Light

Psalm 147:4

He determines the number of the stars and He calls them each by name.

Stars are amazing. These beautiful specks of light on a black sky that twinkle and show off their light to any who decide to look up.

When a star gets exhausted and dies......Well, it becomes a black hole.

Sometimes I fear my heart is like this. People come into my life and they shine so brightly, light up my life...Then as always...They go away. I have so many black holes in my heart, places where all the light that shined so brightly........gone.

Last night I was laying in bed thinking about some of these holes in my heart. I felt the tears coming down my face and just felt so empty inside.

I get even afraid that God will leave me. Maybe He will find out who I truly am. Maybe He will see what all these others did that left me and leave me too. Maybe He will find someone better than me and just hang on to me until He does.

I know it's promised that He won't ever leave me. I try to drill this truth in my head over and over, but I keep coming back to all the people who promised all these things and now left holes in my heart.

His promises aren't empty and without meaning.

His promises are true and real.

God isn't human. God isn't like those people. God's not a liar, He's not a user, He's not a cheater.....He's God.

Wishing that He would take those feelings away isn't helping. Obviously I have to learn to work through them and find and believe the truth in them. Faith. Faith. Faith.

God can fill all my black holes with light if I let Him. I don't and I can't by myself. As I was crying last night, I told Him again and again, I can NOT do this alone. I can't.

Feels like sometimes I do everything as a Christian wrong. Maybe that's the point, I'm supposed to do it all wrong. No one gets it right.

God won't leave me. He won't. I feel like one slip up and He will say "I'm out of here, this chick so isn't worth it." But He won't.

He won't.
He won't.
He won't.

That would be one black hole I couldn't fill.

Jesus totally is the light of this world. I wish I could've known Him and walked with Him. Wish I could've ran behind Him, just to touch his cloak.

John 8:12
12When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."

He is the total light in my life. How great He truly is.

How Great Thou Art

O Lord my God, When I in awesome wonder,
Consider all the worlds Thy Hands have made;
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder,
Thy power throughout the universe displayed.


Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!


When through the woods, and forest glades I wander,
And hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees.
When I look down, from lofty mountain grandeur
And see the brook, and feel the gentle breeze.


Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!


And when I think, that God, His Son not sparing;
Sent Him to die, I scarce can take it in;
That on the Cross, my burden gladly bearing,
He bled and died to take away my sin.


Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!


When Christ shall come, with shout of acclamation,
And take me home, what joy shall fill my heart.
Then I shall bow, in humble adoration,
And then proclaim: "My God, how great Thou art!"


Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!


Happy Saturday.

Love,

Me