Sunday

I am so glad everyone goes back to school and work tomorrow and I get some peace and quiet. Woot! Been a long holiday!
Today was okay I guess. Got a ton of cleaning done, got the tree up and decorated. I didn't even get out a fourth of my Christmas decorations this year.... Not excited about it, don't care about it this year, just want it GONE.
Yes, I am a grinch.
My migraine still there a bit.... Along with it my stomach is hurting.
I have been going to bed really early, getting lots of sleep. Just haven't full recovered from that stupid cold I guess. I'm gonna live in a bubble I think. Safer that way.
Hmm, nothing else really going on. Just a quiet rainy Sunday evening. I didn't get to walk today... I didn't really want to my ankle is bothering me. Although I got the cleaning done and quite a bit so I guess that counts!
Happy Sunday
Life is good
Love
Dianna

I know it's been awhile

Been busy, been hectic. I think I wrote about my ankle swelling... went to the Immediate Care Center Wed. Night, had a stress fracture in it. Told me to stay off of it, but I haven't have been walking anyways. Not on the treadmill but around the neighborhood.

I'm very tired and very, very stressed. I have had kids non stop at my house since Wednesday night. We aren't talking one kid... This is what my house has looked like since Wednesday, take out tyler and Juans girlfriend who come in and out


Add my 2 dogs who off the excitement do this play fighting thing non stop... today I have a migraine UGH

I have no door on my bedroom. Juan is mad cause I said no on Jordan coming over. He gives me 20 kinds of grief... I think I have been more than kind to allow these boys over every day and they have also stayed all night. It's been 4 days... why aren't the other parents having them all over?

I haven't felt real well today, I Have a migraine. The noise.. the boys were constantly nagging me for haircuts, so I went and walked 2 miles then came back and cut their hair.....

I had a hard day yesterday. I spent alot of the day crying, just feeling like I am burden to everyone and that I'm not worth anything. The side effect of words. So, I go to moms, spend some time over there, clear my head.....

Today, Kyle and I were sitting down talking. The subject of Elmer comes up. Some of you may know of Elmer, some of you may not know of Elmer... Anyways... I had been talking on the phone with Elmer or something I dunno and Kyle said something about "I'm not stupid I have eyes and ears that still work" Okay.... So your eyes and ears still work... I haven't hidden anything. Elmer does not live in KY and I have never met him... So, I dunno what the deal was but Kyle said something to the effect of "Poor Elmer has to put up with you and doesn't even get any"
I was crushed. Absolutely crushed. Talk about insensitive comments... Then something was said about hunting and Elmer is away hunting and then Kyle said "Aw you gonna make him give up his hobbies too" I didn't realize I ever made Kyle give up any of his hobbies...That baffles the living crap out of me. So then he said "Poor Elmer, tell him to call me and we will compare notes"

I put my Ipod on and went out to cry.
I already feel awful about myself... I have been trying to pick myself up. I already feel like a lousy piece of crap and I haven't even done anything wrong. I don't think not loving someone justifies the hurtful comments. I was with kyle for 12 years and only Kyle. It's not like I was some lot lizard traveling around and around...comments that were so unwarranted and certainly not deserved.

I asked him what he wanted to know about Elmer, instead of just taking wild guesses about what he thought was going on...People always think they know everything. I didn't even know Elmer 2 years ago when all the divorce talk started.. I didn't even know Elmer a year ago when things got really bad... I didn't even know Elmer 6 mos ago when our house was hell on earth...

I absolutely am hating having to explain my actions and things I do to a man I am no longer married too. We should not even be living in the same house but for circumstances which are out of both our control we have to for awhile longer. It makes it tougher all around. Im tired of explaining myself period, seems people already have it in their head what they want to believe or what they think they know... so why bother. Like I said, I always feel like I am a burden to everyone all the time. Words hurt people.

So, on the way to moms yesterday, some trucker was driving like a maniac and I had to swerve from being hit .... Then out of no where, the thought pops into my head that "well, if i got killed that would probably be a big relief for alot of people" Why would I even think such a thought? I don't know where it came from at all, but it bugged me.

Then today.... I realize where it comes from. Words have beaten me down.

It's tiring trying to climb up after being knocked down repeatedly and repeatedly.... Good thing now I have help up that mountain, because I would've just fallen.

Onto a brighter note, I took some pics of Savannah at Thanksgiving and thought I would share



Happy Saturday
The sun is shining....still
love
Dianna

Wednesday

Hi, happy Wednesday. =) prayers still for Melody of Melzies Monologue.. her son Jordan is very sick, but today was moved out of ICU. He's having some memory loss, but is improving. So YAY!! Keep saying prayers for him. Melody is the most amazing woman I have ever in my life met. Caring, compassionate and whatever comes her way, she triumphs. I wish she lived closer. I still remember the first time I met her, we had such a great time and as her and Danny were getting in the van, we were all waving. I started crying and looked at her and she was in the van crying too. I love her. She will be in my life for ever. When I or her win the lottery we are going to go invade Amish country get our quilts and a winnebago and travel the US...
One day Melody Little, we will go on our trip. One day.

Hmm... Well, last night, my ankle started swelling up.. I did nothing to it other than switch from the street walking to the treadmill.. this morning it was still swollen. I got up and cleaned the house from top to bottom through a horrendous stomach ache. GAG. Then still swollen. Hung curtains in Juans room, mopped floors. Took a puter break, went out and walked a mile on the street. Still swollen. Hmmm..

Kids are all home for Thanksgiving break. Juans at Chriss. His friends have been staying more here. Since there's not anymore tension between Kyle and I, it's an easier time to have people over. God, I remember one day Anthony had his friend Joey over and we were going at it and UGH i bet Anthony was so embarrassed. So, it's nice now all that tension is gone. All his friends call me mom and say Love ya!! so it's cute!

Umm.......... today got my divorce dissolution.. So we are no longer married. That's really all there is to report.
Life is really, really good.
I can't complain.
The sun is shining.
Happy Wednesday and Enjoy your Thanksgiving.
Remember to say prayers for Jordan
Love,
Dianna

Happy Monday

Owoooooo! Happy Monday!! It's raining out... Yesterday was a nice day so I walked around my hood! YAY! This morning I woke up to rain and cold and thought mall/treadmill.. Treadmill won! I usually avoid the treadmill because after I get off of it and my dizziness problems... usually throws me into a tail spin of anxiety. But got on... Alternated jogging for 5 min, walking for 5 min... did it on an incline. Man, I feel pull and tightness in muscles I didn't when walking around the blocks or in the mall. I feel good. Did it for an hour! So YAY!! I did have some anxiety after I got off, but once I got the feeling off, Im settling down. It feels so good to work out, If I don't do it, I find myself not being able to get it out of my head. My clothes are falling off. =) I'm loving it and its coming off slowly, but I didn't put it on overnight, so it's not gonna come off overnight.
Even though it's raining. The sun is shining.
Life is good
Very good.
Happy Monday!
Love,
Di

Confessions of a first time mall walker

Okay, I tried to walk the hood yesterday afternoon, but it was freezing and snow. It didn't work out. I devised a plan... I'll wake up in the morning, get Savannah off to school and go......... MALL WALKING insert flashing lights and cool sound effects in there when saying that.

.... I get to the mall.... I had no flipping clue mall walking was a cult of sorts for senior citizens. It was worse than Krogers on Wednesdays. I felt so out of place. Had my purse, my green tea, my ipod....

I merge into the oncomming traffic... there were so many people in matching pants and jackets, I started checking them all for sponsor patches. I expected to see Metamucil sponsors or oat bran... but nothing. I didn't know how the mall walking worked. The confusion on my face must've been obvious because a lil lady walked past me, very quickly I might add, then turned and came back to me...

"Are you new here" she says... "Aye!" I say... So she gives me the low down on how many times is a mile and every nook, every cranny. Told me I was going to burn up in my clothing, my shoes were the wrong kind for that floor and that she had a cherry tomato hemorrhoid on her rear end, so she's doing all the walking she can before the removal of her bodily fruit. "Alma" seems to have a ton of friends around here, they are all talking to her in some 'wall malking' code LOL and she's fast......after she fills me in she takes off.

Was like a Derby.. This lil man on a walker leaves me in his dust and catches up to Alma and her cronies... I wish I had my camera.. It was so packed... I get behind this one lady and her hubby I guess, I couldn't pass them at my pace, but OMG she kept passing SBD farts... I was in her wind and omg I don't know what was wrong with her, but omg.... I would pass her and then she would pass me and pass gas at the same time... I have a very easy gag reflex and started gagging and trying not to throw up... So they all turn to go down a corridor, I don't go down the corridor to avoid the stink bombs... Alma pokes her head out behind a Trout of Northern America Calendar and tells me that I need to do the corridors... How do I say.. Um Alma.. the lady keeps passing gas... So the lady catches back up.. Alma pats her on the back and says "Petunia, good to see you" ..... Okay is it a joke that fart lady is named petunia or is her name really Petunia? I break away from Alma and Petunia and move a lil faster....

2nd time around, Alma was right my feet are killing me... I open my phone to check the time... Here comes Alma... "You need one of these " She says pointing to the gadget on her arm with a clock, radio, blood pressure and who knows pill dispenser... I was not amused...
On the 2nd time around I slowly started feeling the urge to go to the bathroom... OMG I was following these people developing their habits... I saw the food court up ahead.. All the men gathered at a table, one chair empty.. All of them right in front of Victoria Secrets probably oogling over the panties in the window. All of us walkers are heading the same direction ... to the bathroom. My Gosh, I have old people bladder... Wait in line, toilets flush.. round 3 begins.

I was burning up hot, Alma was right... She comes past me again, "you need to leave your purse in the car" Under my breath I whisper "Shut up Alma, you have a mater' growing on your ass " My feet were killing me... Alma mater' ass was right. Then low and behold behind the same trout of Northern America Calendar comes Petunia... She is in front of me... this time lets loose an audible fart... I thought I was going to vomit on myself. I eventually make it past and then get closer to the food court and OMG I have to pee again.... The same group of ladies and mens all head for the restroom again. It is for certain, I now have old people bladder.

So I come out of the bathroom, the mens all still oogling at the VS pannies... one chair still open... All this place lacks is bingo balls and a caller... I head out for another lap, no petunia, no alma... Ahhh.. Quiet walk. I spot Santa off in the distance...I say good morning to him as he is preparing to sit in his chair for the day. He says "Ya mall walking?" I say "indeed" He says "I never mess with em" Evidentally he's met Alma and Petunia..

So I enjoy my last lap, come to the food court to close out my mall walking trip... the same group of men... In the empty spot ALMA... She is the mall walking cult leader. Kinda like the Hale bop of the mall.. I did not want any of their kool aid. My bladder full again.. I run to the restroom again..... then decide to leave before I develop menopause....

I hate cold weather... I miss my hood walking. Not sure if I will go back for more mall walking. May have to go at a different time.

Happy Friday.
Good luck having the mater' cut off your rear Alma...
Petunia... See a Dr about whatever died in your rear.
Life is good..
The Sun is Shining
Love,
Di

Wednesday

Howdy!! not much happening. Been colllllld out. Couldn't walk yesterday with the chest cold and all so I did dancing with the stars DvD.. Hmm is all i can say about that. My treadmill is down in Kyles room and won't fit in mine so argh!!! Today was warm enough to walk, so I donned my walking shoes once again and off I went. Did almost 2 miles, but got to where I was coughing so bad I called it quits. It's totally amazing how after that becomes a habit you really feel guilt and stuff when you don't do it. Yesterday it was on my mind all day over and over like I gotta do it I gotta do it. 21 days i think they say to form a habit! Argh!
Um.... getting ready to shower I suppose and the kids will be home from school soon. Savannah wanted her hair curly again. Boy thats rough business getting a formal hair do at 7 am every morning. I think I'm going to buy her some cool new barettes or something. Um... lets see..... Puffs with lotion ROCK.
Life is good
The sun is shining indeed
Love,
Di

An addition to Tuesday

Have to share something with you guys that I LOVE LOVEEEEEE. As you guys know Melzie, I have talked about Melzie a ton, I met her on line when we were pregnant with our babies and have actually met in person a few times.
We both members of a Yahoo group called Freecycle, basically its area based and people give away stuff they don't need and stuff stays out of the landfills. I have given so much stuff away on there, that I would otherwise thrown in the trash.... Anywhoo... Well, me and Mel have kinda "bonded" over peoples spelling and grammer errors. Us being the Scrabble champions we are... well... Some of it is hysterical. So now its just a game to us and we fwd the bad spelling ones and make stories up about them. It started with a lady offering up some Ciggrate (cigarette) coupons and some Goonites (good nites) then gosh it turned into so much stuff and we always incorporate our ciggrates and goonites into it... Like a couple days ago someone was in need of a Waher (washer) she did not know it was spelled with an S because she mispelled it through the whole email. today it was some Free Dented can Reed kidney beans. So I send her an email telling her I will need a waher to wash my goonites cause Im gonna eets me some reed kidney beans... There have been Overhauls left on the front porshe... Anyways, I stay subscribed to Freecycle now just for the spelling....
Had to share because I look forward every day to people misspelling so me n mel have something to email about.
Off to smoke some more Ciggrates, put my goonites on and eet my reed beans. Then I'll have some more dirty goonites for my waher. It will be okay cause I got some overhauls off a front porshe.
Happy Day.
Watch your spelling, you could end up on our list.
Love
di

Tuesday =)

Feeling a weensy bit better. Gonna clean today I suppose. Got up and Savannah decided she wanted curly curls... Well... lets just say I spent an hour this morning curling each lil curly curl. She wore her Little House on the Prarie dress as she called it. She usually likes to be Mary, but today she wanted to be evil Nelly... So Nelly it is. She looked adorable.
I have already been to the grocery and starting on my/Savannahs bedroom. It was already clean, but Im tidying up more.
Juan got suspended from school. A boy started a food fight with him, threw chili all down his back... Juan got very mad, threw broccoli cheest at the boy, the the boy hit him in the face with something. If you know Juan, you don't throw or touch the kids face... Well, Juan pushed him... The one boy got suspended for 5 days, Juan for 3. I'm not too happy about it and going to make him a very long chore list to keep his school hours busy.
Happy Day.
Life is good
Dianna Lynne

Sunday....

Still sick. Yes, that's right. Yesterday I reached my frustration point with this flu. I can't quit coughing, my voice is GONE GONE GONE. Grrrrr. Over a week I have had it, anytime it can leave now and it will NOT hurt my feelings. Just moved my puter up to my room. The boys puter desk was about to crash to the floor, so I gave them my desk so now they can sit in the living room and watch TV and compute.
Yesterday was my baby boys birthday 14 years old. YAY! =) We went to moms for a very small party. Him and his friend Patrick stayed all night there. I came home laid in bed and was out ouf it. I don't even remember much of yesterday. Coughing, I remember that.
Happy Sunday.
Love to all.
If any of you want this flu, I will share.
Di =)

We Wed Wednesday

Still sick, grumble grumble. This morning every time I swallowed felt like golf balls were in my throat.... Had to go back downtown to court. Circled downtown for 30 min having to pee, looking for parking. Parked illegally walked 6 city blocks to go to the court house and ran to the restroom. I liked to never of made it. That was rough, I tell you what.
Finished all my papers, turned in my certification for the classes.... Was about to put them in the F 8 box when the clerk was coming to pick up that box and take them to the judge and they took my lil papers with them.
So, I'm officially done doing stuff. Karen said she did hers in same time frame and hers was finalized on Dec. 11, so we shall see. Either way it's done.
WoW has been down for 2 days. I have been so bored. Walked a lot, cleaned alot and been sick alot. Guess Ill go find something to do.... not many options with the rainy yuck weather. May be a movie day.
Happy Wednesday.
Life is good.
Love,
Di

Howdy on a Tuesday

Hmm not much goin on today high lighted my hair, well had someone do it for me I should say. Man it's amazing a lift you get from doing something small. That took a couple few hours, came home ate lunch then went on a LOONG LOONG walk in the freezing cold drizzle. Brrrr. Only did 2 miles abouts today. With my cold, I didn't really feel like being out in the muck.
Tried to go to the court house to finish up my divorce stuffs..... Well, it's veterans day.. They are closed.
Happy Veterans day
Happy Tuesday
Life is wonderful.
The sun is indeed shining
love,
Di

Tis Monday

Im sleepy...zzz this cold doesnt seem to be improving, just moving to different areas. My throat is wicked sore and my voice is going. Sigh.
The divorce class went great. Got my stuffs, turning it into the courts tomorrow.
Yesterday went to moms, then to my aunt sues, then Savannah wanted to go to the mall. Juan wanted to meet his girlie friend there and his friend Patrick had stayed all night.... So me and Savannah covered the whole mall, she's a true blue shopper. Ooof!! Juan, Patrick and his girlfriend I guess walked around and did their teen thing. Anthony didn't want to go.. I can't get him out of his PJs lately. He pretty much does nothing but guitar hero. I recognize it, depression. Been there, done that. So gotta work on trying to get him out of his funk.
After the mall, I came home, Kyle took Savannah out and I played WoW and then crashed. Was a long day.
Today I woke up, have cleaned some, went and walked for over an hour. Getting ready to shower. The kids will be home soon and need to plan some supper.
life is good.
Happy Day
di

Have had

Savannahs cold/flu..whatever it was. started with stomach stuff, then nose, throat, fever... yesterday I laid in bed alot. Have to go to that class this morning. I don't want to. It being court ordered, I have no choice. My head is killing me. I'm tired. Wahh.
I just want this cold gone gone gone. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Happy Day
Love
di

Thursday

This week has flown by. Went to post office this morning and shopped at Walmart for awhile. Washing all my bed covers. Mopped the floors. Ate lunch. Going to go out walking. It's a nice day and fixin to turn very cold. Enjoying it while it lasts. I'm over yesterday. I can't deal with everything I have on plate and then worry about what people are saying about me or thinking about me. I know what happened, Kyle knows what happened. I don't really care anymore.
Happy Thursday
Life is Good
Di

How do rumors get started?

Okay, I wasn't going to blog about this at all, because frankly it's no ones business but my own and Kyles... But seems rumors are getting out of control. I'm not sure who started them, but I am putting them to an end right now.

I NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER had an affair on Kyle, I was extremely loyal to him for the 12 years we have been together. Even in the last 2 when we have had the worst ride of our lives, I never talked to, nor slept with anyone. Not even Kyle...

If you hear something.... Think of the source... Think of what context things are heard in.. Think would Dianna really do that? I went without intimacy,kissing.. you name it... for almost 2 years and NEVER EVER EVER even considered an affair.

I wll not go on a date, actual date like going out and doing whatever it is you do on dates, until my divorce is final.

Our marriage was always filled with alot of stress and alot of arguing. On both ends it got to where too many bridges had been burned and our children were being severely affected by the arguing.

If I am talking to someone now.... that is totally within my rights to do so. I will not meet, nor be with anyone intimately or otherwise.... ANYONE..... until my divorce is final and have prided myself on doing so and really worked hard at maintaining my reputation. Seems its always assumed that someone just had an affair, but sometimes things just dont work out. Its not always the womans fault... in this case things just didn't work and too much aruging. No adultry.. No affairs. I have heard it from more than one source (a few actually) and I am absolutely disgusted that anyone would think such a thing.

Grumble Grumble......

I haven't left the house in over a year, and it burns me up that anyone would think that. I Have laid in bed and cried night and day for over a year at my unhappiness and again for anyone to even think such a thing. Makes me ill.

Grumble Grumble......

Happy Wednesday

Been busy this morning. zzzzzzzz. I have Savannahs cold and it's messin with my nose. Achoo. O.o
Savannah went back to school today as did the boys. She's feeling alot better, but still got a wicked bad cough.
Went to a lil Dollar store this morning... then to Kroger for some groceries. Then to best buy to pre order WoW.. they were out, then went to Game stop, then to Target.. I'm home, trying to decide whether or not to clean again and do laundry or sit on my butt.... I could always shower.
Happy Day.
Life is good.
Di

Been busy today

Putting away summer clothes, packing up stuff I know won't be used until after I move. I got up at 8:15 and haven't stopped since. Cleaning out Savannahs dresser and closet, getting her winter clothes out. She's feeling better today, but anytime she gets up and moves around, she gets a horrendous cough. Yesterday, since Daylight savings time, it got dark early. I couldn't walk early because I was with Savannah and the boys were gone, so when Kyle got home I went out to walk. Johnny came by and I came in and talked to him for a bit then went back out walking in the dark. It was kinda nice walking at night. Gave everything a bit more interest. Seeing the houses I pass routinely at night, seeing the moon instead of the sun. I think I'll go back again at night. Was a very nice switch.
Life is good.
Love,
Di

Melzie tagged me

Top 7 websites I go to... Hmmm

One is my email Nannabird@aol.com....... Im always checking me mail.
www.worldsofwarcraft.com Of course i gotta play my WoW
Melodys Blogger
Google
Itunes
This Blogger
Um... 1 900 spank ME LOL jk... i dunno I guess hmmm my photo blog

Not sure if I like

this Daylight Savings Time business. It's almost 5 and about dark. Savannah was sick all last night and sick today. I took her to the Dr. Ears infected, sinus infection, respiratory infection.... She has ran a fever all last night all this morning and all this afternoon. We came home from Dr. and crashed and burned. She woke up for a bit then crawled in bed with me and we slept some more. I hate when she's sick. :( Nothing else going on.
Happy Day
Love,
di

Saturday

The totally cutest witch ever


This is Savannah on Halloween. I told her to make a real scary face LOL. She's too cute to be scary. Getting ready to go to those divorce classes. 3 hrs this saturday and 3 hrs next saturday... then Kyle has to go 3 different nights with Savannah. Poor Savannah gonna get 12 hrs of classes. Then that goes to the judge and divorce can be granted.
Not much else happening. Just hanging out, walking, sleeping, dogs barking.
Have a Happy Saturday.
Love,
Di