God has been calling me back slowly and surely. At first I was resisting in my anger at Him and who knows what else.
I started slowly a few weeks ago, listening to some of my shows and CDs again. Last week, I opened my bible study and did it. Reciting scripture to myself when I'm anxious or sad.
I haven't had a word from God in so long. This morning I was in my car and I was crying having a really bad morning. I plugged in my Ipod and turned on my favorite song I hadn't listened to in months "May your power rest on me"
Tears flowed down my face, not from sadness, but because I FELT God again. It washed over me and my heart was at instant peace. I wish I could explain those moments, but I can't. I just know the Holy Spirit was on me and my tears were wiped away.
Last night we were watching a show and there was a part where they were worshipping and I can't tell you how beautiful that is to me. Seeing someone get saved. Watching God take the blinders off someone. There's nothing more beautiful in life.
I was on my way to the therapist and thought it was going to be a big crying session. I walked in and he said "Well, look who's back to their old self" I couldn't stop smiling and the joy was back in my heart.
One thing I have learned in this time is how much I miss God. He's so fantastic and I have learned so much about His grace in this time.
I have leaned on His grace and I have been such a bone head.
I am so in love with God. I know I'm not back where I should be, but man do I love Him.
I felt in my heart today and was reassured by Him, "Everythings gonna be alright!"
Man, I missed Him.