Wed Nes Day

Well, I was .2 oz shy of a 5 lb loss this week YAY!!!

Today I cleaned a house allllllllllllll day, then came home and did my own. I earned lots of activity points today =D

Things are going good, just a wee bit depressed. Not really circumstantial, just weather related. It has rained too much, it's too cold. I need some sunshine and some pool weather =D

Points are going well. I almost stopped writing stuff down yesterday, but I have to be disciplined enough to write that down because that's pivotal with WW. I'm not going to slack, it doesn't take that long. The first week is always the biggest loss, so I can't wait to see what next week holds.

I need to tweak it some because I'm not using extra points and that makes it a lil tricky.

Switching out laundry and going to relax the rest of the evening.

Tomorrow I'm taking on my laundry room!

Have a great week!

Love,

Me

Monday!

Closing out my first FULL week on WW today. I didn't dip into any of my extra points at all. I need to dip into them b/c when I go down on points, I'm going to want them. I weigh in, in the morning and I'm so excited =D I feel thinner if that makes sense.

I have been journaling every food I put into my mouth, I have been writing EVERYTHING down.

I'm doing well, thanks to God for the discipline!

Even if I haven't lost any tomorrow, I'm going to keep on trudging on because I know I can do this. Just a matter of tweaking it.

=)

Went to Heine brothers this morning for coffee, I'm finding decaf Dunkin Doughnuts is my fav over all of them and my mom bought me a bag this morning. It's like heaven. I am on my 3rd cup of coffee this morning. Good thing none of it has caffiene or I'd be bouncing off the ceiling.

Also went looking at antiques today, that was interesting and we were having a good time til I reminded my mom that we were in an old funeral home and the basement we were in probably embalmed bodies lol! She got the hell out of dodge after that =D ha!

Pulled all my appliances out in my kitchen, washed down walls and hand scrubbed the floor in there.

Taking a bit of a break and then heading back to make a plan for the laundry room

Hope you have a happy Monday!!

=D

Love me

My go around w/ WW

Well, I don't want to jinx myself..........WW is going really well! My frame of mind is right, I'm doing it =D!

The only problem I'm having is not being able to eat all my points. I haven't even used the extra ones and I'm left with the same 6 points left over every night. I have to find a way to eat those last 6.

I am going to weight myself on Tuesday because that's when I started at it full force no mess ups.

I'm excited, thanks to God for giving me the right frame of mind back!!!

He's awesome!!

Have a great weekend!

LOve,

me

Denial isn't just a river in Egypt

I hide in a fake world a lot of the time. When I'm out of it, I face reality and a lot of denial.

I do okay for awhile, but then the same stuff comes up.

One phrase someone says puts me back into reality.

Something as simple as I will go to this Dr. for the rest of my life.

Seems simple enough.

It's not when you are waiting for someone to be where you are.

Really made me depressed and insecure once again.

I just keep hoping and praying and then I wake up a week later and nothing is any closer.

No words spoken to make me believe things are ever going to be different than they are now.

Then a year passes and everything is the same once again.

I'm in denial. Sad because I love him, but if I can't share the real world with him,

what's the point? Especially when the nothing about the fake world is fun anymore.

I keep praying. I keep praying.....I keep praying.

Wonder if the lack of an answer, is the answer.

We will see one year from now, If I'm at the same desk, in the same room, saying the same thing. Waiting the same wait.

"I don't know why you are so insecure?" "How can I change your feelings?"

Gee, I really have no idea why I'm so insecure.

None.

I see it as just not being enough.

Not being enough makes one insecure.

Off to enjoy the real world and maybe see some real people.

Love,

Me

Tick Tock

Today is day 1..........We'll see how it goes.

Wish me luck.

Day 1 of what you ask?

You will see in time.

Love,

Me

I'm Somewhere In Middle

I have pneumonia again, so I have some down time lately. Time to do some thinking, real thinking, real soul searching.

I'm a bit down, not sure if it's because of SAD, or just because I'm where I never thought I'd be again.

I look back at past images of me and I think, that's not me. Who is that girl?

I put on the same shoes that girl wore. I have new ones sitting in my closet, but can't seem to wear them. That would mean accepting the girl I am now and I'm not quite ready to do that.

Kyle used to get so angry and so jealous of Vick back when we were married. He always thought that I was head over heels for Vick and it caused a lot of problems for us.

What he didn't know or realize is that I didn't miss Vick at all and it wasn't really about Vick...It was about me. I missed who I was when I was with Vick. I missed me.

I guess the same concept now, but with God. I have back slid so far that I have my nails dug in the cliff trying to hang on to anything and I'm not even sure what I'm hanging onto.

I pulled some baskets out from under my bed and like the shoes, memories of who I was.

All my old books I read when I was newly a Christian, bible studies, inspirational quotes.

I looked at them and I'm really not sure what happened. I know there's a whole lot of self and sin in there and I really do miss God. I still pray every night and keep contact with God, but nothing is the same.

I open the books to read them and I find papers and things of that life and I maybe am mourning that life that I had. I want it back, but I'm so far gone and I know the things I have to give up to get it back. All that stuff I did, the way my life turned around.....The joy in my heart I felt almost on a daily basis. I miss it.

I miss it bad. I keep waiting for something big to happen to pull me one way or the other and nothing is going to fall from the sky and make things right. I have to go on my own.

Therefore I'm stuck in the middle.

Love,

Dianna

YAY for my birthday this year!!

I'm soooooooooooo excited!! My boyfriend put to have my birthday off this year and he is going to come see me ONNNNNNNNNNN My actual birthday!!

I'm so excited I could cry.

Things have been going so well lately for us and it's such a nice change.

I keep praying and praying for us to make it.

I have a date on my birthday!!!!! Hooray!!

Love,

Me

What a month this has been

I'm glad I had so much Christmas cheer in November because wow, what a strange sad month this has been.

After the killings in Connecticut, I have been searching everywhere for answers as to why this happened.

I read comments from people about God and why did God let this happen and where was God.

This offends me and I asked why certainly, but I have never wavered from the belief that God is good.


Isaiah 55:8-9

New International Version (NIV)

8 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.

I forget so often what I learned in redemption group that God writes our life stories, we do not write our own.

It's His story, not ours. We were created for Him.

I have listened to quite a few sermons over the past few days and they all help reassure that God has a plan.

Isaiah 45:9

What sorrow awaits those who argue with their Creator. Does a clay pot argue with its maker? Does the clay dispute with the one who shapes it, saying, 'Stop, you're doing it wrong!' Does the pot exclaim, 'How clumsy can you be?'

He knows what He is doing.

I listened to a sermon earlier about the real Christmas story. How Jesus was born into a dark world. He didn't arrive in a fancy kingdom of gold. He was born in a barn, with cows, sheep and mules. His bed was hay.

Herod was jealous because he heard the new king was born and had all the infant boys slaughtered.

Jesus is our light in this dark world.

Christmas is about him. It's not about money or having gifts to open, he was the best gift ever to be given.

Forgiven, the bridge that connects us to God. No more sacrifices, no more offerings....Just pure forgiveness that so many find so hard to believe.

Through Christ. He is the doorway.

I love God more now than ever and trust that He has a plan and has already walked this road before us. He knows where we are headed and has made our paths straight.

Merry Christmas.

Love,

Dianna

A Divine Intervention

A divine intervention for a very lonely sad girl today.

Me.

God knows most what I need, when I need it.

I have had an awful day and I am completely alone. There's no one for me to talk to. tears have flowed, pain has surfaced largely in my broken heart.

The pain my heart feels right now, I can't even express. I hurt deeply, I needed someone. No one was to be found. Just me.

I was getting out of the shower and had my phone next to the tub. I had no touched it in over 20 minutes. Nothing was laying against it, nothing touching it.

I hear music and at first I think it's coming from outside and then realize, it's coming from my phone.

I pick it up and hear Aerosmith I don't want to miss a thing and I go to my room to lay down and I feel Bretts presence like he was with me in the room and then the song he played specifically for me at his funeral came on.

I didn't touch it, I didn't play it, I didn't even move my ipod.

It's this song



He was letting me know he was here with me. There's no other explaining how that happened.

He knew I was alone and how bad my heart hurt.

God, I wish he was still here. I miss him so much. He was my best friend. The song says it all, he's watching over me.

Very nice because he knew how much I really needed someone today. Still in awe and wonder how that happened.

I love him.

Love,

Me.

Fork in the Road

When you are standing at a crossroads in your life, how do you choose the direction your life takes?

Living in a world 30% of the time that isn't real, my escape.

My dreams are down one path, uncertainty down the other.

Adventure sometimes wants to choose the uncertainty and hang on by the seat of my pants.

Reality sets in and I sometimes want to take the other road where things are real.

Things are touchable, things are seen.

Some of my dreams have already gone down the toilet leaving me with a certain amount of resentment. I should put that anger on myself because I believed in empty promises.

Life seems as if it's a series of empty promises. Snow on Monday, Storms on Saturday.....Sunshine maybe on Tuesday. No certainty........Just a promise of snow that usually doesn't happen.

I wish I could hire someone out to direct my life. I'm supposed to let God be in control of that and all I come up with is confusion and God speaks to my heart and He says "If you are confused, child it's not My answer."

Maybe it's not His answer, maybe it's just the smallest part of hope in my heart that wants to believe.

Time passes, I still am, where I am. You know watching the Titanic, one line always sticks with me. Where the older Rose picks up the mirror that the men collected from the bottom of the ocean. She looks in it and says "This was mine. How extraordinary! And it looks the same as it did last time I saw it... The reflection's changed a bit."

That's how I feel. Every year I look in that mirror, the reflection changes, but nothing else does.

Ramblings that really mean nothing.

Jibbey Jobbey as my aunt calls it.

Jibbey, Jobbey.

Love,

Me

Expecting Too Much

The title says it all. My therapist and I had a long discussion about how I expect too much from people in my life. They can't deliver therefore it sets me up to be disappointed.

I thought about this a lot over the past week, it was put to the test over the past few days and he is very correct.

I'm sad in some ways, relieved in others.

I didn't realize how much I expected of others, they simply cannot be something they aren't.

This isn't casting a negative light on any of them, it's just opening eyes on my part.

My view of things are sometimes so distorted.

People cannot be, what they are not.

I was sad last night and want so badly out of the messes I am in. I cry out a lot for God to just take me, but He won't. He's gonna make me go through this big jumbled up mess I am because He knows I can.

Wish it didn't take so long.

I'm tired, but I am learning quite a bit.

I expected too much.

Pressures off.

Love,

Me

My Mind

Yesterday I went to the Dr. Sinus infection, possible strep, congested lungs......I didn't feel good then, I didn't feel good today.

I'm tired and I slept til noon and even had a hard time getting out of bed then. My throat feels like I swallowed razor blades and my mind won't let me sit...

A typical day in my mind and the actions that follow.......

Oh crap I slept late, I have to take my ulcer medicine 1 hour before I eat, 4 hours before my iron, 2 hours before my antibiotics.........I need to write this crap down.

I have a headache, did I take Tylenol when taking my arsenal of meds?

Crap, my head still hurts did I take it? Crap. Crap. Crap.

Savannah's coming over tonight I need to change her sheets and clean her room.

God my throat hurts.

If I don't get this laundry done, it will pile up and there's no where to put it.

Crap, did I put the wrong things in the recycle bin, it's cold out, I need to go check the recycle bin.

It's Wednesday, did I remember to put the trash out last night?

I need to go in the living room and look at the floor for things Opie can trip over and things Troy can put in his mouth.

Crap, I hope I picked everything up.

Damn, dogs need to go out. Okay.......You forgot to close the dryer door, hurry and get the dogs out and finish.....

Frick Opie fell down the stairs, I knew I shouldn't of been rushing the dogs.

Is he okay? Will he be okay? Crap.

Crap, I forgot to turn the washer on when I closed the dryer door.

I want a smoothie, but that means I'll have to wash the dishes. Well, maybe I can leave the dishes just this once.

This smoothie is helping me throat, but I can't sit here and enjoy it because I left the blender in my sink.

Ugh, that blender is in my sink and I'm about to cry because I don't want to wash it.

Phew I feel better now that the blender is washed, but now my smoothie has melted and needs to go in the freezer.

Crap, the dogs are out of food and water again, I need to fill their bowl .

My throat hurts, I wonder if I took Tylenol already?

Okay, dogs are fed, what was I doing?

Oh yea the Christmas tree needs to be watered.

Crap, I never put my smoothie in the freezer.

Tylenol?

I need to dust Savannahs room so her allergies don't act up.

Can someone help me rearrange Savannahs room because I can't lift this stuff?

Okay let me do it my self.

Crap, my back hurts. Did I take tylenol?

It's time to eat, I need to count my points and take my iron, but wait........I can't take it with my antibiotics and I have to wait 2 hours before and after.......Screw it, I'm taking it anyways.

I'm taking Tylenol too, if I'm gonna die from taking iron and antibiotics might as well take the Tylenol and go down with a sore throat.

Did I eat lunch?

My mouth still tastes like smoothie, so maybe I didn't eat.

Did I feed the dogs?

Tylenol?

Tylenol???

Tylenol????

I need a shower.

x.x

My mind wears me out.

Video

This is a video going around Facebook and I tell you what, it made me bawl like a baby.

My heart filled up with an absolute love for my Savior. I can't even put into words how much I love Jesus.

I love the fact that I now understand what Christmas carols mean, it brings tears to my eyes to think of Jesus coming to this earth.

I love Christmas.

I love Jesus.

I love God.

Love,

Me

I am thankful for God

I am thankful so much to God. No matter how badly I behave, He gives me gifts all the time.

I am blown away at times at His kindness towards me, no matter how badly I behave. I am far off my path from where I was in my walk with Him, but He never ceases to amaze me with His amazing love for me.

I am so very thankful that He chose me, I am very thankful that He had endless amounts of love for me and shows me grace that goes above and beyond what I could ever ask for.

I'm thankful for everything in my life, but none of that would be possible without Him.

Gives me strength I never knew I had, leads me in the right way, nudges me to look deeper into myself and see my worth.

Shows me I deserve everything and it is attainable through Him.

He makes my heart full, He makes my mouth smile..........

He is awesome.

He is my Father.

Have a great Thanksgiving.

Love,

Me

Well, it's been awhile

My friend Melzie made the kindest post on my wall about missing my blogs and has been giving me a gentle nudge to post.

I have sat down a few times to post, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I'm trying today and on a day when my heart is so broken all I can write is .....

Love rejoices with the truth.

She'd trade Colorado if he'd take her with him
Closes the door before the winter lets the cold in,
And wonders if her love is strong enough to make him stay,
She's answered by the tail lights
Shining through the window pane

He said I wanna see you again
But I'm stuck in colder weather
Maybe tomorrow will be better

Can I call you then

She said you're ramblin' man
You ain't ever gonna change
You gotta gypsy soul to blame
And you were born for leavin'


Happy Thanksgiving.

Love,

Me

Can't get the video to load, but if you wanna lookie loo Copy n paste

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6vIzbK29Etw

Tornadoes and Rainbows

Last night my dream was so vivid. It was storming outside and I was in my old house on Tallow Lane.

Tornadoes were coming all around me. I wasn't scared, but I wanted to take pictures. I ran outside with my camera and I slipped and fell in a huge mud puddle. I was trying to get up without getting mud on my camera.

I look through the lens and I see two tornadoes swirling about. I remember feeling apprehensive, but not scared.

All the sudde two huge rainbows appear and dominate the two tornadoes. I took hundreds and hundreds of pics and I couldn't get enough of the beauty of the rainbows. Breathtaking beauty in the midst of a storm.

When I woke up, I smiled because rainbows are God's promises. I saw two.... Backs up with scripture.

For your shame ye shall have double; and for confusion they shall rejoice in their portion: therefore in their land they shall possess the double: everlasting joy shall be unto them. Isaiah 61:7 KJV

I have been going through quite a storm lately and I am ready to receive my blessings.

Trying so hard to surround myself with positive people. Even at the cost of losing people who claimed to be my friend because I was trying to change my life.

Trying to look for the positives in the people in my life.

I am so ready for my blessings, so ready to receive good that is coming my way.

God rocks =D

Love,

Me

It's Saturday the 14th

Mel, my more interesting life comes from getting a couple of paid wedding photography gigs and that aspect of my life is opening up a whole lot.

I'm excited and scared.

Need more practice as with anything.

It's Saturday.

Yee haw

love,

me

My life

is about to get more interesting I think =)



=)




Love,

Me

I can

do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Phillipians 4:13

I faked it, til I felt it.

I can't tell you when I'm at the gym, wondering what am I doing there, how many times I say this.

Today, when my legs felt like they could push no more and I wanted to quit. I tell God, "I can't do this"

I hear His voice in my head "Don't you dare quit, say it again."

I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me

I have struggled for awhile to find the positive side to my recent illness. Slowly, it's coming to light. I really am nothing and can do nothing without Christ.

I thought about that a lot when I was sick and laying in bed... how come I am a believer stuck in this bed and there are tons of bad people out there who don't believe and can at least work and get out of bed.

Like a bad record playing over and over again.

I'm not really sure that I have fully figured it out, but I know for myself that God needed to remind me that I am nothing without Him.

I watched a show yesterday and she talked about how God works through others to bless each of us. I am so blessed.

I may not have the biggest house in the world or have the fanciest of things, but I'm not unhappy. I am really blessed. I think about the hottest days we have ever had here and think how lucky I am because I got to sit in an air conditioned house.

That crosses my mind a lot lately. I have 2 pairs of shoes and in many parts of the world, they don't even have one.

I am very thankful for everything I have. I am very thankful for everything I am given and the people who give it to me.

I go without nothing. God truly takes care of me.

I get this Christian thing wrong a lot, but I am so in love with Jesus.

I talk to him every single night. He waits for me under our tree.

My heart just fills with love and flutters at the very thought of him.

Speaking of things I don't have to go without, I never have to go without him.

I can't relate to God on the scale that I can Jesus. I love God very much and think of Him as my father. I guess that's why He sent Jesus, to relate to us.

I am growing so much, I am learning I don't have to be a doormat, I'm learning that I don't have to be around people and things that make me uncomfortable.

I am learning to say no. I'm learning I can live without the things and people I never thought I could.

I guess I'm growing up.

It's late, I need to sleep. Was up pondering Jesus and how broken I am and how much he loves me anyway.

And how much I deeply love him.

=D

Nite.

Love,

Me