Wednesday, June 23, 2010


On a hot Wednesday! I'm in a lot better spirits than the other day. However, I'm still not allowing myself to be walked on.

Sometimes I just think.....what was I thinking?

Mondays bible study was on binding up and healing the broken hearted (God). It was a very good video and very good discussion and I got a lot of helpful insight about why I let people, men in particular, do those things.

I'm sooooooo glad I'm unlearning that behavior and I'm learning how things are done correctly, I'm not even the least bit attracted to anyone I dated. It was so confusing, but the reasons were given as to why we chose the ones we do.

They nailed that pattern on the head and almost everything applied to me. I wasted so much time and energy. I get mad at myself sometimes for doing that. To think of all the time I wasted kills me, but I can't dwell on it.

Mistakes are mistakes. I learned valuable lessons in the process and maybe that's what God intended. I wish I would've known all this stuff back when I was younger.

I can't make myself love anyone, I can't make myself like anyone, I can't fix anyone, I can't make people do the right thing, I can't change anyone, nor can I save anyone.

Just learning that took a ton of pressure off. For years I have tried to make myself like/love people and felt extreme guilt because I didn't.

I was thinking about a recent relationship and mulling it over with God, he said so clearly and loudly.......

"You can't possibly believe that this is what I intended for you"

Took a bit to sink in and realize......It's not what he intended for me.

And for once, it's OKAY =)

It's not something I deep within my heart wanted for myself anyways.

Okay, heading out the door.

Love you guys!!


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