Saturday, March 31, 2012

I'll Fly Away

I listened to that song a few times today.

Some glad morning when this life is o'er,
I'll fly away;
To a home on God's celestial shore,
I'll fly away (I'll fly away).

Chorus
I'll fly away, Oh Glory
I'll fly away; (in the morning)
When I die, Hallelujah, by and by,
I'll fly away (I'll fly away).

When the shadows of this life have gone,
I'll fly away;
Like a bird from prison bars has flown,
I'll fly away (I'll fly away)

Chorus
I'll fly away, Oh Glory
I'll fly away; (in the morning)
When I die, Hallelujah, by and by,
I'll fly away (I'll fly away).

Just a few more weary days and then,
I'll fly away;
To a land where joy shall never end,
I'll fly away (I'll fly away)

Chorus
I'll fly away, Oh Glory
I'll fly away; (in the morning)
When I die, Hallelujah, by and by,
I'll fly away (I'll fly away).

I can't wait to fly away from here. I want out so bad and God has stripped me of everything and is forcing me to deal with everything right at this moment.

Like a volcano I was being pressed and pressed to unload everything I hold inside. I was/am angry at ever being put in the position to do so. I'm angry at the response I got, I'm angry at the treatment I am getting.

I have been in bed for almost a full 7 days now. I get up and shower, I did take my daughter to school. I just lay in bed. Sometimes watching TV sometimes not.

My heart is broken into a million pieces and there is a storm going on all around me and I'm in such a numb emotional state I don't know what to do.

I thought about going to a hospital a few times, but for what? They don't see you for non stop crying. I've been embarrassed and humiliated enough, I don't need anymore.

I looked in the mirror for the first time in awhile today. I recognize the blue eyes, but the over all sadness that has invaded me like a virus from hell, I don't know.

Meet w/ my counselor on Monday, then a new counselor on Wednesday. I don't want to go to either, because frankly I'm tired of talking about it.

Beeing dealing w/ this crap for 9 years now and I don't want to talk about it anymore.

I'm tired and I'm alone in the most difficult time in my life.

I am running behind Jesus holding on to the very, very, very thread of his robe....Having faith, weak faith, but faith none the less and knowing that since He brought me to it He will bring me through it.

I am ready for my crown of beauty for my ashes.

I'm ready to fly away.

Trade my iron shackles in for freedom.

I want to go home.

Love,

Me

1 comment:

bettyl said...

I just found your blog today and look through a few entries.

I won't say 'I know how you feel' or any other trite phrases.

I will say that I will pray for you, my new bloggy friend.