Monday, April 12, 2010
Antsy Monday =P
The following is a true story and is not intended for people who love ants. This writing contains graphic scenes, including, but not limited to death of ants by windex, the cruel death of ants by being eaten alive and squashed relentlessly by human shoes.
We have ants. Lots of ants. Bug man will be here Saturday, but I must tell you in everyone's own account of our evening last night.
Lets start with me.......
I was laying in my bed, reading the bible.
I was reading Exodus, learning about how God sent various plagues to the Egyptians. I read about the frogs, locusts, boils etc. I was to the part where God sent the flies (was appropriate reading for what awaited us), when I am startled by the screaming of my son Anthony. I hear "Oh my God" in a panic stricken voice.
I sit erect in my bed and yell "Anthony, what's wrong" after a few minutes again I hear him say "Oh my God" I scoot towards the edge of the bed and say "Anthony, what's wrong" I hear him drop something on the ground, run to the sink and start spitting and gagging.
I ask again "What happened?" I hear his girlfriend come running in and I hear him say "I felt a tickle in my mouth and it was dark in here and I ran over to turn on the lights"
I'll tell the rest of the story by others accounts below.....
I laughed so hard I literally not only could not breathe, I got a bad headache.
Ha ha ha, "Anthony ate ants" giggle, giggle! Muah ha ha ha ha ha "Tickle in his mouth" ha ha ha ha ha "It was dark and he didn't see them" Giggle, giggle, ha, ha, ha.
Claire and Opie
"Someone dropped a pop tart on the floor with ants, lets go eat it!"
"Ah dude, that's sick"
"He smiled and an ant went straight across his teeth"
"Dude, that's gross"
"Mom, did you see that? Anthony was eating a pop tart and it had ants all over it, dude brush your teeth"
"Dude, that is just sick, Holly grab the windex and lets kill them"
"Mom, the dogs have the pop tart with the ants on it"
"Dude, that's just sick"
My dreamy boyfriend and I were watching a movie. He decided he wanted a late evening snack and thought the pop tarts sounded blissfully delectable.
I sat and waited for my dreamy love in his bedroom. The door was opened a hair and I heard him rustling his superb cookie dough pop tart wrapper.
I hear him shout in his manliest of voices "Oh my God" I sprang from the floor to see what was the matter. There was my dream boat retching in the sink whilest ants crawl all over his chin.
His brother ran in and saw one go across his teeth, we collaborated to grab the Windex and defeat the beasts within my boyfriends mouth.
At the scene of the crime the pop tart lay on the floor, ants had a hostile take over of it. I start to squirt the ones on the floor. Out of the corner of my eye I see Opie and Claire approaching the pop tart. They start growling at one another over the tasty morsel that lay on the ground. One of them snatches up the ant covered confection and runs off.
Me and my snuggle bunny were laying on the floor watching a movie. My mom is back in her room reading and I wanted to be as quiet as possible to not disturb her. I wanted a cookie dough pop tart so bad my mouth was watering.
I sneak into the kitchen and it's dark. Under the soft glow of the street lamp in the window, I spot the box of the breakfast pastry. It appeared as if it were illuminated to show me the way to it!! It was calling me!
I open up the box and feel that foily wrapper cold under my hot hands. I open the treat and look at it in the light. It is my lucky day, they sprinkled extra chocolate morsels on my pastry!! I put the delectable treat to my mouth and start to chew this delightful confection. I swallow the first bite and feel something funny in my mouth. My mouth is almost tickling with delight!
I rush over to the light to flip it on............upon further inspection I realize the extra chocolate morsels were ants! Out of my horror I screamed "Oh, my God" I hear my mother in the background asking "What's wrong" i cannot answer her, I am in absolute shock feeling the ants move with in my mouth.
I throw the ant filled pastry on the ground and shout "Oh my God" again. My brother laughs and I smile at him as I feel something move across my teeth. I hear him say "dude that is gross"
My girlfriend goes to save me with a bottle of Windex and asks me if I want some in my mouth. I politely decline and start retching in the sink. I can feel the ants as they march down my esophagus.
When I get my wits about me, I retell the story. My sister is in the background laughing hysterically. I hear my mother struggling to catch her breath as she laughs.
The family pets come running in and snatch my breakfast pastry from the floor. I think they briefly fought over it, but someone won the accosted pastry.
I walk over to the shelf in the window where I see other boxes of soiled breakfast pastries. I pick them up hastily and toss them into the garbage.
Everyone still laughs at me while I retreat back to my room to ponder what the ants are doing within me.
I tell you what, I have laughed over this pop tart thing ALLLLLLL night and all day. To the point of not being able to breathe. I was crying when I had Juan at the Dr. listening to his recollection of what happened.
Bug men will be here Saturday =)
Have a happy Monday!
Hope you enjoyed our production!