Sigh

Was sitting at my desk doing absolutely nothing, Kyle decides to start insulting me...... huge blow up ... cops were called and came to calm us down. He needs to leave me alone. He just plain and simple needs to leave me alone. I wasn't even doing anything just sitting here and the insults start coming. I need to move. I hate it here. I smiled at something and he said "oh well you seem to be awful happy" God knows i cry myself to sleep every night almost. I was like what Kyle I smiled will you not be happy til i kill myself? I don't understand.
I was up all night with my tooth, clenching my jaws i broke it.
It hurts bad =(
im sad, and stressed and just want him to leave me alone.
He also needs to stop shouting my business in front of the kids.
Also needs to stop insulting me in front of the kids.
Pisses Juan off and Savannah said she was glad he left.
He's doing his own self in.
Im stressed. Heading to moms to sit in my stupor with my tooth ache til i figure out exactly what it is Im supposed to be doing.
Happy day
Love
di

Happy Christmas Eve Eve!

Hi and Happy Christmas Eve Eve!! Savannah and I for the past 3 hrs have been baking cookies. We had a really good time and it was nice doing that with her. She really knows her way around a kitchen!

Okay, off to scrabble

Happy day.
Love
di

Monday!

It's Monday! Been a busy day. Woke up kinda late which put a rush on the day to begin with. I took Juan and his friends shopping. They cracked me up. The one kid Kojo is probably one of the funniest kids I Have ever met. He had me laughing the whole entire time. It was nice taking him and his friends around.

Over the weekend Kyle and Savannah were supposed to go to Nashville to see his aunt, but Savannah got so sick. Oh my Lord was she ever sick. She threw up for 24hrs straight. Kyle went on and went and I took care of Vannah. It was a very rough day. She would just lay on the bathroom floor and cry asking me why did she have to be sick. I sat on the edge of the tub and cried because there was absolutely nothing I could do. Was a long day.

When she would sleep I moved her toys out of my room and scrubbed the extra room in the basement and made her a playroom. It looks fantastic.

Yesterday I was soooo sore from all the furniture moving.

Im not ready for Christmas. Have no motivation. Nothing.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm...... that's about it. I took a long nap did Richard simmons and now just gonna maybe play scrabble or write letters til bed.

Have a happy Monday
The sun is shining
life is terrific =)
Love,
Di

90 minus 3

I have to share this, for 90 straight days I have exercised and ate extremely well. I gave up sugar, chocolate etc. I have pushed myself and pushed myself and PUSHED myself. I have only missed 3 days of exercise in 90. I have wanted to give up over and over and over, There have been days where I Have wanted to CRY because I'm so tired. A lil persistence pays off cause I bought a pair of jeans I couldn't button, I couldn't even really get over my hips and I said those are my goal jeans!!

Guess whos wearing the jeans today ?? 4 sizes down from where I started. The scale hasn't moved very much but the inches have melted off. I think I'm building alot of muscle.

=) YAY Jeans!!!

IT is a happy day indeed!

What the heck day is it?

I think it's Thursday! hmmm! Not much going on here, allergies are acting up this morning. Atchoooooooooo.
kinda been cleaning on and off, contemplating a nap.
That's about it. I have contemplated the nap and now off to take it.
Woots!
happy day the sun NEEDSSSSSSSS to come out
Life is good
di

Its wednesday

I have cried most of the day. I think I've got the winter time blues. Honest question for people in KY, when is the last time the sun came out? I haven't seen it in ages, but haven't kept track. I know it's been at least 10 days. I was out walking every day getting sunshine, now its drab rainy cold day one after the other. It's affecting my psyche. I forgot to eat this morning. It was almost noon before i realized I hadn't eaten. Not that it's gonna hurt me, but when my blood sugar drops I get cranky. I ate a banana and that's all i have had today. Getting ready to go get Savannah off the bus and exercise I guess. I really really need to.
Okay happy day to all
life is good
love
di

Today is better

and its my mommas birthday so Happy Birthday Momma!! =)
I am feeling mentally better. I spent the day yesterday having panic attacks. That is something I hadn't done in awhile, for the most part those are gone. I guess it's all the stress.
I cleaned and just moped all day pretty much and in the evening I got on WoW and Christmas had come!!!!!!!!!!! Every area and every world was decorated all up. Elmer and I spent all evening in Iron Forge... He had a lil char he made into an elf to give out cookies and milk.. You have to give santa cookies and milk and he gives you presents. Since my char Genovie is a tailor I made christmas clothes for a bunch and just over all we had a blast. The people in that game are so funny. I know alot find it hard to understand but it's a blast. Nancy has asked a few times what its like and what do you do on there, so I'm gonna share a few pics.
First is my char Geno she usually has alot more clothes on, well armor LOL but this is her christmas outfit she made.

Here is Santa Claus and he does gift presents YAY!

Here is Elmers Girlie Char LOL!! He has all boy real chars but that's his Christmas Elf. He got hit on all yesterday LOL!

This is my good friend Dan.. The boys get full christmas clothes LOL!!! He went to the barber shop and got his hair lightened and a beard to look like sannie claus

Below is my very, very, very good friend David that's on my face book page. I have known him for a few years. He's dancing with Elmer trying to get some milk and cookies for free ha ha!!

And last but not least is Genovie on her Rudolph Mount =)

Anyways so Christmas in WoW got me out of my funk and today I am better. Having ulcer problems but with all the stress Im lucky its just an ulcer. Happy day to all
Love
the sun is shining
di

Just not my day

Today, I'm having such a struggle with everything. Especially anger. Alot happened over the weekend. A huge huge degrading fest at 4:30 am. I won't go into details because it's extremely embarrassing and of course were just verbal attacks on me. Today I'm so angry. I'm so tired of being put down. I'm tired of everything.
When the verbal stuff happened the other night Juan and his friend Patrick were here and his room is right across from mine and it was so loud, I'm sure they heard every word cause Juan said they didn't go to sleep til 6.
I try and try to pull myself up and I keep getting knocked down because obviously Kyle doesn't think I feel bad enough about myself. Believe you me I hate myself enough for 20 people, I really don't need any help in that department. Anymore when he is around I get so anxious and just start sweating and shaking because I just wait for more verbal assaults. I wanna pull my hair out so bad and just scream because all I want is to be left alone.
The boys have picked up on this disrespect and are treating me awful. Anthony is so mean to me. Every day for 3 years he has to be told to let the dogs out after school. If I do not tell him he says he doesn't have to do it because I should have to ask him. Yesterday I decided to let them out since I was out that way. Today I say anthony let the dogs out. He didn't, I said Anthony let the dogs out... He says.. I don't do that anymore you did that yesterday I never let the dogs out thats your job.... Im like wtf????? every day for years you have had to let the dogs out in the afternoon. He goes on and on and on with me, back talking me and i said you need to watch how you speak to me. In which he responds, I dont need to watch anything to you because what i say is fine, no one else has a problem with me blah blah..... I just decide to walk away and I Had asked him to take out the trash... Did he do it.......nooooooooo so I say Anthony trash.... You didn't tell me which trash to take out, I took out what piece of trash i wanted too , you didn't specify which location of the trash I had to take out going on and on... So i said fine no computer for 3 days... What he says??? you are grounding me because YOU didn't specify which trash I needed to take out. I say its the way you talk to me.... again I talk fine to you you are the one who has the problem.... I took his cell phone from him to ... he went on and on arguing with me , insulting me telling me that he doesn't have to talk to me any way, he is fine. He needs to get a job and see how things are done in the real world. Hes almost 18 and has no clue at all how the real world works. He says no one ever takes him to get jobs, oh we have he just shoves the applications in his entertainment center. Im done, he's going to go get a job so he can see when someone asks you to do something, you don't do what you want to do, you do what you are told. They ate Savannahs Christmas cookies she made for her teacher, she was in tears this morning when they went to go get them and they were gone. Juan drink all my teas, my egg nog anything I buy for myself after they eat or drink theirs they feel obligated to go take everyone elses things. Lets face it, if it's there, they are going to take it. I was saving a whole bag of M and Ms I just went to go get them and they were completely eaten a 1 lb unopened bag and the bag shoved back in.
Anthony said he was hungry made 2 peanut butter sandwiches, then I go back a few min later he's got the stove on for a pizza, I say, wheres the peanut butter sandwiches, he says "Oh i fed them to the dog because i want something different" they know I Have no money for groceries and we have to save yet the dogs can have the sandwiches cause he wants something else.
No one in this house respects me. Probably because they continually learn the disrespect from others. Not only do i have to get the verbal stuff from kyle, i gotta get it from my own kids.
Im tired. Wipe the floor with me and add it on to every other thing I Have got on my plate.
Not to mention I was draining boiling water, it splashed up off a plate in the sink I know have 3 half dollar size blisters on my stomach.
I tried to cry, but I can't. After Saturday night/ sun morning I emotionally numb. A person has limits to how much stuff they can handle. I was past my limit mos ago.
I dunno what to do.
I don't care.
I give up.
Happy day.
love,
di

oof

what i thought was the stomach flu yesterday..... was only the beginning. oh my lord have mercy, I feel like death. Stomach stuff, weak, achey, fever. I go from bed to computer. I crawled to macs to get me a diet sprite. I can't even eat. I need to shower, but I don't know if i have the energy. I wish i had a dvd player so i could watch christmas movies. I have got the weepies now, which mom knows im famous for when i get sick.
stomach viruses suck.
Life is good
love
di

Been Awhile

Howdy folks! Been awhile.
Weekend was long. Saturday we had a bfast with santa to go to at Savannahs school. I thought it was going okay, til Kyle made some comments to me which really set my tone for the weekend.

I know he's angry at me etc. etc. but I was really embarrassed and sad. The first one really got me... We were standing in line at the Santa shop the line was very, very long. People and kids all over. He was coughing and said he needed to get something to drink. I had a bottle of green tea and being nice said "Here, you wanna drink of my tea" instead of no thanks etc in front of all these people I get "I don't know where your mouth has been" I thought I was going to DIE, not to mention Anthony, Savannah and everyone around heard that. It made me sad.
The second one, we were in line for Santa and the line was long. He had his foot out and I almost tripped on it. I was sitting there talking to my friend Wendy and looked at him and said "oof you tryin to trip me" He said "What's it matter if I do, you aren't on my insurance anymore and aren't my problem if you get hurt" Wendy and I exchanged looks and I just looked at him and told him that wasn't nice.
I stewed all day of course. The comments are unnecessary no matter how angry someone is and they are completely uncalled for. The kids are already showing a ton of disrespect for me... Now I see why. He basically called me a slut at a childrens function when I still haven't gone on a date, nor even gone out to eat or anything. I don't understand.

Debbie was at the bfast with Santa and I talked to her for the first time in years and got to see Madison and Ken Ken. That was nice.

Been exercising every single day. Still having to do the Dancing with the oldies thing cause it's been to cold. It's not too too bad.

Juan threw up yesterday and is home sick, Savannah was sick to her stomach and coughing she has another cold. Tis the season. I'm sure since I Just got over being sick, it will come to me again.
I dislike winter so bad. I hate it.

I Have journals and journals full of I Hate summer, I wish winter would come. What was I thinking. Oof. Oof.

So that's about all the updates for now. Nothing else going on as of late. Just sickness and blah.

Happy Holidays
Love to all
The sun is shining
Di

Me n Mom took on the stores today...

Me n mom went out and spent the day shopping today. We had a very, very good time and I couldn't help but chuckle at my mother. We got to the Mall early before the stores opened and she got to see first hand a few mall walkers.... We come up to one of these center booths and it says something about a facial and mom goes over with great curiosity and starts stroking this big black thing and looks as if she's going to put her face in it... She's like "How does this work" I'm like "Mom that's a stool, your butt goes in it, not your face" LOL they had put them up on the counter while they were closed. She wasn't so impressed once she found out its a stool LOL!!
Then off to Bath and Body works where she sniffed a bottle of lotion and shot it up on her nose... I can't take my mother anywheres.
All through the mall it was like Harry Krishnas (sp?) handing out flowers and asking for money all along the way... My mom was like a football player on steroids, they would holler to her... No, No thank you... and just take off running. I couldn't keep her with her... She would fully fit in to the mall walker world, she was FAST, those sales men didn't stand a chance with her.
We then went to Steak n Shake for lunch then off to Target.
I was soooo tired, felt as if we walked forever.
I dropped her off came home and ate a bit of noodles. Then played WoW for a bit.
I was going to take a nap and instead decided to do Richard again. It's so flipping cold out. I was so sore from all the walking and carrying the packages and blah... But, I mustered up some strength did it and now sitting my butt down. I'm plum pooped.
Hope everyone has a wonderful and blessed weekend.
life is wonderful
love
di

Hi

It's Thursday, yet I went through the whole day thinking that it was Friday. Today for the most part is a blur, I don't like this getting dark early stuff. I took Savannah to school, cleaned for a few and went to bed and slept for a long, long time.
Tonight I was trying to decide between WoW and a date with Richard since it got freezing overnight... Wasn't even much of a debate, Richard won out. Wasn't too bad and actually I like the burn of the muscles I dont get to exercise when walking.
My stomach has hurt all day so I have eaten noodles with veggie bullion a few times tonight. That's all I have eaten all day and yet my stomach still hurts. Ah the joys of ulcers. Okay, my boring life!
Happy Thursday
Life is good
love,
di

Wednesday

I can't believe it's already Wednesday. Yesterdays post disappeared. I have another private blog I write in and when you are signed in to which ever blog and I accidentally thought I was in one blog and wasn't was in this blog and the post is gone gone goneeeeeeeee Whoa, basically it said I'm hungry I hate cocoa pebbles, Kyle needs to get food we can all eat.
Today has been so busy, I am just now finding time to sit down at the puter and write. This morning I had to go for my yearly girly check up.. Oh boy! Went well, lost weight Blood pressure was 115/70 which he said was excellent, Iron is at a presentable level.
Then after that I went to Fashion Bug to look around and get myself a couple of need things as I have lost weight a few things are falling off. So I got a couple of items.
Then off to Hancocks for some Fabric...
Then to Mcdonalds for a hamburger patty and an apple.... yum
It was a warm day, well warm for December so I knew I was going to get to walk outside today.
I decided first to go to Walmart and get some groceries which I did, then came home lugged them all in and WENT WALKING!! YAY
Outside. I walked and walked and walked 2.5 miles today. I know tomorrow is supposed to be cold and I'm tired of trying to find solutions to the exercise dilemma so I soaked it up. I feel sooooooooo good.
I'm getting ready to take a breather for a few and then go cook some dinner and then maybe watch a movie or something.
Happy day
Life is good
Love
di

My first date with Richard

Oh boy!! All I can say is we went to the Prom.......
Let me first start by saying, it's super cold outside, I cannot go for a walk out there. The treadmill gave me a stress fracture in my ankle and the mall is for farty bossy women with strange objects growing out of their ass... What's a girl to do?
I open up my cabinet and out falls a Richard Simmons DVD Sweatin to the Oldies... I was really debating on what to do, looking up indoor walking tracks online. Either way I had to exercise.
I open it up, see a song list... think to myself, this can't be so bad there's 11 songs, lets try it.

I have never felt an urge of geekiness in my whole life.. I went into Anthonys room, patted my dogs and pushed them out of the room and shut and locked the doors.

Not sure if the neighbors could see the outline of my body and hear what I was doing in there but I didn't care. By goodness I was goin on a date with Richard.

We started out by watching his mom get hauled off in a police car.. Okay, he uses humor that was funny... This may not be so bad.

Dancin in the street was the first dance of our prom.. Not bad.. I felt a lil like Steve Martin the jerk.. Couldn't quite get the rhythm down, really focused on just exercising..

Beyond the Sea comes on and my eyes and mind start wandering... "what the hell kind of clothes are these people wearing?" Okay, I get that it was filmed in the 80s. Did we really dress THAT BAD? hideous

On Broadway comes, I am noticing that the movements and songs are getting progressively faster.. he's no Jane Fonda and doesn't explain what he's doing, you just better hope like hell you can keep up and learn the steps..He incorporates this move that I found oddly fun "Sizzle Fingers" yes you heard that right "Sizzle Fingers" It's sick itself that I enjoyed them.

It's my party comes on, I am really just busting my butt getting into it, when all of the sudden what appears? This woman wearing bright orange whos boobs were totally out of control. Someone needed to stop those suckers. Man they were wild. I have never seen a pair of boobs that out of control in my life. Did they not have sports bras back then? Those boobs were a menace to a decent society.

Peggy Sue comes on, they moved swirvy boobs to the back and in her place comes a smiley boy. He's just happy. We start doing some leg moves and I notice that Richards legs are so nice. He wears those really, really short pants and my brain wanders to "Where's his wing wing at" I mean normal people it would flop out, how does he keep his under control and he really needs to share his tips with Wild Boob Hancock.

Okay, Great Balls of Fire comes on and I am ponying to the left and hit my hip on Anthonys bed... Instead of yelping in pain I start doing sizzle fingers!! Ahhhhh they work!! Anthony knocks on the door, "Mom, what are you doing in there" I reply "Sizzle fingers boy, let me be" Then the dogs start scratching and sniffing under the door. They must sense the fun in the sizzle fingers!

Wipe out comes on and I start feeling an odd tingling sensation in my rear. I can barely keep up, although I am at this point sweating... I have gotten over Jiggly boobs and quit wondering where his weenie is and focusing on exercising and sizzle fingers. I put them into places in the songs they dont belong. They are FUN!

Just when things can't get any worse, He's a Rebel comes on and I hear a motorcycle, a guy who looks exactly like the dead guy on Weekend at Bernies pulls up and drops a chick off to sing. Even sizzle fingers don't make sense of that weirdness in an exercise video.

Personality comes on and I notice we are getting slower, I look around for Wild boob lady and she has disappeared.. Im thinking she must've hit herself in the eye with her breast and had to be carried off by the dead Weekend at Bernies guy... Hmm where did she go? Looking for her was like looking for Waldo, I looked all over but never saw her through that whole song.

Aint no mountain high enough wraps up our "date" Richard on the floor stretching his legs... I slowly start to realize that I need to "Sizzle Finger" My way into a straight jacket quickly and get help.

I opened up the door to exit the room, both dogs laying on floor at door ears perked up and both head cocked looking at me! Hmph!

I sure wish warm weather would come back because nothing beats walking.

Sigh, skinny people don't know how lucky they are.

Happy Monday!
The sun is shining!!
Life is good
Orange boobies wildly swinging are bad!
Love
Di