I have been thinking all morning about prayers. How for a long, long time I prayed for something. God answered the prayer and I'm sitting here sad, because it's not at all what I wanted.
I don't know why He did that. Unless it was to show me the reality of things.
I was doing so well. So well..... I can't blame anyone but myself.
I need to be careful about what I pray for. I feel sick to my stomach.
Last year, I never thought I'd end up here. I have been in a spiritual plateau for awhile. Taking what I can get, when I can get it.
I'm really disappointed with myself lately. I read my prayer journal the other day and saw all the prayers and saw my pain. I made the prayers while in the pain, when in reality I think things were supposed to be the way they were.
I didn't take God at His word and thought *I* knew better. Now, I'm stuck in a place I don't want to be.
I need to pray for God to fix it.
Father really does know best.
I'm an idiot.