Thursday, September 16, 2010


Sometimes I just want to be loved too.

Sometimes I wonder if a day will come when I won't cry anymore. I know it won't til I get to be in heaven with God.

Sometimes I wonder if a week will pass and I won't have to cry anymore. That may be a real possibility.

Sometimes I wonder why a man hasn't walked into my life who hasn't hurt me in some way.

Sometimes I wonder if one won't hurt me the way the others have. I know when I get to heaven God won't.

Sometimes I wonder if the words people have said to me about me being worthless or the size of my butt will leave me.

Sometimes they echo and I try to base my worth on what God says, not what they said. God sees my heart and in his sight I'm perfect.

Sometimes I wonder if that's all people see of me, the size of my butt, the fact that I'm not highly educated, the fact that I have been quite beaten down and still am.

Sometimes I remember that God is my protector and that it's written Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: Romans 12:19 "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord.

Sometimes it's hard for me to remember that and not take God's work into my hands.

Sometimes it's hard to remember that God has forgiven me, so I need to forgive.

Sometimes I want to stay in bed all day because I'm tired of being a punching bag to those who have no one better to pick on.

Sometimes I have to sit in the bathroom in front of the mirror and look at my eyes and say "you are beautiful." I am because God says I am.

Sometimes I get tired of doing stuff for people who just use me horribly. Some days I just want to tell them to piss off, but then I have to remember that God sent His only son, so us horrible human beings can have eternal life with God.

Sometimes like now when I have been crying probably 7 hours out of 24 I have to keep focused that God is using all this for good. Satan is pressing hard and I just have to keep my eyes fixed on God.

Sometimes I picture God as a light house and I'm out on this crazy sea. Storm after storm keeps coming, but I know God has me in His hands.

Sometimes I wonder if the hole I have in my heart will ever be filled, but then God sends peace to overwhelm me to fill it. I wish I could have His peace all the time, because it hurts so bad.

Sometimes I wonder why God loves me. Sometimes I even doubt that He does, but it is written that He does.

Sometimes I have to remind myself over and over like twice in this posting that God doesn't care what the size of my butt is, He doesn't care how big my bank account is, He doesn't care if I didn't do the dishes or if I forgot to clean something.

Sometimes I have to remember that God has had His hand on me since I was a small child, guiding me to where I am now.

Sometimes I have to remind myself that these trials are character builders. They are tough and they are painful, but victory is close at hand.

Sometimes I have to remind myself that His eye never leaves me. I'm perfect in His sight.

Sometimes I have to remind myself that while all the other men and I do mean every single one that has come into my life has treated me horribly........God is not them. God isn't mean. God isn't hurtful. God doesn't like when people do those things. God loves me for who I am and He made me this way.

Sometimes I just want to lay down and die because I'm tired. I just have to hang on and remember that God won't let anything happen to me that Him and I can't handle together.

Sometimes I have to remember that right now I am in His loving arms and He is carrying me, for I am too weak to hold my head up.

Sometimes I have to remember that He is all the strength I need.

Sometimes I feel like giving up, but God will not let me.

Sometimes I have to remember and tell myself that I am more than what I have been told I am.

Sometimes I have to remember that this trial will end.

Sometimes I have to remind myself Ephesians 4:26 In your anger do not sin........I have to remind myself of this over and over and over.........Breathe and relax and not say anything.

Sometimes I have to remember Proverbs 13:3 He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin. In my Christian walk this has been the hardest.

Sometimes on days like today where it seems like 24 hours have been 48, I have to go to sleep because my eyes hurt from crying.

God is bigger than, the air we breathe, the world we'll leave! My glorious!

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