Since God found me.
My therapist is working on a plan for February. February is when my SAD gets the worst and I get pretty severely depressed.
This year it's starting to creep up on me. I have to remember how God changed me and is changing me. I was an awful mess when God found me.
Good grief, the lies I told. The things I did.
I have to remember every day that Jesus redeemed me.
I'm scared sometimes because I'm so afraid that girl who I was will come back out. I don't want to be her. I'm so scared, but God won't let me go back. I have to say that over and over. I'm not her anymore. God won't let me go back.
I needed to hear todays message in church so bad. The cross. The cross. The cross.
The cross changed me.
I did really bad things. I said really bad things. I lied.
I get upset by things people have done to me and never stop to think of the things I have done to others.
Upset by someone lying to me and they have no idea to the extent I lied to them.
I need Jesus. I have come such a long, long way in becoming someone different. I need to lay my past down at Jesus feet. I repented, God forgave me because of Jesus.
I need to quit living in the past, not forgiving myself. Accept the forgiveness that was given to me.
I suck and desperately need Jesus.
I need to extend the grace given to me, to others. People do bad things, people say bad things. No one is a pyramid of virtue. Everyone is in need of a Savior.
My past is not my future. Jesus is my future.
I wish I could forgive myself as easily as God forgave me.
Wash, rinse, repeat til I GET IT.