Not sure what happened over the past few days, but I had a lot of joy in my heart and today dizzy or not I danced.
I felt God's presence so much lately and that tells me, maybe, just maybe I'm doing something right.
I am really enjoying therapy at the Center. The therapist is helping me take things apart. I always look at the big picture of everything and I get frustrated. So, she has me taking things apart into a smaller step. Setting small goals that eventually lead up to the much bigger picture.
We talked about things I like, things I don't like. I really don't know what I like, but she said my face lit up when I talked of photography. I do, do, DO Love it. So, I told her I had no money to start up a business and my camera works half of the time and the buttons stick. Just all negative and she told me the first thing I can do is pick out the camera I want. Start there, that goal. I've met it. Then she told me to save a little each week til I have enough to buy the camera I want. While I am saving, study online about how to use the camera, different techniques. What lenses I want etc.
Elmer told me he picked out the exact camera that I picked out to buy me for my birthday. I am shocked, beyond shocked at that. I'm not sure how to act with someone being that generous. Overwhelmed I think is the word.
So......Why on earth didn't I think about this stuff before. About setting small goals. I mean, I can do that with anything.
It's something I am good at. It's something I enjoy.
I had a dream the other night and wow............talk about getting "it".
I dreamed that I was in serious trouble. I mean someone was coming to kill me. I was in china or somewhere. This guy would take a sword and would cut me to torture me and I could feel it in my dream. He told me he had planned to kill me, but they were going to do it very slowly.
I remember how scared I was. Beyond terrified.
There was this guy in the dream, he was the big head honcho king and he loved me. He was oriental and the way he would look at me, overwhelming feelings of loved poured through my body.
I had no doubts what so ever that this man loved me. He told me he had to make sure he planned a route out for me and had to go work on it, but help would soon be back. He sent his brother there to barter with the guy. His life for mine. I didn't want to leave because I didn't think it was fair that this guy would just die for me or that the king loved me so much that he would let his own brother die for me.
I ran away crying and crying because I was so sad his brother had to die. I was running in the woods along these paths and came to these stairs. There were bathtubs on each turn to the next floor and each one had an oriental man in them taking a bath. I climbed up all these stairs and went running out the door. The king was there in an icecream truck waiting for me.
I said "You came back for me" and he said " I made the way safe for you, lets go."
I woke up at that moment and told Elmer about the dream. It was so weird. Especially the feelings of love I got.
I hung up w/ Elmer and laid there thinking about the dream. Who would love me so much that they would let their brother die for me? Who could ever love someone that much.
Then I realized.........My Papa. God. Not His brother. His son. He would let him die because He loves me that much.
I got the Gospel in Chinese.
I felt loved. I'm thankful for that dream because I needed a reminder. I needed to feel it. I needed to see it and live it, in terms I can relate to.
He loves me that much.
I love Him too =)
Crying now as I think about God and how much I love Him.
I'm not so far gone out of the loop that I can't appreciate all the good around me.
I love Him.