That's really all I can say.
Therapy and what I have to do this week is hard. Harder than last week. Don't get me wrong, he doesn't make me do anything, but gives me the tools of what I have to do to get better and when I have the courage, I do them.
Courage is a funny thing. I never really thought I had much. I always view myself as weak. I'm really not weak at all, I have alot more strength and courage than I thought I did. Evidence that God is helping me through all this. Finding that spot inside me that wants control over my own life.
Yesterday the only analogy I could think of for him is that I'm all the pieces on a Chess board. What move I make, is dictated by who's moving the piece. I just stand there and wait for someone to move me. I want off that board. I'm tired of people manipulating me in whatever direction they think I need to go in. I never realized how many people in my life have manipulted me. I'm done with that.
Everyone knows I have my thresholds. I speak of them often with people. If things have gone badly over time and things happen, lack of respect and things done to hurt my feelings......Well, I say to myself the very next time such and such happens, I quit. Usually it takes a long, long time. I respect myself enough that if I set those boundaries, I stick to them. I need to make those boundaries alot sooner. My do not cross line.......quit taking so much, draw that line in the sand earlier and be strong enough to need no one.
I'm on my way =)
Off to the gym <3
The trick is in what one emphasizes. We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same.
Have a wonderful day