Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Time, Time, Time............

Time is a funny thing. Funny how one minute you can be on top the world, time happens and twenty-four hours pass and you wonder how you went from being on top of the world, to being at the bottom of it.

Ten seconds pass and something happens in that to take you even further at the bottom of it.

For this trip back to the top, I need new shoes.

My feet hurt, my heart is just in a million different pieces.

I feel bad for God because he binds it up and knowing the pain, it took Him a long, long time. He has to go searching for all the pieces to put it back together again.

Sometimes I wonder if He ever gets tired of putting my heart back together.

It hurts sooooooooo bad that when I breathe in, it hurts.

I'm tired.

I wish I could go back to Sunday.

Satans laying it on thick today, but he doesn't realize that it doesn't pull me from God. It pushes me to Him.

He is the only man who has NEVER hurt me. It's been hard even trusting Him because men do and have done such awful things to me.

That is why I love Him so much. He's the one man who will never hurt me.

He won't ignore me, He won't do bad things to me, He won't say bad words to me, He won't tell me I'm this awful person, He won't take jabs at my weight, He won't break my arm because I want a real Christmas tree, He won't tell me He's going to murder me, He won't punch me in my back beacuse I'm crying, He won't throw me on the floor if I want a hug, He won't make me lock myself in a bathroom and cry because evils on the other side of the door, He won't forget to call me, He won't pretend I don't exist, He won't come into my room at 4 in the morning and tell me I'm these awful things, He won't smack me in the face with a shoe, He won't die and leave me on this earth alone, He won't tear up all my things because I didn't cook dinner, He won't be mean to my children, He won't take my things and pawn them, He won't get on my case because I'm scared, He won't stop loving me, He won't betray me, He won't care if I'm moody because I'm sick, He won't play games with my mind so I can be knocked lower.

I sleep with my bible at night. Tucked in my arms like a security blanket.

It's the truth (what's in the bible) and in it all He wants to do is love me.

Time.........I can't wait til I get to be with Him forever.

I hate it here.



1 comment:

NANCY From the Shore said...

This is Beautiful!!Truley it is.I look at Jesus this way...He just wants us to love him,and he adores us.
I am going to read your blog more,i need some spiritual reawakening..its been a downspiral for me lately.Looks like god is at my heels..literally:( XOXOXOXO