Sunday, June 03, 2012

My Shoes

My mom has a thing for other peoples shoes. I thought it was weird til recently.

I have my magenta addidas running shoes. I absolutely love these shoes. I remember the day I got them, I remember falling in love with them.

I was walking the other day, my shoes are worn out. They are looking dirty, the heels are wearing out and the shock absorber in them is shot. I thought briefly about getting new shoes, but I don't know that I can.

I think about those shoes in terms of who I used to be. When I got those shoes, I was someone that I liked. They walked the floor of the job I loved, the pedaled the bike of the spin class I love, I lost lots of weight in those shoes.

They seem to be the only constant thing that attaches me to a past that I miss.

Is this how people start hoarding?

I accomplished so much in those shoes.

I feel like if I get rid of them and bury them in a closet somewhere that I will forget that for a short time I was someone that I loved.

Kyle used to always be insecure over Vick. Our marriage had many fights over Vick. I always missed the days I was with Vick, but I didn't miss Vick at all. I missed who *I* was, when I was with him. I was young, extemely thin, beautiful.

Vick was like the shoes. By letting him go, I was letting go of a past where I liked myself.

Tears actually come to my eyes as I think of my shoes. When I think of who I was in them. Somehow feeling I am letting them down, that they only get to meet the floor of the supermarket or the hot pavement.

500 spin classes are probably in those shoes. Every day, sometimes twice a day for a year. Hundreds of miles on the AMT trainers in those shoes. Sit ups, strength training. Everything in those shoes.

At least I have more hope than ever now that I will get back there. Giving myself a lot of slack for getting sick and gaining some weight.

Mulling over the new shoes and thinking maybe I should just go ahead and get the shoes because it is a new start.

My walks with God lately are awesome. He gives me strength and power I never knew I had.

I love Him.

Nite, nite bloggety bloggers


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