Thursday, February 05, 2009


Well, yesterday was kinda boring. I went and cleaned karens and then went to the YMCA then went to pick up some dishes and canister thingies. When I was washing them up, I started crying... They symbolized to me a new start. A moment set in where I thought to myself WHOA! this is MINE =). Back when I met Kyle I was terrified of staying alone. I guess I was young and scared or what have you... So even with all the yelling he was there. I no longer am afraid to be alone and OMG The peace I feel. I don't have to worry about hiding things from him that the boys did or something I did. I don't have to worry about him coming home and starting off the afternoon with a yelling match with Anthony. I don't have to worry about the stinky washrags he would let get nasty in the sink, don't have to worry about the dishes getting done, or the laundry getting done..... I have got myself into a pattern and it's just done. All that worry gone, all that anger daily I had at him for being a slug gone........... The peace I feel is so overwhelming. I'm not shaky anymore, I want to get out and get up! It's just amazing the difference. The only time all week I have had any stress is when i have to talk to him.
I won't have Savannah for about 3 full weeks cept a few days here and there because of this dance crap that she does not want to do. She's tired. She cries not to go, but Kyle enjoys it, so therefore forces her to go. I told him all along she wants to quit tap and ballet, but he had the teacher talk to her and you know how kids are with teachers.... she still cries. Last night was my night with her and she had an unscheduled practice. she got confused and thought she was staying with him and was tired and cranky and he had to drag her in kicking and screaming. I was quite angry. She doesn't need all this confusion this early into all this. She told me he never cooks dinner and she goes to bed hungry... kyle said that's bull crap. Funny how one day I didn't cook lunch cause i was sick and Im made out to look like the worst person in the world, but she said on multiple occassions she doesn't eat... oh she's telling tales.... Hmmm my, my, my how it feels when the shoe is on the other foot.

Enough about that, I bought a shower curtain for my new house =) First time I Have bought anything in a LONGGGGGGGGGGGG time and I can't wait to hang it =)

It's awful having a new place and no money to decorate it!

Happy Thursday


My sun is shining =)

1 comment:

Lisa said...

I'm glad things are turning around for you.

Do you guys have joint custody? It sounds like she mostly is with Kyle. I hope not. A girl needs their mommy!!