Moving On....

Well, giving it a try at least.

This dating thing has really been pressing on me lately hard. It's like I want a relationship so bad at points and then I turn and run like a scared dog from it.

I have been on dates and talk to people....But one guy kinda gave me the run down of how I am running away from him and anyone else.

I was aggravated at first because I didn't want to believe I did that. I always said "I'm entirely too busy." I even try to drill that into my own head that I am too busy for a relationship.

So while we were talking I realized, maybe I wasn't trying to convince him. Maybe I was trying to convince myself. He's such a nice guy and in the back of my head I think "What am I doing?" I have even used "God hasn't put him on my heart." All to keep people at a safe distance to keep from being hurt.

I'm putting my hope in people and not Christ. ugh.

This has been bugging me for awhile now and ever since him and I had the conversation I have leaned towards how right he is and how wrong I am.

I felt bad because he said "I'm not going to sit around and wait forever for you Dianna."

What if my complacency leads to me living my life alone?

I was so stressed out last night over all this. My therapist thinks I'm making excuses too.

He's just such a nice, nice guy. UGH.

Does this all boil down to my fear of viewing myself as un-loveable?

Lord God, help me not only to fully accept how much you love me, but help me to abide in Your love! (John 15:9)

If I truly believed how much God loved me, I would be confident in other relationships.

I've never wanted money, never wanted material things. All I have ever wanted in all my years of life was too be loved and yet I can't accept it from anyone.

Help my unbelief oh Lord.

Pray for me that I quit being so complacent and take that step.

Love,

~me