Every year the day after Thanksgiving, sometimes even Thanksgiving night I have put up my Christmas tree.
This year I just don't have it in me to do it. The want that is. I love what Christmas stands for. I love the fact that our Savior came to this world.
But the Christmas we celebrate, I just don't want to. Money, things, stuff that never gets touched or put up in the closet.
I wish God would show me some real Christmas spirit somewhere that doesn't have anything to do with money or things.
Maybe a moment somewhere of someone just being nice.
I have watched Christmas movies over and over day in and day out this year. None of it's real. All these people find Christmas love or get Christmas miracles. It's just not real.
I want to go stand under a tree somewhere and have this man come out of nowhere that just falls in love with me as I am.
It just doesn't happen.
I've lost myself so badly. I just long to find myself and I don't know where to look.
I'm tired of noise. I'm tired of lies and exhaustion. I'm just tired of my life as it is.
I Savannah is the one thing in my life that keeps me going.
Hopefully I'll find myself this Christmas.
Peace and Love
Dianna
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