Saturday, September 25, 2010


I have been going through old papers and such my dad gave me and I came across this one from a psychologist my mom had taken me to in 1987....I didn't know it then, but it was when I had my first panic attack.
I had to laugh because I went to see my therapist on Friday and we talked about me being a people pleaser. I loathe that about myself..... Here is what it says in the 2nd paragraph if you can't read it...

Dianna seems to be rather happy, well-adjusted young lady who finds it difficult to disappoint others or not be in their good favor. This is not necessarily atypical given her age. Relationships with family members and friends all seem to be allright although I'm sure that, at times, these relationships are not perfect. These may be the times of most stress for Dianna.

I remember the visit to that Dr. It was my freshman year at Mercy Academy...My step dad had been hitting on me (sexually) for a couple of years. I would have nightmares and basically had no place to go. At my dads my step mom mentally abused me and treated their dog better and at my moms my step dad..... ugh.

He told me he used to peek at the keyholes at me to watch me take a bath when I was younger. 20 or more years later I still keep the doors covered and put a towel along the bottom. A defense mechanism that never left me. I wonder how often he watched me and wonder what kind of thrill it was watching an 11 year old girl just take a bath.

He told me he used to watch me undress, asked me if he could touch me and used to tell me to ask my friends if he could touch them too. He used to brush against me all the time, watch me all the time.

I was a kid..... Funny the letter goes on to say....

Nevertheless, the overall picture is quite healthy. Should there be another episode where Dianna feels that something "strange" is happening to her it may be beneficial to have her blood pressure checked to insure that what she is experiencing is not a physiological change. Her regular doctor can do this. The only reason for my making this suggestion is in view of the fact of her past history of high blood pressure during stressful times.

The lady should've came over to either house for a visit sometime and she would've seen why as a child I had high blood pressure. A psycho lady who thrived on humiliating the crap out of me or a psycho pot head child molester.....High blood pressure? Go figure.

Anyways I had to chuckle at that. The more things change, the more things stay the same. I didn't have a chance as a child. Not even a little bit.

Thank goodness God found me.

My knight in shining armor =)

Happy Saturday.



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