Dentist again

I should change my middle name to dentist. Had to go again this morning to have more work done on my tooth. Could not have gone any better at all. Went to the same dentist as I took Juan too. Extremely nice. Dog lovers LOL which is important ya know. It's all one family. I was not scared in the least. Nothing at all went wrong. I'm very sore in my jaws though. Having TMJ and arthritis on the right side and having to hold my jaws open for so long, really caused me some pain. I came home and laid in bed and slept. Not nearly as bad upon waking. So I'm glad.
American Idol is okay.......Love the cute lil 16 year old. Love love love him. The boy. Can't rem. his name but he's cute as a button.
Um.....LOST on tonight. 300 days or abouts til Christmas. For a Klondike bar......I would um....I dunno since I can't have them anyways!
Have a happy Thursday.
It's not trash day.
Love,
Di

Ugh what day is it?

Wednesday maybe? Juan had a dentist appt today to finish fixing his tooth. Was long, his toofs LOL was complicated, fragile, ugh just a mess. They almost had to send him to a specialist but got it worked out. They were finally able to get this metal reenforcement thing around it, so they could drill and such and fill it and it wouldn't fall apart. The metal thing really,really hurt him quite a bit. He had 100 Bluuued LOL When Anthony was little he told my mom once, something was bleeding or I can't remember exactly, she could probably tell you better than I, but he said he had 100 blood but said it bluuuuued LOL. I tried to take a nap, but can't. Stomach is killing me from the meds. I need to pick up some more acidophilus. It helps. Um...... lets see...Nothing else I suppose.
My toofs still has that medicine taste and it's starting to make me sick. takes like minty yuck. Have it finished on St. Patty's day!! YAY!!
Happy Wednesday.
It's trash day
Love,
Di

Hi hi!

Hi. What's been goin on? Hmm well my tooth is 100% better. I have come a LONG, LONG way in taking medicine. I am taking them and not fretting over it. Those who know me......know my big fear of medicine. So YAY!! Um... Savannah still is having stomach troubles. Not sure if it's nerves or what. Saturday night she threw up again, Sunday night, threw up..... Dunno what's going on.
Juan goes to the dentist in the morning to finish off his tooth. Then I gotta go. Gonna let mine rest a couple weeks before I go back.
Not really sure what else to say LOL. When my life isn't crazy, it's boring!! I settle for boring. LOVE boring :) bring it on!!
Happy whatever day it is, Tuesday.
Love,
Di

Bad night, bad morning

Last night I was at the bowling alley and was eating something and I bit into something extremely hard. Can't remember if it was the I was eating or what cause I was busy talking. All I remember next is a shooting pain go up the side of my head and I was like What the hell was that?
So, we bowl, have some fun, time goes on, my tooth is throbbing....but I'm distracted. Go to my cousins house and it really starts nagging more.
I get home last night and have some stress come up and I get pretty mad and clench my jaw very hard and at that point I felt a crack and was like OMG.
I start crying. Try to go to sleep. The pain wakes me up every hour on the hour. I cried probably most of the night. Wake up this morning, tried to look up dentists on the internet and could not even think I was in so much pain.
I call my mom crying and crying and God bless her heart, she went through the yellow pages and found me the most angelic dentist ever. I don't even remember how I got dressed or much about this morning.
The dentist because of my stupid disease and weak ass teeth has to do something to the effect of a root canal. Same thing Juan has to have done on his cause of the dreaded disease. I'm soooooooooooooooooo irritated with Celiacs. He told me that on all my back teeth that i use for chewing I should have them all reenforced with crowns. He's not sure if increasing my calcium will repair the weakness already done to my teeth. 1700 a tooth I vote NO, not right now. My front teeth are in excellent health and do not take the brunt force of the chewing so they are fine. Just the back ones. Wisdom teeth I'm just going to have pulled.
I am on very strong antibiotics because of my nerve exposure and food etc etc. Infection stuffs. I hate pills and medicines.
I'm extremely tired. My eyes hurt from the amount of crying I have done in the past 12 hrs. My tooth still has a dull ache in it. But the good news is, it didn't split all the way up. I was actually begging him to pull it, it hurt so bad. He said if we pull it you lose the 1800 bucks you just spent behind it. I was like Scratch that. After he numbed me I sung a different tune.
Relief.
Okay, keep me in your prayers. Mom and dad have been updated by phone, so I'm heading to bed and will say special prayers for a very patient and kind dentist. Also thank God for sending him my way.
Love,
Di

hi hi

been trying several times to make an update... not working. Geek blogger!

I updated my photo blogger with ice storm pics.

Not much else going on.

Happy Day!
Love,
di

Holy Crap

Holy Crap, There is supposedly a student with a gun or a man dressed like a student with a gun inside Anthonys school. They are on lockdown, I can not get him. Savannahs school sits right behind Anthonys, she is on a bus stuck in a Kroger parking lot they won't let me have her. The news says all is safe for now, but yet they just called in reenforcement........ I am shaking and shaking. I'm sure both kids are scared to death. They aren't letting parents up there because of the way the roads are and it's not safe. I hear helicopters buzzing and buzzing over my roof, you can hear sirens and UGH I just want my kids.
You guys have no clue how bad I'm shaking. All these crazy psycho shootings.

I'll update. The news is updating quite a bit too. www.wave3.com
Also on CNN national news

Keep them in your prayers and UGH I should've gotten Anthony minutes for his phone. At least I could text him or something. UGH

***********So the news comes on and says not to alarm anyone but a group of 7-10 police officers ran into the school with the weapons drawn. WTF Not to alarm anyone with a child in the freaking school?????????? It's an ex student they said. UGH the kids are in the classrooms, lights off, on the floor huddled together. Savannah has been shipped downtown to a school til this is over then they will bring her in town for pick up. UGH UGH UGH

**********Another semi update to the one above, A text from a kid coming out of the school said that police have caught 2 with guns.....something maybe was going to go down???????? I don't know how true that is, you know how a group of kids get together and rumors fly, but supposedly kid reliable. UGH News update on now brb

Okay this from the news, they had a press conference at the church for the parents. There was an ex student who was now going to a behavioral school.........He was in the school, he did have a gun, but they can not find him. They do not think he's in the school now, but can't find him. UGH But he was there with the intentions to settle a beef he had with someone. UGH Kudos to the girl who told.

The 2 who were caught evidentally were the 2 he was talking to in the cafeteria. Here's a link to the story confirming the brat was in the school with a gun. My head hurts and thanks to everyone who has kept me sane and calm this morning. Very hard to do. I just want my kids HOME
Police confirm Gun

If anyone is interested

I updated my photo blog, i still have a ton more stuff to add but could only finish 18 today. There are a ton more coming!!! But here are a few that I added on there

Di's photo

Tuesday

It's Tuesday, what can I say? I'm in a very foul mood. I'm tired and have been doing nothing but sleeping. Seems the more I sleep the more tired I become. Depression, flu????? Who knows. Savannah and Juan are both home sick still. I'm figuring about 5 more days til Savannahs ears get infected from this cold. Juan is running a fever and achey and stomach problems.
My favorite guy, Joel Olsteen is coming to Louisville. I am sooooooooooo excited about this. He is a TV preacher I had never in my life heard of. Well, one night in the middle of the night, I woke up out of a deep sleep. I heard him and usually when I hear TV preachers I get up and turn them over. Everything out of his mouth was like he was speaking directly to me. It happened again and again, always in the middle of the night, I would always wake up and he was like my own delivery system of hearing anything to give me hope that things will get better. I am going to GO!! I love him!!! He is so different from regular preachers and gives such hope and his smile is enough to brighten anyones day.
:) That is my happiness for today. Gonna have to be enough to sustain cause I'm just not happy today LOL.
Watched Christmas movies yesterday in bed.
I looked into taking an oil painting class.
Called a woman about teaching me some photography tips.
Now just gonna sit here and probably go lay back in bed and stare at the ceiling.

Happy Tuesday to all!
Love,
Di

Monday Monday!!!

It's 10 am Monday morning and I JUST got out of bed. Savannah is still asleep. Juan had a fever last night and felt awful. I started singing Another one bites the dust.
Yesterday I was in bed almost whole day. Nothing to do. I'm so bored my eyes are crossed. Anthony has gotten VERY into Worlds of Warcraft and made some friends on there and is playing that pretty much non stop. For now it's okay. Juan sits on his bar stool playing Guitar hero. Yesterday they played mud football all day.
My cousin Lindsay took alot of time to write me the sweetest most love filled email yesterday. :o) I have read it twice now and really taking everything you said into consideration and it meant more than you could ever know that you love me that much, you put all that time into that email. Was extremely special and it helped more than you could ever know. I'm gonna get back to you on some of that. You are truly a gem :)
My house is pretty much clean, so I guess I am going to either spend the day in bed again or find something else to clean.
Have a happy Monday everyone!!
Love,
Di

Sunday

Happy Sunday!!! Been in bed hmmmm most of the day. Not sick or anything. Just nothing else to do. I have nothing really to blog about. Savannah is still sick. Now Juan is getting it.
I have a bunch of photos to finish editing but with my eyes hurting so bad sitting staring closely at pics isn't easy on the eyes. So, I think tomorrow I will finish them all up.
It warmed up alot today, probably have tornados again. That's the way it's been going.
Not much else to report.

Have a happy Sunday.
Love,
Di

I should have known

Sitting here in my house.......In my chair at the computer. I'm video gamed out, I'm tired. I sit and I do alot of soul searching. Wonder why it is, how I am the way I am. I suffer from depression, post traumatic stress disorder, piggy backed with anxiety. That is my official "diagnosis" If you will.
But I search deep within and realize it's so much more. I'm plagued with guilt. Guilt from so much..........But mostly I think from Brett dying. After he died, I changed. Changed drastically. Who wouldn't? But after that my life just seemed to go wrong. Everything wrong. But, what you don't know is I constantly tell myself that I deserve this. I deserve this bad stuff.
When Brett got sick.....there was a good couple months or so where his leg hurt. We laughed at him, teased him.........When he got to where he was taking more than 5 aspirin at a time and the pain wasn't going away.....I suddenly knew something wasn't right. I waited til Thursday to pick up my check and took him to the Dr.
Fast forward til now......I'm scrubbing my hands every hour, disinfecting stuff. Afraid of getting sick.

The realization hits me........I blame myself for him dying, because I should have known. I SHOULD Have known!!!!!!!!!!!! I have a wealth of knowledge now on diseases, cancer, what have you. Because I won't make the same mistake again.
But, deep inside I believe I deserve every bad thing coming my way because I could've taken him to the Dr. earlier. Instead we teased him. Real life kicks in and says Di you were only a kid.........but then my brain says, I should've known.

On the day Brett died, I didn't want to go in the room to see him. My mom kept saying "you need to go, you need to go, you will regret it for the rest of your life if you don't"

I regret going in most of all. Being left alone with his body. When I close my eyes I see his face, how the life was sucked out of him and you could tell that his spirit wasn't there anymore. Just a shell and his soul had moved on. I wish I would have never of gone.

Secretly deep inside, I wish that I would have never met him. Never. Sometimes I hate him. All the chemo, all the protocals, the surgery, the dying. All changed my life and changed me into someone I hate. Someone I can't run from. Stuck with myself and I can't hide. I fear medicine because I saw what medicine did to him. That whole situation screwed me up so badly.

I want to like myself. I want to forgive myself, but I don't know how. I want to believe that I am worthy of good things, worthy of a good life. Instead all I can do is see how much time I have truly wasted and how much of a failure I am.

Reality...........It sucks....

Sick of Sick

UGH Savannah progressively got worse over night. Fever went higher she feels awful. She told me this morning she feels dizzy and OMG I freaked. It took me 4 mos to get over that last dizzy virus. UGH. Since she started school it's non stop sickness. Over and over sickness. I'm worn out and just angry. I'm feeling better some. Savannah told me her arms aren't working and she can't move. Flu, I was pretty sure when I had it cause I felt so achey.
UGH someone else please take our sick cloud, I don't want it anymore.

I just want school out so I can at least have a 2 week period where we aren't sick

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Happy day

Love,
di

Woo Hoo, it's Friday

Really it's not a Woo Hoo, cause I don't really care ha ha!! Got to bed really, really late. Savannah is sick. She is home today. Has the flu. I guess she has what I had. She said her arms hurt really bad and her head is hurting way bad, her exact words. Here is she watching Sponge Bob with an ice pack on her head.

Hmm, LOST was okay last night, I am just so confused as to what is going on. With the long breaks and what nots, I just can't figure out exactly what is happening. It's a terrific show. If you like being confused or LOST no pun intended LOL i highly recommend it. Scrubbed Juans room today, top to bottom. OMG it was a disaster area and took forever.
My puppy dog is asleep with the cutest look ever on his face. I snapped a pic of course.

I love, LOVE, LOVE my dogs. Opie is my baby.
Okay, I'm off to do some more laundry and what ever it is I do around here.
Hope everyone has a terrific weekend.
Love,
Di

Howdy!

Well, I officially have had the flu the past few days. Achey, tired, fever. Achey, tired, fever. Rinse, repeat. We got lots of snow and ice. Umm....... Nothing else really going on. Tried to take Savannah some flowers and a balloon to school they said no way. For her birthday we can't even take treats. Hmph. Grinches. I just woke up from a long nap.
It's Valentines Day. Hmph.
Boys are doing good. Anthony's on the mend from Alex. Juan is just Juan.
I'm doing okay other than being sick. I literally took the bathroom apart and cleaned it today. Took the shower curtain down, washed it. It's spotless.
Deleted most of my toons from Toon town. Cept for my favorite ones and my big ones.
I just don't know what I want to do. I have so many emotions in my head and they are all over the place. It's like I need to sort them all and have no place to put them. I'm not even sure if I know where they go.
Just reached my fill on alot of things and I give up. I give up.
Not sad. Just tired.
Tomorrow I will try to be more clever in my blogging. My creativity is in the sink where i cleaned. I'll fish it out later.
Owooooooo!
Happy Day
Love,
Di

Morning routine

is going to kill me. I'm convinced. Savannah does NOT like to get out of bed. It is such a struggle to get her out of bed and race to the bus stop every single morning. I am soooooooooo worn out of this. Worn out in general. Last night, I went to bed to watch American Idol. Slept through some of it. Came downstairs to send out a couple things. Went back up and out. Slept til 7:30 this morning. I was beat. Owoooooooo! Not too much else going on really. Anthony is finally realizing that Alex has another boyfriend. Juan has been behaving for the most part. Savannahs doing well other than she won't get out of bed. Just mopped the living room floor and decided to blog while I'm waiting on it to dry.
Dell man will be here in a bit to fix other puter. Since we have gotten it, it's been giving error after error. Real pain in the butt. Okay........ I'm off. Gonna go find something to do. Have given up video games for awhile and I work on my stuff then I find myself with nothing to do. Hmmm gotta work on that.

Happy Thursday LOST night :)

Welcome to the Heartbreak Hotel

Oh Wow on everything. You all who read my blog regularly and my family who knows me in real life knows that NOTHING ever goes right for me. I don't care what it is. If I had to walk to the mailbox to get something, I would probably trip over a 100 year old totem pole and wind up with 20 million stitches. My whole life is like that.

Today I am TIRED. LG and E came out for the gas leak, there were quite a few, they stuck red stuff all around saying DO NOT USE DANGER etc. After the nice carbon monoxide run in, the gas was an added bonus. Either way it's all fixed. I no longer smell it. The guy came in yesterday and he could tell I was drained, I had a headache and I said "Sir, do you know what it's like to tell people for days you smell gas and no one believe you or think you are just paranoid" he said "Maam if a woman calls, we usually hurry out cause they are rarely ever wrong" Funny thing the last guy who came (different guy) said the same thing. His buzz detector was going way off. He took me down and showed me a bunch of stuff. I told him this is greek to me. He told me if I needed help anymore explaining to call him. Either way I guess he explained good enough, it was fixed and smell is gone YAY!!!!! The lins on the gas thing were old and hadn't been upgraded so Kyles cousin fixed it and upgraded them.

Heartbreak UGH Alex and Anthony broke up. He is sooooooo sad and she is treating him so badly. Playing headgames with him, telling him he's a jerk and that he really didnt love her. All that is just an excuse for her having another boyfriend. She needs to quit telling him that stuff because if anyone was wrong it was her. If she liked someone else, she should just tell him and cut if off. Not tell him he was a jerk and a bad boyfriend when all he did was kiss her ass. Too bad for her she doesnt realize what goes around comes around. She will learn soon enough but if she doesn't quit telling him he's a jerk, I'm going to get involved. Anthony thinks I am so mean cause i made him quit talking to her. He was groveling and I'm sorry I personally would never lower myself to grovel and beg anyone to love me. It's her loss, she will see that.

Savannahs been sick.........I'm not sleeping tonight. Got a few other things going on today. Tonight I just went and sat in a dark room with my Ipod and bawled my eyes out. Phew. I think I needed it.

Things could turn around and go smooth at any moment and I would love it.

My Song lyric of choice for today...................

Without love I wouldn't believe
In anything that lives and breathes
Without love I'd have no anger
I wouldn't believe in the right to stand here
Without love I wouldn't believe
I couldn't believe in you
And I wouldn't believe in me
Without love

I believe in love
I believe in love
I believe in love

Happy Sleepy Monday

Had a very busy weekend. Heat is fixed, but it's leaking gas. No one will listen to me, so if house blows up, blame everyone who didn't listen. Just finished dusting and mopping living room, laudry is going, kitchen is fairly straight. I'm thinking of climbing back in bed and snoozing.
Was gone pretty much all day yesterday. Up late.

That's about it. Savannahs getting better.

Life is good
(for the most part ha ha)

Happy Monday