.

God showed me around heaven this morning, in my dreams I suppose. He took me through His garden. It was filled with every flower you could imagine and then some you couldn't. There were colors I have never seen, things I have never seen. I'm not even sure if in closing my eyes I could portray a picture to you that does heaven justice. Tall, tall castles all about, each with gardens not even a master landscaper could re-create.

I had wings and there were sunflowers so tall that I could just float up to see the top of. If we walked somewhere we would just zip along. He took me to this edge and showed me this great, great sea. At the back of the sea was the sun. Not like our earthly sun, but like this huge heavenly light. Angels were hanging out on the beach. None of them had faces from what I could see. They all had enormous wings. Some had harps and horns and they just stood on the sea shore, playing the most beautiful music. It's as if they were welcoming newcomers to heaven. Maybe they were waiting for their family to come through the light and the second they came through, they wanted their family to know "This is heaven."

There were birds in heaven, all sorts. Dogs running through Gods gardens, but not as dogs, as lights. Cats, bunnies, animals I had no clue what they were........The best part of all came when two lights came swirling about me. They swirled and swirled and stopped. I asked God "Am I dead papa?" "No" he said, "your earthly body is still very much alive, but I thought you'd appreciate my garden."

The two lights came back again and stopped in front of me. They had faces. One was mamaw and the other was Dorothy Ann. Another quick light came over and it was papaw. He simply said "Hi" and then before I knew it, he was gone. Mamaw and Dorothy kept going away and coming back swirling around me. I was crying out to mamaw, "Please come back, please come back!" She came back and said "Dianna, it's not an easy job keeping all of you safe, you keep me very busy." Dorothy Ann came back and she had her piercing blue eyes. She hugged me tightly and said "Tell my family I'm keeping them all safe."

I asked God "Is that how it works?" He said "How what works?" "Heaven" I said. I was confused because I thought heaven was relaxing and just enjoying everything. "God walked (floated?) with me some more through His garden telling me that everyone has work in heaven. It's based upon how we live our lives.... How we live.... what we do... determines the job. I said "So, they keep people safe God?" He says "They have a very special job child, they keep their families safe." I said "just mine?" To which He replied "Mamaw takes care of you, your mom,Johnny, Lindsay, Carol, Mary Lee, Karen. All of you." "She wants to do it" He said "To her and for you, that's the most important job there is. She's stored up blessings in heaven for you, therefore you guys get really special angels." "She's one?" I ask. "Yes child" He replied.

I asked Him if I could help Him take care of His garden when I get to heaven. "Of course" He replied, "But, it doesn't work like your earthly garden." He walked over to this tall red flower and He placed His hand on this huge,huge leaf.....The red flower looked like it bent over to kiss His hand. Was beautiful.

I asked where Dorothy Ann was and He said "She's taking care of her family."

I couldn't find Brett. Poopie ran over and Gracie ran over. Not as dogs, but as light. I looked for Brett and asked God...."Where's Brett?" God said "Sometimes people don't want to come to heaven, they are lost and they roam the earth." I asked if he could come to heaven and He said "He's lost." I said to God "It says in the bible that you find lost people and you help lost people." He got down on His knees and looked in my eyes and said "Not if they don't want to leave earth child. Sometimes they don't want to come to heaven, they wait." This made me sad and God told me "There is no sadness or tears in heaven."

He led me again to His garden and mamaw came back. She swirled around me again and again then started flying away. I said "Mamaw, mamaw please don't leave." She turned around and stopped, said "I love you Dianna, look for me in daisies." In an instant she flew away.

I didn't want her to go, I tried to fly after her but her light was so much faster than my wings. Dorothy Ann came back and gave me an even bigger hug than before. What's funny is I always remembered her hugs. Maybe she knew that. I asked her not to go too, I wanted to talk to her. "How will we find you?" I called after her... "Tell my family to look for me in the blue birds, they'll know what I mean." In an instant her light just as quick as mamaws flew away.

God told me it was time to go back, but before we went He picked this beautiful flower for me. It was a shade of blue I had never ever seen and He told me to take it with me as a reminder of what's waiting for me.

I woke up and was sobbing, evidentally I was sobbing even as I slept. My heart wasn't heavy, I was very peaceful. I look over my shoulder at the base of my cross on my bed and there's a pic of me and mamaw =).

Made me happy to think mamaw was keeping us all safe and Dorothy Ann was keeping all the country cousins safe. Different lights flew around me when I was there, but I didn't know who they were. Maybe they knew me, maybe they were people from my family that I didn't know.

It makes me feel a lot better knowing that mamaw is looking after our family, keeping us safe.

I miss them both very much. I hope and pray Brett finds his way to heaven.

Happy Thursday.

Love,

Dianna

**I have to add, I woke up and after everything settled in I talked to God about my dream...I asked Him if it was real, He replied "What do you think?" I asked Him if it was real, how come I could see everything, even touch a flower, but I felt disconnected from Mamaw, Dorothy Ann....Just over all had no feelings.......He said "I gave you a glimpse with your eyes, a moment with your hand, a second you had with your ears.... If I had given you the scent and feelings of heaven, you wouldn't of wanted to go back."

=) Amen!

I'll Dance With You From Heaven

I asked God to reveal to me, why I am like I am. Why I have such a difficult time not only accepting love from people, but accepting His love.

Little by little things are revealed to me, moments and things taken from me when I was a child. All those things taken both big and small, made me become who I was. Those things made me feel like I was undeserving of anything, even undeserving of love.

God has taken on the task to reverse all this. He wants to heal every single heartbreak. He shows me what happened and shows me "The absolute TRUTH." Like untying a huge knot. He does it perfectly with grace and with ease. I feel so much better after each knot gets untied. He truly is a master at whatever He does and He does not fail. Ever.

It's amazing how He does it. Simply amazing.

When I was a little girl, all I dreamed about was being this fancy bride. I used to use my First Communion veil and pretend I was getting married. Of course I used to marry Ponch from CHIPS and Bo and Luke Duke. The guy sometimes changed, but the wedding didn't. It was this beautiful event! Horse drawn carriages, me in a big beautiful gown, lots of people and a huge cake, the groom at the end of the aisle who loved me so much that he wanted to marry me!

Last night something came on TV and a bride came on, out of no where tears just flooded my eyes. I always wanted a real wedding. A big wedding with a dress, a church, father and daughter dance..........The whole she-bang.

My wedding was getting married in a blue polka dot dress borrowed from my aunt on some court house steps in front of statue.

When I got engaged I was so excited!! I went to my dads first to tell them and my step mom immediately said "Don't expect your dad to pay for any of this or help in any way."

If you could hear glass breaking, I did in that moment. Once again she took away a dream I had. I get so mad at times and wonder what gave her that right to take that dream away from me? What did I do that was so bad for her to take so much from me and leave me this shell of a body that believed she deserved to be hated?

I heard those words and closed my eyes and saw her daughter,Debbies wedding which happened a couple years later. They paid for everything. She had this beautiful dress, a gorgeous veil. For whatever reason (probably to rub it in) they called me to go to Debbies last fitting. I sat there behind them, crying because she looked beautiful. She always got what I wanted. Always.

Her wedding was beautiful, they asked me to be in it, so I got a front row view of the wedding I was denied.

I was sad. Big limos, fancy dresses....Sad.

What made me cry wasn't remembering the wedding. It was remembering the father daughter dance. She danced with her dad and then they had a second dance for my father and her. I looked over at the dance floor and saw them dancing and without hesistation I ran for the exit. I pushed people out of the way trying to get down the steps as quickly as I could.

I ran behind the building and cried for quite awhile. I know my step mother saw me run out and was probably laughing at me as I did. She's the one who took away my room, my wedding, my identity.....so much, but most of all she took away the one thing that hurt the worst. My father.

While I was crying I hear God say to me in His small still voice, "What's wrong child?" I told him the whole sordid story and told him how I just wanted to be a bride who deserved a big wedding and wanted to dance with my dad. I was inaudible at points. I was so sad. "Why Father (God), why did I not deserve a wedding? Why didn't I get to dance with my dad? Why did he let her take so much from me?"

I said "Papa, when I get to heaven will you dance with me?"

God whispered to me, "Let me show you what you deserve, I can dance with you from heaven child. Close your eyes."

I closed my eyes and there I was in the most exquisite wedding gown I have ever laid eyes upon! The floor flew out from underneath me and the stars became a dance floor. Every spin around the dance floor you could see the whole entire galaxy. The moon, the earth, planets I had never seen. The stars were shooting and sprinkling all over me and around me. It felt as if that was Gods love raining down on me in the most perfect fashion it could. In that moment I felt such intense love. Love like I have never known.

Flashes went before my eyes......I was dancing with Him as a small child, standing on His feet. Every stage, even the stages I hated myself, was there dancing with our Father. The stars falling on me at every age, the love overwhelming me at every age.

God looked down at me and kissed me so softly on my forehead and said "This child, this is what you deserved."

Right in that moment I fell asleep with the biggest smile on my face. The feeling in my heart was not only peace, but this mind blowing love. I wanted a father, daughter dance and He gave me one. A million times better than what I could ever of experienced here on earth. I wish you could've seen it. Breathtaking doesn't even describe it.

I LOVE HIM.

He reveals to me so slowly why I am the way I am. I never know what moment He is going to show me next, I only know they come at the oddest times and they are all moments where I felt like I was completely and utterly a waste of a human life. I felt like Invisible me.

I will treasure that dance always.

I love my Father!! I absolutely love and adore Him.

Now it's time to start working on accepting the love He shows me.

"I can dance with you from heaven child."

I have the BEST Father ever =)

Happy Saturday!

Love,

Dianna

Alas, It's Friday!!!

Been a bit since I have written. Been in bed most of the week from my nice gluten encounter. Usually I develop an aversion from the place after ingesting gluten and oh why, oh why did it have to be Q-doba? I LOVED that place..........Not anymore! I can't even think about it.

Summer is almost over and I'm starting to get a bit sad. It went entirely too fast. I love being able to go in the yard, plant things, watch my flowers grow. Winter brings it's own beauty, but I have a new found love of spring and summer.

Gonna do a longer update this weekend. I have plenty O' free time! But wanted to do a drive by posting to say all is wonderful =)

Love you guys!

Dianna

Oh, How I Miss You

On Tuesday my dearest Brett will celebrate his 18th year into heaven.
The song playing is one he chose for me to "Make me cry" at his funeral. It worked.

My Dearest Brett,

Each year that passes....I wonder if maybe this year it won't be hard. Maybe this year it won't hurt.

I'm wrong every year. This year it's the hardest because I can't remember your voice. Your sweet, sweet laugh. Gone. My dad put on DVD the news story of you so I could hear your voice. It made me sad to watch you.

The memories we had never leave me. That's one thing I won't let leave.



My favorite of all was prom. You had your tuxedo on, your silk bandana covered the place where your beautiful hair used to lay. I was so nervous that day. Getting my dress on, getting my hair fixed. You weren't feeling real well and the Drs wanted you to wear a mask, being exposed to that many people. Germs.

You of course refused. We sat at the table to let you rest and talk. There were little memory books on the tables with tiny pencils attached. You looked up into my eyes and I could see the candles flickering in yours. Your eyes welled up with tears and you stared into mine a bit longer before you started to write.

You close the book and slide it across the table to me........I open it and see written........Dianna, I love you more than anyone could in my short lifetime.

I look back up, your eyes still fixed on mine. I'm not even sure they ever left me. As I look back into your eyes..the candles still flickering. I see it like it was yesterday. I closed my eyes and said "God, please let me remember this forever." You take my hand and we just sit there in the quiet. We both know what's coming in a couple weeks or months. But nothing is spoken. Just spending an evening with no more hospitals, no more chemo. The very last time we would ever spend a day in May together.

I never told you how much I loved you til you died. I regret that. Walking into your room right after you passed. People were trying to throw your cups away and get everything cleaned up and I wanted to shout "What are you doing people, I want that, stop!" I wanted your cups, I wanted your straws........

I wanted everything you touched. Even if you only touched it a second, I wanted it.

The time came when everyone left me alone to be with you. The door closed.... I was so scared.

I see you laying on the bed, your spirit was gone. What made you, you....Your smile, your jokes, your big heart. Gone. It was so weird being in that room, but at the same time so peaceful. It looked like you had drifted off to sleep.

You had on a black Metallica Tshirt and a pair of white jeans. Your hair had all grown back. You had your senior ring on.

I took your hand and held it and kissed it. I just wanted you to wake up. I twirled your ring around your finger in a circle. I wanted you to just reach out and touch my head and tell me that it would all be okay. I just wanted you back.

I saw a piece of paper next to you. Your mom said right before you died you tried to write something....... I clearly saw a D and an i.

I have wondered this 18 years if you were trying to tell me something. Were you trying to tell me one more time you love me?

I knew. Maybe what you didn't know was how much I loved you too.

Even when you were sick I had such a good time with you. Those late nights at the hospital where after chemo we would eat gummy bears to see if when you threw them up they would be decapitated or be whole!......when we pulled out all your hair with duct tape. The late nights at the hospital where you would just be on 10 straight hours of throwing up, but always look over to tell me that you love me.




I loved spending the nights at the hospital with you. Room 409 will always be a special place to me.

Oh, how I miss you.

I was so angry at you for so long after you died. I just wondered so much what am I supposed to do alone with a baby? Why did you have to die, why did you leave me?

I'm not angry at you anymore, however I miss you.

I drive by places all the time and wonder if you would recognize them if you came back. I sit outside your house sometimes and close my eyes and envision you walking down the path.

I miss you Brett. Hope you are in heaven enjoying being with God and all of your family.

I haven't forgotten you. Not even a little. Anthony's all grown up and heading off to college.

Wish he could've known you.

I love you so much and you will always be in my heart.

I wish I could talk to you. I wish I could tell you things I never got to. People sometimes dislike the fact that I tend to ramble on when trying to say things. Anything that's important I don't want to leave out. I don't want to ever leave anything unsaid again.

I love you, I love you, I love you. I love you =(

Cancer stinks.



Dianna

Taking One Thing Into the Light

Trying an exercise to bring things I keep in the dark, to the light. I eventually want to bring bigger things to the light. Not on my blog of course, not for awhile. But.....attempting some small stuff. Hopefully it will work.

I'm afraid of even writing this, because I don't know if my dad reads this. I keep so much hidden to protect his feelings and it eats away at me inside. I have always kept so much hidden, because I want to protect those I love. I don't want them to hurt, so I take it on.

When my parents were divorced, I was punished, severely for choosing to live with my mother. People can say different or say what they want, but I was very, very harshly punished.

For any judge to lay that on a child. Insane. No child should be expected to have to pick between two parents that they love.

As I stated above, I was harshly punished for my decision. Things happened that have never left me. So much broken trust that left me feeling like I was a nobody.

My identity was taken away from me. Even now at almost 38, I am trying to figure out who I am without bending and twisting to make myself someone for others.

Every bit of that came from having to choose and then being punished for that choice. I don't make decisions well, they scare me. All because of what I chose so long ago.

When I say my identity was taken away. It was. My dad had a house (I was born in that house.) It was three bedrooms. My room was the front room, Johnny had the back room on the left and my parents had the room on the right.

I could tell you every single detail of that house. The way it smelled, the way my room looked. My pink and white checkered bed spread, my white rocking chair. UGLY, hideous carpet. My closet with my toys and dolls. White Home Interior thingies hung on the wall.

I remember always putting on my turquois blue, soft night gown and staring out the window at the older kids getting to stay up late.

My room =)

After my parents divorced my dad re married. I inherited a new step sister. Both sides were promising so much to me and my brother. If you live here you get to do this. If you live here you get to that. It was endless.

As I stated I chose my mom, my brother chose my dad. We went to live at my moms. It was a new house, it was a creepy house. My step dad didn't like us and it was very obvious. It felt weird.

It was time to go to my dads house and I was soooooooooo excited to be going back to the house I was born in. We had twin beds in my room and me and Debbie slept in there together.

I go to walk into my room and there was a lock on the door that you needed a key to get in. I asked my dad "Why can't I get into my room?" No answer. I ask again and Mary says "You didn't chose to live here, it's not your room anymore."

Debbie unlocks the door and comes out. She had brand new carpet, a SINGLE waterbed, all her toys were in there. I look over at the light switch and there is a plate cover that says "Debbies room."

That was done on purpose. My beds, my toys, my stuff all taken up to my grandmas attic. Johnny had a room, Debbie had a room. Mine was taken from me.

That switch plate cover saying "Debbies room" has never left my brain. I see it 27 years later as clearly as I saw it then.

I slept on the floor in the living room from that point on. When the summer came and we spent a month with my dad, floor or couch. Debbie was put in day care and when they would leave, she would lock her door with her key so I wouldn't get in. My clothes stayed in a laundry basket.

I started learning a lot of tough lessons on what one wrong choice does to you.

I felt invisible and my very first feelings of being unwanted set in.

I will never forget how the tears welled up in my eyes that day and I couldn't find the door quick enough to run out of the house and cry.

I knew she was inside laughing. Laughing at a small child who had to choose between two people she loved. Choosing wrong and then taking her world away from her.

I have my own room now =) I can paint it any color I want, I can hang a Dianna's room switch plate cover in it! I appreciate my room very much.

When things are taken from you, you tend to appreciate them when you get new!

Happy Tuesday!

Love,

Dianna

Today I Let You Go

For a very long time, I can't even recall the years, months or days that I have struggled with the whole concept "letting go."

People tend to over use that phrase a great deal, but I don't think most of them even gather what it is to let something go.

Maybe it's a petty argument that happened a long time ago. It crosses your mind and you find yourself mad about it all over again.

Maybe someone passed away that you loved dearly, maybe it was harsh words said to you, maybe an ex boyfriend or girlfriend didn't love you, maybe someone did a huge unjust to you.

It's easy for onlookers to say "let it go." I know for me I didn't understand the whole process of........ "let it go".

Sarah Mclachlan sung it best when she sung "I don't know how to let you go."

Struggling with this on many fronts, I have learned that you don't just up and say "So and so, I let you go", then like a scene from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind your memories are BLAMMO erased forever.

I have gained understanding, that it's such a gradual process, most of the time we don't even realize we are truly "letting go."

For me it was like looking at map, you start out to go somewhere far away. Starting point would be heartache, sadness, anger, longing for someone ....................The destination.......Letting Go.

It would be nice to be able to just log that information into Mapquest! Can you imagine a whole outlined map of letting go? They would tell you where to avoid traffic, which would be the best route to go and best of all they would give you a pretty good estimate of how long it will take you to get there!

If only life worked like that.

Sometimes you take such small steps it doesn't even look like you have left the starting point. Things come around to either take you back to the starting point, someone might say the wrong thing (or right thing) and guess what? You are back at your starting point again.

Really, you are not.

The best things sometimes happen the slowest. Sometimes you are missing a pivotal point that you have to go back to the beginning to get.

For me, I have been struggling so much with letting a few people go. God has clearly told me they are wrapped in red caution tape, let them go.

At first I wrestled with God, I didn't want to let them go. I stayed at my starting point. I didn't like it here, but moving past that starting point seemed too scary for me to do.

More tears, more sadness, more anger........ go back to the starting point.

Sometimes God would give me this tremendous amount of strength and courage and I would pull an all nighter driving towards that end point of letting go.

Getting out there and feeling how scary it is out there... I had to pull over on the side of the highway. Find a roadside motel and think for awhile on if I want to get to my destination or go back to that place I disliked so much? I would spend days stopped at that roadside motel pondering on if going back was the best way or keep on driving.

A few times I would turn around and start heading back to the starting point...Something would come over me and I would say "What are you doing? You didn't like it there. Turn around quickly and get right back on that road. You have traveled this road already, nothing good is on it. It leads to the same places." Finally!!! The uncomfortable feeling of not knowing what was at the end felt better than going back to a beginning I never wanted in the first place.

This morning I pulled over on the proverbial side of the road and looked at the map. I'm almost to my destination. I have just about fully let go.

The road getting to "letting go" has been difficult. If I had a map key to mark off all the places I stopped to cry, all the times I went back and then turned around. The times when I just stopped.

I will tell you a certain freedom comes from letting go. A peace comes from reaching your destination.

That is my lesson I have learned in letting go........You don't just do it. You go down a road plagued with tears, heartache, hurt feelings, words swirling around in your head, memories passing by as if you were watching a movie.

But in reliving each one, in hearing each word, the hurt re-opening again and again. Let the words come, let the hurt come. Feel it. Let it have it's moments so you can understand why you were not meant to be in the starting point in the first place.

Freedom in letting go.

Have a wonderful day.

Love,

Dianna

Saturday

Sorry for the lack of updates, been playing catch up after being off so long with pneumonia.

I'm tired.

Been a little depressed as of late.

Meditated a lot on the bible verse John 11:10 It is when he walks by night that he stumbles, for he has no light.

I feel like I am stuck in the dark right now.

In the past few months I have drifted out of the dark and into the light and the light feels sooooooo good.......but the dark is where I'm comfortable.

In the dark lies the past, lies stuff I hide, lies exhaustion.

I'm tired of being in the dark, but not sure how to get into the light.

I try, but fear keeps me over in the dark. I can't see my way out of it, because I can't in any fashion envision myself living in the light. Seems like too much bad would come and too much fear of the unknown.

It's even sadder because I'm not the one doing the stuff to keep me over in the dark. It's nothing I have control over and obviously wishing in that department doesn't work.

I'm just tired. Running away from things doesn't work. Hiding over in my dark corner doesn't work. There is no gray area. You are either in the dark or in the light. You can't be half in the dark, you can't be half in the light.

Stinks. Sigh.

Aside from that It's hot here. The heat is unbearable. My breathing is still not right and the air outside makes me cough and feel like I can't catch my breath.

I'll be glad when I get my lungs back.

Hurry fall and cool weather.

Love,

Dianna

Been awhile

Gonna sit down and update in just a bit!

It's Saturday YAY!!!

Just kinda updating. Early, I might add lol!

Doing and feeling a lot better than the other day.

Tears make everything better.

Lack of understanding of people, make it worse.

Had a stomach virus..... Ugh, arg and I felt puny -n- cranky. SUPRISE! My trademark is extreme cranky when I'm sick.

I cry so much before I get sick and then while. I'm not sure why I do that. Mom said I've always done that. /shrug.

I'm going to buy me hand sanitizer to wear around my neck.

Too bad it doesn't come in flea collar form, I would so buy one!

Got to be up in IN in a few minutes, so I guess I had better get dressed and fix my hair.

My mom did ALL my laundry and cleaned my house for me.

YAY! She's so sweet.

<3 Dianna

Time, Time, Time............

Time is a funny thing. Funny how one minute you can be on top the world, time happens and twenty-four hours pass and you wonder how you went from being on top of the world, to being at the bottom of it.

Ten seconds pass and something happens in that to take you even further at the bottom of it.

For this trip back to the top, I need new shoes.

My feet hurt, my heart is just in a million different pieces.

I feel bad for God because he binds it up and knowing the pain, it took Him a long, long time. He has to go searching for all the pieces to put it back together again.

Sometimes I wonder if He ever gets tired of putting my heart back together.

It hurts sooooooooo bad that when I breathe in, it hurts.

I'm tired.

I wish I could go back to Sunday.

Satans laying it on thick today, but he doesn't realize that it doesn't pull me from God. It pushes me to Him.

He is the only man who has NEVER hurt me. It's been hard even trusting Him because men do and have done such awful things to me.

That is why I love Him so much. He's the one man who will never hurt me.

He won't ignore me, He won't do bad things to me, He won't say bad words to me, He won't tell me I'm this awful person, He won't take jabs at my weight, He won't break my arm because I want a real Christmas tree, He won't tell me He's going to murder me, He won't punch me in my back beacuse I'm crying, He won't throw me on the floor if I want a hug, He won't make me lock myself in a bathroom and cry because evils on the other side of the door, He won't forget to call me, He won't pretend I don't exist, He won't come into my room at 4 in the morning and tell me I'm these awful things, He won't smack me in the face with a shoe, He won't die and leave me on this earth alone, He won't tear up all my things because I didn't cook dinner, He won't be mean to my children, He won't take my things and pawn them, He won't get on my case because I'm scared, He won't stop loving me, He won't betray me, He won't care if I'm moody because I'm sick, He won't play games with my mind so I can be knocked lower.

I sleep with my bible at night. Tucked in my arms like a security blanket.

It's the truth (what's in the bible) and in it all He wants to do is love me.

Time.........I can't wait til I get to be with Him forever.

I hate it here.

Love,

Dianna

My lesson in Gardening =)

As most of you know from my blogging, I only recently started gardening. I have always killed everything I owned and this year was able to start growing stuff and find it fascinating.

I think God purposefully put gardening into my life to teach me what he wants me to learn. I'm not one of those people who can read stuff and get it. I have to be shown and "get it".

So gardening coming into my life was no accident. None. I was just smiling so big this morning to the point of tears over what God taught me last night. My heart fluttered because I love Him so much. I am amazed beyond belief at what He goes through to make me understand and make me get it. I absolutely LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Him.

Of course I'm going to share the lesson I learned with you. It's a wee bit embarrassing, but the lesson was SOOOOOOOO wonderful. I have to share.

Elmer had sent me Tutti Frutti Lupine seeds. I planted them all and knew exactly where I planted them. A hail storm came and some of the seeds had got knocked out of place, but I shoved them back in the ground. I knew where these seeds were.

I KNEW............

The lupines started sprouting in the places I had put them. I put them in a semi circle around my caterpillar. I would go out there talk to them, love on them. Feed them!

There was this one lupine that was doing better than ALL of the others. He was HUGE. Oh my goodness I LOVED this lupine.

I would keep the bugs off him, give him food, water, love. I took pics of him to show off to everyone, because I was proud it was growing so big!

He started sprouting little buds and my heart swelled with joy. My lupine was budding!!

Mike came over and said "That's a weed, you need to pull it" I said "Mike that's not a weed, I planted a seed there. I don't just think it's a lupine, I KNOW it's a lupine" He said "Okay, it's a very pretty weed then!"

So......time goes on and my lil lupine gets it's lil lupiney shaped buds on it. Pic below.



I texted Elmer so happy it wasn't a weed! I had told him what Mike said and was so relieved it was getting it's lupiney shaped flowers! I texted him almost all day "It's not a weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed!" I was so happy you have no idea.

I went out every night watered it. Talked to it. I loved on that lupine so much. I took fantastic care of this plant. I loved it!

Well, Sunday before my baptism, Tyler was out in my front yard and he said "um, mom, that's a weed" I said "Tyler it's not a weed, I planted a seed there, marked it. It's a lupine. See the buds on it."

He said "Mom it's a weed, but okay."

I thought...........What's with all these people saying my flower is a weed? I was a little hurt.

After all, I KNEW it was a lupine. I planted the seed in that spot, marked it. I knew what it was.

Last night I was letting the dogs out and a plant catches my eye. I heard God clearly say "Go look at it, closer."

I go over and my heart sank because it was the SAME plant I was nuturing, loving, watering in the front yard. I planted nothing in the back yard.

It was a WEED! So, I kinda giggle a bit and say to God "I feel so silly because I was pouring all that love into a weed!"

God says then "Go pull it" I say to God "Well there's still a chance it's a lupine right?"

Again he says "Dianna, go pull the weed."

I go outside, hold my breath and pull the weed. Underneath the weed was my lupine seedling.

Very, very, very tiny. Not big like the others I had planted.

And you know what God said? "He couldn't grow, because the weed was blocking the light. The weed was taking everything from the lupine. You didn't notice it, because the weed overshadowed it."

I was like..........wow. Then it sunk in and God said to me clearly. "Tell me what you just learned"

I said to God "That sometimes weeds creep up into life. You feed them, you water them, you love them. People come by and tell you it's a weed, because you are so focused on thinking something is something it's not. You don't listen to them. They tell you again and again it's a weed, but your heart hopes that it's not a weed. That it's this beautiful flower. The weed blocked the light from the flower, took everything it needed to bloom and grow big and strong. The weed kept the flower from being this beautiful flower. But if you pull the weed, throw it in the trash, the light reaches the flower and it can grow."

He said "Tell me again"

Second time telling Him. I got what he needed for me to learn. =)

I love Him. I LOVE HIM.

Apply it to people and you will see the lesson I learned.

Oh, how I incredibly love Him.

Funny what a huge lesson I learned from weeds.

God is the best gift I have ever receieved in my life.

Amazed at what he taught me.

=)

Pull the weeds people, so the light can reach you.

Without the light, you can't grow.

Love,

Dianna

Baptism Sunday!

I will be sharing my testimony at the end of my bloggety blog entry for anyone who wishes to read it.

I got baptized this morning and I can truly say it was one of the THE BEST days of my life.

My children's births were at the top of my days and now in the ranks... the day I was born again. The day my new life started.

I was so scared this morning. I didn't sleep much last night out of nervousness and fear.........Now, I'm sad it's already over.

It was such a major event in my life. Sharing publicly what God did for me, sharing what He does for me now. Sharing how He found me. Sharing how much I love Him.

Everyone kept telling me, I will be up there with lots of others, because usually 2 or 3 get baptized at every service on baptism Sunday......Well, imagine my suprise when I get there and Mike tells me........"You're it today." My heart sank and I became so scared.

Mike and my Aunt Carol were an answer to prayers. Chad (the man who does the baptizing), Mike and myself all prayed before the actual service started. When I was putting on my baptismal robe and came out, I started bawling. I was shaking and so scared. Carol and Mike prayed with me for a few seconds as I cried, before entering back into the sanctuary.

That touched my heart so much.

Chad told me I could remain seated while my testimony was being read, so I wouldn't have to be in the spotlight too long. So, I sat there and right as I was going up on stage the fear was GONE!

They said I may or may not feel differently for awhile after being baptized, but I tell you what. I did. I felt lighter. I felt so light inside like every burden I had carried were lifted off of me.

So many people showed up to celebrate with me and I was touched beyond words at the love I was shown by so many today.

I am so lucky. God has given me so many wonderful people in my life. So much more of a life than I deserve He gave me.

I am so in love with God. Absolutely, totally in love with Him.

He is the greatest gift in the world! =)

Thanks to everyone for making my day so very special.

I have so many new brothers and sisters in Christ =) I will spend the rest of my human life and eternal life with all of them.

Thanks to God =)

Here's my testimony. Love to all!

I have grown up fortunate enough to have four walls always surrounding me, but inside I have never felt like I was home. Over the years, I often told other people that “I always feel like I want to go home, but my body doesn’t know where that is.”

Before I came to know God, my life was about trying to be accepted by others - attaching labels to myself about whom they thought I was. Anger and sin took over. The more things I did to make myself accepted, the more I disliked myself. To escape, I became addicted to video games. Even though video games helped me run from other people, I quickly learned I couldn’t run from myself and my sin. I was becoming who they said I was: frustrating, angry, bad, bitter. I continued to believe that if I just had someone who loved me, I would feel at home. What I didn’t realize was that I did have someone who loved me. I was lost, but God knew right where I was.

Discouraged and defeated, I retreated to my bed. My life became a pattern of: Cry, eat, take the kids to school, get back in bed, cry, sleep, cry. I heard a clock ticking next to my bed and would just listen to it. It reminded me that time was marching on as I was just laying there. I didn’t realize it then, but now I know that my old life was dying.

I cried out to Him, “Is my life a joke to you God?!” I went into my son’s room, got his Bible and started reading Psalms. Tears rolled from my eyes and sprinkled the pages as I read them. I felt David’s pain and anguish. I felt like him – forgotten and lonely. I got down on my knees and prayed to God. I begged Him for forgiveness for everything I had done and asked him to save me from myself. I heard his voice clearly and he said “How long are you going to keep doing this to yourself? Give it all to me, let me fix it.” I surrendered. In that moment I started to experience love I had never known before.

One step at a time, he showed me how to trust Him. One of those first steps was finding a church. During the Sojourn service on Easter Sunday this year, though I had heard the crucifixion story many times, it was as if I were hearing it for the first time. God had taken the blinders off. I got it. Through Christ we are forgiven. Through Christ we can come directly to God. Through Christ we can now know God. Though none of us deserve any of it, He loves us so much that He died in our place to make us right with Him. That is His grace.

Ezekial 11:19 says, “And I will give them one heart, and put a new spirit within them. And I will take the heart of stone out of their flesh and give them a heart of flesh.”

That is the only way I can explain what happened to me that day. He changed me. He took away my heart of stone and put a new spirit in me.

God started changing things one at a time. I gave him the video games and he gave me a life that I never thought was possible. Every day I wake up wanting to learn more about Him and wanting to find ways to serve Him and make him proud of me. He has surrounded me with wonderful God-loving people. I am overwhelmed when I hear testimonies of how God saved them and thinking “He did that for me too!” There have been mountains in my life that have seemed impossible, but now I know with God ALL things are possible. I want to shout it to the world: “God found me! He saved me!”

Sometime during my final few days of lying in bed crying, the clock on the wall stopped ticking. I’m not going to replace the battery in it. I’m going to keep it at 4:55 as long as I live. Sometime during those 3 days my old self died and my sin was taken away. A new spirit was put in me and I was given a life in God.

I’m no longer who others say I am. I am who He says I am. I am loved. I am His. I am forgiven. I have finally found my home. I found my home in God.


~Dianna

Tired

Sigh. I haven't had a day like today in a very long time.

I'm tired.

I'm angry.

I'm just everything not good this week. I don't know what happened, I don't know if being sick took it's toll. I don't know if all the lying from people has just kicked my butt.

So many people have disappointed me this week. I get sad thinking.....Is everyone like this?

The air conditioning guy ........Dear Lord in heaven. I can't keep up with the fibs, white lies, tall tales he has told us this week. It's draining. I just want it DONE. Every day another lie as to why it's not done, another excuse, another reason. It's exhausting every day waiting around for him and then every day getting call after call as to why he's not here. When he gets here, he comes to the door, says he has to go do something else and leaves. What was supposed to take 2 days is almost to 7 and nothing.

The dogs got sick all over the carpet. I couldn't clean it all up, so I had to rent a carpet cleaner and spent the whole day cleaning carpets and disinfecting. I felt so weak and tired. On the fourth room, I felt like I was going to pass out. I had to keep going, because there's just me.

Was talking to my mom today and why just can't something go easy? Why is everything so difficult? My whole life has been like that and I'm starting to accept the fact that if I think it's ever going to be different......... I'm wrong.

I have to get used to and accept something I can't stand.

I'm tired of bad luck. My heart has been so broken, so many times I don't even know if I can feel anymore. I don't know what I feel other than very empty.

This week, I have just felt numb. Like a part of me is gone and I can't find her.

So many people emotionally suck everything I have out of me. I just wish they would leave me alone.

Well, I wish I had something more positive to write. It's a bad season for me.

Pray for me and pray that the AC guy shows up and finishes CORRECTLY. If he doesn't my mom will number 8 no bun him. She's tired of the run around herself.

It's exhausting.

Love,

Dianna

Happy Saturday!!

Hallllllllooooo =)
Feeling much, much, MUCH better!!

Been a very long week!!

Ready to get back to my normal life!

Thanks for all the prayers and all the sweet stuff you guys have done for me!

Have a fantastic holiday weekend!

I can't wait til Sunday!! I have to watch fireworks from inside, because of the smoke and my lungs not being normal yet........but, at least I can go =)

Enjoy your weekend!

Love,

Dianna

Seeing IS believing!!

A follow up to what I had written yesterday about God and not feeling His presence til this weekend. His absence for a couple of weeks.

I was lonely and prayed and as much as I hate to admit this, I prayed to God that "I wish I had someone to talk to" He said "me" and I said "I know, I mean I wish I had a human person to talk to, too"(that's awful I know =() and he again said "me"..........I said, "Yea, I know, but it's different because I can't see you." I read the bible, John, about Lazarus and how He waited on purpose because He was going to raise Lazarus from the dead. He knows people need to see to believe. They saw Jesus raise Lazarus from the dead and they believed. They knew that Jesus was sent from God.

I had written early on in February about faith and how I struggle with it. It's hard to believe things that you can't see. I believe in God and love God, but where faith pertained in Him taking care of me.....My faith lacked.

Well.....He has shown me. I can see His loving hand all around me!

First on Monday a tree nearly 2 feet from my bedroom fell. I have pics below, it's base stood taller than my daughter. It's a huge tree and wiped the back part off the 3rd house down. Good news, it fell to the right!! If it had falled to the left.....it not only would've destroyed my house, but if I had been in my bedroom, I would've been hurt very seriously or killed.

Above is the tree at the yard it was in. The people in the 3rd house where you see the blue tarp had to move out because the back wall of the house was severely damaged. They already cut away that part of the tree. I can't see any damage to the house next door, because it's leafy back there and they have the front roped off with do not enter tape.
Below is the base of the tree in proximity to my bedroom. That wall is my room.

The fence is where the tree was, right up against it.

Next the whole air conditioning incident where Anthony and the dogs sat in the house for 24 hours or more no air conditioning, no windows open. He thought the air was on.... I came home, Opie was near a heat stroke. He was foaming at the mouth, wouldn't move. Took 5 hours to get the house cool and he got up and moved around. Was wobbly for a couple of days, but no worse for the wear. Anthony himself could've gotten sick himself.

Savannah had a cold with a bit of a cough......being around her, I in turn get it. Of course it turned into double pnemonia, which I have never had. I had problems with the medicines and finally today the insurance companies got everything worked out and I got my meds!! I'm feeling weak but better. God is with me.

And lastly.........Last night I kept smelling something funky. I had no clue what it was. I looked but couldn't find it anywhere. I had been sleeping on the couch since I can't lay flat from coughing......Well, this morning I got all my stuff moved back into my room and turn on the light.....what do I find?

The plug to the clock had caught on fire. The fan plug had smoke damage, but that plug was melted and crispy. How the fire started. No clue. How the fire was put out, no clue. It went to the left, which makes me happy because had it gone to the right those curtains would've gone up in flames. I could've lost my house, my life, my pets.......

The good news in all these instances....I got a good dose of oh my gosh, that could've killed me. But IT DIDN'T. God just gave me all the proof I need that I don't have to see Him to know that He is indeed all around me.


He's protecting me. He's protecting my house and my family.

That boosted my faith incredibly.

I love God so incredibly much and that love went much deeper seeing how much He loves me that He stopped what could have happened.

My goodness, His love amazes me.

=)

Thanking God for what He has shown me!!

Happy Monday!

Love,

Dianna

Butterflies and Daisies

During the past couple of weeks, I haven't felt like God has been with me much. Maybe that wasn't anything on his part. I'm thinking it was more on mine. I became so busy, I just didn't have a lot of time to stop and give God some attention.

I missed him SOOOOOOOO much.

When I planted my yard and when talking to Elmer (who has furnished my whole garden), I told him about two things. I wanted butterflies and I wanted daisies.

A daisy is the most beautiful flower on this earth and it always seems as if it's smiling and happy. I just love them. I'd rather have a single daisy over a rose at any time.

Butterflies I just love and I compare myself to them. Emerging from a cocoon to something absolutely beautiful. A journey that I myself am taking.

All yesterday and last night I was extremely sick and lonely. I wept to God for awhile and we talked about so much. I was sad and told him I didn't feel him and I would just take faith that he was there. Last night when I was in so much pain with my stomach and my body, I heard him. It had been the first time I actually heard what I knew was Him in awhile.

I was so happy He was back. So happy He was with me.

I had a rough morning, getting my new meds, just hectic and crazy and I was sad. I was driving home from Walgreens and pulled up and I saw two things immediately. Two butterflies and daisies =)

God was with me. That was a gift to me. I cried and cried. My first daisy, my first butterflies........Same moment.

I couldn't be happier if someone handed me a thousand dollars.

Here are pics of my gifts today.

Thank God for butterflies and daisies.

I love him so much.

Plenty of time for blogging

Since I'm under strict orders from the Dr.

I'm not one to sit. I'm not one to "rest", so this is proving very difficult for me.

When I sat playing video games at least I was doing something productive (in the game, like getting better gear or leveling). Watching TV to me doesn't seem productive. I wanna read, but my vision is blurry.

I am feeling very weak still and having some struggles breathing. Breathing hurts at points. I've never had pnemonia, so this is all new to me.

My dogs are glad I'm finally home. They keep taking my spot on the couch when I get up to do stuff.

Keep praying for me.

Love,

Dianna

=(

i hate being sick.

have double pnemonia.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

pray for me =(

Halloooooo

On a hot Wednesday! I'm in a lot better spirits than the other day. However, I'm still not allowing myself to be walked on.

Sometimes I just think.....what was I thinking?

Mondays bible study was on binding up and healing the broken hearted (God). It was a very good video and very good discussion and I got a lot of helpful insight about why I let people, men in particular, do those things.

I'm sooooooo glad I'm unlearning that behavior and I'm learning how things are done correctly, I'm not even the least bit attracted to anyone I dated. It was so confusing, but the reasons were given as to why we chose the ones we do.

They nailed that pattern on the head and almost everything applied to me. I wasted so much time and energy. I get mad at myself sometimes for doing that. To think of all the time I wasted kills me, but I can't dwell on it.

Mistakes are mistakes. I learned valuable lessons in the process and maybe that's what God intended. I wish I would've known all this stuff back when I was younger.

I can't make myself love anyone, I can't make myself like anyone, I can't fix anyone, I can't make people do the right thing, I can't change anyone, nor can I save anyone.

Just learning that took a ton of pressure off. For years I have tried to make myself like/love people and felt extreme guilt because I didn't.

I was thinking about a recent relationship and mulling it over with God, he said so clearly and loudly.......

"You can't possibly believe that this is what I intended for you"

Took a bit to sink in and realize......It's not what he intended for me.

And for once, it's OKAY =)

It's not something I deep within my heart wanted for myself anyways.

Okay, heading out the door.

Love you guys!!

Dianna

Pull Ease Leaf Mia Lone

I don't have time for mindless games people play. Not even a little. I'm way too busy to be lost in thought all day trying to figure out why someone did this or that.

I'm tired of being a personal doormat for people. Before I chose to be there. Now. No.

As I grow up, I realize how certain people are still stuck in the high school games and just immature crap.

I fully see that hurting people in turn hurt others.

Guess what??????? If you choose to deliberately hurt me, make me jealous or just be mean.......You are going to find yourself not talking to me.

I said it a few times last night to a few different people. Leave me alone.

The red carpet I have laid out for so many people........Gone.

I can 't be anyone to the important people in my life, if I have to keep letting the emotional vampires in life suck the life all out of me.

So........ I'm not letting anyone. It's done.

If you want to hear from me and be in my life, then you will treat me with respect.

If you find yourself not hearing from me....stop playing pathetic games.

It's nice to know no one has control over me anymore in that aspect. If someone doesn't want to talk to me because I won't play their game.....Guess what???

I don't care! The end!

I only have to answer to God and no one else.

Fed up to my eyes with games and those who play them.

=)

Happy Monday.

Love,

Dianna

It's Thursday!! YAY!!!

We are having our big family reunion this weekend and I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited =D!!! I can't wait to see all of my family!

Yesterday evening was fantastic! =)

This morning already has been fantastic!! I just got out of the shower. Mike emailed me and said he's working ALLLL day at the gym! So......I'm heading over to spend some time at the gym and visiting with him!!

Then I gotta clean moms and pool time and this evening =D YAY!!!

Tomorrow it's coffee day with my beautiful friends in Community Group!

Busy, busy, busy and sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo in love with life!!

Hope everyone has a fantastic Thursday!! =D

The sun is definitely shining!

Love,

Dianna

It's Wednesday

This week has been a little like a roller coaster. Up, down, up, down.

Monday for the most part doooooowwwwwwwn aside from bible study. Tuesday for the most part uppppp. Today up and down lol!

Sigh.

Today I have had an issue I have been dealing with for awhile and I am trying to see what I'm supposed to be learning in it. Obviously I am NOT getting it. Round and round I go. Reminds me of the scene from National Lampoons European Vacation where Chevy Chase is going around Big Ben and he keeps repeating Big Ben.....Parliment over and over.

That's me and the situation. I am soooooooooooo worn out of this particular situation and the best way to describe it is consistently, inconsistent. It gets tiring. I am worn down.

Today it had been eating at me all morning and I was just annoyed at a little of everything and I took it to God.

I was just laying out a laundry list of reasons of what is going on, what's happening.....how I feel....... I was angry, upset, tired, just completely bitter. I was saying this stuff aloud in the car and going on for about 4 minutes.

All the sudden I take it a different direction and I'm stopped mid sentence with a sudden realization of "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh"

I didn't even get to finish the sentence.

I got my answer loud and clear. Now I have to fix that and then deal with the issue I am so tired of.

When you do what you've always done, you get what you've always got.

Life is hard.

Happy Wednesday.

Be nice to people, you may not know what kind of day they have had. Peoples hearts and feelings get hurt just as easily as our own. Especially when they don't know what they even did wrong.

Much, much, Love <3

Dianna

Secrets shared with God =)

Some people don't understand when people come to know God. They can say they know God, but their actions speak otherwise. I thought I knew God. I was sooooo wrong.

When God takes a hold of you and you submit to him, your life changes. I have heard people and even referred to it myself as a cult. It seemed that way, because I didn't understand it. Until you are in there and "get it" it can seem like a lot of things that aren't true. I talk about it so much because I want everyone to experience what I am experiencing. It's life changing and the feelings you get inside and the things you see happen.
Totally unexplainable.

I have shared some of what God has done for me on here, other things I keep private. Sometimes things happen and my heart feels like it will explode. Sometimes I can't believe what mountain God has just moved for me.

I have one issue I have been giving to God and taking back for sometime. I can do NOTHING about this issue. I have heard people say you just can't sit back and wait for God to do it, you have to take a step somewhere. When God spoke to me about this issue, he told me to do nothing. He said "give it to me and do nothing"

I had no clue how it was going to work and it was hard to give it to him. I even told him, "I hear you saying to do nothing, but how is this going to work?"

Well..........After a week of taking it out of my head completely, submitting it to him and doing "nothing" the issue is almost fully resolved.

Got a teensy bit more to go, but he's working on it.

After I got the news, I started crying, sobbing if you will....I couldn't believe it!! Maybe someday I'll share some of the things God has done for me and there is no logical explaination of how they happened.

Once those things happen, it's hard not to become like "them" so to speak. If people had more faith and turned more over to God. Your life changes and you will want to be in the family.

Try it. You will see. Start with something small, give it to Him. You won't be disappointed.

I love my God =D

This morning I was being a pouty baby about an issue and God dealt with me on it. I wanted to do what I wanted to do and nope. God wouldn't let me. I was pretty mad because I didn't want to do what he asked of me. I wanted to do it my way. I heard "That is not how a child of God acts" I knew that already, but I didn't want to do the "right" thing. I did and well, I'm still irritated about it, but I was obedient.

I hear thoughts that come and go, some are mine, some are the Holy Spirit and God, some are satans. You eventually learn how to figure them out and Gods always align with scripture. Through learning him, I am learning quicker at which voice is his. The more time I spend with him, the easier it is for me.

So, after I did the right thing this morning God talked to me about doing unto others and I would have them do to me. He said "Games are met with more games. Jealousy met with more jealousy" Then I heard the "How would it make you feel if it was done to you?"

Always right. But sometimes doing the right thing is hard.

He's a wonderful teacher. I absolutely adore and love Him with everything in me.

My heart feels so full and so happy. I just can't believe what He has done for me today.

He loves me =)

I love Him =)

YAY!

Happy Saturday!

Love,

Dianna

My slow yard

My yard is a lot like me, sans the fleas and ants. It grows very slowly!!

Elmer has sent me a lot of plants and seeds this year and for someone with a black thumb............They have actually been growing!

God surely has blessed me in this area, because my houseplant record is awful. My aunt Sandy kept a plant alive since my grandma died and a year with me it went to that big peat moss pile in the sky!

Last year Elmer sent me some orange lily bulbs. They didn't grow back this year and because my yard is a slow, slow one I'm still holding out hope. They will be out of season next week, but I still have faith!!

My azalea bush I didn't know I had bloomed almost 2 months later than everyone elses.

My yard fits me so well. Things grow in Gods time, not the time on the calendar. I'm doing the same. Slowly, but growing.

I could not get dressed and run out the door quick enough to take photos today of what I woke up too!

My first flower box flower, grown from a tiny little seed and my hibiscus which Elmer sent as a plant a couple months ago and it has really, really grown!!




I am happier than you know =D

Happy Wed Nes Day

Love,

Dianna

Sorry

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I can not tell you how many times I have apologized to people for who I am.

I can not tell you how many times I tried to change and morph into someone I was not to make myself loveable. I have not been myself in any relationship I have ever had.

I'm afraid of letting anyone know me, because I'm afraid they won't like me. Why should they? No one else did. That's not how I am thinking, but this is what my inner voice has said.

When you have someone on your case for everything you do, it reaffirms the bad feelings about yourself that you have. That's wrong. When someone goes to the very core of who you are and uses something personal you have shared with them against you, it cuts deep into your soul.

This person or that person said they would NEVER hurt me, but that promise is null and void if they are in a bad mood or just feel like being mean.

So, I let myself be defined by the hurt. The labels I talked about yesterday.

God is dealing with me by trying to remove those. I get so close and then fall back down. But the good part is, he will never ever give up on me. He's there for the long haul. When I want to give up on myself, he's not going to let me.

Lately old situations I found myself in will crop up and step by step God uses those memories to see the truth in them. Not my truth, HIS truth.

Bible study was on this last night and I didn't understand it. I got to thinking about some of the instances that God has been walking me through lately and it's a prime example of it. He has been doing it, but explained on paper I didn't understand. But thinking back, I do.

Let me explain with an example I just overcame.....well temporarily because I'm sure it will crop back up.

Someone told me that I can do nothing by myself and that I have to have someone do everything for me.

What I heard in that (my truth) you are lazy, you are stupid, you know how to do nothing, you are worthless. That is my truth as to what they were saying.

Bible study talked about throwing that in with Satans lies which above what I heard........satans lies are all over that.

God's truth about me.......He loves me JUST the way I am. He knows me better than myself. I can do ALL things in Christ who strengthens me. ALL THINGS.Philippians 4:13 John 15:16-19 You have not chosen Me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that you should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remin; that whatsoever you shall ask of the Father in My name, He may give it you. He chose me =) I am a child of God!


The person who told me that was right in some sense. I don't have to have someone do everything for me, but I have to someone there with me helping me. Guiding me. Teaching me.

Teaching me with love, not condemnation.

Satan is a famous liar and God is truth........Why is it so hard sometimes to believe what God has said about me?

It's the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

Not impossible thought ...........why? LOL Because with God all things are possible =D

That's the truth.

I can't wait to share with you here the ways I grow. I have bad days, I slip up.......Everyone does.

God is taking me somewhere. He knows exactly how my story begins and ends. He knows the middle. I can sit and fight him all day and just prolong the time til I get to my happy ending.........Or, I can just take steps and faith and go on to knowing him and through him knowing myself. He knows what to do to get me out of this mess. He knows it all, so why is it so hard to let him take over?

Heading out for the day and reminding myself......

I am who HE says I am.

Loved. Forgiven. His child.

Tell myself that hourly if I have to!

Happy Tuesday

Love,

Dianna

Good Monday Morning!

Haven't been updating much as of late. Just haven't been home.

So much has happened over the past week and a half or so since I have written, I'm not sure even where to start.

I'll start with God =)

I love him. He is teaching me so much lately and making me deal with things I haven't dealt with ever. I'm not going to lie and say it's easy. Dealing with things you swept under the rug for years and taking the rug off.....lets face it, it's hard.

What I'm learning though, is that by uncovering stuff I never dealt with is that it's empowering. Taking the first step forward is scary, but I know that God is with me as I take them. Sometimes when I'm thinking of something sad or scary I'll simply say "God are you with me?" "I am" he says. ALWAYS. I have never NOT heard him say nothing.

I'm at a place in life I could've never of imagined. Stuff had power and control over me because I lived on my emotions. Slowly I am learning to not live by emotions, but to live the way God wants me to live.

I am growing so much as a person, sometimes I can't believe it's really me. Satan bugged the fire out of me at first, saying all the things the men and sometimes women have said about me in hurtful ways. It would take me back down and God would build me back up. I had to keep reminding myself that He who is in me, is greater than he who is in the world. John 4:4 Say it, write it, rinse, repeat. God is bigger than all that. I say over and over I am not who they say I am. I am who HE says I am.

I am loved. I am forgiven. The labels others have stuck on me are being removed. Reading Gods word, knowing the truth from him is very empowering.

I was weak, but I'm not anymore. I did need someone to do everything for me, but I don't anymore. I felt like I was nothing, but I'm not anymore. I can do all things.......ALL THINGS through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

A lot of men, well every man who has been in my life has taken advantage of the fact that I was weak in a lot of areas. They would push me down and say things to me to push me further down and give them the upper hand. Every relationship I have been in with a man up until this point has been like a tennis game. Seems like the ball went back and forth, back and forth. Sometimes the ball was in their court, rarely it was in mine. When it got in mine, they made sure to get it back to theirs, til eventually they held the ball all the time and I had nothing.

I realize that in normal, healthy relationships there is no ball going back and forth. If he has the ball, he brings the ball to me and if I have the ball I give the ball to him.

I never knew what love was, til I knew what love was NOT.

I know now. God is love. Live your life trying to emulate Gods love to others. Give love, receive love. Not any of the false love. Not any of the mind games.

Truly love someone and don't for a second think you aren't worthy of love. If you think you have to play some game with someone to get their love, it isn't love.

Love is NOT a game. Love is a beautiful thing when done right, done freely, done without expectation.

Unconditional love.

God has the power to make us love Him. He could force every single one of us to love Him. He doesn't why?

Because when someone chooses to love you, just for who you are, the feeling is incredible.

He gives us the choice to love Him.

I felt bad because I ignored him for so many years. Only running to him when I wanted something. I still drift away from Him somedays.

I catch myself drifting and go running back, quickly I might add, to the one who will never stop loving me.

I served Him the ball and He served it back.

Willingly he served it back, even if I tried to keep the ball, he wouldn't stop sending more. He'd not only give me one ball, He would give me so many balls I could fill the earth with them.

That's what's so amazing about Him. I don't deserve all those balls, but He gives them to me anyway.

I could sit here all day and tell you how much I love Him. How much I don't deserve His love.

That's the gospel......... He gives it to me anyways. Love. True Love.

HE LOVES ME. I don't deserve it. None of us do, but He gives it to us anyways. He loves us that much.

I absolutely, without a doubt, love my God with all my heart and all my soul.

He is the reason I wake up and breathe every morning. He is the reason my children wake up and breathe every morning. He is the reason the sun rises and sets. He is the reason the stars hang in the heavens.

He IS and I love him.

Pass it on!

Happy Monday

Dianna

It's Thursday

Ah, evening!! Been a long week yet again. Exhaustion starting to fill my head.

Tonight Savannah came home crying. She laid in my bed crying and crying. Brought back memories from just over a year ago when the incident happened at dance. She wouldn't tell me what happened tonight and inside I was shaking and terrified. I had to think of ways to earn her trust so she could tell me.

She said she didn't want to go back to that "place" meaning the family and childrens agency where tons of police and detectives questioned her about what was done to her.

My heart fell.

She asked if she could write me a note, again in sequence with what happened last year. I told her I would go outside the room and let her write the note and I would finish baking the cookies.

She hollered at me to come read the note and every step I took towards that door seemed to go in slow motion. I took the note from her lil hand and looked at her tear filled eyes and read.

Praise the LORD! It was just petty school stuff she was scared over.

I have never had such a feeling of relief in my life. For once I welcome the latest school drama!! Phew!! I don't think those feelings of that day will ever go away. Raising a girl is so much different than raising a boy. Being a girl and seeing what the wrong men can do. I don't wish that on anyone. I have to trust God. He's with her.

She asked me if God was mad at her for what happened and I told her no, God isn't like that. I told her just to tell God that she's very sorry and she said "I already did, but I still think he's mad at me" I asked her if she knew why Jesus died on the cross and she smiled and said "For our sins so that we are forgiven" I said "Then you know that God isn't mad at you. You said you are sorry and you are forgiven. That's the cool part."

She wiped her tears away and smiled at me and asked to watch Friends.

Again Thank GOD for school drama. Breathing a bit easier tonight.

Happy Thursday

Love,

Dianna

Sunday!

Up early YAY!! Just one more day of running around like a chicken with my head cut off and I can crash tomorrow!! YAY!

I love busy, but this week I'm plum pooped!!

Kyle asked me yesterday if I was angry at him and I'm thinking huh???? He said it was because I was short with him all week and didn't talk. I felt bad. Most of the week, I was only home to sleep. I don't even know if I slept more than 5 hours a night last week. I would literally come in lay down to sleep and wake up every hour on the hour worrying about the day and how I was going to get it all done.

I have a pile of paperwork that needs to be filled out a TiVo box full of stuff I recorded and a messy house!! Next week, I will catch it all up.

Anthony's graduation party was yesterday!! =D We all had a great time. I have the best family in the world.

My aunt took me outside and had a nice suprise for me and I was so humbled. Totally wasn't expecting it..... I was really, really grateful and it came at the right time!! She's an amazing woman! Gives and gives and gives. I was so excited!! =D

Today I'm going to church, gym, swimming and then to Jay and Lindsays to babysit and watch LOST with them!! I am so excited about LOST ending!! YAY and YAY and YAY!!!!!

Okay, have a fantastic day!!

LOST ENDS YAY!!!

Love you all

Dianna

It's Friday

Hope everyone is doing well. I'm up wayyyy early. Went to bed way early. Kept waking up a lot. I have had a ganglion cyst on my wrist for awhile, it's now to where it hurts all the time. Kept me up in points during the night.

I have got to make an appt to have it taken off. It's making my fingers weak.

My weekend is crazy busy, possibly bigger than my week was. Monday I think I'm going to crash and burn.

Things have been going wonderfully aside from my wrist.

Anthonys graduation party is this weekend, so look for pics =D

God is wonderful!!

I'm being baptized on July 11 =D

Alarm clock about to go off, that means I gotta get the kiddies up and start the busy, busy day.

Love everyone and thinking of you.

Have a happy Friday

Dianna

I'm

Sorry for lack of updates, I'm so busy this week it's unreal.

I'll update very soon when I get 5 minutes to sit down.

<3 everyone

Dianna

Happy Monday!!

Haven't felt real well all weekend, nor today. My head keeps feeling as if it's going to explode. It's starting to wear me down. It gets a bit better every day, so I'm hopeful tomorrow it will be gone.

A girl at the YMCA gave me the best neck rub ever. That loosened it up, sooooo hopefully it will be gone in a bit!!

I hope everyone is doing well and hope you have a wonderful Monday =D

Love,

Dianna

Lil update

I'm doing a little better than this morning. Still frustrated, but days are like that. Went to the gym and did a super work out. So hard I gave myself a headache.

I'm terrified about going to court tonight. I have never been to court or anything and I don't know what to expect. I'm nervous and I'm scared. Thank God Johnny's going with me. =(

Got my picture all printed out and ready. Gotta shower and get dressed. I think I'm going to rest all weekend.

Chris wants to get together and I was invited to a rock show...... I just want to lay in bed. Guys are starting to drive me nuts and it's becoming too much. Watch when I actually want to date no one will be around, but now that I'm backed off from guys they are everywhere.

Gives me a headache.

x.x

Okay, gonna go shower and find some clothes that don't fall off me when I walk.

Happy whatever day it is.

Love,

Dianna

Friday

I need to etch this on my forehead today

John 10:10
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

Satan is working hard on me today. Nothing is going right.

I know today will pass, I know things will workout even though I don't see it.

Off to finish this day with

1 John 4:4

You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.

Pray, pray, pray that things work out. Going to be a long day.

Love

~Dianna

Have to share

Tomorrow starts into my 14th straight week of no misses at the gym. Kevin got me a T-shirt. I was sooooooo happy =) I have had the best day ever. I have laughed all afternoon. God surely has blessed me in more ways than I ever thought possible! It says Dedicated Athlete, once a day every day!!

=) I will keep that shirt forever!!

Love,
Dianna

Thursday!!!

The inches are coming off of me like wild!! I'm soooo excited!! My flowers are going nuts out in the yard!!! =D

It's nice to see the rewards of my work.

God has given me determination and I'm taking off with it and running!!

Sharing some pics of ME =) You can tell in my face how much weight I've lost and I'm just excited!! (not that you couldn't tell)

I have been pretty busy lately, sorry for the lack of updates. I'll be sure to take time to write this weekend.

YAY and YAY and YAYYYYY!!




Happy Thursday!!!!!!!!!
Love,
A very happy Dianna!

Tuesday =)

Where'd this post go???????

Mothers Day =D

I am the LUCKIEST girl in the whole entire world!!

I have had one of the best weekends of my life!

First things first......last night was amazing!! It was one of the most perfect dates I have ever been on. He pulled chairs out, took my coat off, put it on, opened doors........When we were walking down the river and I was freezing, he offered me his jacket. Just a total gentleman. Was beautiful outside, was beautiful at the restaurant. We laughed so much and just clicked personality wise.

I'm glad I went. I totally, totally made the right decision 100%.

Today was one of the best days of my life. At points during the day my heart was bursting with so much happiness my eyes welled up with tears.

My mom, myself, my kids, auntie Curl, Linney, Jay, E and Justus went to church =)!! After church we all went to McDonalds for bfast and coffee. I love my family so much. I could not ask for a better bunch of people in my life.

After that we took my mom home and went to the gym. I worked out, kids all played basket ball and hung out. Went to Wal-Mart and bought cakes and cheese cakes. We took Kyles mom a cake and a card and visited with her for a bit and then went over to my dads and took my step mom a cheese cake and visited with them for a bit.

Then back to Wal-Mart to buy all kinds of stuff for dinner with my mom and my brother and their families. Also picked out a ton of flowers and potting soil, top soil and more bricks YAY!!

Came home and cooked and got dinner all ready, we ate and talked. Had cake and ice cream.

Juan and I tackled the yard. I dug up the pain in the rump peony bush and Juan dug up the shrubs. We planted sooooooooo much stuff. Hisbiscus, black eyed susans, marigolds, petunias.......Savannah got out there and planted her marigolds and Johnny was our foreman and telling me to add more of this or add more of that!

Savannah, Juan and I have had more laughs digging up that yard. We just laugh and laugh over everything. I had intentions of transplanting my hostas from the back yard to the front and asked Anthony to dig them up and move them........well, Juan now calls them hostages, they never made it to the front yard and well......they are all hacked up. We laughed so hard over it. He killed them dead, dead, DEAD!!

So........I wanted to get some more potting soil,top soil and I was short one brick. We drove by Aunt Carols to take her some meds and then back to Wal-Mart again to buy more dirt and a brick. Juan and I just finished it up and we were filthy.... Ugh. Filthy.

I got my shower and my childhood friend Chris called and we giggled over everything and now I just sat down to write =)

My perspective on life has changed so much in such a short time. I am so in love with my life and so in love with God.

God moves mountains. I'm living proof.

I am the luckiest woman in the world.

I have the best family in the world.

Blessed beyond words.

Happy Sunday. I'm going to go read my bible, thank God for everything he has done for me and go to sleep.

Love all you guys!!

Me =D

Saturday

Have just a few minutes to sit down and eat and thought I'd bloggety blog.

Been mega busy today. Tomorrow is just as busy if not worse. All good stuff, just no time to sit.

It stormed overnight and got very cool!! YAY!!

I'm glad.

Some of you already know this, I haven't blogged about it....but, I met a guy named Rob and we are having our first non date, date as Lindsay calls it!! I'm extremely nervous and argh, argh, argh.

Things have been going wonderful around here. Aside from being exhausted, I could not be any happier.

Mom, Lindsay, Carol and hopefully a couple others are going to church with us tomorrow and then I'm cooking dinner here for my family. =D

I can't wait. I love Mothers Day!! I probably won't be able to blog again til Monday, so everyone have a great Mothers Day!!

Love you guys!!Wish me luck!

God is good =D

~Me

Friday!!

Don't have much time to type but YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's Friday!!

Exciting weekend ahead!!

=D

My life is just growing by leaps and bounds and I can barely keep up with requests to do stuff.

I couldn't ask for anything else.

My cup indeed runneth over.

What I thought was happy, wasn't. This is happy and it's amazing.

=D

Have a great weekend!!

God is GREAT, life is good!!

Love,

Dianna

It's Wed Nes Day

Okay, I have a bit of time to write before I go to work in the yard. My life has been crazy lately.

Yesterday as I wrote was just hectic and well......Anthony isn't allowed to use my computer because he has virused up one of mine and one of mom's computers. So mine was off limits. I forgot to shut my computer down and came home and I had a ton of viruses on my computer and a worm virus.

x.x

I took it to Best Buy and they wanted 99 bucks to get my pics and other info off and 200 to get the virus off. I cried and cried because I was so upset. All my pics everything on there. It's not so much the computer, as a material thing it doesn't much matter. I was upset because he disobeyed me, went to sites he was not supposed to, offered no apology and showed no remorse for doing so.

I raised my voice for a sec and started crying pretty hard. I had gone outside and my roses had bloomed and without my computer there is no using my camera.

So....... I told him he had to pay to get my pics off. The 99 bucks and I would just go to my old computer. I cried all day off and on. I was driving my car cryin and did some talking to God to get rid of my anger. I was really disappointed not only in Anthony, but because I did raise my voice. It was very brief and I got it in check before I yelled.....I don't want any part of anger.

Came home after doing a house, walked in the door and Anthony did something he has never done. He apologized to me, said he was wrong going to those sites and called Bretts mom for the money to get my pics off the computer. My computer is at Best Buy and when it gets back Elmers friend from work Scott said I could send him the computer and he will restore it for me. =) So situation solved and I can use the old dinosaur computer til then. I'm rarely home, so all good =). He admitted he was wrong!!!! Never, ever has he done that! I was so proud. I gave him back his phone! He corrected the mistake so YAY! It all worked out!!

Been working out every day. They had to increase my calories again because I'm burning off way more than I'm taking in and it's causing me to stop. I lost 2 lbs today.

I have 2 trainers, director and now a nutritionist making sure I don't fail. They care about me so much there and encourage me above and beyond. It's nice. =D

I have so much to talk about, but this is long enough. I'll try to update more often. Going fishing Saturday I hope and out to eat Saturday night on the river =D Looking sooooooo forward to it.

My yard is calling me!!

Hugs and love

Dianna

Been

Sort of a hard day.

Nothing really has gone right.

Been crying a lot today.

Most of you know about my computer. I had to get my old one out of the closet and well...........it's just full of painful stuff.

Stuff I just wasn't ready to look at.

Gonna go lay in bed and cry.

Empty promises.

I hate when my heart hurts.

See you tomorrow

Love,

Dianna

heading out the door but

have to quickly share OMGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!! I can almost fit in my goal pants. I have stopped weighing because I hit a plateau, but I know I have lost!! Gonna beg Mike to weigh today!! All my clothes are falling off to the point of not being able to wear them. =D

Haven't missed a day of gym, this is going into my 12th week =)

A very quick check in

I'm alive and absolutely wonderful =D

My life is just so busy lately and it is a total blessing from God.

=D

This week coming up is extremely packed from start to finish and I'm welcoming every single bit of it. Nervous about a new season that's coming into play, but I will share more about that as it progresses.

It's all good =)

I'm so happy. Happy, Happy, Happy =)

God is good. I'll update soon.

Take care and have a fabulous week!

Love,

Dianna

Wed Nes Day

It's no secret on here, that I have been getting a lot closer to God.

Somedays I have the biggest struggles doing what is right. When he (God) tells me things need to go, the pruning can be so painful.

I have a few situations I'm not sure quite how to deal with. God has asked me to let things go, but in letting go and then keeping Gods word about doing unto others as we would have done...... I'm not sure where the line is drawn. I'm going to ask some friends who always give me wonderful advice on what it means.

Lack of understanding is frustrating. Who says that I always need to understand things?

Sometimes things just are.

Yesterday I had therapy and well.......... I asked my therapist some really hard questions. I asked him about love, basically what my blog entry from last week said. How do you accept love? How do you accept something you can't see? Especially when you feel you don't deserve it.

I also asked how do you know who you are? You can't say your job, because that's what you do. You can't say a mom, because that's not WHO you are either. He didn't really have an answer. He actually couldn't answer that one.

He was like Wow, what's the deal with the deep questions? I had to LOL. He told me it's a sign of intelligence that I am thinking that way and thinking about those things. Very good, yet very hard questions. He gave me a fabulous answer after a bit of thought on how to accept love =D

I FINALLY figured the whole love thing out with his help, I built on it and I TOTALLY understand it. I want to shout it from the rooftops! I UNDERSTAND IT!! The way he laid it out, don't get me wrong it's not verbatim here, but something to the effect of.......Love isn't words. Love isn't saying I love you. Love is your actions. People may do things that get on your nerves, people may do things that are bad, people may say the wrong thing at the wrong time, people may have an annoying habit that just gets under you skin.........but you love them anyways. As they are. You don't try to change them. You stand by them, you are always there. At one slip up, you don't turn your back on them and give up. You repair what was done and stand there and love them. No matter what they do, you are THERE. You are next to them. You stand by them.

I GET IT! Loving them as they are. Knowing that they will never change, but wanting to be next to them anyways.

So I look around my life and see the people that are there through the bad and the good. I see I am loved. I see the people who really love me, I see the people who really didn't love me. The ones who turned their back on me. The one's who hit me, the one's who pushed me away.

It's the people like my mom. We have our disagreements, we drive each other crazy, but she's still there. That's love. My family..... All still there. My friends, my March mommy friends. God knows we have all said and done things to hurt one another, but they are still there. I think this scripture says it best

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (New International Version)

9 Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their work:

10 If one falls down,
his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls
and has no one to help him up!

11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?

12 Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

I got it =) All this time I thought I wasn't accepting love, but I was. I accept it all around me =) I give it all around me. I don't give up on people because they make me mad. I know I say things hurtful sometimes, but I love people as they are. I got it =)

I love when I get something!!!

Okay, the next question the who am I?........ I'm not even kidding when I write this. I woke up at 5:55 am and the tv was on those stripe things and going bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep, it was annoying so I scroll to the next channel down, lines and bleeeeeeeeeeeep, so I get to channel 40 and it's normal.

I close my eyes and start drifting back to sleep and Joyce Meyers Ministry TV program came on and she directly said "You ask the question who are you? You want to know how you answer that beloved?"

You answer it by saying "I am a child of God!!!" That's who you are.

=) I am a child of God =)

It is amazing and I can't believe sometimes the way things happen. A direct answer. I will never know how or why things like that happen.

Again, I don't need to. =) Things just are!

God is working in so many ways in my life.

The things that happen sometimes just humble me. He hears me, he answers me.

It may not always be what I want to hear, but what he's asking me to get rid of is always for my best interest.

I gave up WoW for Lent, 40 days. It was HARD, the hardest thing I have ever done. I was addicted to it. Addicted to that escape from real life. I can go back, but I chose not to. Why? Because God took that bad out of my life and gave me A LIFE.

I don't even miss it anymore. I don't even want to play anymore. Why?

Because this weekend, my cousin and I whom I love very much are going fishing. Because my aunt and I go to church on Sundays together and receive Gods word in the back row. Because every Wednesday I get to go play with Evangeline and shower baby Justus with love. Because on Tuesday nights, I get to go learn about God with the greatest group of people I have ever known. Because I get to wake up and go outside every morning and see my flowers. Because on Sundays I get to go watch movies with my mother. Because Savannah and I have to go paint in the park. Because the boys and I have to watch LOST together...... Things I could not do before, because I was in a fake world. A fake place that meant nothing. I could go on and on and on. I gave him the game and he gave me a life.

I'm soooooooooooooooooo happy!! I got my joy back!!!!! I got what love is!!! I got who I am......... I got everything I wanted this morning. All from God. He is amazing!! I love him. I LOVE HIM =)

Have a wonderful Wednesday

Love,

Dianna

YAY Tuesday afternoon!!

Wow what a day!!

LOL! Um.......interesting day.

Well...... I better take this one to email =)

I'll share with bloggety bloggers soon!!

Gym went soooooooo well!! Got to workout with Mike, that's always fun!! Added an additional 100 calories (burned not eaten) onto my work out to make up for my laxidasical workout on Saturday and Sunday when I was sick!

I'm going fishing!!!!!!!!!! YAY!! I have had a steady stream of people volunteering to teach me!! =D

I'm ready for sunshine! It's almost Derby time!! I love God!! I love my flowers!!

I love life and what a fantastic day!!

=D

All of my loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Dianna

Gone Fishin

Yes, that's what I intend. I have said it for awhile on Facebook and now I'm gonna say it here too........ I wanna go fishing!!

I have asked for a crash course, so if you read this and can give me any advice, please pass it on =)

I think this weekend, I'm going to go on a fishing trip. Well, maybe not this weekend because it's Derby, but definitely very soon.

So............ pass on the info. I know the basics of what you need. I know I have to get a license. I have no clue what to do with the fish that are hooked.

HELP!! =D

Pass on the info!

Love,

Dianna

Monday =D

What a fantastic day!!!!!!! I'm feeling so much better. Every day of the antibiotic, I feel a bit better =) Thank goodness!!!!!

I'm so relieved to know why I was so cranky last week!!

Sharing a pic with you guys today! I Love it!!!!!!!!!



I'm on my 11th week of no misses at the gym!! They are putting me in the next news letter YAY!!!!!! I'm looking and feeling so good!! =D

I even went when I was sick!!

Okay, I got a ton of stuff to do, but wanted to give an update!!

Love you guys

Dianna

Sunday

Feeling a bit better.

I'm a tad bit tired of rain.

Have to share.....One more pic of my peonies!! Oh and PS, You know how I wished I had a fuschia Azalea bush? A red one bloomed in my yard today!! I had a bush on the corner and last year it didn't bloom, so I cut it back so it was such a nice suprise to find out it was an azalea bush and the flowers are sprouting all over! Pics of that tomorrow!



Going to bed early to try to get well rested so I can get back to my full energy level.

=)

Love,

Dianna

Sunday

Feeling a bit better.

I'm a tad bit tired of rain.

Going to bed early to try to get well rested so I get back to my full energy level.

=)

Love,

Dianna