Saturday, July 24, 2010


Sorry for the lack of updates, been playing catch up after being off so long with pneumonia.

I'm tired.

Been a little depressed as of late.

Meditated a lot on the bible verse John 11:10 It is when he walks by night that he stumbles, for he has no light.

I feel like I am stuck in the dark right now.

In the past few months I have drifted out of the dark and into the light and the light feels sooooooo good.......but the dark is where I'm comfortable.

In the dark lies the past, lies stuff I hide, lies exhaustion.

I'm tired of being in the dark, but not sure how to get into the light.

I try, but fear keeps me over in the dark. I can't see my way out of it, because I can't in any fashion envision myself living in the light. Seems like too much bad would come and too much fear of the unknown.

It's even sadder because I'm not the one doing the stuff to keep me over in the dark. It's nothing I have control over and obviously wishing in that department doesn't work.

I'm just tired. Running away from things doesn't work. Hiding over in my dark corner doesn't work. There is no gray area. You are either in the dark or in the light. You can't be half in the dark, you can't be half in the light.

Stinks. Sigh.

Aside from that It's hot here. The heat is unbearable. My breathing is still not right and the air outside makes me cough and feel like I can't catch my breath.

I'll be glad when I get my lungs back.

Hurry fall and cool weather.



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