You know, life isn't really very long.
I lay in bed this morning thinking about time, time going by in years, months, hours and days.
Since my dream the other night, I have been thinking a lot about how much of my time I have wasted. How much time I continue to waste, but I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be right where I am doing what I'm doing.......Or if I'm supposed to be doing something else.
Inching slowly back into my relationship with God. I've missed Him so much and turned away from Him, in the most difficult time in my life.
I watched a show the other day that talked about how God loves us through other people. He doesn't come down in the form of Himself to tell us, He shows us through people. At that pivotal moment I truly felt how much He loves me.
When I think of how much I hate doing laundry, at least I have clothes to wash. When I think or complain of how much I hate doing dishes, good Lord, at least I have dishes to eat out of. I see the nice things around me and I have so many nice things. God truly has loved on me and used other people to convey that love. I've never, ever went without one thing even for one day and I acted like such a spoiled brat. Good thing about God is, I asked for forgiveness and I am forgiven. Approaching life with more of a thankful attitude.
I asked God to lead me to what I'm supposed to have in my life. I want someone to share my life with. I want to get married again. I want someone to do life with. Life is so hard and sometimes so wonderful that I want someone to walk through it with.
I was so unsure of that before. I was so adamant about never being married again, but He showed me in my heart, that I do want to be married again.
I've got to change so much to get there, or should I say, He has to change so much for me to get there. I have so much to learn still, but I still have some years, months, days and hours to learn what I need to.
Going to quit trying to make things happen and just let Him lead me where it is I need to be.
I'm hearing Him again. I know that I know that I know it's Him.
Fear opens the door for satan to work, faith opens up the door for my Father to work.
Pray that I can leave these fears and have the courage to do what I need to do to move forward.
Courage....I need it.