It's no secret on here, that I have been getting a lot closer to God.
Somedays I have the biggest struggles doing what is right. When he (God) tells me things need to go, the pruning can be so painful.
I have a few situations I'm not sure quite how to deal with. God has asked me to let things go, but in letting go and then keeping Gods word about doing unto others as we would have done...... I'm not sure where the line is drawn. I'm going to ask some friends who always give me wonderful advice on what it means.
Lack of understanding is frustrating. Who says that I always need to understand things?
Sometimes things just are.
Yesterday I had therapy and well.......... I asked my therapist some really hard questions. I asked him about love, basically what my blog entry from last week said. How do you accept love? How do you accept something you can't see? Especially when you feel you don't deserve it.
I also asked how do you know who you are? You can't say your job, because that's what you do. You can't say a mom, because that's not WHO you are either. He didn't really have an answer. He actually couldn't answer that one.
He was like Wow, what's the deal with the deep questions? I had to LOL. He told me it's a sign of intelligence that I am thinking that way and thinking about those things. Very good, yet very hard questions. He gave me a fabulous answer after a bit of thought on how to accept love =D
I FINALLY figured the whole love thing out with his help, I built on it and I TOTALLY understand it. I want to shout it from the rooftops! I UNDERSTAND IT!! The way he laid it out, don't get me wrong it's not verbatim here, but something to the effect of.......Love isn't words. Love isn't saying I love you. Love is your actions. People may do things that get on your nerves, people may do things that are bad, people may say the wrong thing at the wrong time, people may have an annoying habit that just gets under you skin.........but you love them anyways. As they are. You don't try to change them. You stand by them, you are always there. At one slip up, you don't turn your back on them and give up. You repair what was done and stand there and love them. No matter what they do, you are THERE. You are next to them. You stand by them.
I GET IT! Loving them as they are. Knowing that they will never change, but wanting to be next to them anyways.
So I look around my life and see the people that are there through the bad and the good. I see I am loved. I see the people who really love me, I see the people who really didn't love me. The ones who turned their back on me. The one's who hit me, the one's who pushed me away.
It's the people like my mom. We have our disagreements, we drive each other crazy, but she's still there. That's love. My family..... All still there. My friends, my March mommy friends. God knows we have all said and done things to hurt one another, but they are still there. I think this scripture says it best
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (New International Version)
9 Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their work:
10 If one falls down,
his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls
and has no one to help him up!
11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
12 Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
I got it =) All this time I thought I wasn't accepting love, but I was. I accept it all around me =) I give it all around me. I don't give up on people because they make me mad. I know I say things hurtful sometimes, but I love people as they are. I got it =)
I love when I get something!!!
Okay, the next question the who am I?........ I'm not even kidding when I write this. I woke up at 5:55 am and the tv was on those stripe things and going bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep, it was annoying so I scroll to the next channel down, lines and bleeeeeeeeeeeep, so I get to channel 40 and it's normal.
I close my eyes and start drifting back to sleep and Joyce Meyers Ministry TV program came on and she directly said "You ask the question who are you? You want to know how you answer that beloved?"
You answer it by saying "I am a child of God!!!" That's who you are.
=) I am a child of God =)
It is amazing and I can't believe sometimes the way things happen. A direct answer. I will never know how or why things like that happen.
Again, I don't need to. =) Things just are!
God is working in so many ways in my life.
The things that happen sometimes just humble me. He hears me, he answers me.
It may not always be what I want to hear, but what he's asking me to get rid of is always for my best interest.
I gave up WoW for Lent, 40 days. It was HARD, the hardest thing I have ever done. I was addicted to it. Addicted to that escape from real life. I can go back, but I chose not to. Why? Because God took that bad out of my life and gave me A LIFE.
I don't even miss it anymore. I don't even want to play anymore. Why?
Because this weekend, my cousin and I whom I love very much are going fishing. Because my aunt and I go to church on Sundays together and receive Gods word in the back row. Because every Wednesday I get to go play with Evangeline and shower baby Justus with love. Because on Tuesday nights, I get to go learn about God with the greatest group of people I have ever known. Because I get to wake up and go outside every morning and see my flowers. Because on Sundays I get to go watch movies with my mother. Because Savannah and I have to go paint in the park. Because the boys and I have to watch LOST together...... Things I could not do before, because I was in a fake world. A fake place that meant nothing. I could go on and on and on. I gave him the game and he gave me a life.
I'm soooooooooooooooooo happy!! I got my joy back!!!!! I got what love is!!! I got who I am......... I got everything I wanted this morning. All from God. He is amazing!! I love him. I LOVE HIM =)
Have a wonderful Wednesday