After I posted all that, I went and read some of my posts from the last couple of years.....I have so many mixed emotions about my old posts.
One thing stood out at me and I didn't see back then, how truly angry I was. I read and think, 'Did I write that?'
I am ashamed at some of the things I wrote and I'm not sure if I should delete them or keep them there as a reminder of how far I have come.
My aunt Carol pointed out to me the progress I have made and I have said a few times, "I really don't see it."
I see it now.
God delivered me from that complete and total mess I was in. I couldn't see how angry I was til I was removed from all that chaos, then I had to heal.
Man...I must've been unbearable to live with. I'm sad for my kids because they had to put up with me when I was like that. I thank God so much for helping me mature and change my heart. Very little of that anger is left in my heart and with every situation that happens, God sifts it out.
He is the Potter, I am the clay.
I am just sitting here crying at who I have become and from what. Nothing short of a miracle.
I said some pretty awful things to a whole lot of people and I misdirected my anger at so many.
No wonder my self confidence was so low. I didn't like that girl.
I almost feel sorry for me back then, I was so lost.
All that hurt, all that pain and I didn't know my healer.
I can not tell you how thankful I am for God changing me.
I'm finally who I really am.
Thank you, thank you, thank you God!!
I'm in awe at the progress I've made.