Thursday, March 28, 2013

It's Holy Week =)

I am still waking up and reading my bible. This week I have read the gospel to align with Holy week and this morning I stopped right before the crucifixion. I know what happens, it still brings me to tears.

Yesterday I was watching The Passion of the Christ, sobbing and trying to put into perspective that if I, Me, I.......was the only person on the planet, he would've done that for me.

I have that overwhelming feeling lately of being un-loved and I think that God is trying to show me that He indeed does love me.

I can't grasp that and I don't feel that I deserve it. I had a long talk with God the other day about love. There are people in my life, old friends from church and such and I can totally see why God loves them. I can see why they are blessed, have lots of friends....... I get why God loves them.

Then I get to myself and it doesn't make much sense. I'm not as holy as those other people and on an hourly basis I am doing stuff wrong. There needs to be a bridge that connects that gap for me.

Maybe the answer lies in Jesus. Maybe he's that bridge.

God's been dangling a lot of opportunities with people in front of me. I say that I'm lonely and He puts people in my life, but I *choose* not to go that way and then I sit here again and pray for answers to my loneliness. I think He answers me. I think I reject those answers.

I try to turn to God and Jesus to fill my loneliness and as much as it pains me to say this, for whatever reason, it's never enough.

I think in human terms and I would do anything to avoid the pain that is inside of me.

I would rather hurt outside than feel that pain that surfaces up in my heart.

I really think that a change is coming and I'm not sure what it is. I'm starting to turn more of my life over to God once again and He has never given up on me. He takes nobodies and makes them somebodies.

He loves me too.

He loves me too.

He loves me too.

He loves me.

HE Loves me.

Have a wonderful Easter!

He has risen!!




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