Owoooooo

tis the time for getting rid of stuff. I rejoined freecycle and getting rid of stuff out of the basement one by one. We have to have the whole basement recarpeted, tiled, what have you. Got burnt pretty badly yesterday, spilled boiling water down my chest. Hurts pretty bad, blistered, etc. Went to ICC yesterday and they put silvadene on it, which is a big No no since I am allergic to sulfa drugs. It itched got a rash, yadda, yadda, yadda. I cried sooooooooo much. It hurt. Today I am achey as hell, not sure if it's from holding my body funny when i was burned or just cause I suck. Either or........ I don't feel well. My head hurts so bad it feels like at any second, I will have a seizure or my brain will explode. I haven't had a headache this bad in quite sometime.
Is getting older jsut always aches and pains? If so sign me up for something else.
Picture will be up Saturday in NYC YAY!!! That's about it. I have been working on the sun porch and in the basement, pushing through this headache. I just wanna sleep it off but it hurts so bad I'm not sure if I can even do that.

Til we meet again
Me

Very Very big news for me!!!

Kodak contacted me and Savannah's pic I took of her won a contest so on Saturday June 21st the first day of summer this pic will be displayed ALL DAY long every few minutes on the big screen in New York Cities Times Square!!!! I needed this, you have no clue, I needed this!!

A second blog entry for today

I learned today that there are quite a few people who don't understand me and are quite quick to pass judgement on me.
First of all let me say, because someone has an illness you can't see, doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
I have severe depression. Absolutley, totally severe depression.
I recognize this, I accept it.
Some days I feel like I can't move, I'm tired. Not a day passes that I don't cry. I feel hopeless on the inside and some days I would like to do nothing more than to die. Am I suicidal, not by any means. But I have depression severe enough that sometimes exactly how i feel. My life hasn't been easy.
Open up a box of depression sometime, try it on. Try and see what it feels like, guarantee you will give it back in a second. It isn't fun.
But it's real and it's hard.
I may not be the best mom on this earth, but I love my kids and we have special things that we do. I may not be able to go to all their functions that I want. Depends on the day. It doesn't mean I'm doing anything wrong. I physically can't do it somedays. But it doesn't make me any less of a person or mother because I can't. I'm so tired of people passing judgement on what they think they know about me. When they know nothing. They only go by what they see. Not by how I feel inside.
Again let me say. Depression is real and it's not fun. You know those commercials you see about it on TV, that is a cake walk compared to how I feel somedays.
Only one person can judge me and that's God.
I know what type of person I have been and know who I am.
I also understand that I have an illness, several as a matter of fact and I can't be like everyone else.
Nor do I want to be.

Stress

I'm so stressed. I can't begin to reiterate here, how stressed I am. I almost am emotionally numb. We just got home today, was at moms for almost a week. Air broke again. Long story short, pipe had a hole in it behind the wall, blah blah blah... I have no bathroom walls. Lots and lots of mold, which is probably why I have been so sick. Everyone gets out of the house but me. Im the one who's here. My computer is going out, Have only had it 16 mos. Gateway only honored the warranty for a year. It is the only life line I have to anyone. So if it goes, just throw me in the garbage. It was nice actually being around people at my moms. But I came home to a huge mess. I don't even know where to start.
Juan has been having huge problems. The other day I guess Tuesday he didn't want to go to my moms. So what does he do??????? Goes takes off says he's going to run away. I have 2 kids in car, 2 dogs, its hot......So I am chasing him down road in car with him screaming to all neighbors "I don't trust you" blah blah blah... So he stops at Patricks house, made a huge scene. Police had to be called. All because he wanted to stay with his buddies.
His dad wants him to go to Texas to live for the school year. I want that, I think we both need it. I can't take the stress of a marriage that fell apart, the bills, the stuff breaking, Anthonys issues, and then Juan. I can't do it all. I'm slowly dying inside. We just got home today and Anthony went out mowed the front yard, Juan supposed to do the back. Gets mad, throwing a fit... Had to fix savannah some juice and got even more pissed and shoved the cup so hard in her face and pushed her lips into her teeth leaving her crying and her lip bleeding.
I hate his friends....... He has changed since he has started hanging with them.
So air hasn't been fixed, it all the sudden now works. I'm positive it will break again. I can't go downstairs, not only are there no walls, there's bleach all over. We were honest and told the ins. company that it happened a couple of weeks ago, they are saying it has to reported same day. I'm going to have Johnny call the, how the fuck am I supposed to know there's a leak behind the wall? Fuckers. It doesn't pay to be honest. I should lie, steal and cheat. Those people get everything they want and more. I see why they do it. They always come out on top. Leaving honest shit asses like myself in the current situation I am in.
I am starting to lose faith in God also which is something I never thought would happen. How much can one person take? I am finding out. I am steps away from checking myself into a hospital because I can no longer cope with everything that goes on. I can't. I need a break and I don't get one.
Have to go to a graduation party, come back to the sweltering house and start somewhere trying to clean it up....... you have no clue ....... to find the leak all had to be taken out, dishes all over.. I just don't know where to start when all I want to do is bury my head in the sand and give up.
Prayers in abundance, maybe God will hear you all, because he certainly doesn't hear a word I say.

Happy Sunday.

I'd rather be fishin

Got a huge spurt of energy today, I have scrubbed my whole house. Top floor to almost bottom. The basement is kyles domain so I don't touch it, however have been down there getting laundry done and put away. I pulled out the fridge, got on top of it, washed walls, fans. Scrubbed the floors. It looks great in here. I'm about out of things to do, but as soon as the kids start running around, I'm sure they will make a mess of it. I'm so tired now! but enjoying the clean clean house!! Sad American Idol won't be on tonight. Going to miss it!
Happy Tuesday
Love,
Di

Hi!

Been a very long time. Nothing going on. Still dizzy in spurts. Overall, I just am not feeling well. I have been feeling awful since about a month after we moved in this house. No energy, headaches, dizziness, asthma. We are going to have the house tested for black mold.
My health is seriously putting a huge crimp on my life. The dizziness is nothing like it was that one day, but I just don't feel right in that department. My eyes move when i don't move them. If my legs move and my body doesn't my body jerks as if it's trying to catch it. I hate it. Hate it.
Semi getting anxiety about going anywhere cause I'm afraid it will happen out in public. What a way to live.
So please send me prayers, lots and lots and lots.
Lots.
Kids are out of school now.
Hope this summer holds alot of fun and not alot of misery.
Happy Sunday
Much love to everyone
Di

Been awhile

Nothing to report really. Alls the same. Savannah graduated. 4 more days of school left. That's about it. Hope everyone is well.
Love,
Di

Tuesday

Just finished cleaning up the whole entired middle floor. Washed windows, walls did it all. Feeling a lil better. I love my mornings when they are quiet, I can clean and just get things organized and it's quiet. Savannahs graduating from Kindergarten Tuesday if anyone wants to come you are welcome. It's sad. She's growing up. So big, so sweet and so grown. Her belated bday party is going to be not this weekend but next I think. Things keep coming up and we can't ever find a good time.
Happy Tuesday!
Love,
Di

Happy Mothers Day

Happy Mothers Day.
Not much going on.
Down today.
Disappointed in people.
Always makes me the saddest when people
I look up to, people I respect...Disappoint me.
I know people are people, but sometimes the disappointment
reaches limits that I wash my hands of them. Those who
know me, know it takes alot for that to happen, but when
it does....I don't go back.
Pivotal moments...
So I'm down because I know my feelings have changed.
Take what I can from the good moments of the friendship.
Then learn from the bad... the disappointment will fade over time.
But won't ever be forgotten.

Such is life...

Other than that, nothing going on. I have my moments on dizziness. Taking
all of my meds as the Dr. directed. Nothing like it was the other day. My breathing
is really getting alot better. Baby steps.

Hope all you moms out there have a wonderful day.

:)

I tried to add some more new songs, but it kept giving me errors and I can't change them neither.. Heifers...I'll try again later. Mom asked me to add one and I forgot the name, so I'll get on that!!

LMAO

didu notice below i wrote wednesday and its freaking Thursday... good grief

Wednesday

Feelin a lil bit better... Trying to update my blog and get some new music on... Been singing this song to everyone for a month and no one knew the name, found it by accident!! But I LOVE It!! :D
Happy Wednesday!
Antihistamines rock!!!
Love,
Di

Home

Ugh keep trying to type out but keeps giving me errors. I am way to weak and worn down for long typing but will update... Severe allergies/allergy attack... Given lots of drugs.. Can breathe again.. Am to stay in bed and rest and recover from what happened.

Take drugs and rest... which is what I'm doing.
Prayers, say lots
I really am not sure that I have ever been that scared in my life.
Love,
Di

Waiting to go to hospital

Gotta get savannah to school. Woke up this morning, room was spinning around and around. I didn't feel right, arms are weak. Almost fainted a few times.... I am very sick and feel extremely bad. I don't feel right. I didn't feel right yesterday. Carbon monoxide detector was going off and a gas leak.....dad shut the gas off, so surely that's not it, but I feel awful.. I have never been room spinning dizzy before like this. I screamed for Kyle because I was so scared and couldn't move, my eyes were all twitching in the back of my head... Then 5 min later again and again. I'm scared to death.
Update later when I get home.. Say prayers. Lots..
Love
di

Happy Derby Day!!

YAY!! It has stormed.....you know what that means?? MUD and in the infield gonna make for good TV! YAY!! Up early, someones coming to fix the air. Going to a party in a bit. Wish I drank so I could get sloshed. Feeling better than I did the other day. I just really need a run of good luck. Any takers for my black cloud? Come on you know you want it. I have a ton of emails I haven't responded to. I have missed a ton of phone calls....If you need me call my cell. I have 2 teenage boys who not only live on the phone, they keep it in their rooms, lock the door or lose it and I don't even see the house phone. Dad and mom have both learned that I am only reachable on my cell. Okies, off to do some cleaning and some grocery stuffs before party!! WOOT!
Happy Derby Day!!
YAY!!!
Love
Di

I can't take anymoreeeeeeee

I live with a migraine from stress..... Let's see, basement ruined from water leaks... from the air , from the sink... Last summer air broke.... went the cheap route to fix it and hope and pray it works. Worked. Water leaks again.........shorted out the air.....gotta get it fixed. Went downstairs this morning.......Water leak again, water heater??????? pipes???????who knows.....all the carpet in the whole basement has to be pulled up......Mold is starting to grow on the walls...... I am at my breaking point. Seriously...At my breaking point. How can we sell this house with all the stuff that keeps going wrong???? I don't know what to do...... I'm drowning, not slowly but quickly...
Help.
Haven't written... what's to write?
It's all bad.......Always bad.
Love,
Di

Been awhile

Been a long, long while. I would make a post and it would disappear... hopefullly they got that straight. Long boring weekend. Did get my hair done tho... Owooooooo!! umm not much else... it's derby week :)
Hope everyone is well!!
Love
Di

OMG I'm straight up TRIPPING!!

I have this letter on my desk from this guy named Bruce and I'm thinking okay Junk mail............... OWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Holy crap...........it's a love letter from a guy back in 1995 but it wasnt' for me. He tracked down Dianna F.... (took out my last name cause that's googleable) through the sheriff and a lawyer.........In it he says that he was in the shower with a guy named Tommy and he got out and showed me his sausage and "Dianna" showed him her breast and backside and he wish he could've got it on with me back then. Owoooooooooo and owooooooooooo and Owoooooooooooooooo I was trying to think where i was back then but i was def not in Marshfield TX......shoo you better make sure you have the right Dianna before you start sending stuffs about your sausage!! OWOOOOOOO!!!!

Owooooooooo

We had an earthquake this morning.......I thought the washer was on extreme spin cycle....... YIKES!!! Woke me up out of dead sleep. Ours was lil I can't imagine how CA people do it, scared me!
OOF!!

Everythings going okay. I went to bed extremely early. Worn out.

Happy Friday.
Love,
Di

wednesday

today hasn't been the best of days. not even sure if i really care.
it's just long......time has been going by slowly.
people make mistakes. that's what makes us human.
forgiveness that comes easy for me, isn't always easy for others.
i tend to screw up more than an average person.
i have a friend who was talking to me last night. trying to pick me up.
he said some words i wish i could drill into my head.
my value isn't based on what other people think of me. my value
comes from God and i should start there.
i never looked at it like that before, because i base
my value on what others think of me.
another big mistake.
happy wednesday
at least for some
love
di

Evening Post

Old Mamaw passed away a few minutes ago. Had a stroke. Most of the family knows who old Mamaw is, for those who read who do not, it's Anthony's great grandma. The boys are very upset. They always loved staying all night up there. Hunting frogs and swimming. Anthony ran off to his room. Very sad.
Night all, say prayers lots of them.
Love,
Di