Me N My baby Easter Morning =D

I was trying to get her to give me a kiss on the lips.......She was hot n heavy into FB and takin pics and finally got the hint I wanted a kiss =D She's sooooooo beautiful!

Happy Easter =)

Got some phone calls and such yesterday about my post yesterday. A lot said they cried and remembered that day so well. =D My mom found the picture. We are working on having it scanned.

Happy Easter. Jesus has risen from the dead =D Glorious indeed!! God's greatest miracle!

Most of you know I walk after the gym. It is the one time in the day where I have nothing to distract me. I walk, am in nature and talk to God.

Yesterday we had a wonderful conversation. Sometimes I wonder if it's my conscience or God. God speaks A LOT slower than my inner voice and he calls me child. My brain actually tries to say the words faster than what God does and God always tells me what I need to hear. Whether or not I want to hear it and whether or not I like it.

Some of you may read that and think, this chick is crazy........But I'm not. It's real. He hears and answers if you don't let things get in the way. It's a wonderful gift.

The first time I really, really heard it, it shocked me. I can't really explain it other than you should listen sometime. I never knew. Then something comes my way to back up what I heard and know it was him.

He made humans, so why wouldn't he create a way to communicate with them? =D

Yesterday as I walked, I had my Ipod off and we talked about me. My faith and how I lack it.

The hardest thing for me is faith. I have such a great struggle with it.

Nature is evident of faith. Trees grow, grass grows, flowers grow...

I got to thinking about things deeper. Thinking about how there is nothing in the earth that is ugly. The only ugly things on this earth are done by humans. Trees are all beautiful, grass is beautiful, birds are beautiful. It's all beautiful. It's all good.

God is everything good.

The favorite are stars. How can anyone look up at the stars at night and not know there's a God?

The world is perfect =)

Sigh, I was hoping so bad Kyle would let Savannah go to church with me this morning. I just texted him and he said he will just drop her off at my house at 11 or 11:30.

I'm crying of course because I wanted so badly to go with her.

Easter isn't about a bunny, it's about Jesus rising from the dead.

I think I'm not going to cry, I think I'm going to not give him a choice and go get her.

****Have to update, he is going to let her go and he is coming with her!! YAY!!!!!! =D

Was that an example of faith there? =D

Have a wonderful day =D

Much Love and enjoy the holiday!!

Dianna

My Favorite Easter Memory =D

I have a pic for this memory and my mom is working on finding it =D

As most of you know my oldest son Anthony..... (I was a pregnant teen ager)Well, lets just make a long story short and say at the lovely age of 16 we not only were having a baby, he got a form of cancer. Osteogenic sarcoma a simple enough term for what is an awful, painful bone cancer.

He went through every type of chemo on this planet and some that seemed they weren't from this planet.....he had some really awful surgeries. We spent months upon months in hospitals, me with a stroller walking the hospital corridors, him with an IV pole.

He had an appt. with Dr. Patel the Friday before Easter and I stayed home for that one with the baby. He comes walking in the door with a nervous smile on his face. I looked at his eyes and I knew. He uttered the words, I hear so often in my heart. A bad record being played over and over. Words that never leave my head or my heart.

"This is my last summer you guys"

They said if he was lucky, he would make it six months. I laid on the couch with him, had my head on his chest crying and crying. I kept twiddling his St. Jude necklace, my mother had given to him. He didn't cry. He just held me while I did and said he wanted to do everything before he died.

We were limited on what we could do......but he wanted to do all the important small things. The night before Easter we went and bought Anthony's Easter outfit. Brett picked out this cute, cute plaid suspender outfit, picked out these really cute shoes and socks =D. He said "Baby, can I get him dressed in the morning please......since you will get to dress him for every Easter and this is my last?"

Of course I let him dress him :*)

He got up sooooooo early that morning and took his time carefully dressing Anthony. I just looked over at his lil bald head (Bretts), smiling. So proud.

We were going to breakfast with my whole family. Including my Aunt Dorothy Ann, who was also battling cancer.

After he got Anthony dressed, he wanted to show him off and walk to his parents. He had a total hip and leg replacement done and walking wasn't easy for him..........He scooped Anthony up in his arms got him all situated and walked to his parents. The smile on his face, he was beaming =)

I just sat on the porch crying, watching him walk.

We arrive at Shoney's and all my family is there. It was just such a celebration. Dorothy Ann and her hard time, Brett and his hard time. I don't even know how we all laughed and smiled so much. But we did. The picture is a picture from that breakfast with my family and Brett. I hope my mom can find it.

It was the last time I remember laughing like that in that year. I can't even remember what we were saying. No telling with my family. All my cousins were there, my country cousins =) ......It was so wonderful.

It was the last time that all of us were together.

It was my favorite Easter moment ever.

First Brett went home to be with God and Dorothy Ann soon followed. But we had the best Easter ever before they went. =D

It was perfect.

Enjoy your Saturday!!

If my mom finds the pic, I will share it =)

Love,

Dianna

Achoooooooo!

Wow, someone turned on the pollen. Holy Toledo, I can't breathe today!! I slept fantastic last night =)
Dinner was perfect =)
YAY!!

Today, I got up took all the kiddies to school, sneezed, went to the store for Tyelnol Sinus pills. Thinking about a shower and the gym, but I'm so dizzy and my head is so sneezy.

If I had money, I think I would move somewhere with less allergies. Achoo.

Today is Good Friday. Take time to remember what today is all about.

Okay, I gotta get moving. Have a fantastic day.

***I just spent the past 30 minutes reading over archived posts.......holy cow I was angry. I never realized I was that mad. It's funny because I look at that girl like she's someone else. All my feelings inside have so changed. It's so weird and I can't explain it.

I guess only one thing to say to that.....

Ezekiel 36:26 (New International Version)
26 I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.

I couldn't be a better example of that verse. =) I totally, totally have a new heart. Everything about me is new. =) I LOVE Life. Even reading that makes me tear up. I wish you guys could've known how I was inside and how I feel now. It's all gone. All of it. I'm not saying I don't get angry and I don't get upset, but when I do, I turn to God and He sets me straight. I prayed a few times yesterday for my attitude adjustment and by evening I was just blessed to be at dinner and enjoying the evening. GAH!! I wish you guys could try me on before and try me on now.... I just can't believe it =)

My life prior to now has been constant turmoil and grief, but it's gone, it's done and my new life is WONDERFUL =)

;)

Love,

Dianna

Posting this for Dianna :)

Bloggety blogger isn't working for me.......Soooo I had to have someone post it for me =D

Today is long and busy as always. Stopped at home to dye eggs, make the kids some dinner.

I'm going to a friends tonight for dinner. Had to stop and buy wine lol!! I have never bought wine before, so well...... I had no clue what I was buying. I felt like such a boozer walking out of there with a brown bag.

I can't wait for dinner tonight =D I am sooooooo excited!!

Yesterday was so warm and beautiful out. I really had such a good day and was just so full of joy for most of it. This morning I think I needed an attitude adjustment! x.x Been kinda grumpy.

I'm just tired I guess. So much running and when my day is full from start to finish, I tend to worry if I can get everything done. It's hot out and just as soon as I get one thing done, I have to move to the next.

Okay this is short and sweet, I gotta go finish my make up and pretty myself up for din din!

Have a great day

Love,

Dianna

**It's me!! I think I finally got it fixed YAY!! =) Okay, out the door but had to post a YAY!!

Wahhh blogger won't work!

Tuesday

Happy Tuesday!! Bloggety Blogging early because I won't be home the rest of the day.

Things are going pretty fantastic ;)

I got upset yesterday evening and wasn't quite sure how to handle it. I went through great trouble to extend an olive branch to someone. They accepted it and then turned right back around and did something very mean.

I thought about it a lot........Wondering did they know what they were doing? Surely they wouldn't do that on purpose. Past history says yes, but I just don't want to believe that people are that cruel. Mom seems to think it was done on purpose.

My normal reaction would be to hash it out with them as to why they did it.......It took a lot for me to just let it go. I cried briefly about it and let it go. Those who know me and know me well, know that was a struggle for me.

God blessed me with wonderful, wonderful friends and family. I vented to them about it and said nary a word.

Sigh.

LOL That wasn't turning over a new leaf for me, that was turning over the whole Yosemite National Park =)

Got to finish scrubbing my house and then head to the gym with Angel and Mike.

After that collecting kids and off to Community Groups for the evening!

LOST Tonight.......... YAY!!!!!!!!!!! American Idol...semi yay!! I Love LOST soooooooooo much!!

Okay, have a fantastic Tuesday!!

Life is sooooooooooooooooooooooooo wonderful ;)

Enjoy it.

Love,

~Me

Hit my

30 lb mark =) Running late gots to go but had to share!!

Monday!!

What can I say? I started out to blog about how bad my morning had been, how grumpy I had been........This or that bothering me.

Have I mentioned lately how much I LOVE God?

It's so awesome the way things work. I am loving these private moments with God.

As most of you know, I am a very, very new Christian. A baby if you will. Getting things right, trying to do the right thing, it's not easy by any feat. I hear Gods voice sometimes and then wonder if it's my conscience or really God.

Last night began some frustration I was having with a certain issue of my life. I asked God what I was supposed to do and he told me. It wasn't what I wanted to hear. Not even a little bit what I wanted to hear and it's not what I want to do.

I kept thinking is that my conscience or is that God? This morning in regards to not knowing what I'm supposed to do, I became frustrated. I talked to God, I cried because I really didn't know if that was him or myself.

So......... You already know I'm going to tell you something happened!!!
I love God!!!!!! I have been reading this book. I haven't picked it up for a few days and came home from the gym to read a few pages.....

I open it up, read one page, turned to the next........The answer to my question was right there on the page in black and white. Worded exactly like I heard in my heart. It wasn't my conscience it was God and he was affirming it again in the book and then giving me the reason why. The full explanation of why I needed to do what he had said. Not a comparison to a situation of mine, a full exact wording of what I had asked and heard.

I couldn't believe what I was reading. I honestly couldn't believe it. I sitll can't believe it. I am just amazed and humbled with every experience I have with God. It makes me want more and more. I laughed and cried at the same time because I am in such awe of Him.

Totally amazed and still thinking, "Did that happen???"

It did =)

I love life soooooooo much =)

Yesterday at Quints party, his mom had so much work to do for the party....Him and his mom made me a big ole thing of Gluten free brownies and cookies. Their kindness is amazing! They didn't want me to be left out. Their generosity towards me and my children. Overwhelming.

=)

Could life really get any better?

<3

Happy Monday!!

Love,

Dianna

Sunday =D

Oh my...... Today..... I'm at home for a brief pit stop, but had to blog about church today.........

All my school years practically, I went to a Catholic school. Learned religion year after year.......... Why didn't I ever get this stuff?

This morning of course was Palm Sunday. I have been to church for palm Sunday many years and never knew exactly what it was.

It was when Jesus rode into Jerusalem before his crucifixion and the people waved palm at him as he rode in.

I never knew. Well, with that story comes the crucifixion. I had no idea they were going to be reading that Gospel today and as I knew I would, I cried.

I read it the other night in private and wept. I heard it aloud this morning and wept again. Hearing how afraid Jesus was prior. I just cried. He knew what they were going to do to him. How he went with his closest friends and prayed at how scared he was. He didn't understand why God was doing this. When Daniel talked about.....

Mark 14:36
36"Abba,[a] Father," he said, "everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will."

He didn't do what he wanted to do, he did what God wanted. The most unselfish act in history. He was living the life we needed to be living and he was going to be crucified and die in place of where we should be. He didn't deserve that. We did and do.

Why didn't I pay attention to this stuff before? Maybe I didn't want to learn it, maybe I was selfish and too focused on myself. But I got it this morning.

A moment of clarity came when Daniel was reading the Gospel about how after the ninth hour when Jesus said his last words and took his last breath (I was a blubbering mess) that the curtain was opened from heaven and earth and it is THROUGH JESUS that we can now be with God. I did not know that. Not ever. I didn't understand what it meant. I understand it now. Through Jesus we can now have a relationship with God. He suffered, died and was buried because we as people are such awful creatures. We are all awful, selfish, hurtful human beings. Gods Grace. Jesus death.
What a sacrifice. I didn't know where the term Excruciating came from. They needed a word to describe the pain and suffering that Jesus went through on the cross. I had no idea the origin of that word.

Was just amazing this morning. Even more amazing that I am gaining such a deep understanding and crave more. Showing my Faith in God, trusting he is going to take me where ever I need to be. No matter what I do, I will end up where he wants me to be. I can kick, scream and fight it, do my own thing......but in the end I will go where He takes me.

Might as well just sit back, relax and receive everything he has in store for me.

=)

I can't put into words how full of Joy my heart is.

I thank God for helping me understand what Easter really is about. I thank Him for sending His son to die for me, so I can be who I am. Selfish.

God is Love, Hope, Joy, Goodness, Fun, Happy, Beautiful......Everything that is Good, God is.

He is my Home =)

I wish I would've known all these years that I couldn't get happiness from individuals. Would've taken a lot of pressure off me and them. Happiness comes from with in. Happiness comes from God being with in you.

=)

With my heart bursting, I have to gooooooooo to the gym and then a party at the fire house YAY!!!!!! =D I'm excited!

Have a wonderful Sunday and Carol church was FABULOUS!!

Love, Love, Love

<3 <3 <3

Me =)

Saturdayyyyy! =D

What a long day and it's still not done. Had to take a break. x.x

Savannahs soccer orientation was this morning, I signed Kyle up for team manager so we met him over at the place and got her shirt. All those U of K fans on her team and her colors are red and black LOL! They were all sighing!

Bet my mom loves it!

Went to the gym and worked out. Me n Mike were working out and from the power outtage yesterday the air was out and we were HOT! Good Lord have mercy! My hair was soaked and LOL Mike was dripping sweat as well. Yesterday, as I said above the power went out and me, Mike and Kevin worked out in the dark, was kinda fun! Mike told Kevin we should have a candle light dinner in there and put the lights out on Friday nights. Serve some wine! Kevin said get everyone drunk and put them on the treadmill! LOL!

Not your ordinary Y .....O.o

I love the gym soooooooooo much. =D Oh..... for other news..........28.5 lbs =) I was standing next to Kyle yesterday and Savannah looked over at me and said "wow mom" =) Yea, yea I know I know!! My clothes are all falling off and I LOVE IT!!!

Me n mom went and took Anthony to rent his tux for prom, then out to Steak N Shake to eat. We were all crabby and grumpy! Was kinda funny.

I got back to moms then walked 2.5 miles. I loved it! =D It's so beautiful out and it's just my time to think and reflect on the day. I can't tell you enough how gorgeous it was today!!

I'm soooooooooooo stinking happy =D

;)

<3 you all and it totally is a wonderful life!!

Palm Sunday tomorrow YAY!!

Love,

Dianna

Faith

Faith.....What exactly is it?

From my understanding it's believing in something you can not see, nor touch. The definition in the dictonary is believing in something even though there is no proof.

I guess the no proof can apply when you are having faith in a person.... but it totally does not apply to God. Take a look around the world and how can anyone say there is no proof.

Faith has been a difficult challenge for me. I can't tell you the personal struggles I have had with Faith. I understand the concept of what it is. You hear people time and again say "Have Faith"....Saying the phrase and being at a spot in your life where you have true Faith is very, very difficult.

All my life I have not trusted many. Becoming a Christian and having a relationship with God means having Faith. "Giving it all to him" Isn't as easy as it sounds. Hey, someones offering you a free ride from all your pain and sin..........It should be easy to hand it over to him.

It takes discipline and practice to do this, but when you REALLY give it to him, the burden lifted off your chest is so freeing.

It's funny, I will picture myself giving everything over to him. My worry, my sadness, my problems.......I see his big thumbs coming over to pick them out of my head. I feel better for a few, but then I take them back. I hear God say......"Dianna, give them back" So I hand them back over..... Wash, rinse, repeat.

I'm getting better about giving them to him and my heart feels so free! I just wish I could show you guys my inside, how broken I was.......I wish I could show you now how full my heart is. I can't even believe it myself =)

Before I close, keep Elmer and his family in your prayers. His father passed away today. He was a terrific, terrific man.

Lots of Love

~Moi

Accountability

What can I say......... I learn more and more every day. =) I, as you guys know have been changing and learning. I have learned more this year than in my past thirty-seven on this earth.

It's amazing how close-minded I have been.

I ask God to show me what areas I need to work on. This week, long focus on accountability. I am quick to become defensive and then look to blame someone else for anything that has gone wrong in my life.

Now that I am taking apart the past instances in my life I do see and accept my part in things that have gone bad. I know in a lot of the cases I am not the sole one to blame, BUT.........I need to be responsible for my own shortcoming and accept/acknowledge only my part. I could not say that before, I didn't see it before. Blame, blame,blame.

If they have done wrong, it is their problem. Sure I have been hurt. Being beaten surely wasn't my fault, no matter what I said or did.....But, I am dealing with all that happened and he will be held accountable for his wrong doing. I need not worry about any of that anymore.

Free my own spirit, focus on becoming who I want to be. Letting everyone else live their own life and accept responsibility for their own actions. Makes my life alot easier if the only reaping and sowing I'm worried about is my own.

It has been hard for me to accept some of the things I have done. I had to write letters for therapy. Angry letters letting every single feeling protrude out of me. They were horrible, horrible letters.....BUT......I let it out. I don't have to carry that anger around with me.

I am working on forgiveness also. I am trying to right wrongs I have done. Trying to apologize where I can.

I apologized to Kyle for things I said and did when we were married. I was so angry at him for this and for that, but I was focusing on his wrong, not mine. It takes two people for a marriage to work and I needed to worry more about fixing what I was doing wrong....... Less time on what he was doing wrong. Sure it needed to be voiced, if he didn't know what was bothering me, how could it of been fixed? I should've used nicer words. I should've been more compassionate.

Faith, patience, faith, patience......Go hand-n-hand

We are the authors of our OWN book.

God amazes me every day when he shows me something new.

Much Love and Happy Thursday.

Life is too wonderful for words =)

~ Dianna

Wed Nes Dayyyy

What a loooooong, looooooong day.

For eight weeks straight I have been running myself ragged. Day in and day out.

I think it caught up to me today. I haven't missed a day at the gym in eight weeks. Going out to movies, to lunch, busy, busy.

Tonight I walked in the door and about fell over. Waiting on a phone call and the I'm out for the count.

I'm too tired to even write.

=) Life is Wonderful!

Love,

~Me

A lil better update

Today was soooooo flipping busy! I just got home from the store, made dinner and almost ready to head out for the evening to community group YAY!

I ran allllll day. I was slacking by the 90 min mark. at the gym. LOL Angel and I both sat on this leg machine and just sat there. We both were tired.


It's like a recliner!

Not much else going on, just always got some where to beeee =D

I'm a lovin life. Happy Tuesday everyone.

Love, Love, Love

~Me

Tuesday

Start to finish every hour of my day is filled. I slept not a wink. Well, maybe a few winks here and there. I am going to have to have the Shock Wave coffee today to keep me awake.

Have a fantastic day all.

zzzzzzzzzzz

Love,

Dianna

Hearing From God

I love God! He has a sense of humor too! The closer I become to him, the more I understand this speaking thing. Sometimes, when it happens, it's so strange!! I have learned that God doesn't always use an inner voice.........Sometimes he uses others.

Did I mention I love God LOL!! I have been VERY impatient as of late. Not angry and not moody, just impatient. I know he is trying to teach me patience and some of things that are popping my way....Well, they make me smile! =D

You know I can be having a dark weepy moment and go back to read my bible or my book that's called Hearing From God Each Morning and just turn to a random page and it is filled with stuff I'm dealing with at that moment.

Last night I was saying my prayers and I was a bit miffed about how some people even though (from my perspective)don't seem nice....They have done bad things or do bad things...... but seemingly everything just works out for them. I have a hard time dealing with this most. It's hard when I know what's in my heart. I have done and said some bad things in the past.... I'm not proud of those things. I think that's where God is trying to place patience the most. When I'm hurt, defense mechanism kicks in to try to hurt them back. I have to stop that. Inside my heart though, I know what's there. It's full of love and I have had enough heartbreak in it to keep Shakespeare busy for his eternity........ Through all the pain and bad I still have so much love......So, I was asking God to please help me understand. I asked him to "Please help me understand" He showed me two things and I just sit here smiling at the way all this works. How could people not believe there is a God? Why didn't I seek him so long ago? He is amazing!!

Anywhoo.......I'm going to share my response from God =D

I asked God to make me understand....Here is the page I turned to!

God Cares About Every Detail

Are not two little sparrow sold for a penny? And yet not one of them will fall to the ground without your Father's leave (consent) and notice. But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not, you are more value than many sparrows. (MATTHEW 10:29-31)

Through the power of the Holy Spirit, God wants to speak to you every day. He wants to lead you step-by-step away from trouble and into the good things He has in store for you. He cares about the tiniest details of your life. According to the verses for today, He even keeps track of how many hairs you have on your head. He cares about the desires of your heart, and He wants to reveal to you truth that will set you free from worry and fear.

God's plan to share an intimate relationship with you existed before you were even born, as you can read in Psalm, 139:16: "Your eyes saw my unformed substance, and in Your book all the days(of my life) were written before ever they took shape, when as yet there was none of them" God knows all of our days and has a plan for each one. If we will ask Him what we are to do each day and believe that He is guiding us, we will find ourselves fulfilling His plan for our lives.

It seems incomprehensible that God could have a plan for every person on Earth, but also brings great peace to know He can take chaos and turn it into something meaningful and worthwhile. Spend time getting to know God because His plan is unveiled through intimate relationships with Him.

Remember that God even keeps track of the sparrows---He is surely in control of whatever life brings you today.

So...... that is number one and the second thing.....

LOL, I sat at my computer and saw I had a mail from Joel Olsteen Ministry. I said before I opened, it...."Okay, God what are you going to tell me this morning" I KNEW it was a message for me LOL!! So....... this is what it said.

TODAY'S SCRIPTURE
"…I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances"
(Philippians 4:11, NIV))



TODAY'S WORD from Joel and Victoria
It's easy in life to get so focused on our dreams, goals, and what we want that it consumes us. We can get to the point where we're not going to be happy until it happens. But I've found that if we have to have something in order to be happy, our lives are out of balance. When our goals and dreams start to frustrate us, when we lose our peace, and we're not enjoying life; that's a sure sign that we're holding on too tightly. What's the solution? You've got to release it. Freedom comes when you say, "God, I'm turning it all over to You. You know my desires, and You know what's best for me. I'm choosing to trust You and trust Your timing."

When we learn to be content whatever the circumstances, it takes away the power of the enemy. It takes away his ability to frustrate us. Not only that, but by our actions we are showing our faith in God. When you choose to trust in His timing, you can live in peace, you can live in joy, and you can rest in Him knowing that He has good things in store for your future.



A PRAYER FOR TODAY
Heavenly Father, today I choose to trust in You. I release frustration over the dreams and desires in my heart, knowing that You know what's best for me. I choose to trust in Your timing because You are faithful, and I will bless You in all things. In Jesus' Name, Amen.


=D Isn't He AWESOME!!!! He defintely turns my mourning into dancing!! My sadness into laughter! My sorrow into Joy =)

All this happening in my life is so cool!! I have changed so much and people notice it. I see now, what people mean by changing. I look at myself sometimes like it's not even me. Who I was 3 months ago wasn't me..... It wasn't the real me. Who I am becoming is me. I was so lost. Lost beyond words. I would take all the heartache 20 times over again, if I was guaranteed, how I feel now, would be how it ends. Well, begins =)

Anyways, I had to share because I got up at 5 to use the rest room and saw that in my box and it just made me smile.

He speaks, you just have to listen =D

And me, myself and I need to worry about me and stop worrying about everyone else =)

I love Him!!! There isn't even a word to describe it!!

Have a wonderful Monday.

Love,

~Dianna

Migraines x.x

I am on day 3 of a horrible migraine. It started the other day with bad auras and the headache Monday night was so bad that I was shaking and scared to death. I didn't sleep well Monday night, tossed and turned and woke up every couple hours. Argh!

Yesterday it was a bit better. I took Tylenol before going to the gym and then again later before I went walking. I thought exercise would help them, but so far.......nope. I slept better last night than I did on Monday night. Even so I still woke up a few times and Claire woke me up at 4:30 to go potty.

Today it's better than yesterday, progress none the less, but I'm at the point I'm ready for it to leave now. I can't go to the gym today, have to go tonight so that's all good, but..........................

I'm down officially 20 lbs =) All my clothes fall off YAY!!!!!!

Yesterday Angel and I had such a wonderful time at the gym. She brings so much joy to my life. I laughed so hard when the hotter, sexier gym guy came over to us! Even funnier when he said "I never noticed you here before" Holy crap buddy I live there!! When I turned back to see Angel who was 30 different shades of red, omg I laughed so hard I was almost crying. LOL! I love those people there. They make me happy. Every single one of them. Even the seniors that laugh at me and Angel as we walk out the door unable to walk.

Busy day and going to be gone allllllll day til tonight so have a fantastic day all.

I love God and Love you guys very much.

Happy Wednesday!

~Dianna

Grouchy people

I wonder what runs through peoples heads sometimes. I really do. I have this friend at the gym Linda. She is the nicest sweetest woman one could ever meet. She would do anything for anyone.

She was crippled by polio, she can't stand up straight and is hunched over pretty badly and has to use a walker. I see her almost every day at the gym. She rides the bike on the end every day because they are close together and she can't get in between them being hunched over. Everyone usually will give up that bike for her because they know she can't get between the bikes and then has no where to put her walker.

Well..........There's this one lady who...ugh...she's just mean. I have been in there a couple times this week and that woman knows Linda comes at the same time and hops right on the end bike. So Linda will some times come talk to me to wait for the bike and sometimes she will go walking etc. She's been sick lately with a cold and came down and talked to me and Angel today. The lady was on the bike again and Linda went over to ask her how long she was going to be and the lady snarkily replied "I'm going to be on here for a realllllllly long time" Linda who really just wanted to ride the bike, finds a place for her walker and then I watched her try to squeeze to get to one of the middle bikes.

Why couldn't that lady of moved over? She did it one day last week too. It's almost like an imposition to her that Linda waits on the bike. She gets huffy and puffy. I just don't understand. That lady is healthy as a horse can easily get on one of the other bikes.

I dunno it just bothered me. She's the kindest soul ever and how anyone can look at her sweet nature and just be mean..... I just don't understand.

Happy Tuesday

Love

Dianna

=) Monday!

What a wonderful weekend I had =) Fabulous in so many ways.

First things first.........Blueberry Preserves! Sometimes for odd reasons, I crave blueberries. Elmer a few weeks ago sent me Wild Blueberry Jelly from Maine....... I can say without hesitation that it was the best blueberry preserve I have ever tasted. I have been on a hunt locally to find something similar, but nothing even comes close. I have three jars of blueberry preserves in my refrigerator. I have used almost one. It's nothing like the one from Maine. The one from Maine had perfect blueberries, nothing crunchy etc. The first jar I opened here, well there's some good blueberries in it, but there's a lot of crunchy ones. I eat it in my grits. It's a perfect fit in grits. So, as soon as the jar is finished we will move on to the second one and see if it comes close to the Maine Preserves. Sigh, why do I only fall in love with stuff that's far away! LOL! My syrup is in Vermont, gotta get the pattern!

Next ........Movies!!

I watched hmm four movies this weekend. First was Precious. Language was really, really, really bad. BUT......it was a very powerful movie. What that poor girl endured, I just want to hug her. Sad movie and I'd like to think people in real life aren't that cruel, but a sad reality is, they are. Probably worse.

Next was Alice in Wonderland. Me n the fam went to see it. I totally liked it a lot! Savannah did as well, however I think she was a little scared when the Jabberwocky came out. It was like a continuation from the first one and it was really well done. I love stories where escapes happen from your own life and you get to be taken to some wonderful place.....There are many days I would like to scour my yard looking for rabbit holes to fall down!

The third was Where the Wild Things Are....... Totally disliked this movie. The boy and that screaming. I wanted to whoop his butt five minutes into the movie. I totally would've been upset had I paid to watch it in a theatre, I can listen to my own kids scream for free. The boy was over the top annoying and the book was a favorite of mine. Sigh.

Okay, last movie of the weekend was Hachi. Dear Lord in Heaven, I cried more through this movie than any movie I have seen. It was well done and wow! I don't know what to say. Juan watched it with me and kept remarking about how sad it was and how touching. He said to me "Mom, how come I don't get sad when I watch movies of people like that, but when it's animals it's so hard to watch" I tried to explain to him that animals don't say things to hurt you, animals don't use you, animals don't break your heart, animals won't ever disappoint you..........They are always happy to see you. When you walk into a room, no human would ever greet you like that....... and what Hachi did......... how many people would ever do that? None. Dogs are fiercely loyal. Find me a person like that....... You can't.

Yesterday church was wonderful. As always. Four baptisms and I love watching those. Hearing the testimonies of what led them to God. Hearing about how life was for them, how bad...... Then God happens. Something no one can explain unless you feel it. I did =D Indescribable and everyone should experience it for themselves.

Okay, I gotta go to the gym .......... I'm looking really good and feeling great!!

Have a fantastic Monday

Lots of Love

<3

~Me

One month and one week.

For the first time in a month, my eyes are open. One month and one week to be exact.

For anyone who has been unlucky enough to weather the storm of a broken heart.......They should know all to well of what I am going to describe.

For a full month and one week a hurricane was upon me. The storm made worse by the fact that only I could see it. Only I could hear and feel it. People trying to help me through it. Help me weather it....But, how can you help something you can't see, feel or hear?

My life literally felt like it was crumbling around me. You see the videos on TV about "hurricane" clean up. That is what it was like for me today walking into my bedroom.

At first glance into my room.....Beginning the clean up of what was my life for one month and one week. Being back in the land of the living. Being someone different..... The damage of what is around me was very moving and yet so very hard to clean up. I saw things. I saw life for the first time in one month and one week.

It's as if time stopped inside of me. I look around my room and I get a close up view of the force of the storm. I didn't know it was that bad. A month and week ago the clock on my wall ticked away. The pendulum swung back, forth, back, forth. Tap, tap, tap. A sign to me that although it felt as time had stopped,it was indeed moving forward.

At some point during my one month and one week, the clock stopped working. One day at 4:55. Where there was once noise, now silence. Proof that time, for me, really did stop. Hearing the tapping of the clock made time real for me. Not hearing it made it real to me that my life had stopped.

Kleenex littered my floor. The "new" me, the"strong" me agreed it was time to start cleaning them up. One by one I picked them up. Remembering that for one month and one week, I cried enough for a lifetime. Remembering for one month and one week, my heart was indeed broken. Every thought, every memory, every word said lay within those Kleenex on the floor. Every tear shed on them a reminder that it really happened.

The digital alarm clock to my left........ I must've noticed a million times through tear filled eyes that the plug was almost out of the wall. I would sit and stare at it for hours while crying. It was like a focal point for me. I wasn't strong enough to put one foot in front of the other, go to that side of the room and plug it in. The "new" me the "strong" me plugged it in.

My sheets had not been washed in one month and one week. They also are filled with my tears and heartbreak. As I look at them crumpled up, it makes me sad. I look at them as if someone else were laying in them crying. It takes alot for me to realize, it was indeed me. I want to pick that girl up who is in that bed and hug her. I want to tell her that I love her and tell her don't worry, in one month and one week her heart won't hurt anymore. I want to wipe away her tears and just hold her for one month and one week.

I was like a woman who was trapped in that room..... Trapped is a bad choice of words. I was a woman waiting in a cocoon. Slowly peeling away at the inside to get out. Some days I didn't make any progress, some days I tore through layers. I'm out. I'm new. I'm a butterfly. I'm free.

I not so patiently waited and cried. I really don't know what I was waiting for. I only know I waited and God delivered me from the horrendous heartache that was bestowed upon me. The heartache I placed upon myself.

It was so odd cleaning all this stuff up as "me" in the now. The broken clock is still stopped. I may not fix it for awhile. I need that reminder of who that girl in the bed was, so I know to send that girl who is inside of me love. The calendar on my left shows me, time didn't stop. So, who needs the clock. One month and one week has passed.

If anyone has a magic number of how long a broken heart will last. Mine was one month and one week.

Today, I wake up and as I said in a post earlier in the week, something happened. It was my first experience of Divine Intervention. I may never share what happened. But, it made me whole. God lifted my pain and I emerged as someone new.

My heart is filled with Joy. I laugh and I smile. My thoughts are my own. I feel happiness I never felt in a lifetime.

I feel at home. My heart no longer searches for that place to call home for God is MY HOME. God is Love. God is everything you need to endure one month and one week of sheer hell.

My bible is next to me. A reminder that without that book, without those words, without MY GOD, I would not have been able to weather that storm.

I read Psalms now as the new "me" I see the wrinkled pages of where tears had fallen from my eyes and sprinkled all over them. More evidence that for one month and one week I was sad. For one month and one week a transformation was occuring.

I can't explain to you how I feel in my heart. I can't explain the burden that was lifted off my chest. I feel my heart beating now, not the pain of nails going through it. Only God could've healed that hurt. If I could see my heart, I would definitely be able to trace the scars all around it. I need them there. I want them there.

I want the reminder of the pain that brought me to my knees for one month and one week... That reminder that gave me a lifetime of happiness with God. What a short amount of time that is in perspective to where I am now. Who I am now.

For the first time in one month and one week I see my daughter without tear filled eyes and I see she has gotten taller. I see her blowing a bubble and the carefree moments a child gets to enjoy.

I continually ask God "What do I do?" "What next?" I become still and listen to that small still voice inside me. "Write" he says. To him I say "I don't know how" That small still voice says "I'll show you"

So....... I write. My words here to share with you..... My one month and one week.

I love my God. I love you guys. I love life.

~Me

Friday =D

YAY! Friday! End to the long busy week!!

Not much to write other than I'm staying busy. I'm 100% finally over E and OMG talk about relief! Alot happened and it made me realize..... I'm over him. Hallelujah!!

Allergies are plum kicking my butt this spring. Ah, Kentucky!

I'm down 17 lbs =D

I haven't met a blueberry I didn't like. I love coffee.

I love you guys!

Happy Friday!!

~me

Wednesday

This week has flown by and it's humpday. I can't believe it's already Wednesday.

Got a busy day and I didn't sleep much last night. I woke up about 5:30 to Anthony banging all around the house. I got up, scrubbed the kitched, mopped the floors, did the dishes. Did a little bit of laundry. Took the kids to school, went to the grocery. Came home scrubbed the living room and cleaned a tad in the bathroom.

Getting ready to shower, heading to spend the day with baby E then going to therapy. After that Juan from football practice, get Savannah and find time to go to the gym. Start to finish the day is busy.

LOST ........ What the heck is going on? Onliy 9 more episodes praise Jesus!

Okay, hopping in the tub

Have a wonderful day everyone.

Be safe

Love,

~Dianna

=) Tuesday afternoon!!

"Childhood is what you spend the rest of your life trying to overcome. That's what momma always says. She says that beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts the most. Try to remember that when you find yourself at a new beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up. And it will"... ~ Hope Floats

Wow =) Wow and WOW =)

What a fantastic afternoon!!!

Wow =)

Well, when I'm in my car lately I have been turning off the radio and talking to God. I have heard in church even when I was in the Catholic church about how God answers you, about hearing God's voice, about hearing his answers for you.

The only way I can explain it is you remember those pictures that used to sell big in the 90's where you had to stare at it for a LONG time and then a picture within that picture would pop out?

Well.......... I was stuck on that picture for awhile. I never know what's my inner voice, what my thoughts are and I did NOT understand it at all! I was discouraged because I had no clue what they were talking about.

Today, I FINALLY understood it. Becoming a Christian isn't easy. It is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I'm such a baby at it and I can't wait to mature it in.

As Carol said a few weeks back when the girl in church prayed for me, God speaks through people. I never knew that. I know better now what I need to do. =) As Daniel said "Got to turn and go the right way" All these signs that I ignored, I overlooked...... I was missing some important stuff!! In the gym aside from the laughing Angel and I were doing I was soooo happy, I smiled the whole time =D

I had a fabulous day with Angel. Gym hottie told me I don't need all that exercise, I look fantastic =) I'm down 16.5 lbs today =) I really, really am looking wonderful and feeling it!

I'm soooooooooooooooo excited. This afternoon was just so wonderful..... like at noon, my day went from BLAH to YAY!!!!! =D Maybe one day I'll share what happened, until then it's between me n God ;)

Have a fantastic Tuesday evening

Lots of LOVE, LOVE, LOVE

Hope =D

~Lady =)

Tuesday

Have a happy Tuesday all =D I think I got my bloggety blog fixed. I was hitting a wrong button.......... LOL, me, noooooo, never!

Everyone knows I do awful with change and LOL My whole blog system changed. Good Ole Trial N Error =D

Well........ I won't be back until tonight other than home to take a shower and grab a few things! It's 7 am and I'm trying to line up the things I have to do like ducks and visually shoot them down as I do them.

Duck number one...........Get off here and go get dressed

Happy Tuesday

Love you guys <3

~Dizie

Tears and the book of Psalms

I can't tell you how many times lately I turn to the book of Psalms. Seems me and David (David in the book of Psalms not my friend) and the others in them have alot in common.

Anyone who suffers cruelly from a broken heart should read Psalms.

The night before last and tonight, I read them and tears fall down my cheeks and fill my pages. I have cried all over the book of Psalms.

My heart hurts and I hear over and over again about how God takes that pain away, I wait patiently for it to go. Seems sometimes it's less, but other times like tonight it's unbearable.

When in church tonight A song came on and we were asked to pray during it. It was so beautiful and all I could ask God was , "Why wasn't I good enough for him" and "Why didn't he love me back" I was just sitting there in church with tears streaming down my face. That pain, that strong pain of someone taking nails and just poking them deeper into my heart. Sometimes that pain is so large it hurts just to breathe in. After the song was over out of the blue here comes my cousin Lindsay and she also has tears running down her face. Life is so hard and God is so good.

I love my family. I love my cousin Lindsay with all my heart. Hugging her made that pain a little more bearable.

Tonight was hard and they talked about showing humility before God and I did. I'm not ashamed to say I hurt. I didn't fight off the tears in a room with hundreds and hundreds of people. I hurt and I cried.

I'm not ashamed to say out of hurt I have said some pretty hurtful things. Hurt and loss are so powerful and hurt so much, especially when you feel that hurt is based on the fact that you just didn't have what it took.

Over all, I just prayed that the pain will go away. No pain is greater than loving someone that doesn't love you back.

I just have to be patient. Til then I will cry with the Psalms, evidence even thousands of years ago pain in the heart was just the same. Nothing invented in all the years takes that pain away. It's a constant through history.

This is where I cried tonight

Pslam 28

1 To you I call, O LORD my Rock;
do not turn a deaf ear to me.
For if you remain silent,
I will be like those who have gone down to the pit.
2 Hear my cry for mercy
as I call to you for help,
as I lift up my hands
toward your Most Holy Place.

3 Do not drag me away with the wicked,
with those who do evil,
who speak cordially with their neighbors
but harbor malice in their hearts.

4 Repay them for their deeds
and for their evil work;
repay them for what their hands have done
and bring back upon them what they deserve.

5 Since they show no regard for the works of the LORD
and what his hands have done,
he will tear them down
and never build them up again.

6 Praise be to the LORD,
for he has heard my cry for mercy.

7 The LORD is my strength and my shield;
my heart trusts in him, and I am helped.
My heart leaps for joy
and I will give thanks to him in song.

8 The LORD is the strength of his people,
a fortress of salvation for his anointed one.

9 Save your people and bless your inheritance;
be their shepherd and carry them forever.


Happy Sunday Evening

Love,

Dianna Lynne

Happy Sunday!!

Just got all dressed and ready for church.

Well............ 14.5 lbs =D in 12 days!! My clothes are falling offfff! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, off to church =D

Have a fantastic Saturday Everyone!!

He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else. ~Benjamin Franklin

Love,

~Dianna

It's Saturday

"Watching you walk out of my life does not make me bitter or cynical about love. But rather makes me realize that if I wanted so much to be with the wrong person how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along.” ~Author Unknown

I sit here after one of the roughest nights I have had. I don't realize why I can't move forward. He is. Why can't I talk to these guys who want to talk to me......He's moved on with other people. Why can't I?

I think and think and think about what it is, why can't I move forward. I realize that after everyone, there's always been someone else. Almost immediately. This time, I am trying to heal from all the past and don't want anyone at all.

Rebound relationships do not work.

I think I get scared sometimes that I'll keep wanting no one. I don't trust men. Not anymore.

Anyways one day closer to finding myself. Having a ceremonial burning of my WoW discs later or maybe a hammer taking to them. Either way they are going to a slow death.

Have a wonderful Saturday.

Love,

~Me

TGIF

If you have an hour, will you not improve that hour, instead of idling it away?
Lord Chesterfield

ARGH Today I am feeling all those hours of not being idle. Every day this week except Wednesday I have gone to the gym 2 times a day. Tonight, I did NOT want to go, but I pushed through and forced myself.

I'm spring cleaning and just enjoying the quiet.

Happy Friday Everyone

Love you lots! <3

~ Dianna

Thursday Evening =D

Joy is a flower that blooms when you do. ~Author Unknown


I LOVE today =D!!! My morning went great, Juan got up for school and we were out the door, no fussing or fighting!

Angel met me at the gym and we worked out for 2.5 hours this morning. I loved seeing her and I have missed her so much. We used to see each other every day in hair school, so I'm glad to have her back in my life.

I came home, ate lunch, got the kids and went back to the gym for another 1.5 hours. Savannah got here and we have laughed and danced.

I have such joy in my heart and I'm so glad that all the anger has passed. That was a storm I never want to weather again.

I taped this Psalm over my headboard it's Psalm 4
4 In your anger do not sin;
when you are on your beds,
search your hearts and be silent.

I need to practice being silent. That's my big, biggggg one. I don't want to forget it and it's probably the hardest thing for me. When I am angry, be silent.

Happy Thursday

Love you guys

~Dianna

Hi HI Hiiiii!!! =D It's Tuesday!

I may not be there yet, but I'm closer than I was yesterday!!

Went to the gym and I lost 10 lbs!! =D That's in hmm 8 days? Going for 4 hrs a day probably is doing alot of good.

I wasn't able to do my full work out this morning, so I'm getting ready for community groups now and then heading there before I have to go to Curls.

It's not a matter of "if" It's a matter of "when"

I've never been so determined in all my life to keep pushing through.

Happy Day

<3

~Dianna

Monday

"The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for."

~Maureen Dowd~

=D I think that says it all. I'm really proud of myself, I haven't played WoW in weeks. I have had offers to buy my account, friends have asked if they could have it.... I was really on the fence about what to do with it. I still had a slight hesitation of "going back or not"

After praying, thinking, etc.........Well, I got my sign last night. I cried for a brief bit and then laughed. Quite hard. I don't belong there anymore and talk about perfect timing. I thank God for making it so easy to see. The pure brilliance of timing was for sure a huge, huge sign!

The crying was over almost as soon as it started and like I said I laughed and laughed. God has a sense of humor for sure =)


I really like not playing anymore. I'm liking so much who I am becoming. I have lost so much weight and it keeps falling off. I'm not taking crap, I'm laughing, I'm getting out of the house, forming a life.
Soooooo....... It's gone. I'm NOT going back and I'm very happy about that.

Yesterday I noticed something. About my eyes.

My eyes tell everything about me. I looked over pics of the last few months and my eyes looked so sad. Kyle told me that when I'm sad my eye lose that sparkle, but when I'm happy you can see a twinkle in my eye. That's true and I can see it in my pics. Well, I took some the other day when I was doing my make up check for my date and I have my twinkle back.

I have a busy day and I'm going to spend a few hours at the gym. Working on myself =)

Still LOLing about last night..... Ah! God loves me. He really, really loves me. I love him too <3

<3 Perfect timing

Have a wonderful Monday.

I love you guys!!

~Dianna Lynne

Church tonight

Was FABULOUS!! I wish I could send you all pics of the art exhibit there. All through church I was looking out the door at this couch with a shower running on it..... I didn't understand it and it had an explanation next to it..... it was this Psalm
Psalms6:
6 I am worn out from groaning;
all night long I flood my bed with weeping
and drench my couch with tears.

It was soooooo cool since I obviously have flooded my bed with tears in February...... Then they had these shelves with jars all on them and they had this Psalm

Psalm 56:8
put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book? 9 When I cry unto thee, then shall mine enemies turn back: this I know; for God is for me. 10 In God will I praise his word:

It was just neat =) I really, really enjoyed it tonight =)

Fixing to go to bed. It was a wonderful Sunday.

<3 you guys very much

~Di

It's Over!

Seems like February is the month for me for being over. Relationship w/ E over, relationship with WoW over and relationship with food over.

I have been dropping pounds wickedly fast. It could be the fact that I work out 2 hrs in the morning, 2 hrs at night or.....It could be I'm just not hungry. I have to force myself to eat anymore. I just don't want it.

I'm tired. I was up til about 4 a.m. I spent about 3 hrs at the gym this morning, had to go grocery shopping, came home cooked dinner, hopping in the shower all to go to church this evening.

I'm just plum wore out and my week is so busy.

Argh Hectic Thursday

That's really all I can say.

Hectic.

Therapy and what I have to do this week is hard. Harder than last week. Don't get me wrong, he doesn't make me do anything, but gives me the tools of what I have to do to get better and when I have the courage, I do them.

Courage is a funny thing. I never really thought I had much. I always view myself as weak. I'm really not weak at all, I have alot more strength and courage than I thought I did. Evidence that God is helping me through all this. Finding that spot inside me that wants control over my own life.

Yesterday the only analogy I could think of for him is that I'm all the pieces on a Chess board. What move I make, is dictated by who's moving the piece. I just stand there and wait for someone to move me. I want off that board. I'm tired of people manipulating me in whatever direction they think I need to go in. I never realized how many people in my life have manipulted me. I'm done with that.

Everyone knows I have my thresholds. I speak of them often with people. If things have gone badly over time and things happen, lack of respect and things done to hurt my feelings......Well, I say to myself the very next time such and such happens, I quit. Usually it takes a long, long time. I respect myself enough that if I set those boundaries, I stick to them. I need to make those boundaries alot sooner. My do not cross line.......quit taking so much, draw that line in the sand earlier and be strong enough to need no one.

I'm on my way =)

Off to the gym <3

The trick is in what one emphasizes. We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same.
~Carlos Castaneda

Have a wonderful day

<3
Dianna =)

Good Tuesday Morning =)

Actually been getting to sleep at a decent hour so I wake up really early!

Last night I tried sleeping with the TV off. I have a horrible habit of sleeping with the TV on. Well....... LOL, I prayed, meditated and then tried to convince myself I could do it. Nah, I made it 15 minutes with no TV. Everything is so weird in the dark. Maybe each night I can go a little further until I just fall asleep waiting for the minutes.

Have a really busy day today. Gotta get some stuff together for going back to a salon =) I love when my old bosses randomly pop into my life. I'm nervous about going back to hair, but I was really good at it. I gotta spend the day cleaning Johnnys, gotta get to the gym and then Community Groups with Curl tonight.

I love days like today. Busy and no time for thinking. I won't lie and say I don't have sad moments, because I have them quite a bit...But, I'm dealing with them. I'm getting my groove back and moving on. Missing people is hard. It's the quiet where there was once noise for me. Missing for the right reasons, I'm there.

Have a wonderful Tuesday.

Much, Much, Much Love <3

Dianna Lynne

It's Monday

What a journey I am on lately. It's amazing waking up every day finding out something new about myself. For the past 4 or 5 years I threw myself into whatever I could to avoid dealing with the pain I had inside.

Pain from the past, pain from the present.

Last Sunday was the worst day of my life, yet the best. My heart was broken. I cried and cried til I could not cry anymore. Only God could've saved me from that enormous hole I had in my heart that day. He did. I prayed like no other, prayed and prayed to please just for a few minutes stop this pain I am in.

At first I thought it was pain from breaking up with Elmer, but it wasn't. Elmer actually had very little to do with it. I realize I was using Elmer to keep from dealing with my own pain. He was a distraction. I knew I was doing the right thing by going my own seperate way, but I got scared because when it donned on me that we were indeed done......... I had nothing but the pain.

God had it all worked out. I couldn't walk, I couldn't talk. I could barely function that day and he picked me up. The next day I woke up and was a bit stronger. My head swirled with things I never dealt with. I have always had a guy for distraction and it's always been a guy with problems.

The book I'm reading now.........Amazing.
The therapist sending me to another therapist.........Amazing.

All these things I firmly believe were God. God getting my attention saying "Look girl, get it together"

I'm starting to accept everything that happened to me and deal with it, instead of just grabbing a guy and covering it up. Before when asked on dates I said "Yes" The past week I have turned down 3 knowing that I am not even close to being what I need to be to make a relationship work. It felt SOOOOOOOOO good.

Church Sunday, I was so apprehensive about going alone. But I went. He (the preacher) talked about lament. He talked about pain and suffering. He talked about how Jesus knows that pain and that suffering. He had people mocking him and beating him. He knows. When he looked up and said "Getting through the hurt, working through the pain......Your story isn't finished" It was hard to hold back tears. I guess I never realized that my story isn't finished.

I don't know what the future holds for me. Not in any fashion. But I know if I continue to work on myself and quit filling my time with things that distract me from my feelings, that my story can have a happy ending. It may or may not involve a man and that's okay. But it will involve me and God. =)

I struggle alot with decisions, not knowing if I am making a right one or a wrong one. Always second guessing myself. I'm not going to do that anymore. I'm not going to do things and be with people that I don't like because I feel there are no other options. Whether it's guys or girls(friends), if I don't like them ....... I'm going to get out.

Before I would just up and go cut someones hair, who I knew wasn't going to pay me or do something else like take pictures for them (people who didn't treat me well) and just do it for acceptance. I'm done. This will be the hardest struggle of all for me. Saying..........NO =)

Alot of I's in these posts, but I need to get right with God and myself. Faith the past few days has revealed its good works to me in ways I can't explain. I have that faith I lacked before. I'm starting to remember things that hurt and that I blocked out. I think about them, give them the proper attention and say to myself "It happened" No more blocking them out, no more not dealing with them.

I have a long road in therapy. Really, really long. But I'm on it. =)

I finally feel like I will know who I am and I am a really wonderful person. I need no one to validate that. I know what my thoughts are, I know where my heart is and I'm a wonderful person inside and out

=)
Happy Monday

A special thanks to my family and friends for being there for me and the special girl at church who saved me.

Much Love,

Di

Hi =)

** Forgot to add, I don't really update here much anymore because I'm always on Facebook like all my other bloggety bloggers LOL

It's been a really, really, REALLY long time since I have written. I kinda quit after that whole stalker thing. I'm pretty sure he's gone. Thank God =)
For once, I'm doing really, really well. I feel like I'm finally getting my life together.

Other than the above, nothing has been going on. This weekend has been WONDERFUL =) Thus far. I feel peace. No crying. I have the best friends a girl could ask for and they are doing a wonderful job making sure I'm okay. I <3 you guys.

I won't wait months before I update again lol! I got 2 emails yesterday asking when I was going to update...... I know it isn't much of one. Just know that I'm good, Life is wonderful and I'm happy =)

Had to fix my play list LOL Bad Romance is like my motto song!! <3 Lady Ga Ga =)

Love,
Di

Ahoy there! Happy Monday!

Haven't updated in a bit, but then again not much has changed. Hope everyone had a fantastic Thanksgiving. I had a wonderful relaxing week! Getting ready to head to the gym in a bit. Happy Monday!

Love,
Di

been goneeeeeeee

i had like 1000 emails a day for comment spam and it was filling up my email box causing me to get tos violations.......so hopefully they are done sending me bingo spam..... it was all on my mall walker post. i deleted a bunch but haven't gotten to the rest.

xo xo
di

its friday

days been going pretty good so far, so yay on that =)

kids will all be gone this weekend, so I will have to find something to do. i could just be lazy n do nothing tho.....but i think id rather get out of this house.

hope everyone has a great weekend

Love,
me

Empathy

Empathy, which literally translates as 'in feeling', is the capability to share another being's emotions and feelings.

Empathy, which literally translates as 'in feeling', is the capability to share another being's emotions and feelings.

Empathy, which literally translates as 'in feeling', is the capability to share another being's emotions and feelings.

Empathy, which literally translates as 'in feeling', is the capability to share another being's emotions and feelings.

Empathy, which literally translates as 'in feeling', is the capability to share another being's emotions and feelings.

Empathy, which literally translates as 'in feeling', is the capability to share another being's emotions and feelings.

I can sit here and write that til the cows come home, but some narcissistic people won't get it.


Empathy try it on for size......


Love,
Dianna

it's monday

argh. the weekend was long. partly because the kids were off school thursday, friday.... anthony was sick, i wasn't feeling good at all. the stuff the dentist did, hurt very badly all weekend, i had a sore throat and a cough. i had no money to do anything and savannah was bored. i felt bad, but did what i could. yesterday we had our movie day at moms and ate ice cream sundaes and watched movies. not much i could do........bills, but they are all paid, thank God.

yesterday, i didn't feel real well was sad. a good friend and i talked in depth last night about alot of things. he made me see alot of things i don't see. was nice to just talk and get good sound advice. i have a lot of good friends. i'm extremely lucky on that front.

hmmm claire chewed up about 20 dum dum suckers and has sticks stuck in her fur, so i'm guessing a bath for her is on the agenda.

kids are all back to school. im cleaning.

=)

happy monday.
Love,
di

It's Tuesday and.......

I don't care anymore.....

Well you can tell ev'ryone I'm a damned disgrace
(Slander)Drag my name all over the place.
I don't care anymore.
You can tell ev'rybody 'bout the state I'm in
You won't catch me crying 'cos I just can't win.
I don't care anymore I don't care anymore

I don't care what you say
I don't play the same games you play.

'Cos I've been talking to the people that you call your friends
And it seems to me there's a means to an end.
They don't care anymore.
And as for me I can sit here and bide my time
I got nothing to lose if I speak my mind.
I don't care anymore I don't care no more

I don't care what you say
We never played by the same rules anyway.

I won't be there anymore
Get out of my way
Let me by
I got better things to do with my time
I don't care anymore I don't care anymore
I don't care anymore I don't care anymore

Well, I don't care now what you say
'Cos ev'ry day I'm feeling fine with myself
And I don't care now what you say
Hey I'll do alright by myself
'Cos I know.

'Cos I remember all the times I tried so hard
And you laughed in my face 'cos you held all the cards.
I don't care anymore.
And I really ain't bothered what you think of me
'Cos all I want of you is just to let me be.
I don't care anymore D'you hear? I don't care no more

I don't care what you say
I never did believe you much anyway.

I won't be there no more
So get out of my way.
Let me by
I got better things to do with my time
I don't care anymore
D'you hear? I don't care anymore
I don't care no more
You listening? I don't care no more
No more
You know I don't care no more
no more no more no more....


=)
Love,
Di

Monday

Ah, it's Monday!!!!! Anthony and Juan are home from school today. Anthony has had a pretty good fever, aching and coughing. Juans achy.
Been going to the gym every day again, gonna try to go again today. My friend was there yesterday and I really needed to see them yesterday and we talked for over an hour. Was extremely nice =)
I didn't have any arguing this weekend. If I thought I was going to be snippy w. anyone I either went to the gym or just laid in bed and talked on the phone. This weekend I just couldn't handle stress or any sort of conflict, so avoidance worked. YAY!!
Kyle was nice enough to bring Savannah to my moms on Halloween so I could trick or treat w her some. Was very nice. She's adorable.
Was alone Saturday night, was kinda scared alone that late at night on Halloween. I had watched Ghost Hunters all evening and some of them, even though I had seen them, scare me.
Spending alot of time alone I'm learning alot about myself. I'm not as bad as I used to think as in worthless. It's people who can't get me to be what they want me to be who have problems with me. Or when I won't do something they want, or if I form my own opinion. I know Karma bites ya in the rear, it has gotten me a few times. But I noticed when I do good things, good things come back to me in ten fold.
I read this bible verse alot. A whole lot, it hangs by my bed. I finally got it.

“Love is patient; love is kind
and envies no one.
Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude;
never selfish, not quick to take offense.
There is nothing love cannot face;
there is no limit to its faith,
its hope, and endurance.
In a word, there are three things
that last forever: faith, hope, and love;
but the greatest of them all is love.”

If those things are not present in a relationship or you can't apply that in some way to your relationship, then there is no love.

Happy Monday
Love,
Dianna

Nobody's home

Well I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,
She felt it everyday.
And I couldn't help her,
I just watched her make the same mistakes again.

What's wrong, whats wrong now?
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
That's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go, to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why.
You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you've left behind.
Be strong, be strong now.
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
That's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go, to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

Her feelings she hides.
Her dreams she can't find.
She's losing her mind.
She's fallen behind.
She can't find her place.
She's losing her faith.
She's falling from grace.
She's all over the place!
Yeah!! (yeah)


She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
That's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go, to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

She's lost inside, lost inside.oh oh
She's lost inside, lost inside.oh oh
Ohhh...

A little something

For all the mean people in my life =)

"Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care, kindness and understanding you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again."- Og Mandino

"If we cannot be clever, we can always be kind."- Alfred Fripp

"Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate."- Albert Schweitzer

"The only way to tell the truth is to speak with kindness. Only the words of a loving man can be heard."- Henry David Thoreau

"There is one word which may serve as a rule of practice for all one's life - reciprocity."- Confucius

I Started out to vent. The last week, I have dealt with quite a few very selfish individuals. They only care about themselves and then punish others if they go against what they want. If their needs can't be met etc. etc. I used to cry, but now I consider the source of these people. Don't talk to me, ignore me and please do me a favor and wash your hands of ME and I'll reciprocate. Punishing me, ignoring me etc, I left it behind in grade school.

Get a life and get a clue people and try nice on every once in awhile.

Hmph

Happy Tuesday. I need to be doing 1,000 things because my week is so crammed full but I have no get up and go. It got up and went ..... Just gotta find it. Loving the fall weather, but hating the rain. Seems like the sun is a rarity lately.

Okay, if I'm restricting my comments to the weather I am in fact BORED LOL, that i think gave me my get up and go to get up and get some stuff done.

Happy Tuesday

xo xo

Dianna

It's Wednesday YAY!

I'm a bit tired cause I stayed up later than normal but all is good.

Get to get out of the house today YAY! Keep my mind from thinking. Got alot on my mind. Tired of playing petty stupid games (mental) with people. Well, they play them and I then have to adjust to them. But.........Some good news... with every game I'm a lil more done than the last time, so all is good. As my mom called it, death by attrition I think it was.....It's happening.
I'm not in high school anymore, so the game thing is lame.
Entertaining somewhat but lame.
LOL I grew up with the best mental gamer ever LOL!

People like that play the games to compensate for things that they lack in themselves. Therefore it's some sort of sick gratification in hurting another. Whether they are jealous in some way, or they just want to keep the person from being something better than they are . My friend Chris told me a few mos ago......."If you didn't have someone constantly trying to keep a cap on you, the world would be the limit for you. Take the cap off and let yourself reach what you are. I believe in you."

I didn't get that for awhile, but now I do. Sometimes when i want to take a pic or something, I say "You know I'm not good enough", "What does it matter, I'll never amount to anything" "those aren't very good" But those are things others have said. I guess the cap that Chris talked about.......their words hold me back. Funny thing is I never hear the people who encourage me. Those are the ones I need to start listening too. It's just easier to believe the nay sayers. But then again that's a problem with themselves and really what good can ever come by constantly criticizing others. It may make you temporarily feel good but over all..........Epic Fail.

The Wizard of Oz sums it all up the best........

"A heart is not judged by how much you love; but by how much you are loved by others. "

And I have alot of people and then some that think the world of me =) and love me.

Happy Wednesday!
It's trash day!

=P
Love,
Me

It's Tuesday!

YAY! Kiddies go back to school tomorrow! Been kinda nice havin them around. Went to sleep yesterday a lil after 7..........was so bored and so lonely. One of my good friends has been texting me and calling me alot when I say I'm lonely, so that's really good. He's a big sweetheart and it's nice he always checks on me.
I still feel lonely lol but it does help. Hanging out with baby E helps in that dept. alot too. It gets me out of the house.

I gotta go to moms this morning and then I'm heading to the gym. I love working out and seeing my friends over there. Really good people. I think the gym is one of my favorite places on this earth. Weird thing to say, but I love it there.

Not much else of nothing going on. Thinking alot about things in the past. Things I wish I would've done differently. People I wish I would've never told goodbye. People I wish I would've never said hello to.......Things I wish I would've just done. How much time I have wasted on things and people that really aren't worth anything. How much time I have spent crying over people and things that aren't worth it. I guess reflection of sorts. But its healthy and helping me move forward. Which is never the wrong direction. I thought I would have alot more regrets, but I don't. I do have some. Some big ones..........My mistakes. I learn.

Aside from having my kids, if I was allowed one do over....Would be June 6th(not of this year) =) Best time I have ever had in my life.....Unforgettable =)
You want me to queen fo you? lol!

Happy Day
Love,
Dianna

Happy October!!!!!!!!

Having a very good week! YAY!!
I'm starting to come to know myself and starting to deal with alot of stuff.
I have decided to put myself first =)
I'm trying to figure out how people work and basically have decided to adapt a give what you get attitude. So I'll give exactly what I get =)
Makes things easier for me.

I'm tired of giving and getting nothing but crap.
(this excludes all my close family and friends cause they are the best ever)

I'm in such a good mood. De fleaing the dogs, cleaning, getting stuff together for moms neighborhood yardsale......It's a fantastic day.

Happy October.

YAY!

Heading off to the gym. Meeting a friend there I have worked out with in the past. The sinus infection is fading, thank the Lord and I'm getting more energy!!
=)
Happy Friday!
Love,
Me

For once

I'm not unhappy. This past week something changed in me. I'm not sure what. I just find myself very happy. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my house. I love sitting on the swing reading, I love my quiet bedroom, I just love it here. I love the no fighting I love the kids being happy. Kyle said this morning when he picked Savannah up that he hadn't heard Juan that happy in years.
Everything is slowly working out.

=) I'm just loving it!

I snuck off to the store, bought me some more gluten free brownies, baking them now, hiding any trace I ever made them at all and I'm going to hide them and eat one a day =) YAY!

Okay, have a fantastic day. I know I will

Love,
Dianna

Howdy on a Tuesday

Been cleaning ALL Day gag. Just finished, took a long hot shower and sitting down to relax before I have to go and pick up the boys. I packed up alot of stuff that didn't mean anything anymore, washed blankets and covers, washed windows..... I really did alot.
I even cleaned out my email box lol! Deleted emails I was saving for one reason or another. I just needed to throw them out and clean out my life, my house etc etc.
What a better way than to just to get rid of it! =)
Feels good to get alot accomplished. Trying to figure out what I wanna do for dinner. Bad part is, I don't wanna create dishes. I just got everything done. So I need think on this one.
My mom had a big August Birthday party the other day. I absolutley love her neighbors. I can't tell you all enough how wonderful this group of people is. It's like an extended family.
I was feeling low because my birthday was awful. Even if it wasn't my birthday on that day, it would've been a bad day. So I was down. In walks Quint with a huge pan of Gluten free brownies and cookies and a HUGE vase of flowers and a card just for me. I really was touched and it took alot not to cry.
I didn't expect it. It was wonderful.
We are planning an all adult party soon YAY!! =) This Sunday is another get together. I just have the best time around them, laughing and talking. Just the nicest bunch of people you ever did meet.
The world needs more of them.
Have had the radio on allllllll day long. I'm so happy today and I love life so much today. Just one of those fantastic days that is so good I don't want it to end.

=)
Happy Tuesday Everyone.
Love,
Dianna

Been awhile

A long, long while.
Not much been happening lately. Having a real struggle finding out who and what I want to be in life.
The summer went by fast.
I'm changing alot.
Last fall, I was so happy and full of hope
One year later I just find myself beaten down and full of nothing.
Completely and utterly lost.

The boys are going to Journey tomorrow with my brother.

I'm going to go clean.

Hope all is well.

I post more on facebook than I do here, let me know if you have a facebook.

Love,
Me.

Been Awhile

Since I have updated. I guess the more things change, the more things stay the same....

Happy Wednesday!!

YAY!! =)
Woke up in a fantastic mood.
Slept awesome!! A good friend of mine called at 2 am (i think) unless it was a dream. I remember talking about a subject, I should check my phone to see if it was a dream of if they did indeed call. I must've been sleeping heavily either way!! Hope I was well behaved and didn't sleep talk. That would be bad!!
Everything is going great here!! Working out every day. I have such a good time at the gym. Juans hooked up w hot guy to work out yesterday, he is getting built!! Melzie I'll show you some pics later. He's really getting buff!!
So, I'm gonna work out before I get Savannah that way I can goof off without worrying about daycare hours.
Then I guess it's off to moms for swimming =)
YAY!!!
Okay, have a wonderful day everyone
It's indeed a good one here =)
Love
me

Happy Tuesday =)

Having a wonderful day =)
Hope all you are too......... off to the gym =)

Enjoy your day!!

Happy Monday =)

Hey, been awhile I know ... I'm doing fantastic =) I had a wonderful weekend. I think I laughed most of it. Everything is going great.

I'm thankful for all the good friends I have been making lately.
They truly are a great bunch of individuals and always are making me laugh.

=)


Happy Monday to all
Love,
Dianna

When She Loved Me.

Through the summer and the fall, we had each other, that was all
Just she and I together, like it was meant to be
And when she was lonely, I was there to comfort her
And I knew that she loved me.


The song is first on the list.... you know how it ends, so no suspense!

Happy Tuesday

Been kinda slow getting going. Going to go swimming I think at my moms. She's very achey. Hope it's not strep.
Watched the secret life of bees today. It made me cry. Alot.

I identified with it alot. Especially when they talked about how people deal with internal/emotional pain. Some keep it all bottled up inside and become angry and bitter, others cry and show it outwardly. Neither is wrong. It just shows how different everyone is.



Happy Tuesday

Love
Di

Happy Tuesday

Not much happening as of late. That's good for me. Waiting for school to be out. Tomorrow is the last day. I love summer.
Been swimming almost every day at moms since her pool opened. Been walking a lot. Can't complain.

Life is good

Love
me

Tomorrow is June =)

Elmer will be here this month!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Haven't updated in awhile

Everything is basically the same. My life has died down since Juans appendicitis and I'm glad to report my life is currently boring =) I will bask in it and enjoy it!
Hope all are doing well
Love
Me

It's Wednesday!!

=) Happy Day!! Tryin to get a hold of my hairdresssssssssserrrrrrrrr my roots are brown and ugly! I gotta look good for Derby!!!

Not much going on, Savannah will be here today and tomorrow and I'm so glad. I really miss her so much. After she's been here all week and leaves, I get very sad. I always dress her while shes sleeping for school and when she wakes up we fold her jammies and lay them on the bed. Every night I go in and see her lil jammies and get all teary eyed. I really miss her. It's very hard when you take a child you have spent every waking moment with and having to turn her over to someone else and not see her. It's hard. Very hard.

Okay, Have a wonderful swine fluless day!!!
Love,
Me

Happy Tuesday =)

LOL On my I hate yous, Karen calls and "Dianna, who you hate" Asshats.......asshats are bad and evil. Asshat was giving me grief, suprise there.
I was extremely angry but have since gotten over it. He says really, really hurtful things on purpose to try to get my goat and so I blocked his email and deleted his email acct on my acct. He should've been more responsible after the divorce to get his own email addy and stop depending on me for one.
I don't feel bad after the things he said. As a matter of fact I wish I had 20 of them to delete. Maybe next time he will think twice before he insults me. Oh wait, he can't! I told him if he wished to contact me, it had to be done in a hand written note =) So that's what that was all about.

I honestly would not care if I did not hear the sound of his voice ever again in my life.

Everything else is on the up.

Getting ready to take Anthony to school and Juan if he gets out of bed. Guess I need to do like they did on what about bob. COCK A DOODLE DOOOOOO!

hope everyone is well

Love,
Me

I

Hate you.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I hate you.

My intent was to sit here and write it, til I wasn't angry anymore and to get it all out of my system. The internet isn't big enough.

So a last I HATE YOU to infinity.

=)
Love,
Me

Monday ugh

It feels like Monday. i'm soooo sick of rain and clouds. I need some sunshine. The meds the dr put me on make me sooooo tired. I sit here feeling like I'm in a stupor. I need to exercise, but I can't muster the energy. I'm trying to start back on my iron and stay on that habit because it does make a difference.
Savannah is at what's his faces. I miss her. He's driving me nuts with the head games he plays w Savannah. The other day Savannah wasn't crying or anything we were having a good time playing. I was her patient and she was trying to fix my tooth etc. Then we sat down popped pop corn to watch a movie together. She gets sleepy and said she wants to call daddy in case she falls asleep during movie. She's all happy go lucky talking to him and what does asshat say? I'm at Aspen creek ( a restaurant she has been wanting to go to ) with (miss asshat) and we are eating dinner together blah blah blah.... she starts bawling and screaming because she had been asking to go there. He did that on purpose, he could've just said he was out to eat. He knows the issues we are having here. So she cries for about an hour and a half over him being out to eat. I ask him why he does this and then he tells Savannah, he has to tell the truth...... Oh why start now?
Those are head games and why he chooses to play them is beyond me. Then I make sure she calls him and on Friday night she didn't call me. He's too stuck up (Miss asshats ) rear end and too focused on himself. I hope he enjoys the games, but he has to make sure Savannah wants to be with him and not here. He has to punish me in some way for the divorce and nothing HE can do would bother me cause Im THRILLED he is dating and out of my hair. So he has to use Savannah to get me back, which itself is pretty crappy.
Oh well Karmas a bitch.
Happy Monday.
Love,
Me

LOL Happy Wednesday

Funny stuff. Well, since the divorce I have had to cut way back on spending etc. I cut corners where I can. Yesterday I went to the grocery store and bought generic brand chocolate chip cookies.... the way they eat through them I figure "buy cheap" this morning I was at my computer and I hear Anthony and Juan in the kitchen talking. Juan picks the cookies up and is reading the label... I hear "Artificially flavored chocolate chip cookies? Whoa we are poor" then he says "Its pretty bad when you have to flavor a cookie to taste like a cookie"
I sat in here rolling. LOL! That is pretty flippin bad!

Happy Wednesday
Love
me

Its Toooooooooosday

UGH last night was awful. I didn't sleep a flipping wink. Once I fell asleep about 1 am Opie was asleep in the hall and was having a dream and his tail was banging against the door, then every hour I got woke up by this or that. I kept watching the clock and was thankful when 5:30 came around.
Juan was in a bad mood this morning and did everything possible to delay us. We left late (go figure) then got almost to Fairdale and a train was completely stopped on the tracks, so we had to turn around after 20 min of waiting there. It's like the morning went on and on.
The detective is supposed to go and see if he can get some of our stuff back at 10 am this morning. One of the ladies came up to the bus stop and talked to kyle crying asking if he was really pressing charges..... Um..... You guys stole over 2000 dollars worth of stuff, what do you think? She said they were just kids, but then said her friend told them to go back and get more...... Um Hello? So then the mom tells Kyle that her friend concocted a story that Kyle told them they could have the stuff..... We don't even know the woman or her kid. So anywhoo the detective is there at the house. I know we won't get all her stuff back or the rest of the stuff. The one mom was saying well that wasn't in there, that wasn't in there.... I know it was. Every single tupperware lid I had was back there..... I have none at my house... now my tupperware is useless. Savannahs clothes. Old clothes, too small clothes, summer clothes..... I know we wont get those all back and there were a ton. It's frustrating.
Hmm nothing else going on. Just getting entirely sick of rain.
Im kinda glad in some ways cause at least its cool. My van window is broke and it gets hot in there quick with no air. So that's a positive. When school is out I guess we are parking it.
I gotta go cancel my Y membership today and go grocery shopping.
Oh Joy Oh rapture.
For extra fun I had another tooth break and it broke down the middle and is KILLING ME. I guess he wasn't kidding when he said I needed crowns on all of them. Oh well I hope the nerve dies quick cause Im not payin to have it fixed.
Happy Whatever day it is.
Me

Happy Monday

Howdy Howdy! Happy Monday! Haven't updated in awhile, been busy .... well, not really, just haven't updated much. Elmer sent me a new computer for Easter and I have been spending the evening updating it. It was really sweet. My old computer wasn't worth a hoot. It was a nice suprise. =)
He sent Savannah a bunch of flowers too the kind you plant outside. She was so excited. I can't wait to see what they look like.
Not much else going on. My van is breaking quickly, so we can't really go alot of places and don't have the money really to go anywheres. We stay home alot even tho everyone gripes about it.
Easter was nice. Nice and quiet.
It's storming. Imagine that, seems that's all it does anymore.
I'm not scared anymore so that makes it nice.
Happy day!
My sun is shining =)
Love,
Di

Happy Birthday Savanners!!

Today is my baby girls 7th birthday!! YAY!!! =)
Just seems like yesterday I was in the hospital waiting and waiting =)
We are having her a party in the park with good eats! She's so excited! I got her a baby dwarf hamster, she's gonna be so suprised when she sees him! it's a lil boy and I got him a pink palace! the boys did not like that so Juan was like at least get him so blue chewies. Too funny. She is gonna be tickled. I just hope shes careful cause Claire licks her chompers alot when she sees him.

Have had a hard week. I'm tired, been sick, allergies and sinuses.
Been down cause Elmer goes back to work tomorrow.
He moved back home when his dad got sick and now got a new job and has a long commute and I won't get to talk to him much.
Over the past couple mos he has kept me alot of company and I'm going to miss him extremely bad. He's my sunshine =)

Claire came in smelling like doody.. No expression there, she came in smelling straight up like dog crap. Well, she had it all over her back, all over her fur, omg it was poo all over like she had rolled in it. GAG
Needless to say I threw her in the tub and she got the bath of her life.
I had to bleach out the tub and what nots and gag it was gross.

Ummmm what else ????
I watched slum dog millionaire, it was sooooooooooooooooo good =)
Very good!

Okay Happy day and to my sunshine I love you =)
Have a great day =)
Love
me

Sunday Evening

My sun is shining =)
You know I love you

Trying to enjoy

my last spring break day. Had major allergies this morning even on all the meds. Im mad at kyle cause of course he didn't have savannah call me. I tried calling her yesterday and his girlfriends little girl kept burping into the phone and making rude noises.... @@ I was not amused and he could've told the little girl that that was rude....... but then again it takes him about 6 mos to get to the point of convincing you he's a nice guy then be mean to your kids... So, I have barely spoken to her all weekend.... She did tell me that her and his GF daughter sent daddy some quizzes like "Are you a pervert" Glad they are supervising what they do on the internet. He's not being a responsible parent and she was upset with him last week cause he pushes her off on others and was crying telling him she just wants to do stuff with him...He doesn't listen.
Savannah doesnt come back til Wednesday I tried to talk to her today but of course those kids were there and she was paying attention to them running around and wouldn't talk much.
I still hope every day he gets what's coming to him.
In a big, big way.
Jerk.
I really miss Savannah.