It's Saturday

What a long day. For the past two days, everything has been making me cry. Cry, cry, cry. Well, last night I started feeling awful, achy, tired, chilled, ear ache. This morning woke up and wow, my ear was throbbing, painful and I was weepy as could be. I went to the Dr. and have an ear infection. She said there was lots of fluid and it was really red. I'm on some pretty strong antibiotics and now that I have taken a couple today, I hope I'm getting a good headstart on recovery.

That pain stinks.

Anthony's prom was tonight and I am uploading pics to share a few with you guys on here. =)

My evening was wonderful. I am quite smitten with someone and .......well.....I dunno. =) It's nice and well.... =) Enough about that...For now ;) here's pics!!












Please ignore my looks ...... I had no clue I would be in pics and well, being sick and having a fever =) No make up LOL!

Hope you guys enjoyed the pics!!

Happy Saturday, pray my ear heals quickly so I can get back to normal!

<3

Dianna

Hmm it's Friday

Well, I'm not going to make this long because there's not too much good happening this week.

This week has tried my patience enough for 20 people. It's had good moments, but for the most part has been emotionally draining, leaving me exhausted.

This morning after taking Anthony and Savannah to school, I came home and cried my eyes out and fell asleep.

I was going to not go to the gym and just sit and cry. Picked my head up and went and I was glad I did. Saw my friends for a bit. Made some new friends.

Anyways I wrote to Community Groups about what was wrong, so just pray for me. Continue to pray for me til this situation resolves itself.

Thanks and thanks and thanks!!

Love,

Dianna

I am such a NERD

I am so in love with these stinking flowers!!! I wake up every morning and go running to the door like it's Christmas to see if my flowers are any bigger!!

Last night I was working in the yard and I was going over to them and telling them they had better grow and that they were so pretty!

I never learned how to do yardwork. EVER........So, I'm so excited.

I love having my own yard, I love having my own house. I love having to learn to do everything myself and then sit back and see if it worked!!

I actually have a few green buds in my flower beds!!!!!!!!!!!! Not that I checked with a magnifying glass or anything =P

You guys will probably get step by step coverage of my lil buds forming!!

From buds to blooms LOL!!!

My Peonies should be opening any day!! I want a fuschia Azalea bush sooooooooooo bad I can taste it. They already bloomed for this year, so I'll have to find out when to plant them for next year.

Okay, got a busy day, but then again I always have busy days!

Anthony gets his Tux today for prom Saturday YAY!!

Have a fantastic flowery Thursday!! I got to spend yesterday with Baby E and Justus and today Savannah and I get to watch Violet YAY!!!!! Tops off the day!

Flowers YAY!

Thursday YAY!!

Love,

Dianna

My favorite thing

On this planet is flowers =D. Like you couldn't tell that from my photo blog. Here are a few pics of my Peonies and the flowers in the boxes that Elmer sent. The flowers in the flower bed, haven't sprouted yet, but these ones have =). I'm soooooo excited!! First the Peonies....



Here are my lil bouncing babies!!!! I can't tell you how excited I was to see lil sprouts in there!!

Have a question..... Love

I have a question for you guys.

God shows me areas I need to work on all the time. Sunday was one example of something I am trying to do and do not know how to do.

How do you accept love? Love from God, love from family, love from friends? How do you accept it, when you have a core belief that you do not deserve it?

I guess this is the part where I believe that mental abuse is a lot worse than physical abuse. Hearing how bad I was from a small child it's etched into my brain now that I am bad and deserve nothing. Especially not love.

How can I ever have a relationship when I can't accept love? You can't take love and place it in my hand, it's accepting something that you can't see.

I have had this problem with every relationship I have had. Every single one. I end up leaving them before they leave me, because how can I possibly be loved?

It's hard to make someone understand why I do the things I do.... Here it is in black and white, humiliating as it can be...... I think I am that bad to not deserve love.... Help.

I was saying my prayers the other night and God said to me loud and clear, "I'm not going to leave you, I will not forsake you" He said it again and again.

Funny, that same night I read it in the bible. I didn't know that line was even in the bible. That's how I know it was God's voice. I was told that what God says aligns with what's in the bible.... Pretty amazing considering I haven't read the bible. I am reading it now, but have not other than what hangs on walls.

It answers my question that I am not ready to date. If I did I would screw it all up again. I have to figure out how to accept love.

I can't even accept love God wants to give me. I know I love people. I love my children, my family, my dogs.

I can't wrap my brain around it. I try to rationalize it. I can't. I don't know how to accept something you can't see.

Someone said you can't fully give love and you can't fully love someone unless you accept love. I feel I love people, do I?

It's all so complicated. I know I love my children. I know I love my family. I think of how do I know? Is it the way I pray for them? Is it the things I do for them? Is it how I act towards them?

Do I expect them to throw themselves in front of a bus to prove they love me? Would that work? I don't get it.

What is it? I think did I love Elmer? Kyle? It's complicated.

Was my lack of being able to accept love the problem in all of this? Did I cause all the problems in my past relationships?

If I was good why did Juan (sons dad not him) want to kill me? Why did he hit me? Why did he tear up my stuff? Why did he throw me down steps? Why did he break my arm? If I was someone, if I was able to be loved, why did he do those things?

Why did Mary always tell me I hurt my dad and that I should be ashamed of myself for hurting my dad. Why did she take away my room if I was worth loving? Why did they take away my car, why did they say such awful things to me if I was worth loving?

I could go on and on and on......

How do I change those beliefs of what I deserve?

My mind goes crazy.

I worked through forgiveness with Kyle. Did I love him? Yes, he's the father of my child. I think towards the end so many bad things had happened that I could no longer fully love him the way he deserved. Too much bad.

Elmer......Well, of course I loved him. We would've never worked the way things were. Doesn't mean I didn't love him. Sometimes if you love someone the best thing you can do for them is to let them go.

Does any of this make any sense? I'm confusing myself more.

With that being said....... I can give it, but I can't accept it. How do you believe you deserve it? How do I change this to not let it affect my future relationships?

When I was hit it was so much easier. Words......they last forever and when you don't believe you deserve something like love.......

UGH. Help..... advice? Experience? Help =(

Pray for me, because this is a huge struggle for me.

Please.

Happy Wednesday

Love

Dianna

Tuesday

Just a quick update. I have been gone all day and everything I have set out to do has either A. Gone wrong or B. Taken twice as long...........

Have Community groups tonight so YAY!

I'm so exhausted it's not even funny. Allergies are bothering me and the meds I am taking make me so sleepy. zzzzzzz.

Okay, not much else happening, just trying to make it through the day.

Savannah comes home tomorrow YAY!

Love,

Dianna

YAY and YAY and YAY!! =)

If I would've written this, this morning it would not have been real pleasant. It was crunch time on a few things and I was wondering how it was going to work out. I was lonely. I was sad. I was on a pity pot.

Went back to my room, cried, said some prayers....Decided to get off my pity pot, wiped the tears off my face, gave God all my problems. It was too much for me... So, I went to the gym..........

How everything can change drastically in an instant is beyond me....... I mean.... Wow.

First things first....... The Y had a health fair going on so I went to it w/ Angel. Got my blood pressure checked 112/70 YAY!! =) Got on their scale and I was 10 lbs lower than I had been over the weekend. Which would put me at almost 50 lbs. I have to double check it on a few pounds and don't think it's possible, but it was right for Angels weight.

Second on the list.......They asked if they could do an article on me for the newspaper there =) I haven't missed a single day in 10 weeks except when they were closed on Easter and I have lost a ton of weight =D I'm so excited!!

Third =D was a text came in and well......It totally got me out of the crunch I was in financially. =D Perfect timing!!!!! God is good.

And yet lastly but not leastly =P .......... well, I'm not sure I want to share that yet. But things are happening. I got a lot of thinking I need to do. A lot. Sometimes things or people come your way and you just can't say no to them.

So..... with that being said and I have to carefully weigh my decision and if anything comes of it I will share, but =)

Wow.

My day could not get any better. Funny how in an hour my day went from crying to on top of the world.

God moved mountains for me today and I was so humbled over it all, I about boo hooed on my elliptical.

So amazing and I love him.

Love,

Dianna

Happy Sunday =D

This morning started out rocky, but......... I got back on track quickly. Felt like when Daniel was taking apart the Gospel this morning he was talking directly to me.

I had prayed for a definite answer and I was given a very specific, poignant answer. Left no room for ifs ands or buts. =D I am so thankful.

It's okay to mess up!!I totally learned that this morning!! =D It's okay to say the wrong thing, to do the wrong thing. God's grace covers it!! Thank God!

Okay, a quick my life update!

Yesterday was wonderful!!

Evening was wonderful =D

Yesterday afternoon my mom and I watched the best movie. Everybody's Fine. It was a very moving movie. I recommend it.

I am 3.5 months into my 6 months of no dating rule. ACK! ACK! ACK!
It has been totally therapeutic, but getting harder to say no.

My 5 n half lb. weight loss stuck. =D 39 lbs!

Funny, Mike will come over and introduce all his clients to me. I haven't missed a single day in 10 weeks!! Easter they were closed, but I still exercised! I'm quite motivational =)

I want it, I will have it. I can do it. I am looking great and feeling fantastic!! I WILL do it!

I am so happy today. My spirits are super high, my confidence is super high, God gave me a direct answer, I am in love with him and with life!

Could things get any better?

That's my update in a nutshell!! Things could not be any better!!!!

Have a fantastic Sunday.

Life is GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD =)

Love,

Dianna

Saturday =)

Hullooooo on Saturday!

Savannah had her 2nd soccer game and won! YAY!! 4 to 1 =D she did so good out there!! Her coach cracks me up. He's like the pee wee version of Bobby Knight. Last week we kept waiting for him to throw chairs. Savannah's a lil scared of him! Me too!! =P Very nice fellow, just a yeller =)

Went and worked out after her game and shoooooo, I'm a lil tired.

It's Thunder Over Louisville day and I have got asked to a bunch of different cook outs and parties and so on...... Chris invited me to go to the top of the park w/ him and his son to watch the fireworks. /shrug

So, not sure what the evening holds, I know the afternoon holds ribs!! Gotta be over there at 4, so I have 3 hours to exercise enough to eat the ribs!

Church tomorrow YAY!!!

My friend Melody sent me a email about being thankful for things. I read the article and got to thinking....wow, I'm really not. It's always wanting something better when in reality, I'm extremely blessed.

I have a house in which I am totally in love with. It's not big, it's not fancy, but it's mine. It's the first time outside the women's shelter I have ever lived alone. I am very blessed to have this house.

I complain about my eye sight, but at least I can see. I complain about my stomach always hurting, but at least I can eat. I don't have a lot of food and I have nothing anyone would consider a delicacy, but I have food. I don't have fancy clothes or expensive clothes, but I have clothes. I don't have a lot of shoes, but at least I have shoes. My kids can be trying sometimes, but at least I have healthy children full of compassion, empathy and love. My mattress is getting old and the seams are coming apart, but at least I have a bed. I could go on and on =)

I stepped outside my own box and looked around at people who have none of the above.

I should be down on my knees thanking God for what I do have, instead of wanting more.

I'm happy, I have joy, I have love.... I asked God for friends and he gave me soooooooo many it makes me want to cry tears of joy. I'm not lonely anymore. I don't NEED anyone but God, but he gave me friends to enjoy life with.

What a place to be. Going to take into account the *I wishes* and replace them with Thanks.

Blessed, lucky, happy and surrounded by loving family and friends.

Thank you God =)

Love you all =D

~me

Windy Friday!!

Hi hi hiiiiii =D Okay, I am really ecstatic. Next to the scales at the gym they have an emergency button to push, well, today I got on the scales and it showed a 5 and a half pound loss. I almost passed out and jumped in between scales the old klunkers and the digital.

I wanted to push that button and scream into the speaker "I lost almost 6 lbs this week" but I refrained. /sigh

Both said the same. Gonna try to confirm it tomorrow, but I hopeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee it's correct That's just one week!! I don't wanna get excited though until it sticks.

Me, Curl n Linney had a really nice conversation yesterday about God and what special things he helps us see or ways he has touched us. I love hearing what he has done for others and I love sharing what he did for me.

He always gives me wisdom to see something I didn't.

I have complained on this blog before about a handful of people who never contact me, never call me, never even think of me.......unless they need something.

Need a haircut, need pictures taken, need their computer fixed. This has been happening for years upon years. It was wearing me out and Dianna Miss politey pants didn't want to say no. It might "Hurt their feelings" I didn't think of my own worth and how much it hurt that these people wanted nothing to do with me any other time than when they wanted something.

A month ago a few from the handful group needed their computer fixed again...... I was so hurt, because at that time I really needed friends and was just mad because they didn't want me, only what I could do for them. I got a wake up call when I said "I love how people only call me when they want something from me"

A big light came on over my head and said "I bet that's how God feels about me" I felt so low. The fact was up until recently anytime I went to God was when I *needed/wanted* something.

Never went to him to talk or to be thankful for what he had given to me. Just pushed him aside, forgot about him, until I needed something.

Since that was revealed to me, I make it a key point just to talk to God and ask about him and show extra thanks for what I do have.

I don't ever want to make him feel like that. Maybe that was point God was trying to teach me. It wasn't about saying no, it was about making me see what it's like when someone only turns to you when they need/want something.

So selfish of me. Lesson learned.

All of us are so selfish. I never thought that word applied to me, but it sure does. I am selfish and it's an area I need to work on.

Okay, Happy Friday =)

Much Love

Dianna

Thursday

Had a bit of a trying morning, but I'm back on track =)

Baby E has that effect on me. You can't possibly be in a sad or bad mood around her. Her smile lights up the whole entire room and she says the cutest things ever. I totally love her!!

Today I got to spend the afternoon taking care of both Justus and baby E. I had forgotten how much work it is! God blessed me with the best family ever.

I went to the gym early, early!! Down 35 lbs yay and yay!!!!!

Went and bought potting soil and came home and planted all the flowers Elmer sent!

I am sooooooooooooooooo excited about them! I will be out there every day to check and see if they have grown.

Weird statement, but I want to go fishing so badly. I have never been and I have this strong will to go. I saw a commercial for lakedream.com and I wanted to go there. I want to learn to fish =)

Okay, I am off to spend time with the lovely Savannah banana!!

Have a fantastic evening everyone.

Love,

Dianna

Wednesday

Happy Wednesday.

Have been gone all day, finally sitting down to my computer.

My fingers are too tired to write, so I'll just say good night.

Love,

Dianna

Testing Tuesday

Well, it's Tuesday.

Have had a trying morning. Usually my normal routine would be to vent to anyone who would listen...... Vent, vent, vent... As of late, I have been venting a TON less to people and handing my problems to God. He can make everything as it should be.

As I wrote a couple of weeks ago, I have trouble giving things to God and then taking them back and I start back over, handing them back to God. Rinse, repeat. This has been the hardest for me along with faith and they both go hand n hand.

This morning another issue arose only.... it's not my issue in a round about way. I gave it to God. I'm trying like crazy to not let it upset me. The old me has peeked out a few times and I just have to breathe and remember I'm not her anymore and I go about my way.

I keep handing the issue over to God, taking it back to my own thoughts and then handing it back.

Mentally this is tiring.

The more I try to live right, I learn that life is a constant struggle between good and evil.

I never knew the depth of it. I never fully understood it. It's the premise of tons of TV shows, tons of movies and I guess it's that way because .........It is. Everything is good vs. evil.

I don't want to give up, I don't want to get lost. My desire to do good is greater than my desire to do bad. Trying to unlearn my responses is hard. This is probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

Anything worth having is hard.

If it was easy we wouldn't appreciate it so much.

I sought the Lord, and he answered me, and delivered me from all my fears. (Psalm 34:4)

God saved me and I will never forget that day.

No matter what the struggle, no matter how much I want just blurt out the first angry thought that comes into my head........ I stop, I breathe and I remember the best thing I can do for anyone is to pray for them.

I can't change people, but I can change how I react to them.

I can choose between right and wrong and I WILL slip up a lot and choose wrong. But the will in my heart grows greater every day to choose right. If I am about to do something wrong or say something wrong, a feeling inside lets me know it.

I have read a lot about how the holy spirit dwells inside each of us and how you can tell what's right or wrong in your life by the feelings you have inside.

Before I was even saved by God, I had those feelings. I would say "I feel like something is wrong, but I don't know what" I said this all the time.

There was a lot wrong. God pruned my life and is still pruning and pruning....making way for new seasons in my life. =D

Some of the pruning hurts. It hurts bad, but he's there with me to help me through. That's the greatest comfort of all. He knows what is bad for me, he knows what is good for me and takes the bad out. It's awesome the way it works. But it's also hard at times.

Especially on days like today that are a struggle. A day like today where I feel weak and have cried a lot this morning. Today is very hard and very trying. I have to get up, give it back to God and let it go.

Things and people can steal our joy, but that's a choice *I* make. Do I choose to give all my problems back to God (who will gladly take them) Or do I want to sit and mope and cry about it all day?

Easy choice

I choose God =D

He turns my mourning into dancing =) So, I'm off to the gym, giving my problems back to him and focusing on happy things and happy thoughts. Focusing on that joy he put in my heart.

Letting that joy be taken is a choice I make. I need to tattoo that on my forehead. It is a choice I MAKE.

Taking the joy back to my heart that he put there. A gift he gave me, a gift *I* choose to accept.

Good vs evil. I choose GOOD =)

God is everything good. EVERYTHING GOOD =D

I love him.

I would appreciate any prayers for me, if you could for strength and wisdom =D

Thanks and have a wonderful Tuesday.

Love,

~Dianna

***Have to add an update to this, it is really testing Tuesday.....at the gym I was tested AGAIN and put in a spot where I had to think quickly and ugh. I hope and pray I did the right thing. I was crying there on the ab machine because I was put into such an awkward situation. Sigh. I hope I did the right thing.

Good notes down 34 lbs and the boys old karate teacher wants me to come get him next time I'm in there so he can start teaching me how to kick box =D I'm not sure if I'm ready for it, but he seems to think I am =) I told Angel I'm gonna make her go do it with me so I'm not so scared LOL!!

34 lbs YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Antsy Monday =P

The following is a true story and is not intended for people who love ants. This writing contains graphic scenes, including, but not limited to death of ants by windex, the cruel death of ants by being eaten alive and squashed relentlessly by human shoes.

We have ants. Lots of ants. Bug man will be here Saturday, but I must tell you in everyone's own account of our evening last night.

Lets start with me.......

Dianna:

I was laying in my bed, reading the bible.

I was reading Exodus, learning about how God sent various plagues to the Egyptians. I read about the frogs, locusts, boils etc. I was to the part where God sent the flies (was appropriate reading for what awaited us), when I am startled by the screaming of my son Anthony. I hear "Oh my God" in a panic stricken voice.

I sit erect in my bed and yell "Anthony, what's wrong" after a few minutes again I hear him say "Oh my God" I scoot towards the edge of the bed and say "Anthony, what's wrong" I hear him drop something on the ground, run to the sink and start spitting and gagging.

I ask again "What happened?" I hear his girlfriend come running in and I hear him say "I felt a tickle in my mouth and it was dark in here and I ran over to turn on the lights"

I'll tell the rest of the story by others accounts below.....

I laughed so hard I literally not only could not breathe, I got a bad headache.

Savannah:

Ha ha ha, "Anthony ate ants" giggle, giggle! Muah ha ha ha ha ha "Tickle in his mouth" ha ha ha ha ha "It was dark and he didn't see them" Giggle, giggle, ha, ha, ha.

Claire and Opie

"Someone dropped a pop tart on the floor with ants, lets go eat it!"

Juan

"Ah dude, that's sick"

"He smiled and an ant went straight across his teeth"

"Dude, that's gross"

"Mom, did you see that? Anthony was eating a pop tart and it had ants all over it, dude brush your teeth"

"Dude, that is just sick, Holly grab the windex and lets kill them"

"Mom, the dogs have the pop tart with the ants on it"

"Dude, that's just sick"

Holly

My dreamy boyfriend and I were watching a movie. He decided he wanted a late evening snack and thought the pop tarts sounded blissfully delectable.

I sat and waited for my dreamy love in his bedroom. The door was opened a hair and I heard him rustling his superb cookie dough pop tart wrapper.

I hear him shout in his manliest of voices "Oh my God" I sprang from the floor to see what was the matter. There was my dream boat retching in the sink whilest ants crawl all over his chin.

His brother ran in and saw one go across his teeth, we collaborated to grab the Windex and defeat the beasts within my boyfriends mouth.

At the scene of the crime the pop tart lay on the floor, ants had a hostile take over of it. I start to squirt the ones on the floor. Out of the corner of my eye I see Opie and Claire approaching the pop tart. They start growling at one another over the tasty morsel that lay on the ground. One of them snatches up the ant covered confection and runs off.

Anthony

Me and my snuggle bunny were laying on the floor watching a movie. My mom is back in her room reading and I wanted to be as quiet as possible to not disturb her. I wanted a cookie dough pop tart so bad my mouth was watering.

I sneak into the kitchen and it's dark. Under the soft glow of the street lamp in the window, I spot the box of the breakfast pastry. It appeared as if it were illuminated to show me the way to it!! It was calling me!

I open up the box and feel that foily wrapper cold under my hot hands. I open the treat and look at it in the light. It is my lucky day, they sprinkled extra chocolate morsels on my pastry!! I put the delectable treat to my mouth and start to chew this delightful confection. I swallow the first bite and feel something funny in my mouth. My mouth is almost tickling with delight!

I rush over to the light to flip it on............upon further inspection I realize the extra chocolate morsels were ants! Out of my horror I screamed "Oh, my God" I hear my mother in the background asking "What's wrong" i cannot answer her, I am in absolute shock feeling the ants move with in my mouth.

I throw the ant filled pastry on the ground and shout "Oh my God" again. My brother laughs and I smile at him as I feel something move across my teeth. I hear him say "dude that is gross"

My girlfriend goes to save me with a bottle of Windex and asks me if I want some in my mouth. I politely decline and start retching in the sink. I can feel the ants as they march down my esophagus.

When I get my wits about me, I retell the story. My sister is in the background laughing hysterically. I hear my mother struggling to catch her breath as she laughs.

The family pets come running in and snatch my breakfast pastry from the floor. I think they briefly fought over it, but someone won the accosted pastry.

I walk over to the shelf in the window where I see other boxes of soiled breakfast pastries. I pick them up hastily and toss them into the garbage.

Everyone still laughs at me while I retreat back to my room to ponder what the ants are doing within me.



=)

I tell you what, I have laughed over this pop tart thing ALLLLLLL night and all day. To the point of not being able to breathe. I was crying when I had Juan at the Dr. listening to his recollection of what happened.

Bug men will be here Saturday =)

Have a happy Monday!

Hope you enjoyed our production!

Love,

Dianna

YAY!!

I forgot to bring my camera to the game yesterday so Kyles sister uploaded the pics she took of Savannahs game on her Facebook so I could see them!! YAY!! So, I'm going to share them with you!! They both take fantastic pics and I say thank you a million times over for sharing them with me =D









YAY! Thanks again!!

Today was wonderful but long and I'm very tired.

Started off the day with church! It was fabulous as always, but it confused me some today. It was very deep and well, I guess I have to process it all for a bit.

To the gym after that and worked out for awhile w/ Mike. No Angel. She was off with the animals at the zoo lol! I missed her terribly!!

Went to Maddies to pick her and Sophia up and the girls played all afternoon. I watched Definitely, maybe and then took the girls home after 6.

Did aerobics, did some dishes, gonna read my bible and then hit the hay very early.

I am whooped and spring break is officially over.

Hope everyone had a fantastic weekend.

Love to all

~Me

What a wonderful Saturday!!

I have had the best day ever!! I have pics too!!

Savannah had her first soccer game of the year!! It was so much fun!! they didn't win, but they were so cute out there. I told her she was like a ninja and snuck right in there. She did really, really well!!

We then went to the gym, she played w/ Isabella in the day care and I worked out w/ Angel. Got to see my friends and as always I enjoyed working out!!

Next stop to the park for a picnic to paint!! We saw a group of guys and girls dressed in medieval attire and well...... I had no clue what they were doing there. They had swords, a ball and big button type shields. I told Savannah I used to watch this cartoon called the Gummi Bears and these guys were dressed just like them. So we called them the Gummi Bears. They kept going to the picnic tables for meetings and I told Savannah we were spying on their secret Gummi meetings. We laughed soooooooo hard!! I dunno what they were doing with this ball, but we turned it into Gummi Quidditch =)

We painted for awhile and then I let her play on the playground for a bit.

She wanted icecream so bad, but I had no cash. She kept trying to convince me the icecream man took credit cards, I kept telling her if that guy in that van took my credit card I would NOT get it back! She pouted and I will post pics of her pouting and being filled with envy over the boys at the truck!

I of course took her for icecream and we went to my moms for a bit.

Came home and worked out in the yard and just finished up the Chapter of Genisis in the bible. I really enjoyed learning about the history of Issac, Abraham, Jacob and on and on...... Was very interesting and of course my favorite was Josephs story. =) God uses bad for good =)

Okay now for pics of my perfect day. It ranks up there with one of the best ever!!

This is her eating her lunch, I liked it better in black and white, so you guys get to see both =P


Below are the Gummi Bear group =D


Savannah painting her portrait of God

Oops she spilled a lil bit of paint!


Below is her finished picture of God

Below O is my Lame O Tree O

She is painting her beautiful tree =D

Savannah laughing at my filling in the words for the Gummi Bear meeting. I was telling her we were spying and I was going to get in trouble for taking their pics. They would shout something and I would make up a meaning for it. Savannah thought this was hilarious.

Their "Meeting"

She is so beautiful!

She made me take a pic of this, she LOVED this painting I did


Below is her painting of a storm


I love her soooooooooooo much, it's unreal

LOL below is where she was trying to make her case for the icecream man taking credit cards

Below is her severe desperation. She was 5 seconds away from asking the Gummis for money

Final pic is her icecream envy! Stinking boys have all the luck!


Have a fantastic evening!!

Tomorrow is church day YAY!!!!!!

Happy, happy

I love allllllll you guys very much.

God is good!

~Dianna

Happy Friday LOL I said Saturday x.x

What a wonderful Saturday Friday!!!!!!

Woke up early and went and picked up my momma for a girls day out. Savannahs birthday money was burning a hole in her pocket so Target was our first stop.

She bought herself an Ipod and I bought some gardening things and some paper because we are venturing to the park tomorrow afternoon to paint pictures of things in the park. My mom as always bought books =)

Next stop....Pedicure (thanks to my lovely mother for treating us!)!! I had never had one ever and wow!! It was fabulous! All of our feet look so pretty!! Mom and I got the same color, but Savannah got lime green to match her birthday outfit I bought her =).

Our third stop of our girls day out was to lunch!! After lunch I drove old granny home. It was a perfect girls day out!!

Savannah and I caught up with Angel and Mike at the gym and I got to work out with both of them!! That is always the high-light of my day. We were way too sore to walk so we talked in the lobby to our friends for a bit. Randy gave Savannah a CD for her birthday =) He is the nicest man one could ever meet.

We got home and I took a bit of a nap, did the dishes and read the bible for awhile.

Watching RV right now, having some coffee and just smiling and smiling. Life is so wonderful =) I feel like I am the luckiest woman in the world. What more can I ask for?

I have God,a wonderful family, the best friends ever and every single day God gives me a new friend, my puppy dogs, blueberries and coffee. =D

I am so very blessed.

Going to bed early, Savannah has her first soccer game tomorrow!!

I <3 her

Have a wonderful evening

Love to all,

Dianna

Savannahs 8th Birthday today =)

Been a very long day, but Savannah had a wonderful party tonight with family and friends =)

She had 3 cakes, the doll ones and an ICarly cake




Baby E playing w/ the dolly potty lol!



Hope everyone has a fantastic evening.

I have been running 2 days straight. Gonna read my bible and drop to sleep.

Love you all very much. Thanks for celebrating Savannah's special day with her.

Love,

Me

Wednesday

Today I am so worn out, I can barely stand.

My legs are wobbly weak, I'm hot, my arms ache. Exhaustion.

Sometimes like today, when I am so tired, I want to go back to my old life where I did nothing.

Not having a life was so much easier than having one.

The difference is.... how I feel inside. I wasn't happy living on the computer all the time. Eventually I was defined by a video game and that's not living at all.

God delivered me from the game and even though it's hard facing life. I choose it every time.

Every day my life is filled from start to finish with stuff to do.

I used to pray for friends, real life friends and now I have many people that I am proud to call friends.

Where anxiety used to keep me from going places, I now drive, not even giving anxiety a second look.

I don't need a man in my life to make me happy.....Well, that's not entirely true, I need God. He is the only one I need to make me happy. Putting him first has let the rest fall into place.

I'm happy with just me =)

I've never been here before. I've always needed someone to make me feel that way.

Now, I just need God.

I gave him WoW and he gave me a life =D. That's exactly how it went.

When I get tired and bored and think about logging in, God fills me with a million things that need to be done, or I go back to my room to read my books and my bible.

I wouldn't trade my life today for anything.

I've lost my material possessions so many times, I don't care if all my stuff goes away. Before I would say I can't live with out my computer. I can. I need nothing in this house to make me happy.

I love my life.

I love God.

I love you guys.

~Me =o)

Terrific Tuesday =)

Today is already so much better than yesterday!

The sun is shining! God is wonderful!! Life is wonderful!!

=D

I'm so busy today. I had a house this morning, then to the gym and now home for a bit.

Gonna work out in the yard. Elmer emailed me and said he is sending a bunch of seeds to beautify my naked yard!! I'm sooooooo excited!! You guys know I'm all about flowers!! So, I gotta start getting the yard ready to plant!!

=)

Hopefully this year, I'll do it right.

Got Savannahs cake ordered this morning! Got her presents =D

I'm just so excited!!

The gym was wonderful. Angel brightens up my day =D I'm down 32 lbs now =) The whole gym saw my boobs cause all my clothes are falling off. I gotta get some tighter shirts. I put all my too big clothes away and going to get rid of them. Gone, gone. I'm never going back to that size.

Ever.

I feel great! I kept my heart rate up to 133 which is my target heart rate for a full hour. It dipped once or twice, but I was consistent with my pace.

Angel and I are talking about running the mini-marathon next year.

If we don't succumb to laziness, we will do it =)

Have a fantastic Tuesday.

I'm out for the rest of the day!!

Sunshine, flowers, good friends.... What more does a girl need? Oh, Jam! He sent me some Jam too!! My favorite! =D

Love, Love and LOVEEEEEEEEEEE all you guys

Dianna

Monday

Happy Monday =D

Got off to a bad start. But, only a couple of hours are gone, not the whole day.

Got an add from Kyle's niece on Facebook and I went and looked at her pictures and started crying.

Some of you may not know that I struggle with anxiety and panic disorder. Sometimes it was to the point where I couldn't leave my house. Holidays at Kyles families were some of my favorite times. Especially Easter.

His niece posted pics of their Easter and I just started crying because I miss all of them. His one niece had gotten so big I didn't even know it was her. I miss his mom, his dad, his sisters, his nieces.

That aspect of divorce is awful.

Sometimes I wonder what happened. How did we get to fighting so much. At what point did things get that bad between us.

I don't think it would've worked at any point with things the way they were. I was/am/is severely lost.

The biggest part of my change was admitting how awful I was. But, I couldn't of gotten to where I am now, with out that. So it serves it's place I suppose.

I became discouraged last night, thinking I'm different, but I don't know how to handle everything that crops up. I still have messes to clean up from my old life. I have to learn to adapt to people who haven't changed, I have to learn how to respond to people the right way.

It's so hard, because I don't know how to do any of this. Exactly why I refuse to date. I can't fall into my old patterns.

I almost gave up last night. Seems easier to just give up than to try to figure all this out.

My heart is different, I'm not a quitter anymore. As always God saves me....He isn't going to let me give up. Below is what page I turned to in my book. How it happens that way, I'll never know, but it always says what I am feeling.

Thank God, you were once slaves of sin, you have become obedient with all your heart to the standard of teaching in which you were instructed and to which you were committed. (Romans 6:17)

When we receive Christ as our Savior, God gives us a new heart--one that wants to do what is right. however, it takes awhile for our behavior to catch up with our new hearts and that is often very frustrating. One part of us wants to do what is right, yet another part of us fights against it. That is the war between the flesh and the spirit Paul discusses in Galatians 5:17.
At the new birth, God equips us inwardly with all we need to live holy, obedient lives. We are made new creatures in Christ; old things pass away and all things are made new (see Corinthians 5:17) I like to say we are made new spiritual clay and we spend our lives letting the Holy Spirit mold us into the image of Christ (see Romans 8:29). We need to thank God that we have a new heart, one that wants to be obedient.
Celebrate your progress and don't be discouraged because God sees your heart. If we let go of what lies behind and keep pressing towards the place of total obedience, God is pleased. We are learning to walk with God and walking is the slowest mode of travel that exists. you may not be where you want to be, but thank God you have an obedient heart.

Focus on Jesus today, not your failures.

Above is from hearing from GOD each morning, by Joyce Meyer

So, when I was ready to throw up my hands because I'm tired of trying so hard, failing and have people acknowledge my failures.

I am trying hard.

I don't have all the answers, I don't know how react to people. I can't escape into a video game anymore, I have to deal with this stuff and I don't know how.

I am not who I was, I don't know what to do.

It's hard living the right way. It hard trying to live the right way.

I'm not going to give up. No matter how hard it gets, I'm going to hold my head high and press on.

Things will work themselves out.

Have a happy Monday.

Love,

Dianna

Me N My baby Easter Morning =D

I was trying to get her to give me a kiss on the lips.......She was hot n heavy into FB and takin pics and finally got the hint I wanted a kiss =D She's sooooooo beautiful!

Happy Easter =)

Got some phone calls and such yesterday about my post yesterday. A lot said they cried and remembered that day so well. =D My mom found the picture. We are working on having it scanned.

Happy Easter. Jesus has risen from the dead =D Glorious indeed!! God's greatest miracle!

Most of you know I walk after the gym. It is the one time in the day where I have nothing to distract me. I walk, am in nature and talk to God.

Yesterday we had a wonderful conversation. Sometimes I wonder if it's my conscience or God. God speaks A LOT slower than my inner voice and he calls me child. My brain actually tries to say the words faster than what God does and God always tells me what I need to hear. Whether or not I want to hear it and whether or not I like it.

Some of you may read that and think, this chick is crazy........But I'm not. It's real. He hears and answers if you don't let things get in the way. It's a wonderful gift.

The first time I really, really heard it, it shocked me. I can't really explain it other than you should listen sometime. I never knew. Then something comes my way to back up what I heard and know it was him.

He made humans, so why wouldn't he create a way to communicate with them? =D

Yesterday as I walked, I had my Ipod off and we talked about me. My faith and how I lack it.

The hardest thing for me is faith. I have such a great struggle with it.

Nature is evident of faith. Trees grow, grass grows, flowers grow...

I got to thinking about things deeper. Thinking about how there is nothing in the earth that is ugly. The only ugly things on this earth are done by humans. Trees are all beautiful, grass is beautiful, birds are beautiful. It's all beautiful. It's all good.

God is everything good.

The favorite are stars. How can anyone look up at the stars at night and not know there's a God?

The world is perfect =)

Sigh, I was hoping so bad Kyle would let Savannah go to church with me this morning. I just texted him and he said he will just drop her off at my house at 11 or 11:30.

I'm crying of course because I wanted so badly to go with her.

Easter isn't about a bunny, it's about Jesus rising from the dead.

I think I'm not going to cry, I think I'm going to not give him a choice and go get her.

****Have to update, he is going to let her go and he is coming with her!! YAY!!!!!! =D

Was that an example of faith there? =D

Have a wonderful day =D

Much Love and enjoy the holiday!!

Dianna

My Favorite Easter Memory =D

I have a pic for this memory and my mom is working on finding it =D

As most of you know my oldest son Anthony..... (I was a pregnant teen ager)Well, lets just make a long story short and say at the lovely age of 16 we not only were having a baby, he got a form of cancer. Osteogenic sarcoma a simple enough term for what is an awful, painful bone cancer.

He went through every type of chemo on this planet and some that seemed they weren't from this planet.....he had some really awful surgeries. We spent months upon months in hospitals, me with a stroller walking the hospital corridors, him with an IV pole.

He had an appt. with Dr. Patel the Friday before Easter and I stayed home for that one with the baby. He comes walking in the door with a nervous smile on his face. I looked at his eyes and I knew. He uttered the words, I hear so often in my heart. A bad record being played over and over. Words that never leave my head or my heart.

"This is my last summer you guys"

They said if he was lucky, he would make it six months. I laid on the couch with him, had my head on his chest crying and crying. I kept twiddling his St. Jude necklace, my mother had given to him. He didn't cry. He just held me while I did and said he wanted to do everything before he died.

We were limited on what we could do......but he wanted to do all the important small things. The night before Easter we went and bought Anthony's Easter outfit. Brett picked out this cute, cute plaid suspender outfit, picked out these really cute shoes and socks =D. He said "Baby, can I get him dressed in the morning please......since you will get to dress him for every Easter and this is my last?"

Of course I let him dress him :*)

He got up sooooooo early that morning and took his time carefully dressing Anthony. I just looked over at his lil bald head (Bretts), smiling. So proud.

We were going to breakfast with my whole family. Including my Aunt Dorothy Ann, who was also battling cancer.

After he got Anthony dressed, he wanted to show him off and walk to his parents. He had a total hip and leg replacement done and walking wasn't easy for him..........He scooped Anthony up in his arms got him all situated and walked to his parents. The smile on his face, he was beaming =)

I just sat on the porch crying, watching him walk.

We arrive at Shoney's and all my family is there. It was just such a celebration. Dorothy Ann and her hard time, Brett and his hard time. I don't even know how we all laughed and smiled so much. But we did. The picture is a picture from that breakfast with my family and Brett. I hope my mom can find it.

It was the last time I remember laughing like that in that year. I can't even remember what we were saying. No telling with my family. All my cousins were there, my country cousins =) ......It was so wonderful.

It was the last time that all of us were together.

It was my favorite Easter moment ever.

First Brett went home to be with God and Dorothy Ann soon followed. But we had the best Easter ever before they went. =D

It was perfect.

Enjoy your Saturday!!

If my mom finds the pic, I will share it =)

Love,

Dianna

Achoooooooo!

Wow, someone turned on the pollen. Holy Toledo, I can't breathe today!! I slept fantastic last night =)
Dinner was perfect =)
YAY!!

Today, I got up took all the kiddies to school, sneezed, went to the store for Tyelnol Sinus pills. Thinking about a shower and the gym, but I'm so dizzy and my head is so sneezy.

If I had money, I think I would move somewhere with less allergies. Achoo.

Today is Good Friday. Take time to remember what today is all about.

Okay, I gotta get moving. Have a fantastic day.

***I just spent the past 30 minutes reading over archived posts.......holy cow I was angry. I never realized I was that mad. It's funny because I look at that girl like she's someone else. All my feelings inside have so changed. It's so weird and I can't explain it.

I guess only one thing to say to that.....

Ezekiel 36:26 (New International Version)
26 I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.

I couldn't be a better example of that verse. =) I totally, totally have a new heart. Everything about me is new. =) I LOVE Life. Even reading that makes me tear up. I wish you guys could've known how I was inside and how I feel now. It's all gone. All of it. I'm not saying I don't get angry and I don't get upset, but when I do, I turn to God and He sets me straight. I prayed a few times yesterday for my attitude adjustment and by evening I was just blessed to be at dinner and enjoying the evening. GAH!! I wish you guys could try me on before and try me on now.... I just can't believe it =)

My life prior to now has been constant turmoil and grief, but it's gone, it's done and my new life is WONDERFUL =)

;)

Love,

Dianna

Posting this for Dianna :)

Bloggety blogger isn't working for me.......Soooo I had to have someone post it for me =D

Today is long and busy as always. Stopped at home to dye eggs, make the kids some dinner.

I'm going to a friends tonight for dinner. Had to stop and buy wine lol!! I have never bought wine before, so well...... I had no clue what I was buying. I felt like such a boozer walking out of there with a brown bag.

I can't wait for dinner tonight =D I am sooooooo excited!!

Yesterday was so warm and beautiful out. I really had such a good day and was just so full of joy for most of it. This morning I think I needed an attitude adjustment! x.x Been kinda grumpy.

I'm just tired I guess. So much running and when my day is full from start to finish, I tend to worry if I can get everything done. It's hot out and just as soon as I get one thing done, I have to move to the next.

Okay this is short and sweet, I gotta go finish my make up and pretty myself up for din din!

Have a great day

Love,

Dianna

**It's me!! I think I finally got it fixed YAY!! =) Okay, out the door but had to post a YAY!!

Wahhh blogger won't work!

Tuesday

Happy Tuesday!! Bloggety Blogging early because I won't be home the rest of the day.

Things are going pretty fantastic ;)

I got upset yesterday evening and wasn't quite sure how to handle it. I went through great trouble to extend an olive branch to someone. They accepted it and then turned right back around and did something very mean.

I thought about it a lot........Wondering did they know what they were doing? Surely they wouldn't do that on purpose. Past history says yes, but I just don't want to believe that people are that cruel. Mom seems to think it was done on purpose.

My normal reaction would be to hash it out with them as to why they did it.......It took a lot for me to just let it go. I cried briefly about it and let it go. Those who know me and know me well, know that was a struggle for me.

God blessed me with wonderful, wonderful friends and family. I vented to them about it and said nary a word.

Sigh.

LOL That wasn't turning over a new leaf for me, that was turning over the whole Yosemite National Park =)

Got to finish scrubbing my house and then head to the gym with Angel and Mike.

After that collecting kids and off to Community Groups for the evening!

LOST Tonight.......... YAY!!!!!!!!!!! American Idol...semi yay!! I Love LOST soooooooooo much!!

Okay, have a fantastic Tuesday!!

Life is sooooooooooooooooooooooooo wonderful ;)

Enjoy it.

Love,

~Me

Hit my

30 lb mark =) Running late gots to go but had to share!!

Monday!!

What can I say? I started out to blog about how bad my morning had been, how grumpy I had been........This or that bothering me.

Have I mentioned lately how much I LOVE God?

It's so awesome the way things work. I am loving these private moments with God.

As most of you know, I am a very, very new Christian. A baby if you will. Getting things right, trying to do the right thing, it's not easy by any feat. I hear Gods voice sometimes and then wonder if it's my conscience or really God.

Last night began some frustration I was having with a certain issue of my life. I asked God what I was supposed to do and he told me. It wasn't what I wanted to hear. Not even a little bit what I wanted to hear and it's not what I want to do.

I kept thinking is that my conscience or is that God? This morning in regards to not knowing what I'm supposed to do, I became frustrated. I talked to God, I cried because I really didn't know if that was him or myself.

So......... You already know I'm going to tell you something happened!!!
I love God!!!!!! I have been reading this book. I haven't picked it up for a few days and came home from the gym to read a few pages.....

I open it up, read one page, turned to the next........The answer to my question was right there on the page in black and white. Worded exactly like I heard in my heart. It wasn't my conscience it was God and he was affirming it again in the book and then giving me the reason why. The full explanation of why I needed to do what he had said. Not a comparison to a situation of mine, a full exact wording of what I had asked and heard.

I couldn't believe what I was reading. I honestly couldn't believe it. I sitll can't believe it. I am just amazed and humbled with every experience I have with God. It makes me want more and more. I laughed and cried at the same time because I am in such awe of Him.

Totally amazed and still thinking, "Did that happen???"

It did =)

I love life soooooooo much =)

Yesterday at Quints party, his mom had so much work to do for the party....Him and his mom made me a big ole thing of Gluten free brownies and cookies. Their kindness is amazing! They didn't want me to be left out. Their generosity towards me and my children. Overwhelming.

=)

Could life really get any better?

<3

Happy Monday!!

Love,

Dianna

Sunday =D

Oh my...... Today..... I'm at home for a brief pit stop, but had to blog about church today.........

All my school years practically, I went to a Catholic school. Learned religion year after year.......... Why didn't I ever get this stuff?

This morning of course was Palm Sunday. I have been to church for palm Sunday many years and never knew exactly what it was.

It was when Jesus rode into Jerusalem before his crucifixion and the people waved palm at him as he rode in.

I never knew. Well, with that story comes the crucifixion. I had no idea they were going to be reading that Gospel today and as I knew I would, I cried.

I read it the other night in private and wept. I heard it aloud this morning and wept again. Hearing how afraid Jesus was prior. I just cried. He knew what they were going to do to him. How he went with his closest friends and prayed at how scared he was. He didn't understand why God was doing this. When Daniel talked about.....

Mark 14:36
36"Abba,[a] Father," he said, "everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will."

He didn't do what he wanted to do, he did what God wanted. The most unselfish act in history. He was living the life we needed to be living and he was going to be crucified and die in place of where we should be. He didn't deserve that. We did and do.

Why didn't I pay attention to this stuff before? Maybe I didn't want to learn it, maybe I was selfish and too focused on myself. But I got it this morning.

A moment of clarity came when Daniel was reading the Gospel about how after the ninth hour when Jesus said his last words and took his last breath (I was a blubbering mess) that the curtain was opened from heaven and earth and it is THROUGH JESUS that we can now be with God. I did not know that. Not ever. I didn't understand what it meant. I understand it now. Through Jesus we can now have a relationship with God. He suffered, died and was buried because we as people are such awful creatures. We are all awful, selfish, hurtful human beings. Gods Grace. Jesus death.
What a sacrifice. I didn't know where the term Excruciating came from. They needed a word to describe the pain and suffering that Jesus went through on the cross. I had no idea the origin of that word.

Was just amazing this morning. Even more amazing that I am gaining such a deep understanding and crave more. Showing my Faith in God, trusting he is going to take me where ever I need to be. No matter what I do, I will end up where he wants me to be. I can kick, scream and fight it, do my own thing......but in the end I will go where He takes me.

Might as well just sit back, relax and receive everything he has in store for me.

=)

I can't put into words how full of Joy my heart is.

I thank God for helping me understand what Easter really is about. I thank Him for sending His son to die for me, so I can be who I am. Selfish.

God is Love, Hope, Joy, Goodness, Fun, Happy, Beautiful......Everything that is Good, God is.

He is my Home =)

I wish I would've known all these years that I couldn't get happiness from individuals. Would've taken a lot of pressure off me and them. Happiness comes from with in. Happiness comes from God being with in you.

=)

With my heart bursting, I have to gooooooooo to the gym and then a party at the fire house YAY!!!!!! =D I'm excited!

Have a wonderful Sunday and Carol church was FABULOUS!!

Love, Love, Love

<3 <3 <3

Me =)

Saturdayyyyy! =D

What a long day and it's still not done. Had to take a break. x.x

Savannahs soccer orientation was this morning, I signed Kyle up for team manager so we met him over at the place and got her shirt. All those U of K fans on her team and her colors are red and black LOL! They were all sighing!

Bet my mom loves it!

Went to the gym and worked out. Me n Mike were working out and from the power outtage yesterday the air was out and we were HOT! Good Lord have mercy! My hair was soaked and LOL Mike was dripping sweat as well. Yesterday, as I said above the power went out and me, Mike and Kevin worked out in the dark, was kinda fun! Mike told Kevin we should have a candle light dinner in there and put the lights out on Friday nights. Serve some wine! Kevin said get everyone drunk and put them on the treadmill! LOL!

Not your ordinary Y .....O.o

I love the gym soooooooooo much. =D Oh..... for other news..........28.5 lbs =) I was standing next to Kyle yesterday and Savannah looked over at me and said "wow mom" =) Yea, yea I know I know!! My clothes are all falling off and I LOVE IT!!!

Me n mom went and took Anthony to rent his tux for prom, then out to Steak N Shake to eat. We were all crabby and grumpy! Was kinda funny.

I got back to moms then walked 2.5 miles. I loved it! =D It's so beautiful out and it's just my time to think and reflect on the day. I can't tell you enough how gorgeous it was today!!

I'm soooooooooooo stinking happy =D

;)

<3 you all and it totally is a wonderful life!!

Palm Sunday tomorrow YAY!!

Love,

Dianna

Faith

Faith.....What exactly is it?

From my understanding it's believing in something you can not see, nor touch. The definition in the dictonary is believing in something even though there is no proof.

I guess the no proof can apply when you are having faith in a person.... but it totally does not apply to God. Take a look around the world and how can anyone say there is no proof.

Faith has been a difficult challenge for me. I can't tell you the personal struggles I have had with Faith. I understand the concept of what it is. You hear people time and again say "Have Faith"....Saying the phrase and being at a spot in your life where you have true Faith is very, very difficult.

All my life I have not trusted many. Becoming a Christian and having a relationship with God means having Faith. "Giving it all to him" Isn't as easy as it sounds. Hey, someones offering you a free ride from all your pain and sin..........It should be easy to hand it over to him.

It takes discipline and practice to do this, but when you REALLY give it to him, the burden lifted off your chest is so freeing.

It's funny, I will picture myself giving everything over to him. My worry, my sadness, my problems.......I see his big thumbs coming over to pick them out of my head. I feel better for a few, but then I take them back. I hear God say......"Dianna, give them back" So I hand them back over..... Wash, rinse, repeat.

I'm getting better about giving them to him and my heart feels so free! I just wish I could show you guys my inside, how broken I was.......I wish I could show you now how full my heart is. I can't even believe it myself =)

Before I close, keep Elmer and his family in your prayers. His father passed away today. He was a terrific, terrific man.

Lots of Love

~Moi

Accountability

What can I say......... I learn more and more every day. =) I, as you guys know have been changing and learning. I have learned more this year than in my past thirty-seven on this earth.

It's amazing how close-minded I have been.

I ask God to show me what areas I need to work on. This week, long focus on accountability. I am quick to become defensive and then look to blame someone else for anything that has gone wrong in my life.

Now that I am taking apart the past instances in my life I do see and accept my part in things that have gone bad. I know in a lot of the cases I am not the sole one to blame, BUT.........I need to be responsible for my own shortcoming and accept/acknowledge only my part. I could not say that before, I didn't see it before. Blame, blame,blame.

If they have done wrong, it is their problem. Sure I have been hurt. Being beaten surely wasn't my fault, no matter what I said or did.....But, I am dealing with all that happened and he will be held accountable for his wrong doing. I need not worry about any of that anymore.

Free my own spirit, focus on becoming who I want to be. Letting everyone else live their own life and accept responsibility for their own actions. Makes my life alot easier if the only reaping and sowing I'm worried about is my own.

It has been hard for me to accept some of the things I have done. I had to write letters for therapy. Angry letters letting every single feeling protrude out of me. They were horrible, horrible letters.....BUT......I let it out. I don't have to carry that anger around with me.

I am working on forgiveness also. I am trying to right wrongs I have done. Trying to apologize where I can.

I apologized to Kyle for things I said and did when we were married. I was so angry at him for this and for that, but I was focusing on his wrong, not mine. It takes two people for a marriage to work and I needed to worry more about fixing what I was doing wrong....... Less time on what he was doing wrong. Sure it needed to be voiced, if he didn't know what was bothering me, how could it of been fixed? I should've used nicer words. I should've been more compassionate.

Faith, patience, faith, patience......Go hand-n-hand

We are the authors of our OWN book.

God amazes me every day when he shows me something new.

Much Love and Happy Thursday.

Life is too wonderful for words =)

~ Dianna

Wed Nes Dayyyy

What a loooooong, looooooong day.

For eight weeks straight I have been running myself ragged. Day in and day out.

I think it caught up to me today. I haven't missed a day at the gym in eight weeks. Going out to movies, to lunch, busy, busy.

Tonight I walked in the door and about fell over. Waiting on a phone call and the I'm out for the count.

I'm too tired to even write.

=) Life is Wonderful!

Love,

~Me

A lil better update

Today was soooooo flipping busy! I just got home from the store, made dinner and almost ready to head out for the evening to community group YAY!

I ran allllll day. I was slacking by the 90 min mark. at the gym. LOL Angel and I both sat on this leg machine and just sat there. We both were tired.


It's like a recliner!

Not much else going on, just always got some where to beeee =D

I'm a lovin life. Happy Tuesday everyone.

Love, Love, Love

~Me

Tuesday

Start to finish every hour of my day is filled. I slept not a wink. Well, maybe a few winks here and there. I am going to have to have the Shock Wave coffee today to keep me awake.

Have a fantastic day all.

zzzzzzzzzzz

Love,

Dianna