Wednesday, September 17, 2008

My Grandma

My grandma passed away awhile back. Some 17 years or more ago. As my adult years roll on I find myself missing her more and more. So much. Today, Kyle and I had a huge argument, I threw my phone against the wall, I really never throw things. I think it's broke, I don't care. Either way I just sit here at the computer crying and crying. Have been for a few hours. She pops into my head alot. She never yelled at me ever. Not once. That's the thing that I miss the most, her kindness and love to me. She never judged me, never did anything but love me. She used to always ask me to go to church with her, but I don't why I didn't. I don't think I was old enough to drive. I don't know. Whatever the case, I would give my eye teeth to just go to chruch with her once today. The time I remember the most about going to church with her, whoever was driving us, we were in the car and we laughed so hard, I dont even know over what. But we were laughing and laughing. We had gone to McDonalds and I spilled hot chocolate all down my chest. I had this huge stain and figured we would have to go back home. Instead she took me into the bathroom, turned my shirt around backwards and gave me her good sweater. We walked in and we were joined elbow and elbow and she was taking me all around showing me to everyone under the sun. Her face was just beaming with pride. I remember after Sunday School she came got me and we went into the church for the sermon. During it, she picked my hand up and kissed it and then just continued to hold it through the service. She hugged me afterwards and she always smelled so good. It's now that I just wanna go to her and have her kiss my hand and hug me. My heart is absolutely broken because I miss her so much. She was my safe spot. I just love her. Unconditionally without question love her and miss her every day. So today when things are so bad, I just wish to go see her. Just for a second see her and just smell her, feel her arms around me, kissing me on the cheek. Kissing my hand. The things we take for granted in daily life.... the thing I miss most.
My constant.


the curl said...

Strangest thing, I was just telling Jay how close you and Johnny were to Mammaw and how you all took her to church every Sunday, both times, both ways. I wish I could go to church with her now too. It makes me sad b/c St. Anthony's will probably be closing and that's where I went to church with her the most. I remember our bench, or thereabouts where we sat. I miss her too. She loved her
children and grandchildren very very much! Love you, Carol

Gloria said...

What caught me most was her smell - Musk. I was cleaning out my closet the other day, and I have her old purse. Kleenex and mints. . .Curl - Say it isn't so about St. Anthony's closing.

Lisa said...

I miss her too!!! I wish my kids could have known her!!!