Well, it's Tuesday.
Have had a trying morning. Usually my normal routine would be to vent to anyone who would listen...... Vent, vent, vent... As of late, I have been venting a TON less to people and handing my problems to God. He can make everything as it should be.
As I wrote a couple of weeks ago, I have trouble giving things to God and then taking them back and I start back over, handing them back to God. Rinse, repeat. This has been the hardest for me along with faith and they both go hand n hand.
This morning another issue arose only.... it's not my issue in a round about way. I gave it to God. I'm trying like crazy to not let it upset me. The old me has peeked out a few times and I just have to breathe and remember I'm not her anymore and I go about my way.
I keep handing the issue over to God, taking it back to my own thoughts and then handing it back.
Mentally this is tiring.
The more I try to live right, I learn that life is a constant struggle between good and evil.
I never knew the depth of it. I never fully understood it. It's the premise of tons of TV shows, tons of movies and I guess it's that way because .........It is. Everything is good vs. evil.
I don't want to give up, I don't want to get lost. My desire to do good is greater than my desire to do bad. Trying to unlearn my responses is hard. This is probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
Anything worth having is hard.
If it was easy we wouldn't appreciate it so much.
I sought the Lord, and he answered me, and delivered me from all my fears. (Psalm 34:4)
God saved me and I will never forget that day.
No matter what the struggle, no matter how much I want just blurt out the first angry thought that comes into my head........ I stop, I breathe and I remember the best thing I can do for anyone is to pray for them.
I can't change people, but I can change how I react to them.
I can choose between right and wrong and I WILL slip up a lot and choose wrong. But the will in my heart grows greater every day to choose right. If I am about to do something wrong or say something wrong, a feeling inside lets me know it.
I have read a lot about how the holy spirit dwells inside each of us and how you can tell what's right or wrong in your life by the feelings you have inside.
Before I was even saved by God, I had those feelings. I would say "I feel like something is wrong, but I don't know what" I said this all the time.
There was a lot wrong. God pruned my life and is still pruning and pruning....making way for new seasons in my life. =D
Some of the pruning hurts. It hurts bad, but he's there with me to help me through. That's the greatest comfort of all. He knows what is bad for me, he knows what is good for me and takes the bad out. It's awesome the way it works. But it's also hard at times.
Especially on days like today that are a struggle. A day like today where I feel weak and have cried a lot this morning. Today is very hard and very trying. I have to get up, give it back to God and let it go.
Things and people can steal our joy, but that's a choice *I* make. Do I choose to give all my problems back to God (who will gladly take them) Or do I want to sit and mope and cry about it all day?
I choose God =D
He turns my mourning into dancing =) So, I'm off to the gym, giving my problems back to him and focusing on happy things and happy thoughts. Focusing on that joy he put in my heart.
Letting that joy be taken is a choice I make. I need to tattoo that on my forehead. It is a choice I MAKE.
Taking the joy back to my heart that he put there. A gift he gave me, a gift *I* choose to accept.
Good vs evil. I choose GOOD =)
God is everything good. EVERYTHING GOOD =D
I love him.
I would appreciate any prayers for me, if you could for strength and wisdom =D
Thanks and have a wonderful Tuesday.
***Have to add an update to this, it is really testing Tuesday.....at the gym I was tested AGAIN and put in a spot where I had to think quickly and ugh. I hope and pray I did the right thing. I was crying there on the ab machine because I was put into such an awkward situation. Sigh. I hope I did the right thing.
Good notes down 34 lbs and the boys old karate teacher wants me to come get him next time I'm in there so he can start teaching me how to kick box =D I'm not sure if I'm ready for it, but he seems to think I am =) I told Angel I'm gonna make her go do it with me so I'm not so scared LOL!!
34 lbs YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!