Misery

mis·er·y (mz-r)
n. pl. mis·er·ies
1.
a. The state of suffering and want as a result of physical circumstances or extreme poverty.
b. Mental or emotional unhappiness or distress: "Our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions, and not on our circumstances" (Martha Washington).
2. A cause or source of suffering.
3. Informal A physical ache or ailment.

That's me. You can cut out misery and paste my name right there. I go on every day pretending that I am happy and trying to put up a front, but I'm am so f'in miserable inside it is pathetic.

I can't shake it like I normally do and to add insult to injury I cannot freaking cry. I have to resort to watching severely sad movies to cry.

I do not like my life. I love my kids, my family and my sweet grandbaby. That's it. My heart inside feels so awful. I'm physically sick over how bad I feel. How sad.

I have tried to pray this week and it doesn't come. I love God, but I just can't get past this funk. It gets worse and worse and worse.

Admitting to myself that I made a huge mistake is hard and reality creeps in...slowly.

Seeing it in writing doesn't make it any easier to bear. I made a HUGE mistake.

I took a risk and it slapped me in my face sooooooooooooooo hard that good grief. I hate saying how wrong I was. I hate having to accept how wrong I was. I sit here suffering because I was wrong. I didn't think of myself as prideful, but I am. I can't wait til I fully accept this and just move on.

I can't even open up here.

I'm just miserable.

=(

I don't know what to do =(

Love,

Me