Tuesday, October 15, 2013

My October Post

On the side effects of my Zoloft, it didn't list the one about massive confusion that accompanies recovery.

The stomach ache goes away, the sleepiness goes away, headaches go away...The confusion thus far hasn't.

What was grey before is either black or white now and I've never had to make decisions based on black and white. Only grey, I suppose that's why I always stayed in the same rut.

I posted a couple months earlier that I couldn't cry, that side effect was now gone and while I don't cry as frequently, tears have been shed. When my heart is really broken, not even medicine can keep those tears away.

I started therapy again last month to help with the confusion and it's helping to some degree, but I'm not there yet.

Today I went to the Dr. and the store. Both used to be anxiety provoking situations and I breezed through them and enjoyed things around me. The no hurry aspect is nice.

I don't look at myself in the mirror much anymore and feel utter hate. I have worth and value and most of all I have a voice too. One that matters, one that has things to say that are important.

One day at a time, one moment at a time.

That's the best I can do and now I can do it with patience and God.

I prayed for things that I'm not strong enough for and I find myself being strong enough for them.

I'm getting used to my disappointment of people around me, never realzing how mentally ill some are and some of them just out right mean.

I was very shocked for awhile and didn't know if it was just me, but it's not.

No grey....Black or white.

All these things are good in some ways, just take some getting used too.

I'll be okay.




1 comment:

Melzie Belle said...

Love you :) whoagrl :) xoxo